Goodbye Gemini, Hello Hubba Hubba

And so we returned back home. Or at least home for me. The sister and I have been away for the past couple weeks and it feels like a lifetime has been and gone since I last set foot in my home. She's been visiting from Canada. For Christmas. 5.5 weeks of awesomeness.

Our last two weeks was planned as an adventure exploring the famous Abel Tasman and surrounding area. Ferry booked, rental car organised and two packs crammed full of camping gear - we were set. I just didn't expect my tent to fall to pieces in the process.

Camping in daisy fields - British Columbia

I knew my tent was on it's last legs when I pulled it out to make sure it was ready to go for our holiday. It was the tent I had gotten years ago in Canada when I first starting doing backcountry camping. My first tent. It had all my first memories of heading off to the bush with nothing but the gear on my back. It got me across British Columbia - 7 weeks of just me and the Canadian wilderness as I walked from Banff to Vancouver.

When I knew I was to walk New Zealand, I had that tent shipped to Australia. I used it there while I lived at a local campground in Broome, WA. It was home for 2 months while I did final preparation work for Te Araroa Trail. And then I brought it to New Zealand.

The first major rain storm in New Zealand left me with the realization that my MEC Gemini 3-season tent had started to reach the end of it's life. It had lost all of it's waterproofing function and much like a bad rainjacket is useless in the wet, waking up in a puddle from water seeping up from the ground was even more annoying. At the time Alex and I were forced to fork over a few hundred to get a new tent for our adventure.

Since then my Canadian tent has sat waiting in storage. Waiting for the day that I would finally take it out again and invest a bit of time and money into re-waterproofing its fabric. A couple weeks ago that day finally arrived. I set it up during one of Wellington's glorious sunny days and got about spraying my tent with waterproofer. When it had fully dried, I took off the fly only to find that the velcro strips that had attached the fly to the tent poles had worn out their glue and popped off, falling to the ground like a tree loses its leaves. I tried to ignore the fact that my tent was literally starting to fall apart.

On it's last legs - note the tarp through the "window"

It was at our first campsite on route to Nelson that I began to accept that maybe my tent wouldn't last the next couple weeks, let alone another season of camping. As the sister and I set it up, I noticed that one of the windows had started to come away from the fly. It was just a simple piece of plastic glued to the fly of the tent in a triangle shape that allowed more light into the tent and the ability for me to spy on everything from the inside - but they had hung on for years. Until now. The gap between the piece of plastic and the fly mocked me as though the tent was daring me to try and fix it. We gave it our best shot - sort of.

A few minutes later and a lot of bandaides, plastic bags and sports tape later, we had resealed the window. Just as we posed for a photo to show our accomplishment for the day, the tape started to peel away. All we could do was compensate by adding a tarp to the mix and cross our fingers that if rain came that we wouldn't be washed away with the mess of it all.

By the time we got to the next campsite, both windows literally fell out of their holes. We attached the tarp under the fly, but each time the wind got strong, a corner would blow off its peg and flap against the tent.

I had no choice but to fork over the money for a new tent.

The new tent in all its glory

My purchase of the MSR Hubba Hubba tent has been something I have dreamed about for years. It has been a tent I have lusted after for as long as I can remember and I was finally in a position to not just need it, but also have the money to get it. And yet my excitement was tainted by the fact that my getting a new tent was because the old one had finished its days of providing me shelter while in the great outdoors.

Everything about my old tent is ingrained in my memory. It was one of the few possessions in my life that I truly feel sentimental about. Much like people feel about getting rid of their first car, first apartment, first love - I have felt that way about my blue and yellow tent. The nights I have spent sleeping there, hiding out from the rain or simply living my life because I was too cheap to get more structured accommodation are more than I can count.

The memories I have had in there - it was the tent that gave me the freedom to explore the backcountry. It was the tent that made me feel safe when it was dark, cold or the threat of wild animals was near. It was the tent that inspired me to take on the challenge of Te Araroa Trail. It featured in many of my travel photos and even in the promotional video done for walking New Zealand. It was the tent I carried on my back for weeks on end. It was my sanctuary. And now it is gone.

I threw my old one in the trash the day before we came back to Wellington and it was bittersweet. It was sad. And yet I felt a new thrill of hope and wonder for what will be with my new tent. At the very least I can rest assured that wherever it takes me I will stay dry without fear of any windows falling out.

The Truth Will Set You Free

I think one of the most difficult things to do in life is to be honest with ourselves. It's easy to be honest with others, about things, in life - but with ourselves? All too often we tell ourselves things that aren't true. Small things. Big things. Things that change the way we see ourselves or even live our life.

In the past couple weeks I have been trying to do better on being honest  with myself, but it has meant a certain amount of pain. It has meant that things I have took at face value for so many years are suddenly not what I thought they were. It has meant that I have had to take a deep breath and seriously look at myself and decide if I really want to be the type of person I am - not who I thought I was.

This past week I had an incredibly humbling moment. I say humbling, but at the time it felt more humiliating than anything else. For the past few years I have made choices in my life that have resulted in a lifestyle that would just let me get by financially. Whether it was the job I chose, the apartment I wanted to rent, the groceries I spent my money on, the school I went do, the countries I travelled to - whatever it was, financially I have just gotten by. And in a lot of ways, that's okay - it's pretty great really.

Lately I have had to take a hard look at myself and realize that though money is something I don't much care for, all that I want to do in my life costs money - money I don't have. A while ago I had to be honest with myself and admit that I have a problem with credit cards -- it's not that they don't agree with me, it's that they agree too much. Over the past years I have managed to whittle away at my debt until I am officially now at a point that I no longer have credit cards (yay me).

But I am yet to be debt free. There's still money I owe for student loans and money I owe family. That's not where I had to be honest with myself this week. Having no job has thrown me face-to-face with the reality that I have never actually kept to any budget in my life. EVER. It seems ridiculous to me that that is a fact in my life now that I have admitted it to myself, but it's the truth. And having no job just made it that much more apparent. There was no safety net of knowing when my next paycheck would come in - no smokescreen to hide how I handled the money I did have. And the reality was that I hadn't a clue where my money went.

The past couple of months I have been religiously writing down everything I spend in a budget journal - right to the last penny. I've been that annoying person at the corner store asking the clerk to print me a receipt when there's a line of 10 people behind me. I've been the person that has an envelope of receipts and actually schedules time each week to go over my budget and every month I plan the next budget. It's been excruciatingly painful at times to walk away from purchases I normally wouldn't have taken a second thought at buying. It's been hard to focus my grocery budget on the cash I have in my hand rather than the fabulous meal I have been drooling about making for the past week. It's been difficult, but I've started to get the hang of it. But that's not what I had to be honest about with myself this week.

This week the moment came when a cheque from Canada didn't get processed like I thought it would this week. And I was stuck. This money was exactly the amount I needed to get me through to when I do actually get paid from my new job and now it wasn't coming. It could take up to a month for them to process it as it is an international cheque. I didn't have a month. I had barely a week to come up with the money needed for rent. And I had nothing.

And so I had to ask my family for temporary help - and though I know it was temporary until the cheque cleared, it was one of the most humbling and humiliating experiences of my life. It wasn't the asking that was difficult, it was the response I got. It was the realization that my financial and lifestyle choices over the years had left an imprint on my family's mind of the type of person I was. The type of person with financial problems. They type of person that might not be able to pay back the money borrowed. The type of person that had no safety net. It was the realization that my financial support was not just going to come from my mom, but also from my Grandma who is retired and my sister who is three years younger than I am.

THAT's when I had to get honest with myself this week. Yes, the money borrowed from my family was a temporary loan to help me while I wait for this cheque to clear, but the bigger picture is the reality that I knew from the depths of my soul that I never wanted to be thought of as "that person" ever again.

It would be easy to lie to myself and gloss over the situation I am in to say that I have a job and it's just a matter of being paid. It would be easy to say that my budget situation is getting better and that I shouldn't worry. It would be so easy to just brush off my current loan and say it's "only temporary," but the reality of it all is that this is just the last thing that has happened in a string of support from people in my life to help me "get by." And I no longer want to be that person. I never really realized I was that person - but I don't want any part of it. I no loner want to be just "getting by." I want to feel secure with where I am financially. I want to actually be reaching my financial goals and living my life based off of my priorities - not what happens to be on sale in the next store window.

Around the World and Back Again

I find it difficult to believe that it's already been over a week since I have been back in New Zealand. The last few weeks have literally been a whirlwind of craziness that has left my head screaming for everything to just stop so I can catch up. The last week in Canada was no exception.

After spending a bit of time in Invermere to do the Jumbo Pass trail with my dad, we headed back to the city only for me to continue my onslaught of scheduled activities with various people around the city. There was the dinner night with my Grandma to which we made our own mango chicken dish and then proceeded to watch a marathon of Mantracker shows before calling it a night.

My grandma, Danielle, me & Mom

The following day I had lunch with an old friend and then due to another friend cancelling our evening plans, I managed to have a bit of a breather before the next day loomed ahead. Meeting another friend for lunch, I proceeded to meet up with my mom where we caught up on the going ons of our week before heading off to get photos done with my sister and Grandma. It was a blast to just be hanging out and giggling the afternoon away while a photographer captured the moment. Something I am sure we will all treasure for the rest of our lives.

That night my sister and I slept over at my mom's house as the following morning we had plans to be at C.O.P. We had scheduled ourselves in for their summer package deal - Ziplining and Bobsledding for a mere $99 each. Perfect. An air of excitement hung around us as we waited for things to get going. And then while we strapped ourselves in our harnesses and helmets. And then while we drove to the top of C.O.P. before piling in the elevator that took us to the top of the massive ski jump used in the '89 Winter Olympics. As the ski jump is no longer in use, C.O.P. has used the opportunity to modify the jump into an incredible ziplining course.

I was stoked.

The instructors took a few minutes to explain the basics and then asked who wanted to go first - Danielle and I jumped at the opportunity and confidently clambered down the see-through stairs to where we would get harnessed to the zipline rope. Though I've ziplined before, there was something still so exhilarating about the knowledge that I would be hurtling down a rope hung high above the world below before coming to a stop at the bottom, all the while hoping like mad that nothing incredibly horrific would happen. It didn't. Danielle and I flew do the bottom with smiles plastered on our faces before disembarking and waiting for our mom.

Then came the bobsled. This was something I had always wanted to try since I knew you could and upon talking to my aunt about it, apparently so did my Great Grandmother. Due to the age of my Great Grandmother at the time, C.O.P. refused her to be allowed to try the adrenaline sport and so she passed away without getting to cross it off her bucket list. I figured perhaps my run of the bobsled could be part tribute to my Great Grandmother.

As nice as that sounds, the actual ride of the bobsled was entirely different from anything I really had expected. As we were going during the summer, there was no ice on the route and so we were riding in a sled with wheels. And because we were all amateurs, we were told to sit in the sled while the "driver" would give us a push before jumping in to steer the course in order to hopefully eliminate the chance of us flying around the corner and off the entire run itself.

We were told to hold onto the bars by our sides, lock our elbows and shrug our shoulders to support our heads and prevent them from being knocked about inside the vessel. Right. Once we picked up speed, there was no stopping me from being a manic bobble-head once sees strapped to the dashboard of a vehicle. Beings that I was a the front, I was hoping I'd get a chance to see what was coming for us, but I ended up being too busy just trying to keep my head from falling off.

By the end of our run (1min, 19sec) - my head, neck and shoulders hurt. But it was awesome. I haven't a clue how they call bobsledding a sport and probably won't ever volunteer to do it again - but it was well worth it.

Janelle & me

From C.O.P. it was a mad dash to Invermere where I met up with some girls for Janelle's Bachelorette party. After a couple days of shopping, spa-going, penis games and dancing, it was time to come back. But not before meeting up with Trevor and co. in Banff for a little outdoor concert. It was perfect. Particularly when I got word from my dad that my books had arrived. I was ecstatic.

When I got back to Calgary, I ripped open the box of books only to be in awe at the fact that they were real. I had never quite registered what it would mean to hold a book in my hand that I had written myself and it was a bit surreal. But I didn't have much time to dwell on that as it was time for bed. The next two days would need all my energy.

That following day I spent madly running around town (thanks to my mom being my chauffeur) delivering my freshly printed books. I had to sell as many as possible before I left because there was no way I'd be able to ship them back to NZ without an exorbitant charge and I also needed the money to fund what I did want to post back to NZ. And so sell them I did. By the end of the day I literally had sold about 90 of the books and only had a handful left to take back to NZ. Perfect.

By the time I packed everything and stored everything and paid for post boxes and had my haircut and opened a savings account at the bank and had a quick dinner, it was time to get to the airport. I had a similar feeling to when being blindfolded and spun around and then expected to walk in a straight line afterwards. My mind was a blur and I only hoped I would stay awake long enough to board the correct plane.

Trevor, Mom, Lori, me & Danielle in Banff

After a layover and plane switch in Vancouver and 15.5hrs later, I had made it to Sydney. But with a 10hr layover there, it would be a while until I'd get to Christchurch and eventually Hanmer Springs. With the spare time, I picked up the very popular Fifty Shades of Grey book from the bookstore and read it start to finish right there in the airport. I was not impressed. I haven't a clue why everyone is so excited about the book and definitely do not recommend it to anyone. It in no way got my "blood pumping." Instead, I had trouble staying awake to finish it. Bummer.

Eventually I found my way to a bed in Christchurch and then met up with Kelly the next morning to do some much-needed grocery shopping before heading back to Hanmer Springs. It felt good to be back.

And now that it's been over a week, it is as though not much has changed. I am still waiting for my post boxes from Canada in the mail, though I have managed to hang a few photos on my sparse walls. It has been both difficult and easy to get back into the swing of things and it really does feel like home.

Take Various Vitamins

Take various vitamins. You never know what small mineral can eliminate the bottleneck to everlasting health.

~ Lululemon

There is something that is so sweet and pure about being able to shut out the world and seek comfort within one's one bubble of existence. Only thing is - I have forgotten how hard it is to do such a task when within a city of over a million people. So many sounds. So many smells. So many people - everywhere I go. Everything feels crowded and closing in. Covered in cement, this concrete city overwhelms me at every point I turn. And there is no escape - no quick getaway. 

Danielle and I in a photobooth

I did get away a few days ago - to head to Invermere with my Dad. It was absolutely brilliant to be amongst the mountains again - breathe the fresh air. But even Invermere was busy for a Sunday night. People had flocked there from Fairmont after the recent mudslide incident. Golfers checking into the hotel with dried mud on their pant legs. Everyone buzzy with excitement over their experience and near-miss in the nearby mountain village. Perfect.

It was perfect when we got to the base of Jumbo Pass for our hike the next day. Not a soul to be seen except for each other. This pass was something I had envisioned taking my dad on since I walked across BC three years ago and sat atop of the world overlooking the wilderness all around. And now it was time. Coming full circle, I was able to show my dad a bit of what it was that I did those years ago when I solo-hiked my way to Vancouver. Up the steep switchbacks. Over rocks and under fallen trees - we inched our way up the mountainside. I even managed to find a tree I had previously tied a piece of surveyor's tape to to help others find the trail as I had found myself in knee-deep snow with no sign of any other life at that point. This year it was dry, but the piece of tape still wriggled in the breeze. 

By the time we walked our way over stretches of snow that threatened to engulf us in order to reach Jumbo Hut at the top of the pass, things were looking pretty great. With a 360 degree view of all the glacier-covered mountains around, I immediately felt at home. There is something to be said about the mountains. The rich ruggedness that touches my soul in the deepest places and makes everything seem okay. But before I knew it, I had eaten my lunch and it was time for us to head back down. Down to civilization again. Down to "reality," as most would say. 

Dad & I at the top of Jumbo Pass

I had a great time climbing that pass and it only served to remind of all that Calgary is not. Yes - it is a great city. Yes - it does have a lot of parks to enjoy and things to do. And yes - it is relatively close to the mountains. But when I need to escape from it all, I find there is no where to really and truly breathe. It is concrete and people all around. I smell the car fumes. The fast food. The intensity of it all. 

For the second time since arriving in Calgary, I was able to scrounge a few hours of peace and quiet to myself and I found myself to completely enjoy every second of it. I shut the doors, turned off the phone and spent a few hours doing only what I wanted to do. Because I wanted to do it. 

And yet, I still felt trapped. Wanting to break free. Wanting to get away from it all. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. This life is not for me and I have to continue to remind myself that it is no longer my life - my life has moved on and Calgary is just simply a temporary stopover. A stopover of visits into my past of who I used to be compared to who I am now. 

I have changed since being away - but not really. At the heart of who I am, I think I am still me. I have spent many years feeling as though I haven't quite fit in - that I haven't found my place in the world yet. It hasn't been until coming back to Calgary that I truly realized that this is no longer true. I have found a place I fit - it is just unfortunate that the place I have found is so far away from those I have loved for so much of my life. And yet I am still the happiest and most content that I have ever been. And that trumps all. Even vitamins.

Grandma & I enjoying our home cooked dinner

After being away for so many years, I have noticed a drastic harshness to North American culture that I always knew was there, but never really fully understood it until now. There is this constant need to feed off the greed integrated in society that even captures those who struggle to break free. Everywhere I go there are messages being thrown at me to tell me to buy things, try things, sell things, have things, trade things and everything in between. There are only about a million different ways to get healthy and yet few of them actually understand what health means. If one eats a balanced diet - vitamins are very rarely actually needed. Those that stock up on massive quantities of vitamins in order to "get healthy" are simply spending an exorbitant amount of money on their pee. 

I went to the Calgary Stampede a while back only to run across a man selling machines one stands on and straps a thick rubber band around their waist and then turns the machine on in order to have it vibrate around their body. This is meant to make one "get into shape." Apparently there is a market for it as there was a huge number of people lined up to try it out - I'm just not sure what happened to walking the dog. 

No one has time any more. Everyone is in a rush - even my vacation has become something of a stressful schedule as everyone has been vying for a spot within my schedule - something of which I have been keeping to with military precision. I have received a few terse messages from certain people who haven't been able to get a hold of me immediately on my temporary cell phone on the occasions that I have turned it off for a bit of peace and quiet or happen to be busy doing something else. Meeting someone else. 

It's all go, go, go with no break or relief from the intensity that city life brings. Even a casual drive around the city has brought upon exasperated comments from those driving with me towards the people in front of us, behind us or even beside us that aren't manoeuvring their vehicles up to the driver's standard. I have been constantly bombarded with the frustrated voices of those appalled at the new distracted driver's law. People here are no longer allowed to use their cell phone while driving - apparently some people find this to be annoying. I'd rather not die at the hand of someone texting while driving. 

City life is different and yet so much the same as what I remember. And it leaves me wanting to get away. There is so much that I have done while being here - so much I will do prior to leaving on my plane back to New Zealand - that I am grateful I had the opportunity to come. I have had a brilliant time catching up with so many people I have only been able to Skype for the past few years. But I also know that soon I will be back to my little place in the world and that thought sounds pretty good to me. 

Jealousy Works the Opposite Way

Jealousy works the opposite way you want it to.

~ Lululemon

Though I have been in Canada for 2 weeks now, it still feels as though I am Alice in Wonderland. Whether I have just jumped down the rabbit hole or have climbed my way up to the "real world," I haven't a clue. Part of me feels as though I am a foreigner of my own country where as another part feels as though I have never left. Maybe the last 3 years have all just been a dream and I have only now just woken up. Woken up to this concrete city of madness.

Calgary Stampede Parade 2012

Gone are the days when I roll out of bed and feed the cat and then run with the dog. Now it is just me. Gone are the days when I look out the window to see mountains on my back doorstep. Now I look out to face the  neighbouring houses with their rubbish bins lining the back fence. Gone are the days of making all my meals and freezing leftovers. Now I find I am constantly eating out at various chain restaurants - filling my time catching up with those I have only seen in Facebook photos for the past few years.

Don't get me wrong - it's been great to catch up with people, even if half the time I feel as though I am something of a show-&-tell item for others to gawk at and pass around like a novelty toy. Yes, I have been gone for 3 years. Yes, I have a bit of a strange accent now. Yes, I love NZ and will be going back there. And yes, it's absolutely positively fantastic to get to see everyone again. 

Me with the Grandparents in Innisfail

Much has thrown me off about living in Calgary again. Most of it is vaguely familiar, but a lot has been thrown at me, causing a significant amount of culture shock. Here everything is open early morning and late into the night. No more do I have to rush to the store prior to 6pm in order to get what I need for the next day. Here I can get whatever I want when I want - and then some. No more do I have to settle for the next best thing. Here I am constantly bombarded with people. People all around. It's become a game to see if I can get someone to smile at me - bonus points if they actually respond to my "hellos." Everyone is busy - busy coming. Busy going. Busy doing something so incredibly important that there is no time to just be and enjoy. The cars move fast. People honk angrily at each other. The madness of city life surrounds me and every so often I have to take a step back, close my eyes and just breathe. 

My schedule has filled up to the point where it's difficult to find time for myself. To go from living in my own house in the middle of a forest - part of a town with a population of 1000 to a house with my dad in a city of a million. Things have felt a little crazy to say the least. 

Rocky Mountains

Even still, I have been able to get a lot sorted. My book, One Step at a Time, has gone through all the final publication steps and should be showing up at my door any day. I have been stockpiling on mascara as though it's going out of style and I even managed to get an incredible deal on some climbing gear. There has been trips out to the mountains, excursions exploring the downtown shops and even the adventure of watching the Calgary Stampede Parade. Through a massive amount of meals out on the town, my time here in Calgary is finally starting to shape into a brilliant holiday. Between tennis, the Rocky Mountains, Calgary Stampede Rodeo, Ziplining, Bobsledding, Climbing, Crafting and lazing out in the summer sun - there isn't much I won't have done by the time this trip is over. 

2 weeks of craziness done. 2 weeks to go. The adventure is only half done. 

What We Do to the Earth

What we do to the earth we do to ourselves.

~ Lululemon

I've made it. Over 24hrs of travelling and I have officially reached the homeland. My homeland. It's a little strange to be here after being away for 3 years - yup, that's right. 3 entire years I have been gone. It's a little crazy and I have no explanation other than time seems to fly when having fun. 

Enjoying the view

To say coming back to Canada was a little intimidating is the understatement of the year. I was entirely petrified. No one except my sister knew I was coming for the simply fact that the thought of showing up at the airport after 24hrs of travelling and 3 years of being absent, the 20-some people eagerly waiting to greet me freaked me out. Talk about pressure. 

And so I planned it as a surprise. Didn't take much effort other than to book my flights and inform my sister of the date of my arrival. And then hope she'd even show up. 3 years changes things - it certainly changed me and I could only assume that everything had changed back in Canada as well. Even still, I knew it was time to go back and see everyone again - I was as ready as I would ever be.

Saying goodbye to everyone in Hanmer Springs was difficult. It felt as though I was saying goodbye to home and my family all over again. Having been there over a year, Hanmer Springs has become home. And yet I did the deed and left. Driving away in my rental car, all I could think was that it would be my last day driving on the left side of the road for a while and that kind of freaked me out a bit. I only hoped that things would be okay upon my arrival.

In Christchurch I found a place to stay and tried to fall asleep at 5pm. Naturally, this didn't happen and so I tossed and turned until nearly midnight before my mind finally shut off and I got a few hours sleep prior to being woken up by my alarm at 3am. It was time to go. Checking in at the airport and going through security was pretty standard - right down to my being chosen (as usual) for the "random" bomb check. I seriously need to figure out what it is about me that makes me look like an explosives carrier. 

Banff, Alberta

7am we left Christchurch on route to Sydney. After a quick breakkie and one showing of 21 Jump Street, we were there. Off the plane I went to go check-in for the next plane, sit and wait for boarding and then board. And again we went - only this time leaving 30 min later than we were meant to. I figured we'd catch up time in the air. Apparently not. During our 14hr flight to Vancouver, the captain didn't find time to speed up a little. Instead, he slowed down so that our arrival time was a full hour later than we were meant to arrive. Perfect. I had a mere 40 min to disembark, grab my luggage, go through customs, re-check in and board the next plane to Calgary. 

As that was an impossible feat in itself, I got put on standby for the next plane. Fortunately I got on - only my bag didn't which resulted in the first meeting with my sister in Calgary being one of total awkwardness as we waited for my bag to arrive at the baggage claim for what seemed to be an eternity before we concluded that it hadn't been on the same flight as me. Fortunately the airport would courier it to me later.

What followed my arrival to Calgary was none other than a series of surprise visits to family who had no idea I was in town. After a lengthy lunch date with my sister, we went to my mom's work to set up a coffee date between her and my sister. Only my mom didn't know I would be there too. When she showed up, it was like the world stopped spinning and nothing moved. And so it went.

Tears, smiles, exclamation of excitement - one by one I surprised all my loved ones. It was incredibly exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time. My dad was probably the best surprise as he and I had been planned a Skype date for that week and so he was busy eating dinner so he could be in front of the computer for our arranged time. The glitch came when my sister called to say she was in the area and asked if she could drop by. My dad greeted her at the door and proceeded to make small talk, all the while informing her that she may have to go as he had a Skype date with me. He was completely unaware that my sister had dropped me off down the street to walk up to his door and ring the doorbell. His automatic response to the ringing door was to demand what "they" could possibly want. He opened the door and was completely stunned to find me standing there. It was perfect.

As these emotional days have passed, I find myself settling into life back in Canada to a point where it almost makes me wonder if my life in New Zealand was even real. Things have changed. I have changed. Everyone has changed - and yet it still all the same as I left it 3 years ago. It's strange but oddly comforting just the same. 

Banff Springs Hotel

What has stunned me the most is probably the amount of stuff I had left behind so long ago. I had previously sold what I thought to be nearly all my possessions as I didn't know when I would return to Canada. However, upon returning, I have discovered that my previous notion of "all" my possessions really wasn't accurate. I began opening up boxes to find I have enough clothes for an army. I do believe I had a shopping problem. Fortunately for me, this means I no longer have to buy clothes for the next few years. I can finally say goodbye to my one pair of jeans I have been hanging onto in New Zealand and mending every they rip. 

Overall it's been a bit of a whirlwind to say the least, but it's good to be back. It's good to finally see familiar faces in person - not just on Skype. It's good to finally be in the same time zone as everyone else. It's good to be able to pick up the phone and call someone for a coffee date and know that it could actually happen. It's good to no longer be saying "I can't wait to come back" - I am back. For now. 

Do Not Use Cleaning Chemicals

Do not use cleaning chemicals on your kitchen counters. Someone will inevitably make a sandwich on your counter.

 ~ Lululemon

I find it fascinating to see how the world around us is changing. Changing to become more green. To become more conscious of the decision we make on a daily basis and how they affect both the people around us and the world we live in. At the camp we have switched to a chemical-free cleaning system. When you get to the bottom of the scientific reasoning, the bottom line simply states that it makes sense. Why wouldn't you want to cut out chemicals? Think of all the warning labels on those multiple bottles stored under your kitchen sink. Those that say you can only dispose of the remains in a certain way. Those that say you must wear protective clothing to avoid touching that said chemical. Those that say not to swallow or don't get in your eyes. Those that say you must call a certain number should anything go wrong. 

And so chemical-free we have gone. The camp switched to Enjo cleaning products nearly 6 months ago and it has made a world of a difference. No longer are we spending heaps of money on chemicals, but the place is actually cleaner for it (think of all those times you have to "clean up" what you just cleaned simply because the chemical residue is still present on the surface) - the comments are coming in of how fabulous the place looks and we are even getting questions as to what we use. Funny that we're simply a forestry camp that deals with schools year round and yet we have some sort of impressive cleaning system.

That impressive cleaning system is just what I had to use today. As we have hit a natural transition faze in our volunteer model, today we had no volunteers to do the normal tasks to help the camp run properly. As per my job description, the tasks then fell upon my shoulders to complete. So today I had the brilliant job of cleaning toilets. It wasn't so bad - at least I didn't have to wear gloves due to the chemicals being used and it didn't. That and it's not like I've been doing it day-in, day-out to be bored of it. Even still, it brought back memories of when I first arrived at the camp and I was doing all the cleaning. Back in the day when I just thought I would stay a couple months to save enough money to be able to move on. Back in the day when I lived in a Forestry Cabin and was the only person allocated to do the cleaning on a daily basis. Back in the day when I was still labelled as a "backpacker."

Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Times have changed quite significantly since I was a cleaner for the Hanmer Springs Forest Camp. Not only have I moved out of cabin B1 to a proper house (though the insulation leaves nothing to be desired), but my entire position at the camp has changed. There is something to be said about being in a position where I feel completely exhilarated to come to work every single day. Sure - I work at a campground, but the Hanmer Springs Forest Camp isn't just any campground. There is so much depth and history and potential to it that it could keep me going for many years to come. 

Essentially, all my thinking of the past has brought me to where I am at today. As the Volunteer & Fundraising Coordinator of the camp, I have been set with the task of implementing a steady stream of income through donations, fundraising and funding that the camp has otherwise not had since it opened its doors in 1978. And now it has nearly come. I have been putting together plans for an annual Art & Film Festival to occur in January 2013 that should the remaining sponsors get on board - will be not only the biggest event the camp has ever had, but the biggest event of Hanmer Springs. Complete with Art Stalls, Workshops, Silent Auction, Entertainment, a free Kids Zone, Food and an Open-Air Cinema, there will be something for people of all ages. And I can't wait for it to happen.

There is something to be said about planning an event that will bring in more money for the camp than what I will make in an entire year - it's brilliant to be part of something that has a vision. Has potential. Has direction. And who knows - maybe by putting in my two cents in the next couple of years I will be able to help the camp develop opportunities for underprivileged children to go to camp for a week. Maybe I will be able to help the camp upgrade some of its facilities. Maybe I will be able to help the camp generate enough funds to develop new programs. Maybe I will help the camp become all that it is meant to be. 

Hanmer Springs, Canterbury, New Zealand

In the meantime I find I am torn between being excited about my career prospects in what I am doing here in Hanmer Springs and trying not to lose touch with loved ones back in Canada. It's not easy being here, living day-by-day, knowing that those I love to pieces are on the other side of the world and that I'm missing out on their lives as much as their missing out on mine. As much as I know that I am were I am meant to be, I struggle with the guilt of knowing that I have chosen to be where I am. Is there ever a right choice between choosing to do what you love and be with those you love?

As it is, I find as the days tick on, I continue to look forward to going back to Canada for a visit. It has been long enough and I find each day that goes by I am more aware of all that I am missing out back in Canada. It is not that I want to go back to live there - it is that I know the more time that goes on, the more I am distancing myself from all that I once was. 

All that I can focus on is the fact that I have booked my flights. It will be awesome to see everyone that I have not seen for nearly 3 years now. It will be great to hug those I have not been able to for so long and finally sit down for a proper coffee within the same time zone and catch up. I can't wait to see how Calgary has changed in the past 3 years as much as I can't wait to see my best friend, Janelle, get married. There is so much about "home" that I have forgotten about - things such as stores being open 24/7, slurpees, and the ability to say aluminum foil without being laughed at (those that have traveled from North America know what I am talking about). I can't even remember what good TV is like, nor the feeling of driving down a proper "motorway" (the one into Christchurch is 2 lanes wide and 10km long). There is so much of Canadian/North American culture that I have not been a part of for so long that as excited as I am to go back - it also freaks the crap out of me. 

Even still, none of it matters as it is the people I plan to see that matters most. So much has changed in the last few years that it seems absurd to think that things can pick up where they have left off. It's difficult to know what will happen when I step off that plan at the Calgary airport, but I know one thing is for sure - I will be damn happy to be able to buy mascara for less than $20!

Listen, Listen, Listen

Listen, listen, listen and then ask strategic questions.

~ Lululemon

So I've listened. For the past year or so I have strained my ears to hear the comments of the local Kiwis and I concluded that there has been barely a peep of protest from them. I don' get it. Everyone appears to be rather content with their lives and homes just the way they are with no one significantly making progress to change. Perhaps I've just been hanging around people that have newer houses.

For a while there I was starting to think that it was just me. Or maybe, the effects of everything weren't as bad as what I anticipated them to be. That thought came crashing down today when I got my monthly statement from the electricity company only to find that in the last 30 days my usage for electricity appears to have skyrocketed. Perfect. It was just what I had feared.

Obviously I anticipated some sort of increase in my electricity bill now that we have entered Autumn and Winter is on the horizon. The days are cooler and the nights are frosty - it's all well and lovely until my house enters the equations. True to Kiwi-style, my house was built with the classic "she'll be alright" mentality. There are visible gaps around the outside doors that let a continuous stream of warmish-air out while the cold air fights its way in. Many of the windows to entirely close all the way - again, the airflow is constant. There is only single-pane glass on all windows and the only insulation to speak of that I know about is what has been slapped up in the ceiling space, all loosely lying there for the mice to build their homes.

Heating? Well, forget the classic central heating system that I am used to from Canada. There is a wood burner and as nice as it is to sit in front of the fire each night (I frequently am within an arm's reach away), it takes nearly half a day before it is able to heat the entire house to a level that my feet don't feel numb. The only way to speed up the heating process is to turn on a draft system built into the ceiling (apparently no one thought through the basic principle of heat - it rises - which makes it doubly difficult for the air to actually heat the room) to which the hot air from the wood burner is sucked through the ceiling and then blown out various faucets around my house.

This is the way of the Kiwi. And those that have discovered the simplicity of double-glazing and fitting doors/windows properly so there are no gaps are astounded at the amount of warmth that stays in the house (even at night!) and the fact that their energy bill is greatly decreased. There's actually commercials interviewing people on this. For the rest of us poor buggers who either have no idea of how life could be so much more warm and energy efficient or simply do not have enough money to upgrade their house, we continue to sit in our three layers of clothing (even though it's still +10 degrees outside) surrounding the wood burner as though it is our life source.

I vaguely remember the good old days back in Canada where my energy bill would be somewhere in the realm of $40/month over the coldest months - cold the Kiwi's here can't even begin to fathom and yet I was still able to keep the lights on all day and was toasty warm in my little flat. Here? I sit in the dark to save electricity, pile on the clothes and turn off every electrical outlet I possibly can just to save energy. And yet my bill has still hit the $90 mark. Brilliant.

Sure, my energy bill has still yet to see the effects of me getting rid of my TV and such, but I reckon winter is still going to be a time of reading books by the light of the fire as I burn through yet another forest of trees trying to keep the house warm enough to not be catching a cold every other week.

Maybe one day Kiwis will catch onto the idea that if they built their houses to suit all weather to begin with, they'd end up saving a heap of money, time and effort. They would no longer need a gas or electric heater in every room. They would no longer need to "prepare for winter" by purchasing an electric blanket for every bed (yes, they still use those here) -- there would be no need for the hot water bottles or insulated window curtains (no lies). People would be able to sit inside their homes comfortably without having the wood fire going full blast 24/7. They would rest assured that their electric bill would be a reasonable and affordable amount to pay each month.

In the meantime, I will sit huddled up in my house built back in the 1950s (or whenever) and try to stay warm as I think of how I can possibly cut down even further on my electricity bill in the future - there IS only me here. It seems ridiculous to be spending that amount of money on a bill - I might as well be letting my money fly through the gap under my front door along with all the hot air.

Friends Are More Important Than Money

Friends are more important than money.

~ Lululemon

There may have been some rumours floating around - I am here to tell you they are true. I can officially say that I am coming back to Canada for a visit. Not until November, but still. It is time. It has been nearly three years since I was last in my hometown of Calgary and though it seems like I just left yesterday - it has been way too long.

I have been planning to come back for some time and wanted to do it as a surprise, but when my close friend, Janelle, informed me of her wedding plans for November - my plans were made for me. I would be coming back then. I don't know how long I will stay, but I hope to see everyone again. It's a scary thought, really. Sure - in a lot of ways I will feel as though I am coming "home," but in so many other ways it will feel as though I have travelled to a completely foreign country.

For the past three years I have met so many different people, eaten so much different food and explored so many different places, that it's hard to fathom what life would be like if I went back to Canada. Sure, I still remember, but that was also nearly 3 years ago - a lot has changed. In me. In my friends & family. In Canada. I, for one, refuse to eat orange cheese - regardless if it is in a tube, spray can, jar or in solid form. I no longer have a phobia of eating a meat-free diet and I worry over the thought of not being able to find pumpkin or beetroot (beets) to add to nearly everything I make. Not to mention driving.

I have been gone for so long that I now drive on the left side of the road in my dreams. It seems weird to watch people drive on the right side of the road in movies and I wonder if my brain will survive the huge adjustment when I am back in Canada.

There are many other adjustments I have to mentally prepare myself for in planning a visit back to Canada. Things like the fact that there are actually dangerous animals to consider when going to the bush. Things like the fact that people say "garbage" instead of "rubbish," "tom-A-to" instead of "tom-AH-to" and "to-go" instead of "takeaway." Things like the fact that people actually care about fashion. And money. And things. Things like the fact that television series are up to 5 years ahead of what we watch here in New Zealand - and that ANY television show will be 100x flashier than what I have become accustomed to in NZ. Canadians will have insulation in all buildings and electrical outlets OUTSIDE their houses (to plug in their cars) and generally make a big deal out of how everything is cheaper in the States. At least one can drive there on the weekend to pick up what they want.

That all said, there will be things I miss of NZ as well. I am not sure how well I will be able to handle all the people in Canada. Going from a town of 1000 locals of which I live on the outskirts in the middle of a forest to a city of a million plus is going to cause a bit of anxiety. It will seem strange to think that places won't close at 5pm so all the workers can get home to their families. It will also seem weird to know that though I am going "home" - I am not really as NZ is currently my home.

There are a lot of things that will be weird - scary even - but most of all I am excited to be able to see everyone I love in person again. To be able to hug people in real life and not be confined to Skype. To be able to book in coffee dates where I am existing on the same day as the person I am chatting to (generally I am a day ahead any time I talk to people in Canada due to the time difference). There are heaps things I can't wait to do - heaps of people I want to see and most of all - I am excited that because I am coming back for Janelle's wedding, I get to share my excitement with everyone else. I don't know if I would have survived having to keep things a surprise otherwise.

So - until next time, I can't wait - for everything! Fingers crossed November comes soon enough!

You Can Be a Follower, But Who is Your Leader?

september 10/09

i am now on the move again and this time its back to vancouver. yeah, yeah - i know - i was just there. but ill just be passing through today. i swear.

ive started to come down with a bad case of backpackers budgeting (aka: going to any means possible of trying to save a buck). hense why i woke up this morning at 4 a.m. to catch the ferry. hense why im choosing to travel for 15 hours today. hense why im going back to vancouver. its cheaper.

in my last few days of researching for the best route to take to get to LA - i discovered something. ferries arent always a nice and convenient way of travelling. but, when they are - theyre freaking fabulous! i have learned that ferries are ridiculously expensive under 2 specific conditions - a) when travelling via car on the ferry and b) when being a passenger on a ferry that does not carry cars. the latter is the type of ferry that transports people directly between victoria and seattle. in order to ride the "clipper" i have been quoted prices anywhere from $69 to $85 USD. and thats just one-way.

so when i looked into my other options i found that i could get to vancouver for $9 CAD (its $13.50 on weekends), take the bust to the train station ($5 CAD), then take the trian to portland for $49 CAD. thats only a total of $63 CAD and id be further along my route than if i took the clipper to seattle. the downside is that, yes, i had to catch the 7 a.m. ferry, roll out of bed at 4 a.m. and i probably wont be to portland untill 9 pm tonight. to me its worth it because it adds a little extra adventure to my trip.

as it stands, today has been fairly uneventful so far, save for the fact that both the bus and ferry have chosen to blast the air conditioning as though its 30 degrees outside. i stubbornly refuse to cave to my desire of buying a cozy hoodie - hot chocolate is cheaper.

yesterday i spent the day hanging out with a friend i havent seen for years. shemine and i explored the shores of victoria, checked out the bunny infestation at the university (they are overcome with over 1000 bunnies all because someone had decided it would be a good idea to leave a box of their unwanted ones on the property some time ago... they have since multiplied) and hung out - catching up on all our stories. it was nice to see a familiar face again and it was sad we only had a few hours together.

the rest of the afternoon i went running around downtown like a mad woman - trying to find a sleep mask (the brilliant yet dorky things that cover your eyes to block out light as you sleep) for less than $5, sold my books at a bookstore and explored chinatown. by 9 p.m. i was in bed and almost was able to fall asleep right away. that was untill one of my new roomies had the fabulous idea of blowdrying her hair in our room at 10 p.m. geez.

anyway - the ferry is almost at vancouver here. i should start attempted to figure out what bus will actually get me to the train station.

****

i cant stand to touch anything at this hotel. i think thats a first for me. im just thankful i wont have to worry about being cold tonight now that ive thrown all the bedding on the floor. its a hot one tonight in portland.

the train made it in right on schedule and once i got off, it took me a bit to find someone who could tell me when the bus leaves for bend tomorrow. i figured if it was super early in the a.m. id just catch my shut-eye at the train station rather than find a place to sleep for the night. i was told that the bus would not leave untill 1:30 pm the following day. i was astounded to find out that the bus also would cost me $46-49 USD for a one-way trip from portland to bend. thats MORE than what the train cost from vancouver to portland. sheesh.

anyway - i requested directions to the nearest hostel and was sent walking 20 blocks away to find it. eventually i made it there and asked if they had a room for the night. they didnt. the lady at the desk gave me the phone number for the other hostel in portland and i went to use the phone, but another lady got there first. she apparently had decided that NOW (at 9:45 pm) would be a good time to call some place for an eco-tour she wanted to go on the following day. the clincher? as she stood there rambling on forever into the hostel phone, she was holding onto a cellphone. sheesh.

eventually i was able to use the phone and called the other hostel. they informed me that, yes, they had room but that they were closing down shop in 10 minutes. there was no way i could make it across downtown in 10 minutes - even by bus. i reluctantly hung up the phone and was struck by the curious thought of why a hostel would be CLOSING up at 10 pm on a thursday night. wierd.

so i thought that maybe i would just walk around downtown and see if i could come up with any other brilliant ideas. i knew that if worst came to worse i could always go back to the train station and crash there. so i walked. and walked. and walked. as i was taking in the buildings of downtown portland, i saw movement out of the corner of my eye. i looked down to the sidewalk and there was this big rat staring back of me not more than 2 feet away. i had never seen a rat before and all i could think about was that show called fear factory that occassionally challenges people to sit in a box and see how long they can stand a bunch of rats running over their body. seeing this rat up close and personal - i dont think i could do something like that. fortunately the rat decided to squirm its way down through the grate that was on the side of the sidewalk. i continued on my way.

a few blocks later a guy approached me and asked, "whats the best nation in the world?" i told him i had no idea, figuring he must be some drunk guy all happy on USA love. he answered, "its a donation!" i was so confused as to where this conversation was going. he then handed me a card and asked if i ever eat at soup kitchens. i told him no, and he said that the card would get me a free meal at one - right. i walked away and wondered if he was handing out cards to everyone or if i had started to take on the look of a homeless person in need of a hot meal on a late thursday night. who knows.

after a while i made it to the kent hotel. as advertised, they had both hostel dorm rooms available and super cheap single rooms. they only had the single rooms available so i booked one for the night. as i climbed the stairs to my room i began to have second thoughts. i had seen a sign posted near the prices that stated the hotel required an ID from all persons booking rooms and that they were willing to take prison IDs. perfect. i also reflected on how the hotel was directly beside a local club and decided that it would be best to quickly find my room and lock the door for the night.

by the time i got to my room i was exhausted, but felt on high alert. the shared bathroom i passed on the way up had a large stain in the middle of the floor and someone had casually tossed an used diaper near the toilet. the floors and walls were built on odd angles and everything felt as though it was going to cave in at any moment. i opened the door to my room and was immediately faced with the smell of stale smoke. i gingerly set my bag down in the cleanest corner i could find and was careful not to touch anything.

the floor was sticky, there was stains on all layers of the bedding, the TV unit had some sticky goop on it and there was some type of dry animal food scattered in along the floorboards. i stripped the bed and layed out my sleep sheet as there was no way i was going to sleep on what they had provided me with. i carefully made sure that nothing of mine touched any questionable areas of the room and reminded myself that i would only use the common washroom for emergency-related purposes. fortunately i managed to fall asleep rather quickly.


september 11/09

today is the anniversary of september 11 and as i have spent time walking around portland here - its all ive heard about on the news and radio. i havent quite figured out what i think of portland and that might simply be because i have spent a majority of my time here either attempting (and finally succeeding) to get a place to stay at last night or waiting for my bus to arrive today.

the types of people i have seen around give portland (or at least the downtown of portland) a very eccletic feel to it. homeless people distribute themselves among the streets, claiming their piece of concrete in anyway they can. as this goes on, people all dressed up bustle down the streets on the way to their jobs - all the while cyclists and drivers zip down the streets.

during my wanderings around downtown as i waited for my bus, i met katie who happened to have stayed in the kent hotel last night as well. i asked her how her experience was and she told me that she had been asked twice, by 2 separate men if they could pay her for sex. she had later been asked by another man if he could pay her to let him sleep in her room (no sex) -- she declined all the offers and was thouroughly creeped out. i dont blame her. we spent the next hour or so chatting it up about our experiences of portland and surrounding areas untill we decided to part ways. i decided to check out a second hand clothing store to which i could only wish that i had more money and room in my bag as it was the first time i have ever found a second hand clothing store where i could find some good stuff. instead i walked away emptihanded and returned to the train station to wait for my bus.

****

well - i have made it to bend and it was a rather uneventful ride over here. since then i have just spent time catching up with my extended family and i am ready for bed.


september 12/09

today was a blast. me, tim and shelley (my aunt and uncle) went out for a mountain bike ride. i havent gone to do that in so long so i was both stoked and a little nervous. we ended up going on a path that was rather dusty, so we ended the ride with the 3 of us wiping dirt off of our teeth. regardless, it was a ton of fun to be able to get out there and be in the fresh air - especially when we ended the ride by going to visit mackenzie (my cousin) at her work at the local smoothie shop to get a refreshing drink.

the rest of the day i just lazed around a read a book - catching in some of the afternoon rays.


september 13/09

today we all piled into the car and drove out to OSU (oregon state university) to help chelsey move into her dorm. it was crazy to be back at an university and it brought back so many memories of when i went to UofA. we then went out to lunch and then piled back into the car for the slightly long ride back to bend.



NOTE: i have completely filled up my most recent photo album of "west coast adventures" and have started another one that you can check out at: WEST COAST ADVENTURES (2)

Choose to Live

september 4/09

i find it difficult to get used to this whole hostel experience thing. in theory its all good - i get a cheap room in exchange for the opportunity to meet other fellow adventure travellers such as myself. the reality is much different.

the only person i have really connected with is a woman who is on the hunt for property in the nanaimo area. a local of b.c. she was astounded to hear that i had walked across the province. we shared minor chit-chat in passing and she left this morning. i didnt even know her name.

the rest of the people here seem to keep to themselves - whether for reasons that they already came with their friends, do not wish to talk or dont speak english. my time at the hostel has been spent in a wide range of awkward attempts to interact with people that i am tired. some people dont even smile back when i show them my own pearly whites. i wish i could assume its due to broccoli in my teeth, but i havent had any of that tree-like veggie for quite some time.

that all said, it is not as thought i mind the lack of interaction too much - i just wish the option was there should i want to take it. as it stands i am tired and dont have the energy for late night shindigs. my mind is racing wiht an endless stream of thoughts that its generally difficult to just gather the willpower to say hello to my fellow roomies.

sad - so very sad. i leave nanaimo tomorrow and i only hope that victoria will bring some peace of mind - literally.


september 5/09

last night i spoke too soon of my judgements about my fellow travellers at the purple turtle. after i wrote my frustrations i went to put my journal away and thats when i met her. one of my new roomies: celia. she turned out to be just what i needed. straight from sydney, australia - celia had spent the last few months backpacking across canada. in sharing a love of travel, the great outdoors and a confused curiousity of why so many backpackers carry around so much stuff when we have plenty stuffed in our 40 litre bags - our bond was immediate.

we spent the final hours of our evening swapping travel stories and playing fuseball. i found it so refreshing to actually have someone my age to hang out with. if only it could have been longer. unfortunately our journeys led us in opposite directions and we parted ways this morning.

i checked out of my room this morning and spent hours going through all the artsy stores downtown. i wanted to buy everything i saw, but my backpack reminded me i only have so much room to carry any purchases. instead i relished being able to walk around in my flip flops and not feel my feet scream in agony over the weight of my pack. with my old bag and gear used to get across bc - that luxary would be a near impossible feat.

i made it to the train station - or whats left of it - around noon. the actual station has been closed up due to a fire, so all that remains is a small portable box of a room with a few chairs to wait on. eventually people began to arrive and play the waiting game. the train arrived at 3:14 pm and i was done 1 of my 2 books. i boarded the train and bought my ticket. i then found my seat by a window.

i have never riden on a train like this and it feels surreal as though i am in a movie. for all the people that are on board the ride maintains to be just a quiet murmur of voices lost in their private conversations. i can only speculate where each of their journeys will take them. a middle-aged man sits behind me with the munchies - stuffing his face with cheezies. the computer guys sit in front of me - too emersed with their screens to enjoy the view outside. theres the 2 asian girls, dozing in their chairs and the 5 year old boy with his grandpa. its the boys first time and i wonder if my eyes look around with as much wonder and curiousity as his.


september 6/09

its raining again. i find it so amazing how no one appears to notice around here. everyone continues on their way as though they would had the sun been out shining. it still makes me want to curl up with a book and disappear. even still - i am making the effort to ignore the weather as the locals do. yesterday i did my run in the rain. today maybe ill venture over to the blues festival.

i have decided to stay in victoria for the next few days. partly because theres so much to see and do here, but also because i have to see a doctor to get a shot (nothing serious - no worries) and i figured itd be cheaper and easier to get it done before i hit up the states. unfortunately, it wasnt untill i had paid for my 5 night stay that i noticed all the signs posted indicating that any person could help out at the hostel for a few hours to pay for their bed. shoot. next time i will know better.

next time i hope i will be able to stay with a local. couch surf as it is. cheaper. quieter. better access to get insight into wherever i stay - it kind of becomes a no brainer.

last night i spent some time with 1 of my 3 roommates chatting it up. i foudn out that corrina spends most of her travels hiking through the mountains much like i was doing a few weeks ago. as we swapped sore feet stories i found myself missing the adventure of being in the wild. missing the fresh air. the peace and quiet. missing my tent.

but i dont miss the weight of my pack or only being able to wear "functional" clothes. i dont miss being dirty, sweat and stinky and unable to have showers on a regular basis. and i most definitely do not miss the blisters.

on a more random note, yesterday when i was walking to the hostel, some guy in his vehicle opened his window and shouted out to me "hey you - get a job!" i found this to be the most baffling of statements. it wasnt as though i looked like a bum. it wasnt as though i was paying him any attention. it wasnt as though i was asking for money. it wasnt as though anything was going on. his comment directed at me came from nowhere. all i could think was that i WISH "this" was my job. i wish i could get paid to explore places and write about them. i wish that i didnt have the constant thought in the back of my head that one day i WILL have to stop. fortunately that day is too far ahead to really have to worry about it now.

****

it has continued to rain and i have continued to press on. the hostel (ocean island - backpackers inn) has me changing rooms for tonight so i had to check out this morning, put my gear in storage and scram untill i can check into my new room at 3 pm. its only 1:50 pm.

due to my innate internal alarm clock i was up bright and early despite the bleary weather conditions. i figured id head on out to explore victoria, but i forgot its sunday today. nothing, not even chapters, was scheduled to open untill 11 am. i wandered tthe rainy streets for a couple hours, peering in shop windows and traying to figure out what to do for today.

i ended up checking out the classic boat festival. by "checking out" i mean i stood on the boardwalk with the pay phone receiver pressed to my ear as i talked to my dad, overlooking the festival boats from afar. there was also the blues bash festival. i peeked in a few of the craft tents and then was on my way. i continued on, checking out local stores, looking for earplugs (i forgot mine at the last hostel) and a belt (my jeans are constantly trying to fall off from being so worn and stretched out). i didnt find either. i did, however, stop in at the local lulu lemon store to find out that they have a free yoga session tonight. just what i needed. i cant wait.

but i have to wait so i sit here in a chapters (the library isnt open today) and i spend time readin and trying to keep my eyes open. it is not as though i am having horrible sleeps - i have just not given myself the opportunity to do absolutely nothing. even as i sit here in my plush coffee house chair, my mind is still running wild. should i let myself stop, i will fall asleep. i can feel it deep inside - but i cant let it get to me. tomorrow will be my "nothing" day. tomorrow, irronically enough, will also be known as labour day.

as i sit here in my bubble of ipod melodies, i scan the other people around me. enjoying their coffees. enjoying their books. enjoying the company of others. as i sit here i make up stories in my head of who these people are. what theyre about. what theyre doing here. i wonder if i have ever passed them on the streets before or if i ever will in the future. either way, as time passes on - i share this moment with them.

my thoughts drift to my own life. of who i am. who i was. who i will be. i think of all ive done. all im doing and that of which i only dream to do. as i child i would have never imagined i would be where i am today and yet i know within the deepest parts of my soul, i am doing what i was mean to do. i am at peace. i may be tired as hell and unknowning of what the future holds, but my sould is quiet of frustrations. i can only dream of what tomorrow holds. of where this path will take me.

****

i find there is something relatively mystical about sitting in a chapters starbucks. there is something about sitting with others who, quite simply, in one way or another are using their brains. its a feeling full of possibilities. a sense that anything is possible. a place where dreams are born. or at least it is that way for me.

it reminds me that no matter where we are in life - no matter how good or bad life can get - there is always so much more. so much more to experience. to make us grow. to inspire change. to give us strength. there is never a point where life is done. it is in a constant state of ripples. every day is anew with possibilities. everyday is its own journey. a fresh start.

never give up. never let go of your dreams. never stop learning. changing. growing. its never too late for anything.


september 7/09

i have made it to my day of "nothing." my day of no expectations. no chores. no responsibilities. no schedule. i have been needing one for quite some time. to quiet my mind. to relax my body.

i realized yesterday that a lot of what i was feeling was very similar to how one feels at the end of their vacation - that they need a vacation for their vacation. the problem for me lies in the fact that there is no forseeable end to my "vacation." as such, i needed to find time to re-balance myself. mind, body and spirit.

i got a good start on that last night when i was able to do the free drop-in class of yoga at the lulu lemon store. it was so refreshing to be among others - others who maybe came for different reason than me, but were there just the same. when the class ended i left feeling relaxed and rejuvenated.

hense - today is the day of nothing. the rain continues to come down outside, but i have chosen to stay in. sleep in. its been so long since i have let myself just BE. no obligations to be anywhere. no pressing desire to do anything. after being on the go for so long - travelling - going - doing - it is nice to just stop and catch up with myself.

****

in the later part of the afternoon, the sun broke throught the clouds and dried the streets of all the rain. i ended up heading out to go and walk the streets before i went to meet up with norman and sue - sue is my dads cousin. i had never met them before so it was super cool to get to know some of my family.

we went to a restaurant called "nautical nellies" that is known for its seafood and steak. i was able to try lobster for the first time in my life and it was delicious!! i was only too happy to find out that norm and sue were going to pay for my meal as the total cost came to about the same price as staying 2 nights at my hostel! crazy! haha.

anyway, we had a great time just chatting it up - talking about family, travel and life. i only wish i could have had more time with them as they are the family i never knew i even had. during our coversation came up regarding the amount of homeless people in victoria, to which i agreed i had noticed there were a vaste amount of homeless people roaming the streets of downtown. apparently vancouver has recently been handing out free one-way ferry tickets to homeless people of vancouver to send them to victoria in order to "prepare" for the olympics. fortuantely the chief of police has since found out about this and was astounded that such a thing was going on.

eventually the night came to a close and we parted ways - i took it as an opportunity to be able to take some night shots of the harbour. all the lights mirrored colored patterns on the waters, much like a watercolor painting. beautiful. the parliment building was lit up with all the lights - reminding me of christmas time, but so graceful.

i made it back to my hostel room and immediately crashed.


september 8/09

i was only too happy to wake up today and find that there was sun (YAY!!) and that it was finally past the long weekend which meant everything was open and running on regular hours. holidays and long weekends are all good when a person is going about their regular life with work and home - but when out travelling, it is the most frustrating to discover it is a holiday and everything is closed early or not even open at all. as a result - today started off as an awesome day. and i had every intention of keeping it that way.

my first mission was the doctors office. i had to go there to get a depo shot (for those who dont know what that is - i am not going to bother explaining over the internet - but i will say that it makes travelling longterm as a woman a whole heck of a lot easier!). that meant waiting at a walk-in clinic for the doctor who gave me the prescription. i walked the couple of blocks to the pharmacy, only to discover - as per the pharmacist - that the doctor had forgotten to actually write the prescription on the square paper. so i went back the doctors office, got the prescription. went back to the pharmacy. got the medication. went back to the doctors (the 3rd time, for those who are keeping track) to get the shot. he gave the shot and i was on my way --- fortunately it was still only 10:30 am.

from there i made it to the library - where i am now - to discover that there is free internet. i LOVE it. nothing better than knowing i can take my time and its not eating away at what little money i have left for the week.

Speak from the Heart - Not from the Tongue

september 4/09

there is something so addicting about the ocean breeze. feeling it. hearing it. breathing it in. i find that everywhere i go it is slightly different. here, in nanaimo, it is like a soft kiss on the cheek as it grazes my skin - filled with the aroma of fish and seaweed. it is not salty like the ocean breeze of mexico and it not as warm as that of australia. it is, however, accompanied by the sound of seagulls along with the harmony of a construction crew working on a nearby building. the waves are minimal along the waters edge and, as such, the salty shores of nanaimo behave more like that of a lake rather than ocean. because of the calm waters, one can peer over the edge of the seawall and spot countless numbers of starfish resting in the shallow waters.

today is yet again another cloudy day with chance of showers. i am beginning to forget what its like to have the hot sun and bright blue sky. but that doesnt erase my automatic response to want to curl up and read a book on an overcast day such as this. i have to motivate myself to go and do something for the day which leads my thoughts to wonder just how long it takes a person to "get used" to the weather of western b.c.

i have chosen today to head on over to newcastle island. there is a 5 min ferry ride to get to the idealic provincial park and everyone ive talked to had said it was well worth it to go. surrounded by sandstone shorelines and sandy gravel beaches it was love at first sight for me. i started off by taking my camera to the shore under the docks to take pictures of the purple colored starfish hiding among the crevices. it was there i also discovered the tiny crabs living under any rock i disturbed. fortunately their first thought was to flee the scene rather than attach their small claws to my pedicured toes.

as i sit here now at my picnic table enjoying the view of douglas-fir and oak trees (thats right - i read the brochure) i can hear seagulls in the background, dropping their clamshells on the sandstone to get at the tasty treat inside. i find it wierdto think that fall is quickly approaching. there are already many leaves that have fallen to the ground. it makes me want to run to where its warm again. to where the concept of pants and long sleeves is a distant thought in the back of my mind. i am quickly reminded that that is in fact where i am going - provided i keep going.

****

i have left newcastle island in order to check out the farmers market back in nanaimo. it has to be probably the smallest farmers market i have ever been to.there are only a handful of tents put up - but even still, there are a wide range of products to check out. fresh produce. jewellery. massages. art. jams and jellies. knitted clothing. the list goes on and the only thing i thought was worth my money was a smokey from the girl guides tent.

as i sit here and take it all in, i find that i am exhausted. i feel completely drained. i want to curl up and sleep forever and i dont know why. i hope i feel rested soon. hopefully its all just my change of pace again. my fingers are crossed.

****

i have since left the farmers market for the comfort of the library. with the cheapest internet around town, comfortable chairs and an endless supply of books i figured it would be the perfect place to enjoy the afternoon. even still, my mind wanders in reflection of how my time at nanaimo is almost at an end. i will be checking out of my room "L" (room "L" for the "laid back lady" - as the guy told me when i checked in the purple turtle) to go catch the train that will take me to victoria. in many ways i feel as though my time here has ended too soon, but as i look around at all the leaves changing color and feel the crisp fall breeze on my face i know i can not stay much longer as it is. i do not want to be here for the cold. instead, i will go south with the birds and all the seniors heading to florida. haha.