Stress is Related to 99% of all Illness

Stress is related to 99% of all illness.

~ Lululemon

It finally caught up to me. The stress of the last couple months has been slowly building towards a climactic finish – one that I should have seen coming. No, scratch that – I DID see it coming – I just chose to ignore it all. I figured that maybe if I could just hang on one more week. One more day – things would all work out. Things have worked out, just not me. I can officially say I am sick.

It happened this past Tuesday as I was sitting in reception, going over some email enquiries for the camp. As I sat there trying to decipher the newest message of gibber-gabber, I could feel the sickness overtake me. All of a sudden my head started to pound, as a sudden increase in perceived weight made me feel as though I had a bowling ball attached to my shoulders. All my muscles seized up and within an hour I had trouble focusing on the computer screen and my throat felt as though some animal had just come and scratched up the inside. The sickness had come for me and there was nothing I could do but sit there and watch.

And so now, on my days off, I sit here tending to myself with fluids, rest and a roll of toilet paper for my nose as I contemplate the going ons that have brought me to this point today. I can’t say I am particularly surprised to be in this position. The last two months have been a complete 3-ring circus of happenings – some of which have made me want to pinch myself to confirm I haven’t been dreaming it up.

Our new team with our Macpac Sponsored jackets

Kellie and Duncan, the new camp managers, have arrived and are quickly settling in – not so much due to the ease of transition, but more from the fact that they were simply handed the reins and told to jump right in. Their first weeks of being managers at the camp have included nearly every disaster scenario that could possibly happen, short of the entire camp burning down. Between trying to figure out (and then catch up on) the accounts, learning our ridiculous paper-format booking system, dealing with a group booking that decided to turn the camp into their near-rave party, handling a school of mischievous children and just generally trying to run the camp – it’s been a busy few weeks.

The most interesting bit that they (and the rest of us as staff) have had to deal with is a few rogue volunteers. We had welcomed a couple of backpackers with open arms two weeks ago to come and help us out in exchange for accommodation. None of us had any warm fuzzy feelings about these two, but couldn’t put our finger on what it was to feel confident that we should kick them out. And so we all kept our eye on them, the nagging feeling that something wasn’t quite right building up throughout the week. By the end of the week, us as staff had a sit-down and discussed our issues with the two newbies. Every issue seemed insignificant on its own, but when we added all our complaints together, we were happy with the decision to get rid of them the following day.

That day came and while we were waiting for them to start their shift, Kellie and I decided to snoop around their cabin to confirm our suspicions that they were smoking there after being told not to. It wasn’t difficult to find the multiple cigarette butts lying all around the cabin, but what peaked our interest was the open window with their cabin key lying on the window ledge. Seeming a bit strange, we peaked our heads in, only to find that there wasn’t a scrap of personal belongings left in the cabin. The two had buggered off.

Originally we had been told they had planned to meet someone in town for breakfast that day before coming to help out the camp. As such, they had used the camp’s bikes – but having seen the empty cabin, we immediately knew that they had not just taken off; they had taken off with our bikes. Kellie and I immediately went on the hunt for them in town, on the off chance that they were still around. With no luck finding them or the bikes, we stopped off at the police station to file a report.

Back at the camp, a few hours later and still fuming about being duped by a couple of volunteers, the cop we had talked to gave us a call. Apparently the two people we had let stay with us were quite well-known with the police and had a few warrants for their arrest. Perfect.

It wasn’t until the next day that we heard news that the police had found our two outlaws holed up in Greymouth. To top it off, one of them admitted the location of where they dumped the bikes and so we were able to get those back as well. Had they not stolen the bikes, they probably would have still been on the run without the cops behind them.

Needless to say, it was a good learning experience for all of us. Up until this point, we had relied on the fact that all international volunteers with a working holiday visa would already have a police check done to be able to get in New Zealand. It was the Kiwis that we hadn’t quite figured out what to do. Since this incident, we have tightened up on our recruiting process by implementing a mandatory Police Vetting check on all local volunteers, just to ensure we don’t have a repeat incident. In this case, we were lucky it was only our bikes that were stolen.

Linda & Prajot

Not all happenings at the camp have been bad though. Linda, another one of our volunteers, and Prajot (Activity Hanmer) have recently gotten married. It was a brilliant wedding and celebration of two people who are made to spend their lives together and we were all excited to be a part of it. Getting married in the forest and then with the celebrations back at the camp – I felt priviledged to be able to be the photographer for their big day.

As well, I have been able to help out with two big races in Hanmer Springs, learning more about event management as I go – which has in turn helped me with planning the big fundraiser for the camp next January. As exhausting as it has been, it has been incredibly fascinating to learn what works and what doesn't in the world of events. With any luck I’ll be able to soak all the info up and use it in my future plans.

I suppose the latest news has been with Lucy. I have finally been able to take Lucy to the vet to get fixed, which will allow her to go outside more without me worrying about the potential of little cat-babies running around. Plus, I can make her an outside cat and no longer need to use a litterbox. All went relatively smooth until I got a call from the vet about to do the surgery who informed me that Lucy was in fact a boy. Shows how much I know. The only comfort I received was that apparently it happens quite frequently because kittens are hard to tell the sex. Go figure.

The rest of the day I spent mulling over new cat names as I figured keeping the name “Lucy” with a pink collar was a bit much. So I came up with Kaeto, naming him after the character in Pink Panther. It works – so aside from my poor cat going from a girl to a boy to an “it” all in one day, he is recovering quite well. I only wish I could say the same.

Everything hurts and my nose is running a marathon today. With any luck it’s all just a sign of everything settling down into a sense of normalcy for a while. Fingers crossed this next week is stress free.

Observe a Plant Before and After Watering

Observe a plant before and after watering and relate these benefits to your body and brain.

~ Lululemon

I did the deed. I got rid of my TV. Crazy - I know. in this day in age where everyone is aiming for the biggest TV they can possibly fit on their living room wall with the picture so clear it is as though you are there in the show - it seems absurd to not want one at all. For one thing - what does all the living room furniture point at if not a TV?

Regardless - I got rid of mine. Not like it was much of a TV to begin with. It was pretty old-school, so small I found myself curled up on the floor in front of it just so I could see what was going on. And the picture - well, it wasn't so horrible, but it was as though someone had bumped the side of the screen, causing whatever program I watched to be squished over to the right which meant I constantly had to guess what was going on at that side of the screen. So no big loss there.

But without a TV - what do I do with myself? Pretty much whatever I want. Quite frankly, I was getting annoyed with myself as I was developing certain couch potato qualities I never thought I would have. When I finished work for the day, it seemed easier to just turn on the TV and eat my food in front of it. Mind-numbing. Comforting. Waste of time.

Everyday would be the same and everyday as I watched the latest episodes of crappy shows I didn't really want to watch, I would make lists in my head of all the things I wanted to accomplish with my time - things I wasn't particularly doing right then. Things I would do "tomorrow." As days slipped by and became weeks, I noticed my answers to peoples questions of what's new with me would become more and more dull - quite simply because nothing had been happening with me. It was all happening in my TV screen.

I never much wanted a TV when I got my own place, but figured it was the socially acceptable thing to do as that's what people expect to be entertained by when they come for a visit right? A scary thought to have to think up other things to do when I have visitors. Things like having a normal conversation. Playing cards. Going outside. Cooking.

And so the TV is gone. I won't lie - the first few days were hard - but it made it easier to know I no longer had the option of bringing it back. It was gone. At first I didn't know what to do with myself and ended up sitting in a chair staring at my wall while I thought of all the things I "should" do, but couldn't really bring myself to do them. And then one day it clicked.

I started reading again. My house is cleaner than it ever has been. I finally finished writing my book about Te Araroa Trail (not-yet-published). I am more focused at work. I actually taste what I make for dinner and am trying new recipes just for fun. I go on longer walks. I spend more time with friends. With Jess & Lucy. Tonight I even learned how to cut myself a fringe (bangs) and did it because I could.

My furniture is still the same way it was with a TV, but I no longer notice the whole it left - instead I notice the changing colors of the leaves outside the windows or the big stack of books I want to read again. I still watch movies (on my laptop) and go on the internet. I'm not completely going back to the dark ages. But I do think that getting rid of my TV was the best thing I could have ever done. It wasn't a necessity - it was actually becoming a hindrance to the life I wanted to lead.

So who knows - maybe one day I will get myself a new TV, maybe not. But right now I intend to enjoy life for what it is and maybe just take a minute to observe a plant before and after watering. Just because I can.

Don't Trust that an Old Age Pension Will be Sufficient

Don't trust that an old age pension will be sufficient.

~ Lululemon

I finally finishes it. Or at least the first draft. Since completing Te Araroa Trail, I have been working on writing a book about mine and Alex's adventure. And now it is done. It seems surreal to think that nearly a year ago we were rounding the corner to finish walking the length of New Zealand and even more surreal to think that I am actually finishing what I set out to do - write about it. 

I don't know what will become of the book - if anyone will care to read it or even publish it. It doesn't matter because I did it for myself. I did it so that at the end of the day I will have a solid record of what we went through - a story. Our story. My story. I am 100% confident that if Alex were to write a book her perspective on things would have been entirely different from mine - maybe even to the point of seeming as though it was two entirely different adventures all together. But it doesn't matter. This book will simply be my account of what went on in my head as we traveled the length of New Zealand on foot. 

Maybe there will be a day to which I will no longer talk about the trail. Maybe there will be a day to which I will find some greater adventure to embark on. Maybe there will be a lot of things that distract me from what I have done until one day I am reminded again. I hope there will. 

Lucy "helping" me write.

But until that happens - it is just me and this book. Writing it word for word. Reliving each and every moment of our blood, sweat and tears. Each of those 171 days accounted for. From start to beginning I have been writing and now that the hard part is over, it is now just a matter of making it all sound good. Should be fun. 

At least it is keeping my busy from other things on my mind. Up until a week ago I have been training for a marathon that I wanted to run beginning of May. I have never really believed in myself that I could do it - but I figured I would give it my best shot. Or at least up until a week ago that was the case. 

But then life set in and I had a bit of a reality check. The costs of doing the trip up to Auckland for the weekend in order to run the race was going to cost me so much more than just simply the entrance fee. It would be a good chunk of change - a wad of cash I just wasn't sure I could afford to give up. This past year has been a huge learning experience for me - a lesson on what is more important in life. A lesson on where my priorities are. A lesson on my finances. 

In the past year I have made it my focus to become debt free. All while travelling I have been making due with payments as I could - but not seriously sitting down to push myself to achieve goals of paying it off. It is a ball and chain I have carried with me since going to school. Since moving out on my own. Since getting my first, second and third credit cards. I do not regret the choices I have made in the past to get me to where I am, but I know without a doubt that I no longer want to put myself in this position again. It's suffocating. 

And so this past year has been filled with many choices that have left me with the reality check that if I want to be debt free - if I REALLY want to sort things out... I need to get serious and actually stick to my budget of paying it off. That might mean I have to wear my K-Mart shoes for another month. That might mean that all my furniture in the house is secondhand from donations. That might mean I can't go out to dinner with friends twice a month. It might mean saying no to a lot of things I wish I could do - but it also means I am learning how to be stronger with myself. Learning how to take control of my life and make it possible for me to one day be free.

But it also means that I have had to pull out of doing the marathon. It was a tough decision as the marathon was something I had been looking forward to - a goal for me to go out and achieve. The reality though was that it would have meant that I would have to spend money that I technically do not have to do it - money that was meant to go towards becoming debt free. 

Dropping out of the marathon does not mean I am a quitter. It does not mean I will stop running or that I will give up on my goal of doing a marathon - that marathon. It just means I have put it on hold as there are more important things I can be doing with my time and money right now. It just means that next year when I have paid my last payment that maybe the marathon race will mean so much more than simply a physical test of my endurance. Maybe it will be a celebration of what I have achieved in my life - maybe it will signify my freedom from all that has bound me for the last few years. 

And so - as I look ahead with my life, I am finally beginning to realize what it means to live life to the full. It's not always about jumping into random situations just for the experience and adventure that one gets out of it. Sometimes it's about making those tough decisions that will ultimately make you a better person in the long run. My focus in life is so much more than simply writing a book of my adventures or doing a marathon race as though I have something to prove. It's about the long term goal of becoming who I want to become - about reaching my full potential. My focus in life has become the bigger picture. 

With that in mind, maybe that means that I will have to ration my budget for a little longer and get stuck in with editing a book rather than spending money on new clothes - but that is okay. One more year to go. One more year to press on with and then the sky will be the limit.

Children are the Orgasms of Life

Children are the orgasm of life. Just as you did not know what an orgasm was before you had one, nature does not let you know how great children are until you actually have them.

~ Lululemon

Sure – I don’t exactly have any children right at this present time, but I find that I am beginning to realize what having a child might be like. Over the past few weeks my life has been altered slightly due to adopting Lucy, the kitten I found in the tree a bit ago. I now have to budget in cat food and kitty litter. My daily schedule revolves around her needs of when she needs to be fed, petted and played with. All of a sudden I have become much more aware of where I put my things in order to avoid certain possessions being knocked over, chewed on or completely broken beyond repair. My concentration on tasks is minimal as Lucy has become a constant fur ball of distractions that keeps me entertained from the moment I wake to when I go to sleep at night.

Lucy - my paper bag princess

And then there is Jess. In a way, it has been easy as in the past month or so Jess has adopted me as another caregiver other than Steve & Lynne. She has always seemed to enjoy me taking her on runs, but in the past few weeks she has taken on the new behavior of jumping the fence to come to sit at my back door and wait to be let in. Made things a bit frantic at work when we suddenly realized Jess was gone from the backyard and was nowhere to be seen. Wasn’t until I got home for lunch that I had realized what she had done.

The interesting bit was introducing Jess and Lucy. Lucy was curious and wanted to play. Jess was petrified at this black fur ball that was batting its paws at her face. It took a bit of coaxing and patience and now the two are near inseparable, playing together whenever they can. We have had many play-dates where they chase each other around the house and even play wrestle.

Jess after destroying a stuffed toy

But all that has changed with my newest addition of Noushka. Noushka is an Alaskan Malamute who's owner has had the opportunity of a lifetime to go and do guiding for climbers on Mt. Everest. So he is going to be gone for the next few months and asked me to babysit - I said yes. 

All was well in getting to know Noushka and her getting to know me - but that is where it has ended. It has quickly become apparent that Noushka does not do well around strangers, small animals, lots of kids, big animals and pretty well anything in between. Constantly feeling the need to prove she is the alpha dog around the place, she has taken the tendency to growl and bark at anyone that comes near my house. Not exactly ideal when my house is on the camp property. 

Things are even worse when Activity Hanmer does one of their activities out front of my house as Noushka has taken this as an opportunity to howl, cry, bark and growl for the full 2hrs they are out there. The worst bit is that I can't seem to figure out how to teach her that that is not okay as she immediately stops the behavior when she sees me around. 

And then there's the animals. Since being with me for a little over a week, she has already seriously tried to eat Lucy twice. I've even tried to introduce her to Jess with no success. Noushka has taken her on as fresh meat without even as much as a how-do-you-do. 

Noushka at the top of Mt. Isobel

It's saddening really - it's not as though it is Noushka's fault as she just simply hasn't been trained to know better. So it's become this tricky juggling act to figure out how to spend time with all three animals but in environments where none of them are feeling threatened by Noushka's behavior. But the reality is that I can't live like that in the long term - and either can the camp - so we'll see what happens.

All I want is the best quality of life for Noushka and to me that does not mean tying her up 24/7 with a muzzle on. She deserves better than that and I hope there is some spectacular way of figuring out how to get her that. And as all good things take time I just don't know how much time I have before she simply HAS to go.