here i am

i wish tomorrow would come. i wish i could just skip ahead and be where i want to be. i wish i could just have my hw done and not have to do it. it gets so tiring to be doing the same thing day after day after day.

i sit here and dream of the future. i dream of where i want to be, what i want to do with my life. i wonder how my family will react when i actually leave here. i wonder what it will be like to actually put that backpack on my back and hop on that plane - the plane to nowhere... the plane to everywhere.

the thing is there IS so much i want to do with my life inbetween now and then. i want to get more tattoos... i want to go skydiving, i want to go scuba diving. i want to do mini-travel trips and sit around and watch movies. i want to go to more wing-nites, and go out dancing at clubs. i want to go to my sister's grad and i want to graduate. oh god, more than ever i want to graduate.

i am so so sick of skool. i mean, i love what i am learning and all - but skool? geez louise... its been too long, far too long......... ive never had my life WITHOUT skool - i can only imagine cuz the last time i didn't think bout skool was when i was 4. when i was 4 i was only too happy to get my cabbage patch kid - "candy" was her name. now i am 20 - almost 21... and im STILL in skool, with 2 more years to go. *sigh* sometimes i wonder if i can make it. i kno i can, cuz ive only had almost 16 yrs experience with school. wow. thats almost 2 whole decades of skool. i dont kno how ppl do it when they want to go and get their masters or their doctorates. no clue. thats not for me.

i want to fly. i want to fly away and never return. i want to fill my life with experiences that ive only dreamed of up until this point. cuz thats what i think life is all about. its about achieving those dreams that no one thinks you can. its about going full-throttle, as fast as you can cuz you never kno when your life will be done... no one knows - so ive gotta make the most of what i have...... and sometimes i wonder if i even do that - or if i just sit back and hope for tomorrow. cuz the truth is - tomorrow never comes.