The Pursuit of Happiness

The pursuit of happiness is the source of all unhappiness.

~ Lululemon

What is it that makes us run? What is it that makes people push others away and hide behind their metaphorical wall? Why do we do it to ourselves? Why is it that the moment we finally get everything we could ever dream of, we turn and walk the other way? Why is it that everything we’ve ever wanted is the very thing we destroy once it’s in our hands?

Maybe it’s fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of the past. Fear of the future. Fear of being inadequate. Fear of what could be. Fear of what isn’t. Fear of ourselves and everything in between.

Maybe it’s a habit we cannot break. Maybe it’s something that will always be there. Maybe it’s our own intuitive defense system for prevention of hurt. Prevention of pain. Maybe the walls will never fully be broken down. Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe it’s everything.

I find it funny that the basis of all our existence here on this planet is an eternal search for love. To be loved. To love. To have love. To give love. To be with people who care about us the same way we care about them. To surround ourselves with people who “get” us. Who accept us for who we are. Who can be a shoulder to lean on. An ear to listen. A figure of support. Someone to laugh with. Cry with. Someone to share life with. The good times and bad. A best friend. Someone to just be with. To do everything. To do nothing. It’s funny that this is what we all long for. Crave for. And yet it is the very thing we run from once we have it.

It's the thing that when taken from us feels as though our heart has just been ripped out. It feels like we've been trampled. As though we can no longer breathe. It makes us question why we let ourselves love to begin with - may even question our reasons for existing at all. When taken away, love can make us feel the lowest of lows. Make us wonder what we did wrong, even when it was nothing we did at all. It crushes us as though we were merely a pest under someone's foot. When love is taken from us, it takes everything we ever thought we had.

Someone recently told me that they have a history of randomly pushing people away for no reason at all. As if things were too good to be true and they had to ruin it to prove it wasn’t meant to be. I could relate. With a history of building a fortress around me so tall and strong it’s impossible to break through, I get it. It’s tough to let someone in and be okay with it. It’s tough to let the walls crumble, to let someone see the real me and not freak out about it. It’s tough to let my guard down. To show I don’t have it all together all the time. To be vulnerable. It’s tough to care, all the while knowing that I could one day be left to pick up the broken pieces of my heart.

It’s why I think the pursuit of happiness is the source of all unhappiness. True happiness comes from love. It comes from deep inside the soul. So rich. So pure. And yet, with love one risks everything. To truly love one must give their all. To have it be real. Hold nothing back. Trust the other person to catch them when they fall. And the brilliance of it all is that you cannot ever help who you love. You just do.

And I’m not just talking about the kind of love found in some romantic relationship. Love is so much more than with that one person. It is with your friends. The kindred spirits that surround you. It’s with your family – the people you may never quite understand, but will love till the day you die. It’s the love that happens when you get the phone call at 3 a.m. and don’t care that you’re sleep’s been disturbed. It’s the love that happens when you share a stupid joke with a friend and can laugh about it for hours until your sides hurt. And then laugh some more. It’s the love that happens when someone holds back your hair when you’re sick. When the world can come crashing down around you and they stand by you, holding your hand. It’s the love that happens when you can look into each other’s eyes and have a full conversation without ever saying a word. It’s the love that happens when you can screw up royally and they can still forgive you and move on like it never happened. It’s the love that happens when you push each other to reach for the stars. To take chase your innermost desires. To go after the goal that seems crazier than life itself. It’s the love that just is. That stands the test of time. That won’t budge no matter how ridiculous it seems. It just is.

It’s that kind of love that everyone searches for. That everyone longs for. That everyone dreams for. And yet it is that very love that everyone runs from. That everyone crushes. That everyone shuts down and scoffs at. It’s that love that everyone is so skeptical about that they’d rather be miserable on their own than risk getting everything they ever wanted.

As time goes on, I find I am realizing more and more what exactly is important in life. What should be important in my life. I don’t care about money. I don’t care about things. I don’t care about aging or being famous. I don’t care about a lot of things that society continuously tries to tell me I should. All that matters are the simple things. All I care about is that I make the most of the moment. That I have good health. That I enjoy what nature has blessed this world with. That I spend time on the relationships that matter in life. That I take time to love those that I care about.

I don’t know what makes us run. I don’t know what makes people push others away and hide behind their metaphorical wall. I don’t know why we do this. I don’t know why the moment we finally get everything we could ever dream of, we turn and walk the other way. I don’t know why it is that everything we’ve ever wanted is the very thing we destroy once it’s in our hands. I don’t know much. But what I do know is quite simple.




All we need is love.

~ Beatles