Lucky Number 13

By the end of this month I will have moved house a total of 13 times. Within the past 10 years, I have packed boxes, downsized to what I absolutely needed and hauled my things to a new address. Sometimes this meant many carloads between locations where as sometimes this simply meant packing my backpack with all I owned and strapping it to my back as I walked out the front door to face new adventures.

Of the last 12 places I have lived, I did not include the time I called a campervan my home when in Australia nor did I include when my only home was the tent in my pack as I walked across New Zealand. And so, without those - this next change of address will be number 13.

I am hoping this next place of residence will be my lucky number 13. I am not going far - really just down the road a bit - but I am hoping my choice to live somewhere more affordable with a few other people in a house will allow me to have more flexibility in what I want to do with my life. Financially. Socially. Everything in between.

And so the next couple of weeks will wrap up the last 8 months I have lived in Wellington - it really doesn't feel as though I have been here that long and yet it feels as though I have lived here forever. This little place I call home was the start of the next stage in my life in so many ways and it will be bitter sweet to say goodbye.

I find it difficult to even conceptualize all that has happened in the past few months. Since I last wrote, I have started (and nearly finished) a position of Youth Development Coordinator at work where I have been working on developing a new support service for young adults with disabilities. Between balancing that and my other role of Outcomes Facilitator (supporting individuals with their goals in life) there has been little mental energy at the end of the day for much else. Things such as my art have gone by the wayside as I have been concentrating all my time in sinking my teeth into giving 110% at work.

But I have managed to start to make some connections in the community. I've picked up rock-climbing with a weekly group, continued to go to the markets each Sunday, explored the wide-variety of food and drink in Wellington (a Cambodian restaurant has taken the top of my list), gone to Roller Disco, watched a couple of rugby games and even had the pleasure of showing my mom around this little city I call home.

So as things get hectic in the next couple of weeks as I balance work, moving and sorting out Immigration (yes, my work visa also expires this month) I simply look forward to when the dust settles again and I can press on with all I want my life to be.

Not Quite Home Sweet Home

The letter came today. Immigration declined my Residency Application. I wasn't sure if I should be surprised or not given the tell-tale sign of Immigration approving any visa by first notifying me via email had never come. Just the letter. A letter stating that I was unfit for Residency due to the work conditions of my employment.

Curling up in a ball on the floor near my front door and letting the tears fall, I notified all my close friends of my failed attempt at long term security within New Zealand. Shortly after I made the mental note that perhaps today will just be another page in a book on my life. For who knows what tomorrow will bring. But until tomorrow comes, frustrated does not even begin to describe how I am feeling right now. My nearly 3-year stay in New Zealand has led me to 5 Work Visa applications (one being a Working Holiday), 2 medical + police checks, 1 education assessment of qualifications and the now failed attempt to gain Residency. Total cost? Exactly $5376 - not including postage, cost of passport photos, a new passport, transportation costs, etc.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't blame Immigration for the choice that they've made. They were only following their rule book. I was just hoping that perhaps with me being in the grey area, they could make an exception to their rigidity of rules. Just once.

The financial stress of this process is only a small part of the weight on my shoulders. It's the emotional and mental stress that does me in. The waiting. The deadlines. The not knowing what the future holds. The having no control over where or how I live my life. The knowing from deep within my soul that I am where I am meant to be, yet not having the ultimate say on making that a reality.

When I finally peeled myself from the floor of my front entrance to do something with my evening (or what was left of it), I noticed my horoscope for the day:

You may yearn for the good old days, a simpler time that seems to have slipped through your fingers. But don't worry because there are areas of your life that are still in major transition now. The fun times aren't over just because a current situation demands intense focus. Concentrate on your feelings today, even if  they aren't as whimsical as you prefer. A new round of rewards will arrive sooner than you think.

As hopeful as that sounds, the way I figure it - if the "new round of rewards" don't come soon, I might have to move onto Plan B and get myself a nice Kiwi bloke so New Zealand might want to keep me around a while longer. It's either that or maybe a pot of gold to help me through perhaps another application for Residency.

Dreams Do Come True

I truly believe that anything is possible in life. Dreams do come true. Our deepest desires of life ambitions are something that could be one day. Provided you have the tools and support there to make it happen. I have the privilege of being that very support for people in the job I do. Not only do I get to help people realize their dreams, but I also get to be there to help them plan how they are going to achieve those very special life goals. 

The best part this last week was being able to go to a national gathering of all Outcomes Facilitators in New Zealand where we spent two days discussing how we could better support people to help achieve their goals. To be in a room with people who didn't just think that any dream was achievable, but that any person (no matter their disability) could achieve it -- was inspiring, to say the least. 

It has only been in this last week that I have been able to reflect on my life and the opportunities presented to me as this past month has been one large whirlwind of cramming as much new information in my head as humanly possible. It is just now that the dust has started to settle and I can start to breath again with confidence that I know which direction I am headed in. Or at least until the next challenge needs to be faced. 

One of the challenges I know will come in my near future is my volunteer position with Red Cross Refugee Services. This past month has been many meetings with other volunteers to train on the skills and information needed to work with refugees and not feel completely overwhelmed. Some of us still feel overwhelmed with the task, but at least we have a better idea of what we will be facing. 

For the next six months, us volunteers will be divided into teams and each team will be assigned a refugee family to help settle into life in Wellington. Things that we generally take for granted - how to keep warm in the winter, how to take transit, what an EFTPOS/Debit card does, or even just how to speak in English to get what we want - will generally be a huge challenge for many of the refugees relocating to New Zealand. Again, it is an incredible privilege to be part of this process - to be part of someone's life as it is changing so dramatically - to be part of the process in helping someone create a place they can call home. 

So much of the training for Refugee Services left me feeling amazed at the process that most of these individuals go through. There is so much loss in many of these peoples lives and yet for them to reach the point of being accepted as refugees to a new country, they have already become survivors. Given that the average time spent at any refugee camp waiting for the call to say they have been accepted to a new country is a whole 17 years, it truly is the strong at heart that make it. 

While every refugee's story is different and their anguish personal, they all share a common thread of uncommon courage: the courage not only to survive, but to persevere and rebuild their shattered lives. (Antonio Guterres)

Anyway, back to my life - work is good. Friends are good. The weather is good (though I'm told "winter" is here... I'm still walking around most days with no coat). And I still wait on Residency. The last of my paperwork has gone through and now it's just crossing my fingers in hope that everything I passed on will give me the go ahead for Residency Status. The waiting is hard, but at least I know I am finally starting to feel a bit more settled here in Wellington regardless. Now if I could just get the neighbourhood cat  to stop sneaking into my house when I'm not around..... 

Waiting for the Ball to Drop

It's taken me the entire weekend to finally be able to take a breather and wrap my head around all that has happened this week. Not a lot when has happened when I get down to it, but I've definitely felt everything kick into gear as I have started my new job this week.

All of a sudden the pressure has been on for me to be somewhere at some place at some time. Regardless of the weather, my mental state or how much money I have in my pocket - it's all just a matter of getting it done and though I am thrilled at my new job and everything I get to learn, there is a part of me that is sad to know that my freedom to do what I want when I want is slipping away. Particularly when it is pouring down with rain and I have to walk in it only to get to where I am going and have it stop.

Each day that goes past I am torn between jumping in with both feet and reminding myself that I still do not know what my future holds. Each day that goes by is a brilliant gift where I am allowed to stay here in New Zealand, but it only serves to increase my worry of what tomorrow might bring. For at the end of all my effort to make my life into everything I have ever dreamed it to be, Immigration holds the power to decide if I can continue on this journey or if I must start a new one.

There's something to be said about living each day as though it is your last, but there are aspects of that that are incredibly exhausting on the nerves. It becomes difficult to plan ahead - difficult to know if I should buy the bigger box of tea bags or if it will all be a waste of my time, money and effort should I have to leave it all behind. All I can do is hope that I hear a final answer soon. Tomorrow would be good. Yesterday would have been better.

In the meantime, I continue to try and push forward and plan for my future just the same. My Etsy store online - Paper Kite Creations - is coming along well and I even had my first sale this week (thanks Janelle!). Though my hours are now more limited for creating projects, I am still finding inspiration for new designs that I am excited about being able to create when I do have time.

Time keeps on ticking and one day blends into the next - at least my cats continue to find new ways to entertain themselves.