That Which Matters Most

That which matters the most should never give way to that which matters the least.

~ Lululemon

Today I went to the dentist. Doesn’t particularly sound spectacular except for the fact that it’s been nearly 3 years since I last had a visit. And that was in Canada. And so now, in a completely different country – an entirely different hemisphere – I booked in to see a South African dentist. Talk about going international.

Not only was I due for a check-up and clean, but I also knew I was due to get one of my molars sorted. Back during the days of walking 8-9hrs/day along Te Araroa Trail, I had a moment of which a piece of my molar broke off. Or its filling – it wasn’t entirely clear. Regardless, the event left a deep hole into my molar, causing me to have to develop a brand new skill of sucking food out of the hole every time I ate. Joy.

There wasn’t much I could do about it until now for the simple fact that I’ve been on a backpacker’s budget and dental work such as what I wanted wasn’t exactly considered emergency-related. I couldn’t get it covered by insurance. And no matter what job I ever possessed in New Zealand, dental work is never covered. As such, I am apparently part of the normal population who waits years in between dental appointments due to the sheer magnitude of a bill they receive at the end of each visit.

But today I went. I had chosen the dental office out of a series of random phone calls to various locations in order to figure out which would be the best price to go to. Sure, dental work may not be covered in New Zealand, but because of that, dentists are fighting to bring in new patients. It was almost like shopping the streets of Mexico in that I had all the power. I bartered my way into an office that had the friendliest reception staff and when I finally arrived today, I was slightly taken back by the homey feel of the reception area. This wasn’t just about visiting the dentist. This was about visiting family.

After seeing the hygienist who cleaned my teeth, gave me some dental floss and informed me that not only should I stop brushing so hard (my gums are putting up a protest), but that I should be careful with how much I chew the insides of my cheeks (stress), stop grinding my teeth (stress) and that the hole in my tooth might have a cavity. I wasn’t surprised at that last one. She then hustled me out to go and officially see the dentist.

He was able to take some x-rays and in doing so, figured out quite quickly that, yes, I do have a cavity in the holey molar. The only worrying factor was that the decay had progressed quite closely to the nerve which could me bad news for me in the near future. So he suggested immediately fixing it, which I was all for until he stated the cost of everything would come to $500. Right. Not the kind of money I have lying around even though I just got paid. When I told him I didn’t have that amount with me, he responded by moving my chair back and got busy numbing my molar. Before I knew it all sorts of drilling tools were in my mouth and with no time at all he was setting the filing to harden. He asked if I had heard of the movie Pay it Forward. I had.

He then left the room and had his assistant hygienist work out a price for the work that was done. I ended up paying only $300 for the whole appointment. Craziness.

I left the dentist chair feeling completely humbled. It wasn’t just the dentist. It was everything – New Zealand in general. The culture here is immersed in the philosophy of paying it forward. No one ever seems concerned with who owes who what. There is simply an understanding that everyone will take care of everyone else. I mean, really – how many other places are there where you can walk into a business such as a dental office and spontaneously get a massive discount simply because you need the work done but can’t afford it that day?

Where else can you go where people will simply just hand over their car keys (thanks Cat) so you can drive the 2 hours to your appointment? Where else can you go where people let you live in their house while they’re away on holiday – giving you full reign of their pantry? Where else can you go that when disaster strikes people pull together so fast you almost wish it would happen again just to hang onto that raw feeling of community just a little bit longer?

Not many places I have been do have been like it has here in New Zealand. To wake up every day and know that there will be complete strangers to take care of you. Because they want to. Because they can. Because they know that is what is important in life. Not money. Not things. Not a busy schedule. What’s important are the people around us. Doesn’t matter if they are family, friends or otherwise. Everyone is human and deserves a break once in a while.

So – as it stands, with all that has happened today – I am due to pay it forward. I don’t know to whom. I don’t know what it will be. But I do know that I will pay it forward.

The Pursuit of Happiness

The pursuit of happiness is the source of all unhappiness.

~ Lululemon

What is it that makes us run? What is it that makes people push others away and hide behind their metaphorical wall? Why do we do it to ourselves? Why is it that the moment we finally get everything we could ever dream of, we turn and walk the other way? Why is it that everything we’ve ever wanted is the very thing we destroy once it’s in our hands?

Maybe it’s fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of the past. Fear of the future. Fear of being inadequate. Fear of what could be. Fear of what isn’t. Fear of ourselves and everything in between.

Maybe it’s a habit we cannot break. Maybe it’s something that will always be there. Maybe it’s our own intuitive defense system for prevention of hurt. Prevention of pain. Maybe the walls will never fully be broken down. Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe it’s everything.

I find it funny that the basis of all our existence here on this planet is an eternal search for love. To be loved. To love. To have love. To give love. To be with people who care about us the same way we care about them. To surround ourselves with people who “get” us. Who accept us for who we are. Who can be a shoulder to lean on. An ear to listen. A figure of support. Someone to laugh with. Cry with. Someone to share life with. The good times and bad. A best friend. Someone to just be with. To do everything. To do nothing. It’s funny that this is what we all long for. Crave for. And yet it is the very thing we run from once we have it.

It's the thing that when taken from us feels as though our heart has just been ripped out. It feels like we've been trampled. As though we can no longer breathe. It makes us question why we let ourselves love to begin with - may even question our reasons for existing at all. When taken away, love can make us feel the lowest of lows. Make us wonder what we did wrong, even when it was nothing we did at all. It crushes us as though we were merely a pest under someone's foot. When love is taken from us, it takes everything we ever thought we had.

Someone recently told me that they have a history of randomly pushing people away for no reason at all. As if things were too good to be true and they had to ruin it to prove it wasn’t meant to be. I could relate. With a history of building a fortress around me so tall and strong it’s impossible to break through, I get it. It’s tough to let someone in and be okay with it. It’s tough to let the walls crumble, to let someone see the real me and not freak out about it. It’s tough to let my guard down. To show I don’t have it all together all the time. To be vulnerable. It’s tough to care, all the while knowing that I could one day be left to pick up the broken pieces of my heart.

It’s why I think the pursuit of happiness is the source of all unhappiness. True happiness comes from love. It comes from deep inside the soul. So rich. So pure. And yet, with love one risks everything. To truly love one must give their all. To have it be real. Hold nothing back. Trust the other person to catch them when they fall. And the brilliance of it all is that you cannot ever help who you love. You just do.

And I’m not just talking about the kind of love found in some romantic relationship. Love is so much more than with that one person. It is with your friends. The kindred spirits that surround you. It’s with your family – the people you may never quite understand, but will love till the day you die. It’s the love that happens when you get the phone call at 3 a.m. and don’t care that you’re sleep’s been disturbed. It’s the love that happens when you share a stupid joke with a friend and can laugh about it for hours until your sides hurt. And then laugh some more. It’s the love that happens when someone holds back your hair when you’re sick. When the world can come crashing down around you and they stand by you, holding your hand. It’s the love that happens when you can look into each other’s eyes and have a full conversation without ever saying a word. It’s the love that happens when you can screw up royally and they can still forgive you and move on like it never happened. It’s the love that happens when you push each other to reach for the stars. To take chase your innermost desires. To go after the goal that seems crazier than life itself. It’s the love that just is. That stands the test of time. That won’t budge no matter how ridiculous it seems. It just is.

It’s that kind of love that everyone searches for. That everyone longs for. That everyone dreams for. And yet it is that very love that everyone runs from. That everyone crushes. That everyone shuts down and scoffs at. It’s that love that everyone is so skeptical about that they’d rather be miserable on their own than risk getting everything they ever wanted.

As time goes on, I find I am realizing more and more what exactly is important in life. What should be important in my life. I don’t care about money. I don’t care about things. I don’t care about aging or being famous. I don’t care about a lot of things that society continuously tries to tell me I should. All that matters are the simple things. All I care about is that I make the most of the moment. That I have good health. That I enjoy what nature has blessed this world with. That I spend time on the relationships that matter in life. That I take time to love those that I care about.

I don’t know what makes us run. I don’t know what makes people push others away and hide behind their metaphorical wall. I don’t know why we do this. I don’t know why the moment we finally get everything we could ever dream of, we turn and walk the other way. I don’t know why it is that everything we’ve ever wanted is the very thing we destroy once it’s in our hands. I don’t know much. But what I do know is quite simple.




All we need is love.

~ Beatles



happy single's awareness day

so... it's that time again. that time when all us singles are recognized for our singleness. it's that time of year when ppl keep asking - "so do YOU have any plans for V-day?" they always emphasize the "you" and it's irritating. it's even more irritating that those who are in a "relationship" seem to flaunt it more... unknowingly (or so they say) to us singles. maybe im a little bitter... but it's okay, cuz i DO have plans for good ol' single's awareness day and im gonna have a freakin awesome time............. without being forced to buy or receive a single cheezy, over-priced, pink + red V-day merchandise. so cheers to all u single ppl out there and have an awesome single's awareness day!