so. christmas has officially come and gone - from all time zones of the world. it was a strange event - like no other christmas celebration i have been a part of in my life. first off - it was not nearly the boily hot, sweat-dripping-off-my-back day that everyone said it would be. it was... dare i say - COLD. the grey clouds hovered overheard all day - a cool ocean breeze winded it's way through the crowds of people braving the day at the beach. and then the heavens opened up and it rained.
as a result - it wasn't nearly as busy as what we expected it would be at work. turned out to be a bit of a bummer for me as i was looking forward to serving the hoards of people during a holiday that i simply was unable to spend with family and friends back in canada who were surely spending the day stuffing their faces full of turkey dinner.
i can't say i ever did hear of anyone actually having a turkey dinner over here. i don't know if that means that australians simply do not do up christmas in that style, or because where i am the beach is so close it doesn't make much sense to be holed up inside around a table bending under the weight of endless dishes of food. instead, people opted for BBQ gatherings. due to the weather and lack of customers i managed to leave work early on christmas only to wander aimlessly among the family and friend gatherings that had claimed a section of grass or sand for their celebrations. many of the people donned santa claus hats which seemed completely out of place given the backdrop was an endless stretch of golden sand overlooking the ocean waters. even still, i joined in - finding anika admist the crowd and spent some time eating german walnut cake and chatting it up with her and her family. when the rain and wind got too bad i made my walk back to my flat as i had only been wearing a tank top and shorts for the day.
christmas done. boxing day over and then i hit december 27 - and the clouds still hung overhead, raining off and on. i went to work and continued about my buisness untill my boss took me aside in the early part of the afternoon, claiming that he would like to talk with me. i followed him and then he stopped and turned towards me. his opening line was "i don't think this is working out anymore." i was stunned. my mind was racing as to the past few days events. the past weeks events. the past 3 months that i have been working for my boss. i couldn't for the life of me come up with any obvious reason as to why my boss would say this to me and so i asked the only question that could come to mind at that point in time. i asked him what he meant by that.
my boss proceeded to inform me that for the past couple of weeks i appeared "bored" with the job and that when the quiet times come and there are no customers, i am slacking in my motivation to do other things to upkeep the place. he told me "not to get [him] wrong" as he finds me to be a "nice" person, but that i have apparently proven to be sarcastic in my comments and that he finds it difficult to approach me. he said that when it comes to the customers, i am the best staff he has and that he would be okay "letting me" continue working for him untill i found another job as he "understands" i need the money. he then ended the conversation by telling me to go home and "think about it" and he will do the same.
i left feeling completely confused and shell shocked. i had no indication prior to this conversation that my boss felt this way towards me and i continued to rack my brain as to where this would be coming from. the one thing i could give him was that, yes, the past few weeks i had been feeling slightly bored with the job as the weather has been so crappy it has driven the customers away and left my shifts feeling painfully slow. but i never once figured that that feeling of boredom had affected my job performance. i also didn't understand that after 3 months of working for my boss that a small thing such as maybe not re-stocking the drinks in the fridge quick enough for his liking would result in an immediate dismissal.
but then again - i look back on the conversation and i still don't know if he actually "dismissed" me. he told me to go home and "think about it" as if i had some sort of control or say to the situation. as far as i am concerned, i only see the one option of leaving. he has made it clear that for whatever reason - he does not see me as an adequate employee.... something of which is completely bizzare to me. my last job i stuck with for 3 years - the last 6 months of that being in a supervisory roll, dealing with highly stressful and complicated situations that a majority of the world's population has never and will never encounter in their lifetime, let alone someone as young as me.
and yet here i am - in a foreign country and i have been deemed inadequate for my position at a small beach-side juice bar. it baffles me. i wonder if the situation came to be based upon small cultural differences. i wonder if my boss tried to communicate his concerns of me earlier and i simply missed the cues. i wonder if i really DID do something wrong or if he has just figured it would be easier to let me go first before i walk out on him. it is not as though there are any legal things to consider here - he pays under the table. technically, i do not even exist as an employee for him.
and so i am here, on my day off, contemplating this opportunity that has been presented to me. i know i will be leaving this juice bar. it is time. it may be nearly 2 months earlier than when i first wanted to leave - but the time is now. secondly, i am now contemplating the possibility of moving on from sydney. i knew that i was not going to stay here forever. i knew that at some point i would be saying goodbye to this temporary home. what difference does is make if i do it at the end of february or the end of januaray? i do not know what will happen next. i just know that things are going to change. i have been given an opportunity here and i fully intend to make the best damn lemonade out of it...
home is where the heart is
that's what "they" all say. though i never know who "they" is - but i agree - home IS where the heart is. the only thing i have never figured out is where my heart is. most people who travel, travel with the intention of one day returning "home." i don't have that. it's a strange feeling. when i originally set out on my journey nearly 6 months ago, i went with the knowledge and understanding that i was leaving everything behind to go out into the world not to "find" myself, but to explore the world in what it is, what it can offer, what it can be... and maybe along the way i would fall in love with somewhere that i could call "home." that was my intention. and yet now that i am here... and have been here in sydney for the best part of 3 months, all i can think is that i wish that i had somewhere i could call home. like i said - it's a wierd feeling.
don't get me wrong though - i am not second-guessing my decision of what i am doing, where i am and where i wish to go and do the things i wish to do. it is simply that as it nears to this day we all (or most of us) celebrate as christmas, it forces one to reflect on where they are in life. it makes me think about those people that are important to me. everyone that i miss so terribly and are so far away. it makes me think of familiar comforts. things i love. things i know. the things i used to have and no longer do.
i don't have a house to call a home. i do not consider my flat i live in to be "home." it is just a temporary place to live before i continue my travels. but it is not "home" to me. it is not like when i go there at the end of my workday that i get the warm fuzzy feelings i had as a child when i knew we were rounding the corner to our house. the smells are not my smells. the furniture is not mine. barely anything in that flat is mine. i don't want that to change as i plan on moving on one day.... yet at the same time, it is wierd to think of celebrating such a family/friend holiday and feel so displaced in the world.
my heart caught in my throat when i saw that picture and a whole vaste array of feelings welled up inside of me. to see the majestic mountains all snowcovered in their white coldness i thought THAT is what christmas should be like. to see the rockies towering over the people in the picture reminded me of my trek through BC. i could smell the trees. i could feel the crisp air on my cheeks. i immediately longed for a pair of winter boots. i felt as though i was looking at "home" and i missed it.
i showed it to my boss who has never been to canada and told him that was "home." i actually used the word - "home." i knew when i said it that i was referring to the rocky mountains themselves. i wasn't referring to calgary - where i am actually from, but before i could digest my own shock at hearing what i had just said, he asked me what i liked better... the majestic rocky moutains, or where i am now -- on a blissful beach paradise on the coastline of australia. i told him i didn't know. i still don't know.
at the end of my shift i had ripped out that picture of lake louise and another picture i found of an underwater shot of the great barrier reef. they are now in my bedroom and i don't know what i am going to do with them. i find myself constantly examining the pictures. i wonder what it means. do i really see the rocky mountains as my home? is that where i belong? i know for probably the last few weeks, anytime i see or hear of anything resembling the rocky mountains, i feel an ache in my heart... an ache that is screaming to me that that is where i should be. that that is what i want. that that is what i long to be a part of.
but then i look around me and i know that where i am now is also what i have always wanted. a year ago, had i heard or seen anything resembling where i am now - did i not get the same ache that that was where i am supposed to be? and now i here i am and i feel the opposite. so maybe it is true what they also say - that the grass is always greener on the other side. i just wish i could have it all.
i do not have an answer to myself of where i am supposed to end up. of where i WANT to end up. i simply do not know. i know there is so much more travelling that i plan on continuing with - but the average person, as i have said, travels with the intention of coming "home." there is a home base of which a person can come back to, reflect and plan for the next journey. but what happens when it is not like that? what happens when the very travelling a person is doing is to continue going? continue moving? continue travelling? how does a person decide where that "home" is?
it all comes down to where a person's heart is. i just haven't figured out where mine is.maybe it is with the rocky moutains. maybe it is with the beaches of australia. maybe it is in a place that i have yet to discover. maybe i never really find a true "home." maybe it is not about the land i live on, but the relationships i have along the way. maybe it's about the job. maybe it's about just where i end up... where i just unconciously stick out my life with no regard or consideration for where i am and whether i actually want to be there. or maybe it's all of the above. i do not know.
what i DO know is that christmas is coming, whether i feel at "home" or not. christmas is coming soon. i have to work, but i know that for right now i do love where i am at. i love the possibilities of where i will go to next. i love everyone that i miss back in canada and i love everyone that i have become close to in my short time here. i love that i am still continuing my journey - my dream - my life. maybe i won't ever figure out where my heart is - where it is meant to be. maybe i will. in the meantime i will just keep moving forward. keep exploring the grass i happen to be on in the moment and try to forget that on the other side of the fence. or i guess, in this case, the sand....
don't get me wrong though - i am not second-guessing my decision of what i am doing, where i am and where i wish to go and do the things i wish to do. it is simply that as it nears to this day we all (or most of us) celebrate as christmas, it forces one to reflect on where they are in life. it makes me think about those people that are important to me. everyone that i miss so terribly and are so far away. it makes me think of familiar comforts. things i love. things i know. the things i used to have and no longer do.
i don't have a house to call a home. i do not consider my flat i live in to be "home." it is just a temporary place to live before i continue my travels. but it is not "home" to me. it is not like when i go there at the end of my workday that i get the warm fuzzy feelings i had as a child when i knew we were rounding the corner to our house. the smells are not my smells. the furniture is not mine. barely anything in that flat is mine. i don't want that to change as i plan on moving on one day.... yet at the same time, it is wierd to think of celebrating such a family/friend holiday and feel so displaced in the world. i don't know what this means. but i do know that one slow day this past week at work, i started flipping through the newspaper and came upon the travel section. now - i am accustomed to flipping through the travel section of the newspaper in canada where at this time of year there are countless advertisments for people to travel anywhere where the sun is hot and theres a beach to tan on. so what i saw in this newspaper that day caught me off guard. there - smack dab on the front page of that section with a picture almost taking up a full page was a a shot of the rocky mountains. it was a picture of the area by lake louise where some people were having a horse-drawn sleigh ride in the deep white snow.
i showed it to my boss who has never been to canada and told him that was "home." i actually used the word - "home." i knew when i said it that i was referring to the rocky mountains themselves. i wasn't referring to calgary - where i am actually from, but before i could digest my own shock at hearing what i had just said, he asked me what i liked better... the majestic rocky moutains, or where i am now -- on a blissful beach paradise on the coastline of australia. i told him i didn't know. i still don't know.
at the end of my shift i had ripped out that picture of lake louise and another picture i found of an underwater shot of the great barrier reef. they are now in my bedroom and i don't know what i am going to do with them. i find myself constantly examining the pictures. i wonder what it means. do i really see the rocky mountains as my home? is that where i belong? i know for probably the last few weeks, anytime i see or hear of anything resembling the rocky mountains, i feel an ache in my heart... an ache that is screaming to me that that is where i should be. that that is what i want. that that is what i long to be a part of.
but then i look around me and i know that where i am now is also what i have always wanted. a year ago, had i heard or seen anything resembling where i am now - did i not get the same ache that that was where i am supposed to be? and now i here i am and i feel the opposite. so maybe it is true what they also say - that the grass is always greener on the other side. i just wish i could have it all.
i do not have an answer to myself of where i am supposed to end up. of where i WANT to end up. i simply do not know. i know there is so much more travelling that i plan on continuing with - but the average person, as i have said, travels with the intention of coming "home." there is a home base of which a person can come back to, reflect and plan for the next journey. but what happens when it is not like that? what happens when the very travelling a person is doing is to continue going? continue moving? continue travelling? how does a person decide where that "home" is?
it all comes down to where a person's heart is. i just haven't figured out where mine is.maybe it is with the rocky moutains. maybe it is with the beaches of australia. maybe it is in a place that i have yet to discover. maybe i never really find a true "home." maybe it is not about the land i live on, but the relationships i have along the way. maybe it's about the job. maybe it's about just where i end up... where i just unconciously stick out my life with no regard or consideration for where i am and whether i actually want to be there. or maybe it's all of the above. i do not know.
what i DO know is that christmas is coming, whether i feel at "home" or not. christmas is coming soon. i have to work, but i know that for right now i do love where i am at. i love the possibilities of where i will go to next. i love everyone that i miss back in canada and i love everyone that i have become close to in my short time here. i love that i am still continuing my journey - my dream - my life. maybe i won't ever figure out where my heart is - where it is meant to be. maybe i will. in the meantime i will just keep moving forward. keep exploring the grass i happen to be on in the moment and try to forget that on the other side of the fence. or i guess, in this case, the sand....
sun, sand, surf and sniffles
we live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. there is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open. ~ jawaharlal nehru
what started out as a great week. an excellent week actually - turned, well, quite overwhelming when it came to the demands of my nose. first off - promptly after finishing my surfing lessons last monday at 8:30 a.m.(december 7, australia time) and anika and i settled on the beach, i phoned malin. i told her of the news of how i had immediately fallen in love with surfing and couldn't wait to get my own board. we planned on meeting up later that afternoon to do a little surfboard shopping.
we met up. malin took me to a shop of which she frequented. meaning - she knew the people working there. meaning - she gets regular discounts. meaning - she could help me get a sweet deal. i did. i scored a board and wetsuit within my budget and i was stoked. we got the fins put on, the board waxed and malin did not buy the shorts she wanted. defeated common sense when she was leaving for sweden in a couple days.
anyway, the following day, malin, shaun and i headed out for some surfing. we ended up in bronte and we stayed for the next couple hours riding the waves (she did most of the riding... i more or less did a continuous session of falling off my board) -- then we baked in the afternoon sun. the next day i surfed. again. alone... well - plus the 20 or so other surfers out at 6 a.m. riding the waves. it was beautiful. i loved it.
that night i caught myself a nice little cold. the next few days consisted of my blowing my nose into toilet paper - using up a total of 5.... yes, 5 rolls of toilet paper. had to take a day off work it was so bad. that and i don't think my boss appreciated me blowing my nose infront of a customer while i took their order..... that kind of scene drives people's hunger away faster than food poisoning.
so i got sick. and then i started to get better so i figured i should sweat the rest of the cold out. the solution: ariana and i played tennis. we ran around the courts untill they got too slippery from the drizzling rain and then we went home. nothing like playing tennis in december to remind one it's december.... maybe.
that was yesterday. today ashley, anika and i headed out on a mini-roadtrip. to the blue mountains. we were stoked and by the time we got there we figured it would be an awesome day of hiking to see the "three sisters." we went along the ridge untill we got to them and the infamous steep staircase leading up to them from the valley below. we ate some chow and then figured we'd descend the stairs to oblivion, thinking we were smart as everyone else was huffing and puffing going up them. if only we had remembered we would have to come up the other side to get back to the car. this we did not think through.
it was a gorgeous hike. cockatoo birds flew free in the tree tops. the clouds lifted the heavy morning fog as the day went on. the forest, lush as a jungle muffled noises of nearby waterfalls and croaking frogs. we loved it. untill we got to the stairs on the other side. and then we felt the burn. we huffed and puffed up those stairs thinking that surely, this would be the last set. only, once at the "top" we would turn around the next rock face to find the next set of stairs gleeming proudly in the sunlight.
at the top we basked in our glory of finishing our hike and set off on a woman-hunt for some ice cream. some classic, scoop from the bucket ice cream. surely we would find some on our way back home as there were towns, villages and small cities littering the edges of the main highway. there is ALWAYS an ice cream shop nearby at those places.
there wasn't.
so we went home anyway.
what started out as a great week. an excellent week actually - turned, well, quite overwhelming when it came to the demands of my nose. first off - promptly after finishing my surfing lessons last monday at 8:30 a.m.(december 7, australia time) and anika and i settled on the beach, i phoned malin. i told her of the news of how i had immediately fallen in love with surfing and couldn't wait to get my own board. we planned on meeting up later that afternoon to do a little surfboard shopping.
we met up. malin took me to a shop of which she frequented. meaning - she knew the people working there. meaning - she gets regular discounts. meaning - she could help me get a sweet deal. i did. i scored a board and wetsuit within my budget and i was stoked. we got the fins put on, the board waxed and malin did not buy the shorts she wanted. defeated common sense when she was leaving for sweden in a couple days.
anyway, the following day, malin, shaun and i headed out for some surfing. we ended up in bronte and we stayed for the next couple hours riding the waves (she did most of the riding... i more or less did a continuous session of falling off my board) -- then we baked in the afternoon sun. the next day i surfed. again. alone... well - plus the 20 or so other surfers out at 6 a.m. riding the waves. it was beautiful. i loved it.
that night i caught myself a nice little cold. the next few days consisted of my blowing my nose into toilet paper - using up a total of 5.... yes, 5 rolls of toilet paper. had to take a day off work it was so bad. that and i don't think my boss appreciated me blowing my nose infront of a customer while i took their order..... that kind of scene drives people's hunger away faster than food poisoning.
so i got sick. and then i started to get better so i figured i should sweat the rest of the cold out. the solution: ariana and i played tennis. we ran around the courts untill they got too slippery from the drizzling rain and then we went home. nothing like playing tennis in december to remind one it's december.... maybe.
that was yesterday. today ashley, anika and i headed out on a mini-roadtrip. to the blue mountains. we were stoked and by the time we got there we figured it would be an awesome day of hiking to see the "three sisters." we went along the ridge untill we got to them and the infamous steep staircase leading up to them from the valley below. we ate some chow and then figured we'd descend the stairs to oblivion, thinking we were smart as everyone else was huffing and puffing going up them. if only we had remembered we would have to come up the other side to get back to the car. this we did not think through.
it was a gorgeous hike. cockatoo birds flew free in the tree tops. the clouds lifted the heavy morning fog as the day went on. the forest, lush as a jungle muffled noises of nearby waterfalls and croaking frogs. we loved it. untill we got to the stairs on the other side. and then we felt the burn. we huffed and puffed up those stairs thinking that surely, this would be the last set. only, once at the "top" we would turn around the next rock face to find the next set of stairs gleeming proudly in the sunlight.
at the top we basked in our glory of finishing our hike and set off on a woman-hunt for some ice cream. some classic, scoop from the bucket ice cream. surely we would find some on our way back home as there were towns, villages and small cities littering the edges of the main highway. there is ALWAYS an ice cream shop nearby at those places.
there wasn't.
so we went home anyway.
moquitoes in the night. christmas decoration shopping. bondi to bronte swim. leaking dishwasher. beach bumming. surf lessons.
if only to sum up a few of the highlights of the past few days - those would be it. as the days get warmer, the nights become more muggy. more humid. more unbearably hot without the window open to let in some imaginary form of a breeze. of course - with it - comes the mosquitoes on the hunt for fresh meat. i am it. i am sleeping. i can not be bothered to do anything about it other that to sleepily swat away the buzzing insects that i can't see in the dark. eventually sleep wins and the buzzing stops. it is only when i wake that i remember my tiny fiends with the red, itchy bumps they have left behind. only then there is no buzzing insect to squish. except maybe the dead spider i found hanging from the blinds the one morning. he may have been dead, but i squished him anyway. someone had to pay for the itchiness on my skin.
at work, as the days grow nearer to the 25th - the day of christmas. the day that most know "should" be filled with snow, warming by the fireplace, slippers, hot chocolate and maybe an evening skate at the local rink - none of that is here. and yet, nino's still celebrates by decorating the shop for such a celebration. it was this week that we went out for the decorations and it was malin (from sweden) and myself that were chosen to do the shopping. the two staff that know not much other than snow in the winter were nominated to do such a task. ironic. maybe. either way we had a blast bustling our way through a busy, tight-isled "dollar" store on a saturday. i say "dollar" store as it was one of those that nothing was ACTUALLY a dollar. all items were more or less priced slightly cheaper than target.
we picked through the items obviously hinting towards a winter wonderland and opted for gold and red colors of various sparkling trinkets. and - of course - a christmas tree. we figured we'd put it in the corner and stick our outrageously large watermelons underneath it. perfect. $60 later we went back to nino's with our finds only to wonder how much our boss would have minded the amount we spent to decorate the shop as he didn't know we had gone out to do it. i suppose we will soon find out. or at least, i should say - i will be the one finding out. malin is going back to sweden.
in coming up to christmas, this past weekend was the annual bondi to bronte ocean swim - a total distance of 2.1-2.4 km. and no - i didn't participate. however, i was working that day and it just happens that bronte, being the endpoint, results in thousands of hungry and thirsty people piling into the beach/park area right outside our juice bar. we were ready. kind of. our plumbing had broken down 2 days before and it was yet to be fixed properly - we were simply told to "go easy" on washing dishes. easy to say when there's not thousands of people miling around looking for the best grub to get out of a lengthy competitive ocean swim on a hot day. we broke $2000 only 2 hours after the main competition was over. our unused dishwasher decided to complicate our completion of orders by spontaneously overflowing onto the floor half a dozen times. between mopping up the water and dealing with the masses of people - we hit noon and were tired. it was a good day. im told christmas day is like that 2 hours only from open to close. i honestly can't wait.
outside of work, i have spent the past few days beach bumming and enjoying watching malin and her boyfriend surf. it nagged on me that i was constantly sitting on the beach watching them surf when i really wanted to be out there with them. so anika and i booked in for lessons. today. 6:30 a.m.
we arrived at the shop at quarter after and squeezed into our wetsuits which, for those who have never done such a task, is similar to nothing other than trying to squeezed into a wetsuit. fortunately, i got a short one which meant it didn't reach all the way down to my ankles or my wrists. i was excited that i could put it on looking like a pro - or a least a pro in comparison to all the other first time surfers. i had put on a lot worse when doing my scuba diving lessons. and i figured since my wetsuit at home was a "5" (related to thickness) and these wetsuits were a "2" or a "3" (thinner for the warmer water) - i was off to a good start.
each of us put on matching t-shirt over our wetsuit. the instructors tried to pretend they were cool when in fact, it just made the group of us stick out like a sore thumb. at least now all the "real" surfers knew who to steer clear of out on the waves. we bare-footed our way over to the boards which were all packed in the back of a van by the beach. the instructor first pulled out a 9-footer and handed it to a girl next to me. i gapped at the height of it and wondered what i had gotten myself into. how could i possibly enjoy a sport such as this if i was expected to somehow control a piece of equipment more than 4 feet taller than me on waves that clearly have a mind of their own?
i was handed my own giant board. so were the other "students." we then were told we had to carry our boards and walk. immediately i had issues. my arm couldn't in fact reach to the other side of my board. it was too wide. i adapted a walking stance of using two arms, all the while trying to pretend that i knew what i was doing. i didn't. it was my first time. fortunately i wasn't alone. fortunately we could drag our boards once we got on the sand. and even then it was difficult. not even into the water and already my arms were burning. i huffed at puffed (one wouldn't even know that i have been running 5-8 km nearly ever day since arriving here) as i trudged through the sand - watching as experienced surfers were able to actually RUN with their boards securely tucked under their arms. granted, they were about half the size as mine - but still. i averted making eye contact with them and wondered what the next 2 hours were going to hold for me.
we started with a short introduction of everyone, did our stretched and then about 2 minutes of practice on the theory of how to stand on a board. we then walked to the water, all the while my mind is screaming - "THAT WAS IT?!" i wasn't ready to go to the waves. not yet. but in we went.
that's when my mind figured i might as well just get in there and do it. taking on the well known nike mantra, i slid onto my board and paddled. my arms were already tired. i began berating myself for not doing more pushups in my spare time. we made it over the gutter (the deep part close to the shoreline where all the water from the waves is pushed along towards the rip.... and no, that doesn't make much sense if you don't already know it as i do not have the ability to draw in the sand and show you as the surfing instructors did) - and then we could walk along side our boards. clearly we were not pro-stars to be able to paddle all the way through.
once we got to where the white waves broke, we positioned our boards, slid on and paddled to catch the wave. i caught my first wave and stood up. i immediately fell off, but i had stood up! i was hooked. i furiously turned my board around and pushed back out to catch my next one, and the next one, and the next one.
i wouldn't say that i have in any means mastered the sport. i only had a 2 hour lesson. i confidently (and not so gracefully) fell off my board every time. but i did experience standing up and actually riding the wave. my eyes and throat burned from the salt water. my arms got sore from paddling. my hair came out of it's elastic and i must have looked like a drowned rat. a happy drowned rat who has just discovered a love of surfing. i paddled so much (and most likely incorrectly) that i walked away from the lesson with rub burns on the insides of my elbows from brushing up the sides of the board. i have an ache in my side where another guy's board rammed into me (i happened to have just been standing there and watched it happen - it wasn't untill after that it occurred to me that i should have gotten out of the way). but i loved every minute of it. i wanted more. so much more.
there was something so fierce, so tranquil about the water. something so challenging yet so simple about the sport. it's mental. it's physical. it's spiritual. and it's practically for my backyard for as close as i live to the beach.
today i plan on going to get my own board. it will cost me as much as a few days of lessons (lessons of which will tell me the same thing over and over again) and yet i will have the board for as long as i want... i can't wait. now i understand why the guy questioned me when i signed up as to why it's taken me 2 months to get my butt in gear to learn how to surf. had i known i would love it this much - pick it up this fast - i would have been out there the day i stepped off the plane. okay - maybe not THAT quick - but still.
at work, as the days grow nearer to the 25th - the day of christmas. the day that most know "should" be filled with snow, warming by the fireplace, slippers, hot chocolate and maybe an evening skate at the local rink - none of that is here. and yet, nino's still celebrates by decorating the shop for such a celebration. it was this week that we went out for the decorations and it was malin (from sweden) and myself that were chosen to do the shopping. the two staff that know not much other than snow in the winter were nominated to do such a task. ironic. maybe. either way we had a blast bustling our way through a busy, tight-isled "dollar" store on a saturday. i say "dollar" store as it was one of those that nothing was ACTUALLY a dollar. all items were more or less priced slightly cheaper than target.
we picked through the items obviously hinting towards a winter wonderland and opted for gold and red colors of various sparkling trinkets. and - of course - a christmas tree. we figured we'd put it in the corner and stick our outrageously large watermelons underneath it. perfect. $60 later we went back to nino's with our finds only to wonder how much our boss would have minded the amount we spent to decorate the shop as he didn't know we had gone out to do it. i suppose we will soon find out. or at least, i should say - i will be the one finding out. malin is going back to sweden.
in coming up to christmas, this past weekend was the annual bondi to bronte ocean swim - a total distance of 2.1-2.4 km. and no - i didn't participate. however, i was working that day and it just happens that bronte, being the endpoint, results in thousands of hungry and thirsty people piling into the beach/park area right outside our juice bar. we were ready. kind of. our plumbing had broken down 2 days before and it was yet to be fixed properly - we were simply told to "go easy" on washing dishes. easy to say when there's not thousands of people miling around looking for the best grub to get out of a lengthy competitive ocean swim on a hot day. we broke $2000 only 2 hours after the main competition was over. our unused dishwasher decided to complicate our completion of orders by spontaneously overflowing onto the floor half a dozen times. between mopping up the water and dealing with the masses of people - we hit noon and were tired. it was a good day. im told christmas day is like that 2 hours only from open to close. i honestly can't wait.
outside of work, i have spent the past few days beach bumming and enjoying watching malin and her boyfriend surf. it nagged on me that i was constantly sitting on the beach watching them surf when i really wanted to be out there with them. so anika and i booked in for lessons. today. 6:30 a.m.
we arrived at the shop at quarter after and squeezed into our wetsuits which, for those who have never done such a task, is similar to nothing other than trying to squeezed into a wetsuit. fortunately, i got a short one which meant it didn't reach all the way down to my ankles or my wrists. i was excited that i could put it on looking like a pro - or a least a pro in comparison to all the other first time surfers. i had put on a lot worse when doing my scuba diving lessons. and i figured since my wetsuit at home was a "5" (related to thickness) and these wetsuits were a "2" or a "3" (thinner for the warmer water) - i was off to a good start.
each of us put on matching t-shirt over our wetsuit. the instructors tried to pretend they were cool when in fact, it just made the group of us stick out like a sore thumb. at least now all the "real" surfers knew who to steer clear of out on the waves. we bare-footed our way over to the boards which were all packed in the back of a van by the beach. the instructor first pulled out a 9-footer and handed it to a girl next to me. i gapped at the height of it and wondered what i had gotten myself into. how could i possibly enjoy a sport such as this if i was expected to somehow control a piece of equipment more than 4 feet taller than me on waves that clearly have a mind of their own?
i was handed my own giant board. so were the other "students." we then were told we had to carry our boards and walk. immediately i had issues. my arm couldn't in fact reach to the other side of my board. it was too wide. i adapted a walking stance of using two arms, all the while trying to pretend that i knew what i was doing. i didn't. it was my first time. fortunately i wasn't alone. fortunately we could drag our boards once we got on the sand. and even then it was difficult. not even into the water and already my arms were burning. i huffed at puffed (one wouldn't even know that i have been running 5-8 km nearly ever day since arriving here) as i trudged through the sand - watching as experienced surfers were able to actually RUN with their boards securely tucked under their arms. granted, they were about half the size as mine - but still. i averted making eye contact with them and wondered what the next 2 hours were going to hold for me.
we started with a short introduction of everyone, did our stretched and then about 2 minutes of practice on the theory of how to stand on a board. we then walked to the water, all the while my mind is screaming - "THAT WAS IT?!" i wasn't ready to go to the waves. not yet. but in we went.
that's when my mind figured i might as well just get in there and do it. taking on the well known nike mantra, i slid onto my board and paddled. my arms were already tired. i began berating myself for not doing more pushups in my spare time. we made it over the gutter (the deep part close to the shoreline where all the water from the waves is pushed along towards the rip.... and no, that doesn't make much sense if you don't already know it as i do not have the ability to draw in the sand and show you as the surfing instructors did) - and then we could walk along side our boards. clearly we were not pro-stars to be able to paddle all the way through.
once we got to where the white waves broke, we positioned our boards, slid on and paddled to catch the wave. i caught my first wave and stood up. i immediately fell off, but i had stood up! i was hooked. i furiously turned my board around and pushed back out to catch my next one, and the next one, and the next one.
i wouldn't say that i have in any means mastered the sport. i only had a 2 hour lesson. i confidently (and not so gracefully) fell off my board every time. but i did experience standing up and actually riding the wave. my eyes and throat burned from the salt water. my arms got sore from paddling. my hair came out of it's elastic and i must have looked like a drowned rat. a happy drowned rat who has just discovered a love of surfing. i paddled so much (and most likely incorrectly) that i walked away from the lesson with rub burns on the insides of my elbows from brushing up the sides of the board. i have an ache in my side where another guy's board rammed into me (i happened to have just been standing there and watched it happen - it wasn't untill after that it occurred to me that i should have gotten out of the way). but i loved every minute of it. i wanted more. so much more.
there was something so fierce, so tranquil about the water. something so challenging yet so simple about the sport. it's mental. it's physical. it's spiritual. and it's practically for my backyard for as close as i live to the beach.
today i plan on going to get my own board. it will cost me as much as a few days of lessons (lessons of which will tell me the same thing over and over again) and yet i will have the board for as long as i want... i can't wait. now i understand why the guy questioned me when i signed up as to why it's taken me 2 months to get my butt in gear to learn how to surf. had i known i would love it this much - pick it up this fast - i would have been out there the day i stepped off the plane. okay - maybe not THAT quick - but still.
"ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it."
** title quote by: russell baker **
so it has begun. today is officially the first day of summer and i find it hard to believe. it seems like such a controversy in my mind to state that, yes, it is december 1 and, yes, summer has begun. today. officially. and it just happens to be bloody cold outside. well - by cold i mean windy, cloudy and a high of 18 degrees. and, no, i shouldnt complain about it, but when used to being in 30 degree (and much higher) weather - 18 feels shockingly cool.
and i made the mistake of wearing shorts today. it was all good in the sun untill the windy started blowing around me to the point where i contemplated the thought that i might become a real-life example of dorothy in the wizard of oz. only - if that was the case, i envisioned myself with a bigger dog than "toto." as it were - i didn't go sailing off into some unforeseen tornado, but today i marched my way off to the art store. not as though i actually intended to go in there, i was actually on my way to the bus stop and it happened that the art store was right beside it. i couldn't resist.
for the longest time i have been without my art supplies within reach. granted, i have my camera - actually, BOTH cameras - but sometimes photography just doesn't cut it when i am wanting to be creative. to make something with my hands. pictures are easy - you just click the camera at that of which one finds interesting. the creative moment only lasts so long. i have been in need of a bigger fix. of something that will keep me going - energize me - encapture me - enthral me. the art store called my name and i heard it loud and clear.
when i left the store i can proudly say i had made a purchase. my bag of pastel supplies in hand i walked the short distance to the bus stop envisioning what my first piece will look like. i haven't worked with pastels in such a long time, but they seemed like the appropriate choice for someone with limited finances who is constantly on the move. small, transportable and with minimal mess - i was set to create. and create i will. in fact, after i am done this blog i intend to start the creative process on this rainy day (for those who haven't, feel free to check out my previous works of art at: http://artundefined.blogspot.com/).
and rain it has. after the art store i went off the library to stock up on more books (yes, i happened to read through my stack of 5 in a week. yes - a week). my reusable grocery bag weighed down with a new, larger stack of novels, i made my way out of the library to catch my bus. only it was pouring rain. it was then that i wished i was wearing anything but shorts and i contemplated why it was that anytime the rain came down my umbrella happened to be safe and dry back at my flat? who knows...
as it is - in other realms of my life it has been decided that this month of december will be the month of change and new conquests for me. tomorrow i will sign up for my first official surf lesson. from there i hope to invest in my own board in order to start catching waves in the early morning light. me and a few friends plan on making a trip to the blue mountains and eventually, i will figure out what life is like on a beach during christmas. all the while i continue to work, work and work in order that i might save for the next process of my journey. i have an idea in mind of what adventure i hope to embark on, but i'll leave that for another day as i haven't yet figured out all the details....
so - as the locals say - ta!
so it has begun. today is officially the first day of summer and i find it hard to believe. it seems like such a controversy in my mind to state that, yes, it is december 1 and, yes, summer has begun. today. officially. and it just happens to be bloody cold outside. well - by cold i mean windy, cloudy and a high of 18 degrees. and, no, i shouldnt complain about it, but when used to being in 30 degree (and much higher) weather - 18 feels shockingly cool.
and i made the mistake of wearing shorts today. it was all good in the sun untill the windy started blowing around me to the point where i contemplated the thought that i might become a real-life example of dorothy in the wizard of oz. only - if that was the case, i envisioned myself with a bigger dog than "toto." as it were - i didn't go sailing off into some unforeseen tornado, but today i marched my way off to the art store. not as though i actually intended to go in there, i was actually on my way to the bus stop and it happened that the art store was right beside it. i couldn't resist.
for the longest time i have been without my art supplies within reach. granted, i have my camera - actually, BOTH cameras - but sometimes photography just doesn't cut it when i am wanting to be creative. to make something with my hands. pictures are easy - you just click the camera at that of which one finds interesting. the creative moment only lasts so long. i have been in need of a bigger fix. of something that will keep me going - energize me - encapture me - enthral me. the art store called my name and i heard it loud and clear.
when i left the store i can proudly say i had made a purchase. my bag of pastel supplies in hand i walked the short distance to the bus stop envisioning what my first piece will look like. i haven't worked with pastels in such a long time, but they seemed like the appropriate choice for someone with limited finances who is constantly on the move. small, transportable and with minimal mess - i was set to create. and create i will. in fact, after i am done this blog i intend to start the creative process on this rainy day (for those who haven't, feel free to check out my previous works of art at: http://artundefined.blogspot.com/).
and rain it has. after the art store i went off the library to stock up on more books (yes, i happened to read through my stack of 5 in a week. yes - a week). my reusable grocery bag weighed down with a new, larger stack of novels, i made my way out of the library to catch my bus. only it was pouring rain. it was then that i wished i was wearing anything but shorts and i contemplated why it was that anytime the rain came down my umbrella happened to be safe and dry back at my flat? who knows...
as it is - in other realms of my life it has been decided that this month of december will be the month of change and new conquests for me. tomorrow i will sign up for my first official surf lesson. from there i hope to invest in my own board in order to start catching waves in the early morning light. me and a few friends plan on making a trip to the blue mountains and eventually, i will figure out what life is like on a beach during christmas. all the while i continue to work, work and work in order that i might save for the next process of my journey. i have an idea in mind of what adventure i hope to embark on, but i'll leave that for another day as i haven't yet figured out all the details....
so - as the locals say - ta!
... and we whistle while we work
so - today at work began like any other day. well - kind of. i had to open. which ment getting up at 5:15 a.m. (not too bad as this is pretty much the normal time i get up anyway), showering, chowing down on breakfast and doing the 30 min costal walk toward bronte beach (shown in picture) as i admired the rising sun over the ocean waves. i soon found out, though, that today was destined to be "one of those days." the type of day that nothing quite goes right - and yet it's not completely frustrating enough for it to be seriously downheartening. i more or less found it quite funny. i wasn't even tired and yet here i was doing stuff all day long that one may have wondered if i was auditioning for a female version of the three stooges.
i bumped my arm on a box and dumped half the drink i was carrying on the floor. i made a takeaway coffee in a small cup when they asked for a large and then proceeded to try and fit a large cup lid on the container before i realized what i was doing. i dumped a container of water on the counter. when i went to clean it up, i picked up a towel which knocked one of our large knives to the floor, nearly chopping off my big toe. i ate my lunch and ended up with half of it in my hair. i went to fill the cookie jars, picked one up and it slipped from my hands and when it landed on top of the shelf it knocked a flourescent light down. then, when i went to rest (from all the hard work of doing everything but setting the building on fire) i leaned back on the counter and when i got up i realized i had been leaning on a wet towel. i had a nice wet spot on my behind. fun. haha.
then the favorite customer of the day had to be one who came in with her friend and she wanted to order a smoothie. the conversation went something like this:
"hi, i'd like a skim smoothie please."
"sure thing, which kind would you like?"
"what?"
"which kind do you want?"
"what?"
"what kind?"
"what?"
"what FLAVOUR would you like to choose?" at this point i am indicating with my hand to the board that lists our flavours.
"BANANA." she rolls her eyes at me and gives me a wierd look as though it was i who should have known all along what she wanted. OBVIOUSLY banana.
haha. like i said - fun. to top it off me, malin and iqbal (the only three working today) cranked the tunes, singing and dancing our way through the afternoon, telling jokes and laughing untill our sides hurt. we made a mascot out of an enormously large beetroot - it is now part cow, part veggie. i have posted the pictures to prove it.
nothing like a day at work looking out at the beach and ocean waves though to make a person smile. and think. and want to surf. something of which i have decided i NEED to do - sooner rather than later. and since malin has so graciously offered to help teach me (thanks hun) all i need to figure out is how to get my hands on a surfboard....
and in other news
SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA - Sydney residents and tourists line Bondi Beach on November 22, 2009 near Sydney, Australia. Temperatures in Sydney reached 40 degrees Celcius (104 Fahrenheit), prompting thousands to flock to Bondi and surrounding beaches, about 1,000 firefighters were battling about 100 blazes across New South Wales state. Hundreds of homes in eastern Australia were under threat from massive wildfires as soaring temperatures and windy conditions fanned the out-of-control flames, officials said. (Photo by Greg Wood/AFP/Getty Images) Original Post at: http://www.tiscali.co.uk/news/daily/photos/galleries/view/daily/20091122/browse/730086
thats right. 40 degrees celcius. and i was at work. working in a stuffy juicy bar in which the only fan operating only helps in attempting to keep the customers slightly cool with a humid breeze as they stand in front of our counter to order. i like to think of this as the "buffer zone." typical to our sunday rush, us workers bustled around yelling out orders, making juice and coffee as our life depended on it and in brief moments of relief we wiped the sticky sweat from our brows after attempting to see how many order dockets we could stick to each others arms. the heat was intense. it was humid. it was 40 degrees - and even hotter in the kitchen where there is no relief from the added warmth of the stoves.
i call the fanned area the "buffer zone" as at one point during my shift my co-worker commented that it was really hazy outside and smelling of smoke (due to the increasing amount of fires from the heat and lightning storms). i had to go smell it for myself. out of curiousity. for something to do. to move. to get from behind that counter i was standing at for the past 6 hours. so i did.
the moment i stepped from behind our enclosed juice-making area there was immediate relief from the heat. the small fan working so hard from above managed to bring the slightest breeze down below, cooling the area by a few degrees. the buffer zone. as quickly as i was there - in there - in the midst of the "cool" area - it was gone. i was at the entrance of our shop and was met with a wall of humid heat. outside the air was thick with a smokey smell. the sky hazy in its brownish-grey color. i gazed out over bronte beach where all the people were swimming in the waves and for a flickering moment i contemplated running over to join them. then i turned back inside, crossed the buffer zone and went back to work.
it's not even summer. yet. the official start of summer is december 1.
other than a blast of heat, life has been going alright here down under. i tripped on a coble stone one day, scraping a couple chunks of skin off my big toe - my runs were postponed untill it healed. i got my bank card (FINALLY) in the mail. only took almost 7 weeks of waiting. and i still dont have access to my account. im crossing my fingers that will happen this week. we'll see. my boss is on holidays causing the few of us who work at nino's to put in extra hours to make sure everything is covered. life has a relatively normal feel to it - a little less color now that sculptures of the sea is done, but now everyone is preparing for christmas.
i find it wierd to think that normally during this time of year i am knee deep in snow, scrapping off my car so that i can get to work in the morning. the malls here are decorated for christmas and yet there is no mention of snow anywhere. the display used for kids to go take pictures of santa is filled with sparkles and sequins, but no fake snow in sight. it doesn't exist in the thoughts of those who live here - including me.
the other day i spotted my friend, kelly's, pictures of her going for a hike in the rockies and i was really confused as to why she was all done up in her winter gear trudging through snow. i immediately thought that these must be really old pictures as it didn't make sense to me. it took a while to realize that the pictures were, in fact, quite recent as it is november and that it is more abnormal as a canadian to be wishing to wear a bathing suit to work as it is too hot to do otherwise. and yet here i am. can't say i'm really dreaming of a white christmas.... yet.
animal planet
remember going to the zoo as a child? even as an adult it can still be fun. i remember going. i remember walking around in a daze, imagining which animal i would most like as my pet should i be allowed. the hippos never made the list. they were too boring for me. they smelt gross. they didn't do much other than sit around and swat flies with their tales. when it got too hot they'd waddle over to their miniture pool area and take a dip. i'd eagerly press my face closer to the glass to watch them swim - not so much out of excitement, but more from the fact that they were hard to see through the discolored water. as i grew older i tended to skip the hippo exhibit all together. they were the same. every year. every day. boring.
until now.
at work we were checking out what was considered news for today. we were bored. it was an extremely quiet day. the sculptures of the sea over and the after effects of bad weather from yesterday, no one was around requesting our services. no one was even out on the beach. so we read the newspaper and thats when we spotted this picture:
apparently the hippo is one of the most aggressive creatures of the world and is regarded as the top animal to be on the lookout for in africa. go figure. i had no idea. the following is a link to where this story orignated from: CROCODILE NO MATCH FOR A HIPPO. check it out for more pics. fortunately this little event happened in tanzania, but now i've officially added hippos to my mental checklist on what to keep an eye out for when i should ever be visiting africa.
i don't know if that means i should now be greatful that there are only crocodiles and such to watch out for while in australia....
"my mama always said, 'life was like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get.'"
today was the first. it happened. i never really expected that it would - but it did just the same. taking me by surprise, i found that i actually started thinking of if i should be hopping on a plane to go back "home." i am not entirely sure if i can call home "home" anymore as they say "home is where the heart is," and quite frankly, my heart is not in calgary.
so why go back? it is not of boredom, homesickness or an otherwise longing need to sit my butt on an airplane for another 16-odd hours of my life untill i touch ground again. it is more or less due to the deepening feeling that i am leading a double life. i feel torn between the responsibilities and relationships that have me still tied to calgary in all that it is -- and that of which i now have here in sydney. i suspected it might become to feel like this at some point during my journey's, but it now is so much more aplified with the growing frustrations surrounding my banking situation. something of which i refuse to devulge into detail during this blog entry - everyone has heard me vent long enough regarding the situtation and all i care to say is that, no, it has not been solved -- in fact, it appears to worsen as each day passes.
i have now officially been going for 4 months and 16 days - or a total of 139 days. not an incredibly long time by any means, but still long enough to make it a significant chunk of time. i dont think i would be at this point writing about thinking of returning to canada so soon if it were not for the situation regarding my finances. it has come to the point where i actually dread having to do anything related to trying to fix the situation as i have hit my breaking point. i hit that today. in trying to solve my problems i had gone to the australian bank here in hopes that they could help me out. they couldnt and i had to leave the premises rather quickly as my emotions simply bubbled up and i broke down in tears.
it is one thing to have to deal with such a delicate matter if i was actually IN calgary and able to have access to the branches - but to have to deal with it on the other side of the world is another matter entirely. the time difference alone adds a whole level of frustration and restriction to a problem that is complicated enough on it's own.
hense why the thought popped into my head today of possibily wanting to return to canada. but just as quickly as it came into my head - i dismissed it. i dont REALLY want to come back to canada at this point. it is not my time. there is nothing particular there that i am needed for there. no job. no home to speak of. i dont even really particularly hold a huge amount of warm-fuzzy feelings towards calgary. of course - friends and family are a great reason to return... but from the depths of my heart i know. it is not my time yet.
i figured this all out while doing laundry this afternoon. as it was too cold, cloudy and windy to do anything particularly beach-worthy today, i decided to dedicate my present existence to attempting on pursuing a solution to my banking situation (which, as i said - ended up with me in tears) and finally washing my clothes. in australia, in order to conserve energy and such, the availability of dryers for clothing are virtually non-existant. it is a rarity for any building complex to have one and even if it does, it is even more rare for people to use it. the general process for drying clothes in australia is to hang them up. this is something i have grown to love - almost to look forward to when it comes to washing clothes. there is something so calming, so relaxing, so utterly peaceful about hanging clothes on a clothesline. it's a therapy of sorts. it reminds me of a simpler life - it IS a simpler way of life - where the use of machines is not a necessity. it forces me to slow down and take time to think.
and thats what i did today. it was during hanging up all my wet garmets that i had carried in my reusable nylon grocery bag from the laundrymat that i was able to firmly process the going-ons of the swirling thoughts in my head. it was then that i was able to finally calm down and find peace within myself and realize that i am not ready to give up on my journey in australia. there is so much left to see and do here that i can not and will not let my frustrations with the bank back in canada make me think that i have to rush home to sort it out.
i reminded myself that what is meant to be will be. and it will. it always will.
so why go back? it is not of boredom, homesickness or an otherwise longing need to sit my butt on an airplane for another 16-odd hours of my life untill i touch ground again. it is more or less due to the deepening feeling that i am leading a double life. i feel torn between the responsibilities and relationships that have me still tied to calgary in all that it is -- and that of which i now have here in sydney. i suspected it might become to feel like this at some point during my journey's, but it now is so much more aplified with the growing frustrations surrounding my banking situation. something of which i refuse to devulge into detail during this blog entry - everyone has heard me vent long enough regarding the situtation and all i care to say is that, no, it has not been solved -- in fact, it appears to worsen as each day passes.
i have now officially been going for 4 months and 16 days - or a total of 139 days. not an incredibly long time by any means, but still long enough to make it a significant chunk of time. i dont think i would be at this point writing about thinking of returning to canada so soon if it were not for the situation regarding my finances. it has come to the point where i actually dread having to do anything related to trying to fix the situation as i have hit my breaking point. i hit that today. in trying to solve my problems i had gone to the australian bank here in hopes that they could help me out. they couldnt and i had to leave the premises rather quickly as my emotions simply bubbled up and i broke down in tears.
it is one thing to have to deal with such a delicate matter if i was actually IN calgary and able to have access to the branches - but to have to deal with it on the other side of the world is another matter entirely. the time difference alone adds a whole level of frustration and restriction to a problem that is complicated enough on it's own.
hense why the thought popped into my head today of possibily wanting to return to canada. but just as quickly as it came into my head - i dismissed it. i dont REALLY want to come back to canada at this point. it is not my time. there is nothing particular there that i am needed for there. no job. no home to speak of. i dont even really particularly hold a huge amount of warm-fuzzy feelings towards calgary. of course - friends and family are a great reason to return... but from the depths of my heart i know. it is not my time yet.
i figured this all out while doing laundry this afternoon. as it was too cold, cloudy and windy to do anything particularly beach-worthy today, i decided to dedicate my present existence to attempting on pursuing a solution to my banking situation (which, as i said - ended up with me in tears) and finally washing my clothes. in australia, in order to conserve energy and such, the availability of dryers for clothing are virtually non-existant. it is a rarity for any building complex to have one and even if it does, it is even more rare for people to use it. the general process for drying clothes in australia is to hang them up. this is something i have grown to love - almost to look forward to when it comes to washing clothes. there is something so calming, so relaxing, so utterly peaceful about hanging clothes on a clothesline. it's a therapy of sorts. it reminds me of a simpler life - it IS a simpler way of life - where the use of machines is not a necessity. it forces me to slow down and take time to think.
and thats what i did today. it was during hanging up all my wet garmets that i had carried in my reusable nylon grocery bag from the laundrymat that i was able to firmly process the going-ons of the swirling thoughts in my head. it was then that i was able to finally calm down and find peace within myself and realize that i am not ready to give up on my journey in australia. there is so much left to see and do here that i can not and will not let my frustrations with the bank back in canada make me think that i have to rush home to sort it out.
i reminded myself that what is meant to be will be. and it will. it always will.
we are human. we can do anything.
30 km. the average distance i used to walk in a day when i was crossing british columbia. now its the average minimum distance i cover by running/walking in a full week. this thought crossed my mind today as i ran 6 km today. as i walked the 3 km to work. as i walked the 3 km back. i feel as though i have been doing so well in maintaining a good physical health routine and yet when my mind wanders back to those days of carrying everything on my back and hiking through the woods, over the woods and around the woods - well, what i am doing now does not quite compare. and yet i do not feel the drive and motivation to start walking my way across australia. yet.
as i let my mind wander with thoughts on my own physical activity today, i also found myself reflecting on what a friend had said after a workout a while back. we had just done and hour of hard activity. pushups. situps. burpees. wallsits. leglifts. jumping jacks. the whole bit. we did it all. we were tired. we were spent. we were sweating like crazy and after stretching we promptly laid back on the floor and just relaxed.
after a few minutes of silence, i asked my friend what he was thinking about. he immediately replied, "im thinking about having a good day."
when is the last time that any of us have done that? when is the last time that we faced a day and just thought about making it a good day? each day is anew with endless possibilities of what we can do, create, be and it is our choice of how we want our day to be. all too often we (myself included) look forward to our days, our work days, our tough days, our long days, our mondays and cross our fingers that we'll simply "survive" them. that we'll make it to the end of the day and be able to exhale that breathe we've been holding in for the last 12 hours. we wake up to our days with the perspective that there is nothing we can do about them - that we are simply little pawns in the game of life - there to play a part that is set out for us. now what would like look like should we wake up each day and just spend a minute or two simply thinking about how we are going to make THIS day a "good day?" what would our lives look like if we took control of what is about to be and, yes, handled the tough times with the good - but made a point to come out on top when the day is through? i wonder...
and yes - though i wonder lots, there has also been a lot of "doing" happening lately in my life. ive been steadily increasing my hours at work, learning to open shop so that i can have the maximum flexibility in my hours. with summer coming that means the waves of tourists will follow with the heat. and i have noticed that starting already. there are more bodies crammed on the coastal walk - all eyes with a dazed look as they admire the sculptures by the sea. there is more white skin - eager to be bronzed within a short time frame. there are more people who seem flabbergasted at the thought that they have to walk on the left side of the sidewalk. there are more bodies less concerned with the idea of doing bootcamp on the beach as i run past at 6 in the morning - they all look as though they are relieved to leave the pressures of work behind them. the pressures of life. now is their time to indulge. and indulge they do. they come to my work in big massive groups. some not able to speak english. some able to speak english, but do not apparently know how to read -- they constantly ask us for fish and chips when, clearly, the shop beside us with the massive sign out front advertising such items would be the ideal place to start looking.
but now there is more trash. more disregard for the environment of which these people are visiting. its not THEIR "home" so why should it matter if they leave their garbage on the beach while they pack up for the day? as i run in the morning i take note of all the rubbish people have left behind from the day before and its really sad. do these people not realize that overnight the wind will blow the trash into the ocean? the waves take it out, animals get caught up in it. it pollutes. it sickens our earth worse that what it already is. and yet, every morning - without fail, the workers are our there picking up other peoples garbage in order to make the beach like paradise once again. in order to attract the tourists to come. in order to continue the cycle for yet another day more.
and paradise it is. really. anika and i have made it our mission to try out as many beaches as we possibly can - and its astounding really how many beaches do surround the sydney area. they are all so similar and yet so different. some are better for sports. some for bbq's. some are perfect for swimming where as others are where the surfer's crowd the waves. some have rough, coarse sand and others feel like fine silt under my bare feet. even still, we've both contemplated the thought of zipping over to new zealand for a weekend or something. it's a wierd thought as new zealand always has been so far away, and yet people go back and forth from australia and NZ like people do going from canada to somewhere like las vegas for a few days. so who knows... maybe we will.
a friend back in canada commented to me recently upon hearing that i was still in sydney by saying "BORING!" -- and that one word - so simple, so raw - made me stop and think. is what i am really doing boring? am i really not making the most of what i am doing with my time here? and then i remembered - why the heck does it matter what this friend thinks of what i am doing? this is my life, my time, my journey, my adventure and it can be whatever i want it to be. i have dreamed of doing what i am doing right now and i am doing it. i am actually living the dream that i want - im doing it right now. what can be boring about that?
other than that, the sculptures by the sea is officially done after tomorrow and i have FINALLY posted up my pictures of it and the last couple weeks so enjoy!! you can find them at: - DOWN UNDER - SYDNEY (2)
as i let my mind wander with thoughts on my own physical activity today, i also found myself reflecting on what a friend had said after a workout a while back. we had just done and hour of hard activity. pushups. situps. burpees. wallsits. leglifts. jumping jacks. the whole bit. we did it all. we were tired. we were spent. we were sweating like crazy and after stretching we promptly laid back on the floor and just relaxed.
after a few minutes of silence, i asked my friend what he was thinking about. he immediately replied, "im thinking about having a good day."
when is the last time that any of us have done that? when is the last time that we faced a day and just thought about making it a good day? each day is anew with endless possibilities of what we can do, create, be and it is our choice of how we want our day to be. all too often we (myself included) look forward to our days, our work days, our tough days, our long days, our mondays and cross our fingers that we'll simply "survive" them. that we'll make it to the end of the day and be able to exhale that breathe we've been holding in for the last 12 hours. we wake up to our days with the perspective that there is nothing we can do about them - that we are simply little pawns in the game of life - there to play a part that is set out for us. now what would like look like should we wake up each day and just spend a minute or two simply thinking about how we are going to make THIS day a "good day?" what would our lives look like if we took control of what is about to be and, yes, handled the tough times with the good - but made a point to come out on top when the day is through? i wonder...
and yes - though i wonder lots, there has also been a lot of "doing" happening lately in my life. ive been steadily increasing my hours at work, learning to open shop so that i can have the maximum flexibility in my hours. with summer coming that means the waves of tourists will follow with the heat. and i have noticed that starting already. there are more bodies crammed on the coastal walk - all eyes with a dazed look as they admire the sculptures by the sea. there is more white skin - eager to be bronzed within a short time frame. there are more people who seem flabbergasted at the thought that they have to walk on the left side of the sidewalk. there are more bodies less concerned with the idea of doing bootcamp on the beach as i run past at 6 in the morning - they all look as though they are relieved to leave the pressures of work behind them. the pressures of life. now is their time to indulge. and indulge they do. they come to my work in big massive groups. some not able to speak english. some able to speak english, but do not apparently know how to read -- they constantly ask us for fish and chips when, clearly, the shop beside us with the massive sign out front advertising such items would be the ideal place to start looking.
but now there is more trash. more disregard for the environment of which these people are visiting. its not THEIR "home" so why should it matter if they leave their garbage on the beach while they pack up for the day? as i run in the morning i take note of all the rubbish people have left behind from the day before and its really sad. do these people not realize that overnight the wind will blow the trash into the ocean? the waves take it out, animals get caught up in it. it pollutes. it sickens our earth worse that what it already is. and yet, every morning - without fail, the workers are our there picking up other peoples garbage in order to make the beach like paradise once again. in order to attract the tourists to come. in order to continue the cycle for yet another day more.
and paradise it is. really. anika and i have made it our mission to try out as many beaches as we possibly can - and its astounding really how many beaches do surround the sydney area. they are all so similar and yet so different. some are better for sports. some for bbq's. some are perfect for swimming where as others are where the surfer's crowd the waves. some have rough, coarse sand and others feel like fine silt under my bare feet. even still, we've both contemplated the thought of zipping over to new zealand for a weekend or something. it's a wierd thought as new zealand always has been so far away, and yet people go back and forth from australia and NZ like people do going from canada to somewhere like las vegas for a few days. so who knows... maybe we will.
a friend back in canada commented to me recently upon hearing that i was still in sydney by saying "BORING!" -- and that one word - so simple, so raw - made me stop and think. is what i am really doing boring? am i really not making the most of what i am doing with my time here? and then i remembered - why the heck does it matter what this friend thinks of what i am doing? this is my life, my time, my journey, my adventure and it can be whatever i want it to be. i have dreamed of doing what i am doing right now and i am doing it. i am actually living the dream that i want - im doing it right now. what can be boring about that?
other than that, the sculptures by the sea is officially done after tomorrow and i have FINALLY posted up my pictures of it and the last couple weeks so enjoy!! you can find them at: - DOWN UNDER - SYDNEY (2)
famous last words: "hey guys, watch this!"
all the freaky people make the beauty of the world. (Michael Franti)
the days of life drift by me like a movie of the past. the sunrises and sunsets roll over me like the tides of the ocean and everything blends into one. not in the way of boredom, but in that of which life always becomes. not mundane. but in a way of peace and calm. it is what it is. it is life. the life i live is one i choose and one that has beauty enriched in every aspect and i can not get enough. and yet time ticks on - the days pass me by. it doesnt faze me and yet i am surprised just the same.
so much has happened in the last few days. so little has happened in the last few days. so much is the same. so much is different. i dont know where to begin.
i have moved into my flat. it is official. i have my own space. my own room. my own corner to call my own. my own peace and place to call home. it is something that i have not had for the last four months - the closest i got to was when i was walking across BC and the tent strapped to my back each day was my home. that was the last space i could call my own. call my home. and yet it moved almost every day. it changed. it was merely one of the basic forms of shelter that a person could have. and yet it was sufficient for my needs.
and here i am again - with a new place. a new home. a new room. it is not big. it is quite small in fact - and yet my few possessions are swallowed up amongst the four walls that surround them. i have to spread out my items on the bookshelf in order to make it look "full" and even then there are still 2 full shelves free. initially i came to the flat with no sheets. no blankets. no pillow. i slept in my sleep sheet which is an enclosed sheet made for putting inside a sleeping bag and/or using for dodgy hostel/sleeping conditions. i was in neither situation and yet i proudly stretched it neatly along the top of my mattress. thats right. mine. it felt good. i didnt even notice that i was without a pillow. i simply rolled up my towel and tucked it under my head for the night.
i love my new flat. its got character. its got edge. its got a history and i love it. the paint is peeling back from the ceiling and walls. the doors creak. one window in my room is held open by a string that also prevents the shades from being drawn. my bookcase is held together by ducktape. i love it. the bathroom tiles are loose in one place and make a crunching noise should i ever forget about them and step on top. the hot and cold water taps are separate so when i wash my hands i hold one under each tap and then switch them halfway through. i feel as though i am on a sensory rollarcoaster ride as both hands tingle with the new temperature sensation.
the mirror in the bathroom is fading in areas. it is cracked down the middle - when looked straight on my face is split into two and distortedly smushed back together. the bathroom door locks with a hook as one would lock an outhouse. if i forget to close the shade on the bathroom window the neighbors in the next building can have a clear view of whatever it is i am doing in the bathroom.
i love it all. i love the quirks. i love the character. i love that it is a clean flat. i love that it is safe. i love that it is close to the beach and i love that i have my own room.
since the first few days of being there, ariana was generous enough to lend me some spare blankets, sheets and pillows. my room now looks more like a bedroom. i have yet to meet my roommate's girlfriend and i have only seen fabio once since i moved in. their schedules are almost completely opposite mine so i never see or hear them. i have experienced waking up and opening the blind to my window and while gazing outside, across the yard i find myself gazing at the face of the guy across the way who is also just getting up. what could be an awkward situation only seems natural along my street in which a multitude of apartment buidlings stand so close to one another.
i have also experienced being a witness to a domestic dispute in the next building. i wanted to look out the window that time to see what was going on but reminded myself that it probably wouldnt be such a great idea should i come face to face with the person who is throwing dishes and screaming violently. instead i sat crouched on my bed simply listening and feeling ashamed that there was nothing i could do. i didnt even know the number of the police. all i could do was sympathize in spirit with the child wailing and hope that no one was hurt throughout it all. fortunately my neighbors were proactive and made the critical call to the police - only i knew that should they show up, it would all be too late.
my new move to my flat has thrown me into a flow of a routine, much similar to the one i had at the hostel and yet it feels so new as i am now at a different location. still, i am only about a 3 min walk to the beach. i spent time this last week exploring around and found a laundry mat in which i did a load, sitting outside and reading my book as i waited for my few clothes to dry. i also found a cool sushi restaurant in which anika and i tried it out - called "sushi train" - it was my first experience in which a person sits around the sushi like at a bar and watches the various plates of sushi and sushi-related dishes pass by on this conveyor belt. as it goes by you simply pick off the dishes you wish to eat and then pay later. anika and i ate untill we were stuffed and then mosied on over for some ice cream.
walking up and down the main strip of bondi, the ocean always within view, we decided a movie was in order. this has become our monday routine of going back to her place and renting movies - though right now we are stuck on watching house and laughing our butts off at the characters and the things that are said.
outside of watching hospital-related tv series, there is work. work has kept me plenty busy as my boss is adding to my hours and has trained me to close the juice bar at the end of the day. this entire week so far that is what i have done and i have finally gotten more confident in doing so as the first few times i would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, so sure that i had forgotten to do SOMETHING, anything and would have to go to work to hear my boss yell at me. but that hasnt happened. yet.
no - the worst things that i have done at work was put too much milk in the blender and have it sputtering all up the wall when i turned it on. i entered something wrong in the computer and stepped on someones toe. but that is about it. nothing life threatening. nothing extremely horrifying that might give me a darwin award. it is a different feeling for me to be a part of that atmosphere rather than my last job. different and refreshing. less stressful. i can leave work - at work. and yet - there is still enough variety to keep me interested. there are still enough "freaky people" to keep me on my toes.
theres a garantee of at least one person coming in every day to try and order fish and chips when there is no such thing on the menu and there is a shop next to us with this massive sign advertising that THEY have the fish and chips. we politely point them in the right direction - every time. theres the person with the wierd request - the kind of thing that leaves us shaking our heads at why they wanted to order the item in the first place. today i had someone who wanted a strawberry smoothie with ice cream. i explained that milkshakes are made with ice cream smoothies have yogurt. they insisted they wanted a smoothie with ice cream, not yogurt. so i, again, clarified that they would be ordering a milkshake. they ended up deciding they didnt want their "smoothie" because they didnt want a "milkshake."
then theres the kids. of all ages and kinds. the shy kids. the talkative kids. the kids butt-naked and sandy from the beach. the kids that want to have ice cream. those who want to stick their faces in a baby chino (a cup of warm frothed milk topped with chocolate) and slurp it up. theres older people, younger people, tourists, locals, regulars and newbies. theres the people who scoff at us, those that praise us and those who argue about every little thing that they want. today a guy ordered a coffeed and when he paid, he left me a card stating that i, as a woman, should stop flushing tampons and related products down the toilet as they are polluting the environment. he left. i read it. i couldnt stop laughing. i love it all.
and what - as many have asked - have i been doing in my spare time? theres still the beach. i love the beach. i cant get enough - whether its running amongst the hoards of athletes and tourists in the morning or lazing out under the sun or resting my feet in the cool sand after a day of hard work - i love it. i have also since finished the book, shantaram - it was beautiful. it was exciting. it was an adventure. it was everything it could ever be and i couldnt put it down - even when i finished it, i contemplated still carrying it around with me just because it affected me that much. and yet - now i have the difficult tastk of trying to figure out what to read next. what does one look for when they have just found a book that was perfectly suited for everything they have ever looked for in a book? i have yet to figure that out....
day by day - the time flies past. work. beach. friends. sun. rain. books. art. pictures. sleep. work. sleep. eat. sleep. i love every minute and yet i still wish there was something extremely thrilling to write. i wish i could say that theres something crazy happening out here every day. but theres not and sometimes that simply better than any greater adventure a person can possibly have. its like a haven for the spirit and as i have said - i love it. i love it all.
the days of life drift by me like a movie of the past. the sunrises and sunsets roll over me like the tides of the ocean and everything blends into one. not in the way of boredom, but in that of which life always becomes. not mundane. but in a way of peace and calm. it is what it is. it is life. the life i live is one i choose and one that has beauty enriched in every aspect and i can not get enough. and yet time ticks on - the days pass me by. it doesnt faze me and yet i am surprised just the same.
so much has happened in the last few days. so little has happened in the last few days. so much is the same. so much is different. i dont know where to begin.
i have moved into my flat. it is official. i have my own space. my own room. my own corner to call my own. my own peace and place to call home. it is something that i have not had for the last four months - the closest i got to was when i was walking across BC and the tent strapped to my back each day was my home. that was the last space i could call my own. call my home. and yet it moved almost every day. it changed. it was merely one of the basic forms of shelter that a person could have. and yet it was sufficient for my needs.
and here i am again - with a new place. a new home. a new room. it is not big. it is quite small in fact - and yet my few possessions are swallowed up amongst the four walls that surround them. i have to spread out my items on the bookshelf in order to make it look "full" and even then there are still 2 full shelves free. initially i came to the flat with no sheets. no blankets. no pillow. i slept in my sleep sheet which is an enclosed sheet made for putting inside a sleeping bag and/or using for dodgy hostel/sleeping conditions. i was in neither situation and yet i proudly stretched it neatly along the top of my mattress. thats right. mine. it felt good. i didnt even notice that i was without a pillow. i simply rolled up my towel and tucked it under my head for the night.
i love my new flat. its got character. its got edge. its got a history and i love it. the paint is peeling back from the ceiling and walls. the doors creak. one window in my room is held open by a string that also prevents the shades from being drawn. my bookcase is held together by ducktape. i love it. the bathroom tiles are loose in one place and make a crunching noise should i ever forget about them and step on top. the hot and cold water taps are separate so when i wash my hands i hold one under each tap and then switch them halfway through. i feel as though i am on a sensory rollarcoaster ride as both hands tingle with the new temperature sensation.
the mirror in the bathroom is fading in areas. it is cracked down the middle - when looked straight on my face is split into two and distortedly smushed back together. the bathroom door locks with a hook as one would lock an outhouse. if i forget to close the shade on the bathroom window the neighbors in the next building can have a clear view of whatever it is i am doing in the bathroom.
i love it all. i love the quirks. i love the character. i love that it is a clean flat. i love that it is safe. i love that it is close to the beach and i love that i have my own room.
since the first few days of being there, ariana was generous enough to lend me some spare blankets, sheets and pillows. my room now looks more like a bedroom. i have yet to meet my roommate's girlfriend and i have only seen fabio once since i moved in. their schedules are almost completely opposite mine so i never see or hear them. i have experienced waking up and opening the blind to my window and while gazing outside, across the yard i find myself gazing at the face of the guy across the way who is also just getting up. what could be an awkward situation only seems natural along my street in which a multitude of apartment buidlings stand so close to one another.
i have also experienced being a witness to a domestic dispute in the next building. i wanted to look out the window that time to see what was going on but reminded myself that it probably wouldnt be such a great idea should i come face to face with the person who is throwing dishes and screaming violently. instead i sat crouched on my bed simply listening and feeling ashamed that there was nothing i could do. i didnt even know the number of the police. all i could do was sympathize in spirit with the child wailing and hope that no one was hurt throughout it all. fortunately my neighbors were proactive and made the critical call to the police - only i knew that should they show up, it would all be too late.
my new move to my flat has thrown me into a flow of a routine, much similar to the one i had at the hostel and yet it feels so new as i am now at a different location. still, i am only about a 3 min walk to the beach. i spent time this last week exploring around and found a laundry mat in which i did a load, sitting outside and reading my book as i waited for my few clothes to dry. i also found a cool sushi restaurant in which anika and i tried it out - called "sushi train" - it was my first experience in which a person sits around the sushi like at a bar and watches the various plates of sushi and sushi-related dishes pass by on this conveyor belt. as it goes by you simply pick off the dishes you wish to eat and then pay later. anika and i ate untill we were stuffed and then mosied on over for some ice cream.
walking up and down the main strip of bondi, the ocean always within view, we decided a movie was in order. this has become our monday routine of going back to her place and renting movies - though right now we are stuck on watching house and laughing our butts off at the characters and the things that are said.
outside of watching hospital-related tv series, there is work. work has kept me plenty busy as my boss is adding to my hours and has trained me to close the juice bar at the end of the day. this entire week so far that is what i have done and i have finally gotten more confident in doing so as the first few times i would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, so sure that i had forgotten to do SOMETHING, anything and would have to go to work to hear my boss yell at me. but that hasnt happened. yet.
no - the worst things that i have done at work was put too much milk in the blender and have it sputtering all up the wall when i turned it on. i entered something wrong in the computer and stepped on someones toe. but that is about it. nothing life threatening. nothing extremely horrifying that might give me a darwin award. it is a different feeling for me to be a part of that atmosphere rather than my last job. different and refreshing. less stressful. i can leave work - at work. and yet - there is still enough variety to keep me interested. there are still enough "freaky people" to keep me on my toes.
theres a garantee of at least one person coming in every day to try and order fish and chips when there is no such thing on the menu and there is a shop next to us with this massive sign advertising that THEY have the fish and chips. we politely point them in the right direction - every time. theres the person with the wierd request - the kind of thing that leaves us shaking our heads at why they wanted to order the item in the first place. today i had someone who wanted a strawberry smoothie with ice cream. i explained that milkshakes are made with ice cream smoothies have yogurt. they insisted they wanted a smoothie with ice cream, not yogurt. so i, again, clarified that they would be ordering a milkshake. they ended up deciding they didnt want their "smoothie" because they didnt want a "milkshake."
then theres the kids. of all ages and kinds. the shy kids. the talkative kids. the kids butt-naked and sandy from the beach. the kids that want to have ice cream. those who want to stick their faces in a baby chino (a cup of warm frothed milk topped with chocolate) and slurp it up. theres older people, younger people, tourists, locals, regulars and newbies. theres the people who scoff at us, those that praise us and those who argue about every little thing that they want. today a guy ordered a coffeed and when he paid, he left me a card stating that i, as a woman, should stop flushing tampons and related products down the toilet as they are polluting the environment. he left. i read it. i couldnt stop laughing. i love it all.
and what - as many have asked - have i been doing in my spare time? theres still the beach. i love the beach. i cant get enough - whether its running amongst the hoards of athletes and tourists in the morning or lazing out under the sun or resting my feet in the cool sand after a day of hard work - i love it. i have also since finished the book, shantaram - it was beautiful. it was exciting. it was an adventure. it was everything it could ever be and i couldnt put it down - even when i finished it, i contemplated still carrying it around with me just because it affected me that much. and yet - now i have the difficult tastk of trying to figure out what to read next. what does one look for when they have just found a book that was perfectly suited for everything they have ever looked for in a book? i have yet to figure that out....
day by day - the time flies past. work. beach. friends. sun. rain. books. art. pictures. sleep. work. sleep. eat. sleep. i love every minute and yet i still wish there was something extremely thrilling to write. i wish i could say that theres something crazy happening out here every day. but theres not and sometimes that simply better than any greater adventure a person can possibly have. its like a haven for the spirit and as i have said - i love it. i love it all.
a politician is someone who promises you a bridge, even when theres no river
"i think the future is like anything else thats important. it has to be earned. if we dont earn it, we dont have a future at all. and if we dont earn it, if we dont deserve it, we have to live in the present, more or less forever. or worse, we have to live in the past" (Shantaram, p. 91).
the banks have too much power. financial institutions all around the world promise to protect our hundreds, thousands, millions of dollars - how ever much we have. they promise easy access, safe transactions and profitable returns. yet how much of that is actually true?
i never really understood why rich people resulted in hiding their money in safes, under the floor boards or in secret overseas accounts. but now i get it. the bank itself is like its own separate society of which only certain people are accepted into (you generally have difficult getting access to their "specialty" accounts with bad credit, no job, properties, etc) - and once you are accepted, they lock their claws into you with small-print clauses in which a person can only escape by the face of death... and sometimes not even then. there are all these rules that bind, not to protect our money, but to protect the bank from their own mistakes so when (not "if") they make them - they can then turn the tables and somehow claim they were unaware of what was going on, or that it is our fault for what they did.
and so that brings me to my own life in this moment. i am STILL without access to my canadian bank account online. what started as a concerned phone call on october 6/09 resulted in me being told that everything was "fixed" and that a new bank card (with the new number) would be sent to my dad within 6-10 buisness days. it is now november 1 (october 31 in calgary, canada) and there is still no card. that is the short story - the long story can be read in a couple blogs previous to this. i am so incredibly peeved at the entire situation that i wish i could just pull out all my money from that bank. but i cant. the logistics of it - the "rules" that bind me... well i simply cant. ESPECIALLY since i am still on the other side of the world. ESPECIALLY since i still need that account in order to chip away at my debt (student loans and otherwise). ESPECIALLY since i already have a big enough headache from the entire situation and i fear that should i try anything drastic it will just make it worse.
so here i sit. no access to my account online. no access to be able to oversea all my debt-paying transactions. no ability to transfer funds into that account should i deem it needing more. no ability to access my secondary account with my emergency money should a drastic emergency happen and i would need it. no ability but to sit and wait. wait for the financial instituation i put my trust in to FINALLY pull through and send that damn new bank card to my dad (though now their "discussing" the option of sending it directly to australia - way to add on another couple weeks to my wait time guys). i wait. and wait. and wait. and all i can do is wait. that and send increasingly more emotional messages to the financial institution representatives.
i hate money.
however. i DO love art. and this past week SCULPTURE BY THE SEA opened up officially for the next two weeks. stretching the coastline from bondi beach to bronte beach - various sculpture of every shape, size, color, inspiration and material are places by purpose for viewers to admire. through the website link i provided you can view the sculptures created from previous years and in the next week or so i will be posting my own pictures through my photo albums for my favorites of this year.
through this wide range of art, many tourists are starting to show up by the bus load (literally) causing the walkways to be crowded by various language-speaking individuals who may or may not understand that the pathway is NOT theirs for the taking. as such, my runs have become increasingly more or less like an obstacle course (even at 6 a.m.) as i weave in and out of dazed tourists carrying camera gear - many times i narrowly escape a complete head on collision. even still, i cant get too frustrated with that as it only brings a new feel to the coastal walk and buisness at work is better with everyone becoming dehydrated and hungry in the heat after their walk and needing some nurishment.
on that note - i shall need to be getting ready for such a shift. a high of 26 degrees and sunny... the day should be good.
the banks have too much power. financial institutions all around the world promise to protect our hundreds, thousands, millions of dollars - how ever much we have. they promise easy access, safe transactions and profitable returns. yet how much of that is actually true?
i never really understood why rich people resulted in hiding their money in safes, under the floor boards or in secret overseas accounts. but now i get it. the bank itself is like its own separate society of which only certain people are accepted into (you generally have difficult getting access to their "specialty" accounts with bad credit, no job, properties, etc) - and once you are accepted, they lock their claws into you with small-print clauses in which a person can only escape by the face of death... and sometimes not even then. there are all these rules that bind, not to protect our money, but to protect the bank from their own mistakes so when (not "if") they make them - they can then turn the tables and somehow claim they were unaware of what was going on, or that it is our fault for what they did.
and so that brings me to my own life in this moment. i am STILL without access to my canadian bank account online. what started as a concerned phone call on october 6/09 resulted in me being told that everything was "fixed" and that a new bank card (with the new number) would be sent to my dad within 6-10 buisness days. it is now november 1 (october 31 in calgary, canada) and there is still no card. that is the short story - the long story can be read in a couple blogs previous to this. i am so incredibly peeved at the entire situation that i wish i could just pull out all my money from that bank. but i cant. the logistics of it - the "rules" that bind me... well i simply cant. ESPECIALLY since i am still on the other side of the world. ESPECIALLY since i still need that account in order to chip away at my debt (student loans and otherwise). ESPECIALLY since i already have a big enough headache from the entire situation and i fear that should i try anything drastic it will just make it worse.
so here i sit. no access to my account online. no access to be able to oversea all my debt-paying transactions. no ability to transfer funds into that account should i deem it needing more. no ability to access my secondary account with my emergency money should a drastic emergency happen and i would need it. no ability but to sit and wait. wait for the financial instituation i put my trust in to FINALLY pull through and send that damn new bank card to my dad (though now their "discussing" the option of sending it directly to australia - way to add on another couple weeks to my wait time guys). i wait. and wait. and wait. and all i can do is wait. that and send increasingly more emotional messages to the financial institution representatives.
i hate money.
however. i DO love art. and this past week SCULPTURE BY THE SEA opened up officially for the next two weeks. stretching the coastline from bondi beach to bronte beach - various sculpture of every shape, size, color, inspiration and material are places by purpose for viewers to admire. through the website link i provided you can view the sculptures created from previous years and in the next week or so i will be posting my own pictures through my photo albums for my favorites of this year.
through this wide range of art, many tourists are starting to show up by the bus load (literally) causing the walkways to be crowded by various language-speaking individuals who may or may not understand that the pathway is NOT theirs for the taking. as such, my runs have become increasingly more or less like an obstacle course (even at 6 a.m.) as i weave in and out of dazed tourists carrying camera gear - many times i narrowly escape a complete head on collision. even still, i cant get too frustrated with that as it only brings a new feel to the coastal walk and buisness at work is better with everyone becoming dehydrated and hungry in the heat after their walk and needing some nurishment.
on that note - i shall need to be getting ready for such a shift. a high of 26 degrees and sunny... the day should be good.
civilisation is defined by what we forbid, more than what we permit
"the brave things in the old tales and songs, mr. frodo: adventures as i used to call them. i used to think that they were things that the wonderful folk of the stories went out and looked for, because they wanted them, because they were exciting and life was a bit dull, a kind of a sport, as you might say. but thats not the way of it with the tales that really mattered, or the ones that stay in the mind. folks seem to have just landed in them, usually - their paths were laid that way, as you put it. but i expect hey had lots of chances, like us, of turning back, only they didnt. and if they had, we shouldnt know, because theyd have been forgotten. we hear about those as just went on - and not all to a good end mind you; at least not what folk inside a story and not outside it call a good end. you know, coming home and finding things all right, though not quite the same. but those arent always the best tales to hear, though they might be the best tales to get landed in! i wonder what sort of tale weve fallen into?" (the two towers, p. 931-32).
****
as i sit here in the cramped and stuffy computer room of the hostel, squirming under the uncomfortable stare of the guy near me i contemplate the going-ons of the past few days. i dont know why it is so difficult for me to change my attitude regarding those who are at the hostel and maybe it is just because i have my "end date" in sight (only 4 more sleeps to go untill i move out), but i find my irritant level steadily increasing. there is no place for "me" time. my head feels like it is going to explode due to the lack of solitude that can be found here at the hostel. and it isnt as though the people around me are bad people by any means and yet i constantly find i have to keep myself in check as i continuously become ticked off and judgemental of those around me (particularly my hostel roommates) though nothing has happened. like the other day - for instance.
i had spent the entire day "by myself" (it wasnt technically a TRUE alone day as there were people constantly around me) and the minute i became confronted by the presence of my roommates i felt my stomache get all knotted up inside. i wanted to scream, punch something and break down in tears because i was surrounded by people that, in that moment, i felt were too annoying for words to describe.
the truth of the matter is - my hostel roommates werent and still arent annoying. theyre actually quite fabulous people. at the time this all occurred there was jen who just graduated from university with an art degree and is from edmonton, canada. we hit if off right away beings that we had so much in common coming from canada and being into art. unfortuantely she was only able to stay for a few days and has since left to go back to canada. then theres camilla whos from england and will be sticking around for a while. ironically enough we met prior to her checking into the hostel as i had been at work one day when camilla came in looking for cheap accommodation. i gave her directions to my hostel and the next day i woke up to find her sleeping in the next bunk! as it is, she is a total sweetheart and also loves to play beach volleyball - we intend to hit up the sands here with our skills asap! finally, there was (and still is) a french girl (yes, another french person) who is staying in the room and seems nice and everything, but generally keeps to herself and whatnot.
so - like i said - i havent a clue why i get so peeved when i have to interact with them after being separated for so long (and not long at all most times)... other than more and more i feel as though my time is done (and needs to be done) at the hostel here. i am SOOO ready to move on. i am so ready to have my own space where i can shut the door and truely relax at the fact that no one else has a right to that space at all. but for the time being i really need to work on not faulting everyone else because of my own personal want for my own space.
outside of that, my hours have changed at work so that not only do i now have more hours, but i also am working 5 days instead of 4. my boss is also teaching me on how to open and close the juice bar so that i can start picking up better shifts and allows me the flexibility to work whenever. even still, cramming all the learning (though its not rocket science) has been making me tired untill the end of the day. fortunately i made use of the last day i had off and spent it hanging out with anika.
this past monday we met up, and though it was raining and incredibly windy we decided to walk down to the main strip of bondi and grab some breaky. stomaches full, we hopped on the bus to go to the ART GALLERY of NEW SOUTH WALES. we were pleasantly surprised to find that it was actually free to get in. i had never been to a gallery that was free and it was incredibly refreshing to think that this gallery valued people being educated by art so much that no price could be put on allowing people to access it. we happily wandered around, gazing at all the incredibly works of art - some making us stop and stare at awe in, some making us reminise of past times, some making us laugh out loud.
after the art gallery we figured some ice cream was in order. we went on the hunt, wind blowing, rain falling - we eventually found it. at the lindt restaurant. i never even knew there was such a thing and so we HAD to try it. the ice cream was heaven and we thouroughly enjoyed each of the 3 decadent flavours. afterwards, we stepped back into the world of stormy weather and made our next hunt for the proper bus to get back to the eastern suburbs as we were in the heart of the city at that point.
the thing about the sydney transit system - though you can get anywhere you wish with it - whether by bus, train or ferry - when it comes to the bus system it is very vague as to what the system actually is. as many buses travel through many zones in the city (theoretically - the more zones you want to travel through at one period of time, it should cost you more) - there is no clear procedure on how to stamp your ticket. by this i mean that most people buy the 10-ride passes that states you can have 10 rides on the bus without expiration of the ticket over time. some have said that one needs to stamp (you have to put your ticket through this green box that stamps it, indicating your ticket is valid and that, yes, you have used up another bus ride) it multiple times for multiple zones crossed, where as others just say you need to stamp it once as you are only going on one bus. i havent a clue.
but before we even got to this confusing point - anika and i had to first FIND the right bus. the bus stops didnt really list ALL of the buses that were to stop at the stops we were standing at. there were about 5-6 stops all in a row along the one side of the block we were standing out... spread out from one end to the other in a string of yellow signs indicating the buses stopped there. but which ones - we did not know. we DID know... or "think" at that time that our bus should be stopping at that place - but we couldnt figure out where abouts. so we ran up and down that block frantically searching for the right area to stand. we couldnt find it and about 2-3 of our buses zipped on past, each time we missed the actual part in which they stopped so we werent 100% sure if they HAD, in fact, stopped. it never occurred to us to actually ask someone untill we started backtracking the route we thought the bus went and got about 2 blocks down and confirmed where our bus should stop. the lady we asked this to simply looked at us like we were some idiots from another planet to be asking such an "obsurd" question... but she apparently did not realize that without any postings of where our bus ACTUALLY stopped - there was no way of knowing. unless, of course, you knew.
finally getting on the bus, we eventually hopped off near anika's uncle's place (where she is house sitting for the next month or so) to pick up some movie rentals and munchies for our movie marathon. we then cozied up in front of the tv and spent the rest of the nice binge eating on everything we could get our hands on. anika's uncle's 3 legged cat simply sat there and stared at us. we didnt care. it was a good night....
****
as i sit here in the cramped and stuffy computer room of the hostel, squirming under the uncomfortable stare of the guy near me i contemplate the going-ons of the past few days. i dont know why it is so difficult for me to change my attitude regarding those who are at the hostel and maybe it is just because i have my "end date" in sight (only 4 more sleeps to go untill i move out), but i find my irritant level steadily increasing. there is no place for "me" time. my head feels like it is going to explode due to the lack of solitude that can be found here at the hostel. and it isnt as though the people around me are bad people by any means and yet i constantly find i have to keep myself in check as i continuously become ticked off and judgemental of those around me (particularly my hostel roommates) though nothing has happened. like the other day - for instance.
i had spent the entire day "by myself" (it wasnt technically a TRUE alone day as there were people constantly around me) and the minute i became confronted by the presence of my roommates i felt my stomache get all knotted up inside. i wanted to scream, punch something and break down in tears because i was surrounded by people that, in that moment, i felt were too annoying for words to describe.
the truth of the matter is - my hostel roommates werent and still arent annoying. theyre actually quite fabulous people. at the time this all occurred there was jen who just graduated from university with an art degree and is from edmonton, canada. we hit if off right away beings that we had so much in common coming from canada and being into art. unfortuantely she was only able to stay for a few days and has since left to go back to canada. then theres camilla whos from england and will be sticking around for a while. ironically enough we met prior to her checking into the hostel as i had been at work one day when camilla came in looking for cheap accommodation. i gave her directions to my hostel and the next day i woke up to find her sleeping in the next bunk! as it is, she is a total sweetheart and also loves to play beach volleyball - we intend to hit up the sands here with our skills asap! finally, there was (and still is) a french girl (yes, another french person) who is staying in the room and seems nice and everything, but generally keeps to herself and whatnot.
so - like i said - i havent a clue why i get so peeved when i have to interact with them after being separated for so long (and not long at all most times)... other than more and more i feel as though my time is done (and needs to be done) at the hostel here. i am SOOO ready to move on. i am so ready to have my own space where i can shut the door and truely relax at the fact that no one else has a right to that space at all. but for the time being i really need to work on not faulting everyone else because of my own personal want for my own space.
outside of that, my hours have changed at work so that not only do i now have more hours, but i also am working 5 days instead of 4. my boss is also teaching me on how to open and close the juice bar so that i can start picking up better shifts and allows me the flexibility to work whenever. even still, cramming all the learning (though its not rocket science) has been making me tired untill the end of the day. fortunately i made use of the last day i had off and spent it hanging out with anika.
this past monday we met up, and though it was raining and incredibly windy we decided to walk down to the main strip of bondi and grab some breaky. stomaches full, we hopped on the bus to go to the ART GALLERY of NEW SOUTH WALES. we were pleasantly surprised to find that it was actually free to get in. i had never been to a gallery that was free and it was incredibly refreshing to think that this gallery valued people being educated by art so much that no price could be put on allowing people to access it. we happily wandered around, gazing at all the incredibly works of art - some making us stop and stare at awe in, some making us reminise of past times, some making us laugh out loud.
after the art gallery we figured some ice cream was in order. we went on the hunt, wind blowing, rain falling - we eventually found it. at the lindt restaurant. i never even knew there was such a thing and so we HAD to try it. the ice cream was heaven and we thouroughly enjoyed each of the 3 decadent flavours. afterwards, we stepped back into the world of stormy weather and made our next hunt for the proper bus to get back to the eastern suburbs as we were in the heart of the city at that point.
the thing about the sydney transit system - though you can get anywhere you wish with it - whether by bus, train or ferry - when it comes to the bus system it is very vague as to what the system actually is. as many buses travel through many zones in the city (theoretically - the more zones you want to travel through at one period of time, it should cost you more) - there is no clear procedure on how to stamp your ticket. by this i mean that most people buy the 10-ride passes that states you can have 10 rides on the bus without expiration of the ticket over time. some have said that one needs to stamp (you have to put your ticket through this green box that stamps it, indicating your ticket is valid and that, yes, you have used up another bus ride) it multiple times for multiple zones crossed, where as others just say you need to stamp it once as you are only going on one bus. i havent a clue.
but before we even got to this confusing point - anika and i had to first FIND the right bus. the bus stops didnt really list ALL of the buses that were to stop at the stops we were standing at. there were about 5-6 stops all in a row along the one side of the block we were standing out... spread out from one end to the other in a string of yellow signs indicating the buses stopped there. but which ones - we did not know. we DID know... or "think" at that time that our bus should be stopping at that place - but we couldnt figure out where abouts. so we ran up and down that block frantically searching for the right area to stand. we couldnt find it and about 2-3 of our buses zipped on past, each time we missed the actual part in which they stopped so we werent 100% sure if they HAD, in fact, stopped. it never occurred to us to actually ask someone untill we started backtracking the route we thought the bus went and got about 2 blocks down and confirmed where our bus should stop. the lady we asked this to simply looked at us like we were some idiots from another planet to be asking such an "obsurd" question... but she apparently did not realize that without any postings of where our bus ACTUALLY stopped - there was no way of knowing. unless, of course, you knew.
finally getting on the bus, we eventually hopped off near anika's uncle's place (where she is house sitting for the next month or so) to pick up some movie rentals and munchies for our movie marathon. we then cozied up in front of the tv and spent the rest of the nice binge eating on everything we could get our hands on. anika's uncle's 3 legged cat simply sat there and stared at us. we didnt care. it was a good night....
what is done is done
okay - i should have worked out all the glitches here. as it stands i am as finished as i can be with my updated blogsite look. for those who read this via my facebook notes or from an email subscription - the following will most likely not apply to you. but for those who frequent my original blogsite - here is all the information you will need to know on how it is now set up.
****
on the far left column there is the following:
1. SEARCH BAR. this can be used should you wish to search any of the blog entries within my blog. for example, if you are looking for the blogs related to my trip to new york - you would simply type in: 'new york' into the search bar, hit 'enter' and all the blogs that relate to new york will come up. this prevents the ordeal of having to manually click through each of the former blogs to find the one you are wishing to read.
2. PHOTO ALBUMS. as before, these are all the links to my photo albums as posted on facebook (if you read this through my facebook notes, this information is irrelavent to you as you already have access to them). all the photo album links posted are in relation to my journey throughout the world as started on july 1, 2009.
3. RECENT POSTS. this is a new function i have added to highlight the 5 newest posts to my blog. this way, if you happened to have missed a blog entry or wish to skip back a blog entry or 2, they are all posted there with a short summary for your convenience.
4. ARCHIVE. again - as before - this section is listed for your convenience should you want to look back over the history of what has been written. i have edited it slightly so that it no longer shows the blog entry titles, as the most recent ones are now posted above this section - i figured it was not needed. now you may access a portion of the archive by month or year. enjoy!
****
for the middle section, this is clearly the area in which my actual blog entry will lay. however, you may notice that about the blog entry there are the following links:
1. HOME. this link will always direct you back to the main blogsite
2. ABOUT. this link will take you to a separate page in which i have given a brief description on my blogsite as well as my email contact information should you wish to contact me.
3. TRAVEL MAP. this will take you to a separate page in which i have posted my on-going travel map according to my journey that began on july 1, 2009.
4. NEW POST. this is only accessible for me in order to quickly allow me to write a new blog entry.
5. CUSTOMIZE. this, again, is only accessible for me in order to modify, update or otherwise edit the blogsite to make it even better.
6. SIGN IN. this is if you have a google account and wish to be able to sign in.
with the blog, you are still able to post comments to each entry, whether or not you have any sort of google account. you may also click on the link at the bottom of each entry in order to forward that blog to anyone you wish via email.
****
on the right hand colomn, you will notice the following functions:
1. PHOTO. yes - this is me. what a lovely picture.
2. FOLLOWERS. this is the section in relation to who is following my blog that has a google account. if you have a google account and become a follower - my blog updates are notified on your account for you to check out.
3. SUBSCRIBE VIA EMAIL. again - this is for if you wish to have my blog sent to your email address to avoid having to reguarly check in and see if i have posted anything.
4. SITEMETER. this little button is simply tracking how many visitors my blogsite has. the more visitors, the better it is should i ever try to develop this thing into a book or whatnot.
****
i hope this helps out and that everything works smoothly for everyone that is following my blog. please comment on this post should anything need to be changed further, if you have any questions or you just simply want to comment....... other than that - cheers! (again).
****
on the far left column there is the following:
1. SEARCH BAR. this can be used should you wish to search any of the blog entries within my blog. for example, if you are looking for the blogs related to my trip to new york - you would simply type in: 'new york' into the search bar, hit 'enter' and all the blogs that relate to new york will come up. this prevents the ordeal of having to manually click through each of the former blogs to find the one you are wishing to read.
2. PHOTO ALBUMS. as before, these are all the links to my photo albums as posted on facebook (if you read this through my facebook notes, this information is irrelavent to you as you already have access to them). all the photo album links posted are in relation to my journey throughout the world as started on july 1, 2009.
3. RECENT POSTS. this is a new function i have added to highlight the 5 newest posts to my blog. this way, if you happened to have missed a blog entry or wish to skip back a blog entry or 2, they are all posted there with a short summary for your convenience.
4. ARCHIVE. again - as before - this section is listed for your convenience should you want to look back over the history of what has been written. i have edited it slightly so that it no longer shows the blog entry titles, as the most recent ones are now posted above this section - i figured it was not needed. now you may access a portion of the archive by month or year. enjoy!
****
for the middle section, this is clearly the area in which my actual blog entry will lay. however, you may notice that about the blog entry there are the following links:
1. HOME. this link will always direct you back to the main blogsite
2. ABOUT. this link will take you to a separate page in which i have given a brief description on my blogsite as well as my email contact information should you wish to contact me.
3. TRAVEL MAP. this will take you to a separate page in which i have posted my on-going travel map according to my journey that began on july 1, 2009.
4. NEW POST. this is only accessible for me in order to quickly allow me to write a new blog entry.
5. CUSTOMIZE. this, again, is only accessible for me in order to modify, update or otherwise edit the blogsite to make it even better.
6. SIGN IN. this is if you have a google account and wish to be able to sign in.
with the blog, you are still able to post comments to each entry, whether or not you have any sort of google account. you may also click on the link at the bottom of each entry in order to forward that blog to anyone you wish via email.
****
on the right hand colomn, you will notice the following functions:
1. PHOTO. yes - this is me. what a lovely picture.
2. FOLLOWERS. this is the section in relation to who is following my blog that has a google account. if you have a google account and become a follower - my blog updates are notified on your account for you to check out.
3. SUBSCRIBE VIA EMAIL. again - this is for if you wish to have my blog sent to your email address to avoid having to reguarly check in and see if i have posted anything.
4. SITEMETER. this little button is simply tracking how many visitors my blogsite has. the more visitors, the better it is should i ever try to develop this thing into a book or whatnot.
****
i hope this helps out and that everything works smoothly for everyone that is following my blog. please comment on this post should anything need to be changed further, if you have any questions or you just simply want to comment....... other than that - cheers! (again).
change is good
as some may have noticed - i have recently changed the look of my blog. it is new. it is different. it is change. i felt the need to do something - dont ask why as i am now caught up with trying to fix all the glitches associated with developing a new artful look to my blogsite. so i ask you - please bare with me as i make a few needed minor changes in the next while.
in the meantime, you will find that the majority of my blogsite is the same. there is still the links to my photo albums. one can search through the archive. anyone is able to comment on my posts. you are still able to subscribe to my blog so that it gets sent to your email inbox.
but there are also a few new things too. i have added a "followers" box for those who already have google accounts and wish to follow my blog entries in that regard. you are now able to forward my blog entries to people you via an email link at the bottom of each blog entry. there are now mini summaries to the left of my blog in which one can have a peak at the most recent of my postings.
as i have said though - there are still a few glitches that need to be worked out. so please be patient and if there is any annoying aspect of my new blogsite that you feel i may have overlooked, please write your concerns in a comment at the end of this blog. i will do my best to fix everything as quickly as possible and parhaps discover a few new things to add... but as it is - i thank everyone for their support and interest in what i have written so far in my blog - cheers!!
in the meantime, you will find that the majority of my blogsite is the same. there is still the links to my photo albums. one can search through the archive. anyone is able to comment on my posts. you are still able to subscribe to my blog so that it gets sent to your email inbox.
but there are also a few new things too. i have added a "followers" box for those who already have google accounts and wish to follow my blog entries in that regard. you are now able to forward my blog entries to people you via an email link at the bottom of each blog entry. there are now mini summaries to the left of my blog in which one can have a peak at the most recent of my postings.
as i have said though - there are still a few glitches that need to be worked out. so please be patient and if there is any annoying aspect of my new blogsite that you feel i may have overlooked, please write your concerns in a comment at the end of this blog. i will do my best to fix everything as quickly as possible and parhaps discover a few new things to add... but as it is - i thank everyone for their support and interest in what i have written so far in my blog - cheers!!
nothing to say
10/21/09 . i am trapped. i sit here on my top bunk wearing only a bathing suit and shirt and i am cold. the fan is going and a breeze is coming in from the window. and all i can do is wait. my french roommate has decided to invite 2 of her french guy friends into our tiny room. what is already a small space becomes claustrophobic when there are actually 4 people at one time "hanging out." especially when i am the outcast when it comes to the ability to speak the language as the others. none of them really speak english very well at all. other than being cold - all i can think is that my underwear is hanging everywhere drying as i just did my laundry. what a lovely impression to leave with a bunch of young men.
these boys have been in our room before - once to scoff at the thought that i was getting ready for bed "so early" (the french girl is regularly out all night only to arrive back in our room in the early hours of the morning to sleep). the second time was to scoff that i was "still" reading my book. i dont have any desire to have them comment on how id really like them to leave so i can put on some warmer clothes and start getting myself ready for bed. oh how i cant wait to move into my own room at the flat. my own space. my own bed. my own room. 12 more days to go untill i move. i can do it.
on another note, today appeared to be the day to break things. i broke my sunglasses at the beach (the 3rd pair since ive begun my journey from calgary in july) and then when i returned back to the hostel, i broke my spork while eating dinner. bummer. guess it balances out with the fact that i got a new swimsuit today. kind of.
10/22/09 . today was a day for the books. a day of cozing up in an overstuffed chair and burying my head in a novel. losing myself in the story, i sipped my vanilla latte at the nearest borders bookstore. time became a distant thought in the back of my mind as i was immersed in the adventures of frodo baggins and his friends.
i have never read "the lord of the rings" trilogy untill now. as of today i have finally and officially finished the first of the series (not counting "the hobbit," which isnt included in the famous 3, but its story preludes the trilogy). i have never been much for science fiction, but after watching the lord of the rings movies - i have been intrigued as to how the books compare. its hard to know if it would have been better to read the books first and i suppose i will never know. regardless, the adventurous quest the story tells captures a part of my soul and doesnt let go. it leaves me wanting more. it leaves me wishing that my life could be filled with such adventure, something to live fore - something to fight for. something to die for. maybe its a selfish thought to think, but should i ever write a book of my life - a memoir, if you will - would it be movie-worthy material? would it encapture the minds of my readers? woudl it inspire them to want more out of life? to be more than what they are? would a book of my life be an awe-inspiring page turner - something that is read over and over or would it be read once and then quickly forgotten? i spose i wont know untill i start to write...
i also read another book today, one called "in my skin" by kate hudson. its a memoir written about how kate fell into a heroin addiction and in order to feed that addiction she turned to prostitution for a source of money. its about how she hated her life. loved her life. wanted more. wanted less. about how some days she was ashamed of what she did - ashamed her family knew. about how other days she loved it so much she was proud to proclaim her newfound career choice. proud of her life. its about how she struggled, thrived and eventually beat her addiction and became who she had wanted to be all along. honest and raw, this book captured my attention and i simply couldnt put it down untill i was finished.
so many people scoff at the lifestyle and choices that people such as kate make (or made) and yet reading stories such as this reminds me that we are all the same. maybe we're not all addicted to heroin. maybe our drug of choice is chocolate. maybe its sleeping in. maybe its having control. maybe its alcohol. maybe its the great outdoors. not all of us are prostitutes, but at some point or another we will each compromise our childhood ideals for something else we never thought we'd do. that we never thought we'd become. that we never thought we'd choose. maybe it's for money. maybe fame. maybe acceptance. maybe it's just to survive. we all have our reasons. we all have our self-destructive downfalls. some of us are workaholics for the money. some to avoid dealing with failing relationships. some of us go out every weekend binge drinking in order to find love and acceptance. some of us work our butts off at the gym and then binge eat when we get home in order to satisfy an internal need for something that food never will. some of us continue to do the same routine because they "have to," they're "stuck," theres "no way out," - but the reality is that theyre afraid of change. afraid to be something more. afraid of the risk. each and every one of us is a heroin addict and prostitute on some level. we are all the same.
10/23/09 . another day at the beach complete only today it was not at brondi. anika (my hostel roomie) and i hopped on the bus this morning to get to circular quay - the bus/train/ferry hub of sydney. we then boarded the ferry to get to manly, a northern beach suburb of sydney. it was gorgeous. much like bondi with its cute shops and beach of golden sand - anika and i settled in. we spent the afternoon there soaking in the rays and then headed back in the early evening to our hostel... can't get much better than that.
10/24/09 . it is a grey day today and the clouds that cover the sky and sun also darken my heart. maybe it has to do with the fac tthat i took the day off from running. maybe its from a bad nights sleep or maybe its the weather alone that i feel this way. whatever the reason, the bottom line is that i feel stressed. and maybe all for nothing.
i got an email this morning from amex stating that they REALLY needed to discuss my account with them. its either something bad or just a ploy to get me to contact them all the way from australia. regardless - im not exactly looking forward to picking up that phone to dial the numbers. on top of that, i also got an email from my dad stating that my visa account notes a late payment and also shows i am near my limit. i knew i was nearing my limit simply because when my bank in canada so nicely froze my account i had no other choice but to use what little was left on my credit balance to hold me over. *sigh* and NOW, because i am STILL waiting on a new bank card in order to access everything online, i currently have no ability to really make sure my finances are running 100% smoothly. what a joy.
therefore - i am stressed. i KNOW theres not much i can do but wait, but still - its like a black cloud looming over me and i can do nothing but just sit there. annoying. frustrating.
as a result - the most i can think about is asking for more hours at work so that i can bring in some more moolah and create a bigger buffer zone. the other part of me wants to do a big "screw you" to the world, max out my credit cards in canada, declare bankruptcy and start over. but i know id never be happy with myself if i did that. *sigh*
sitting and waiting is hard for me to do when it comes to stressful situations. i do not like feeling stressed and so id much rather DO something abou tit to rid me of the gut-wrenching feeling. but right now i cant. i have to look past it and focus on what i CAN do - which for today that means slapping on some sunscreen and heading to work.
10/25/09 . in the land where swim lessons look like boot camp training - this has been a week of learning for me. smack dab in the middle of my workweek, the end of the weekend, the start of the next week for some calendars and the end of others - its sunday. a day of rest. a day of reflection. a day of nothing. and yet i work.
even still, as i sit here at bronte beach, waiting for my shift to start - i think back to this past week on all the experiences and life lessons i have endured. yesterday holds more significance in that regard than all the other days put together. sure - most of the day i spent working - most of it standing with my arms wet up to my elbows in soapy water as i washed all ninos dishware. again. and again. and again. but it started with the unfortunate email regarding my increasingly complicated financial situation. still not able to access my canadian bank account online. still not able to keep track of what payments i need to make to attempt in getting my name clear of debt. still not able to do a whole heck of a lot but stress over the fact that i cant do anything and because of that, the credit card companies arent to happy with me.
my day ended with me losing my camera (the one i bought in BC to replace the one of which i broke) only minutes before i had to meet ariana to go to a bbq party. tired as hell from work and lack of sleep from the night before - i was not a happy camper. and yet there wasnt much i could do but go out with ariana anyway and cross my fingers itd turn up later. it did - under the seat of the computer i had been sitting at right before i left for arianas.
and so what have i learned? i have learned that sometimes in life one really cant do anything but wait. it sucks. its frustrating. no control. nothing you can do but watch the time tick on. sometimes the waiting results in good - problems solved. sometimes it seems as though the hole thats been dug only gets deeper and deeper and yet all you can do is watch.
****
as per my last few conversations with people it seems as though everyone is wanting news on "how its going." what my job is like. how im liking australia and such. with all these questions i feel as though i am some how neglecting my soul of the awe and wonderment that australia surely deserves. it is as though i should awake every morning with a smile beaming on my face and a song on the tip of my tongue as i jump out of bed thrilled to take on yet another day in this beautiful country. and yet that is not the case.
now dont get me wrong - life as it has been for the past month has been filled with much awe and wonderment at where i am. i love it here and i wake up everyday knowing that i am here and that i CHOSE to be here. but i also have adjusted to life here quite a bit. i am passed the stage of naive excitement that comes with entering a foreign place for a period of time. my travels have become my life. i am living here - work, home, friends - it is all here.
as such - it is odd to be on this end of a stream of questions asking me of things i have already processed for myself and have become accustomed to. and yet, because of these questions - i am writing still as it is me who is here and many who read what i write never have been and may never will. and so - it strangely has become my duty to not only write of the adventures i have going from point A to B, exploring new things i have never experienced in my lifetime, but also to write of what "life" is like once i settle in and what was once odd, new and fresh now appears normal, old and almost boring.
so what IS life like here in australia? it is very much the same and different as it was back at home in canada. sometimes i forget i am even "here." sometimes i feel as though i have woken up on another planet.
take something as simple as crossing the road. back in canada it can almost be incredibly frustrating to be driving in a stop and go fashion in order to wait for every type of pedestrian to cross the road - whether or not they are in the crosswalk. here, however, one learns very quickly that though pedestrians might legally have the right of way - culturally they do not... whether or not a crosswalk is involved. the amount of times i have attempted to cross a street at the corner only to be met with a blaring horn of a car with a driver shaking their fist, scowling or yelling at me as they speed by within inches of giving me a flesh makeover - as though it was my fault i almost got run over. well - i try to forget such situations and instead focus on heightening my senses for any vehicle that may not care if it flattens me like a pancake. and thats not just my experience either. ive seen dogs, kids, moms with strollers, the elderly and every other human being have their life flash before their eyes as they come within breathing distance of being roadkill.
and then theres the job. sure, i may serve people, make juice and coffe, ring up orders and try to make people smile - but there have been glaring differences with this type of job as well. first off - tips are not a common curtesy of the customer. it is a rare thing when people tip. as a result, one generally notices that the level of service in the industry is lower because people such as myself can choose to work hard or not and still get the same pay at the end of the day. so when it comes to my job, customers are genuinely surprised when i do something as simple as ask if they would like salt and pepper for their meal or water for their dog.
theres also the language - which goes for work or just everyday life. people say "tomato" not "tomatoe." its "how ya going?" rather than "hows it going?" theres no such thing as "normal coffee" and everything is shortened to a nickname except when talking about gum to which a person calls it "chewing gum" as though all of a sudden thats the one thing in the world that cant be turned into a slang word.
so when people as about work - about life - its tough to know what to say. i want to say that its "fine" or "good" or that theres "nothing new" as i would when in canada, but the reality of the situation i suppose really is quite different. i have been living in australia for only a month now - a country on the other side and hemisphere of the world from my own country... surely i can come up with a better response to how my life here is than the standard.
all in all - life is beautiful here - but thats also becuse of where ive chosen to stay in bondi. to go to the city or CBD as its sometimes called - sydney is quite similar to every other concrete jungle. yet bondi is fairly unique in its own culture and one can never get tired of the view. that and i continue to learn so much about australian culture. about the people. the life.
australians balk at the idea that back at home id have to shovel snow from the sidewalk and that it can get lower than -30 degress during the winter months. they cant comprehend the idea that the most intimidating creatures in canada are that of the moose, bear and cougar while almost everything under the sun here can bite or sting a person to death. on the flipside, australians have a very similar culture to canada. they generally see themselves as new zealands "USA" and that they are the dominant older/bigger sibling of the 2 countries. that being said, their ideals of life and politics and everything inbetween aligns more similarly with canada.
people here drive on the left side of the road. they drink alcohol in public areas. they live for rugby and cricket and have trouble fathoming the thought that people outside of themselves have never learned to surf. australia is a country that doesnt take itself seriously - it has tv shows similar to "saturday night live" that poke fun at the very culture and people it lives for. they are aiming for a healthier country whether through health-friendly food choices, recycling programs or development of better transit systems to reduce car emissions. it is a culture that values family and a healthy upbringing of children. it values world involvement when it comes to disaster relief and peace keeping missions rather than war. australia is diverse. it is the same. it is different. small. big. hot. cold. wet. dry. dangerous. safe. populated. remote. old. new. it is what it is and i love it.
so to answer everyones questions - life is good. it is fine. there is nothing new or exciting. and yet it is all so much more than that and i love it.
****
yet again at borders - the local bookstore. i find myself completely lost in the world of written word. the smell of coffee lingers in the air as peoples voices murmur with conversation all around me. pages turn. fingers tap buttons on laptops contected to the wireless world. i read.
i read of adventures had. those ones only dream of having. i have come upon a book today, based from a recommendation from someone i met at a bbq party last night and i can hardly wait to read it. but i have yet to finish my current novel. this new one, however, boasts of raw truth and yet of how close it is to the truth i am not sure. it is called "shantaram" and its about gregory david roberts (also the author) who was sentenced to 19 years of prison and escapted, becoming a fugitive in bombay, india. it talks of how his life in establishing a free medical clinic for slum dwellers, working as a couterfeiter, smuggler, gunrunner and street soldier for the bombay mafia... and so much more. and if that alone wasnt enough to peak mine (or anyone elses) interest, the first page starts off with:
"it took me a long time and most of the world to learn what i know about love and fate and choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instant, while i was chained to a wall and being tortured. i realised, somehow, through the screaming in my mind, that even in that shackled, bloody helplessness, i was still free: free to hate the men who were torturing me, or to forgive them. it doesn't sound like much, i know. but in the flinch and bit of the chain, when its all youve got, that freedom is a universe of possibility. and the choice you make, between hating and forgiving, can become the story of your life."
wow. what can a person even say to that? i can only begin to imagine what the rest of the book - the soul of the novel - could hold for my eyes to read. the man who recommended it to me and ariana last night spoke of how gripping a tale this book was. how it pulled him in and wouldnt let go. how it took him a year to read it not only because it is so long (about the size of 5 average novels), but because of the intensity of it. which makes me wonder - how much of it is based on truth? how does one even begin to discover such a story and will i ever be able to write such as that?
ever since i was young i have loved books. loved to read them. hold them. feel them. smell them. when i watched "beauty and the beast" for the first time, i immediately wanted a castle-sized library of my own. but more than that, i loved the idea of writing my own book. i still do. but untill i find the time, energy and just the right words for paper - i read what has already been published. picking out books such as "shantaram" fills me with a sense of excitement. intrigue. wonder. anything is possible in the world and i am inspired.
as such - even before i have begun to read it, i can feel it will be good - hell, hollywood is in the process of developing the book into a movie for 2011. so for those that are looking for the next book they cant put down - this one i definitely recommend.
these boys have been in our room before - once to scoff at the thought that i was getting ready for bed "so early" (the french girl is regularly out all night only to arrive back in our room in the early hours of the morning to sleep). the second time was to scoff that i was "still" reading my book. i dont have any desire to have them comment on how id really like them to leave so i can put on some warmer clothes and start getting myself ready for bed. oh how i cant wait to move into my own room at the flat. my own space. my own bed. my own room. 12 more days to go untill i move. i can do it.
on another note, today appeared to be the day to break things. i broke my sunglasses at the beach (the 3rd pair since ive begun my journey from calgary in july) and then when i returned back to the hostel, i broke my spork while eating dinner. bummer. guess it balances out with the fact that i got a new swimsuit today. kind of.
10/22/09 . today was a day for the books. a day of cozing up in an overstuffed chair and burying my head in a novel. losing myself in the story, i sipped my vanilla latte at the nearest borders bookstore. time became a distant thought in the back of my mind as i was immersed in the adventures of frodo baggins and his friends.
i have never read "the lord of the rings" trilogy untill now. as of today i have finally and officially finished the first of the series (not counting "the hobbit," which isnt included in the famous 3, but its story preludes the trilogy). i have never been much for science fiction, but after watching the lord of the rings movies - i have been intrigued as to how the books compare. its hard to know if it would have been better to read the books first and i suppose i will never know. regardless, the adventurous quest the story tells captures a part of my soul and doesnt let go. it leaves me wanting more. it leaves me wishing that my life could be filled with such adventure, something to live fore - something to fight for. something to die for. maybe its a selfish thought to think, but should i ever write a book of my life - a memoir, if you will - would it be movie-worthy material? would it encapture the minds of my readers? woudl it inspire them to want more out of life? to be more than what they are? would a book of my life be an awe-inspiring page turner - something that is read over and over or would it be read once and then quickly forgotten? i spose i wont know untill i start to write...
i also read another book today, one called "in my skin" by kate hudson. its a memoir written about how kate fell into a heroin addiction and in order to feed that addiction she turned to prostitution for a source of money. its about how she hated her life. loved her life. wanted more. wanted less. about how some days she was ashamed of what she did - ashamed her family knew. about how other days she loved it so much she was proud to proclaim her newfound career choice. proud of her life. its about how she struggled, thrived and eventually beat her addiction and became who she had wanted to be all along. honest and raw, this book captured my attention and i simply couldnt put it down untill i was finished.
so many people scoff at the lifestyle and choices that people such as kate make (or made) and yet reading stories such as this reminds me that we are all the same. maybe we're not all addicted to heroin. maybe our drug of choice is chocolate. maybe its sleeping in. maybe its having control. maybe its alcohol. maybe its the great outdoors. not all of us are prostitutes, but at some point or another we will each compromise our childhood ideals for something else we never thought we'd do. that we never thought we'd become. that we never thought we'd choose. maybe it's for money. maybe fame. maybe acceptance. maybe it's just to survive. we all have our reasons. we all have our self-destructive downfalls. some of us are workaholics for the money. some to avoid dealing with failing relationships. some of us go out every weekend binge drinking in order to find love and acceptance. some of us work our butts off at the gym and then binge eat when we get home in order to satisfy an internal need for something that food never will. some of us continue to do the same routine because they "have to," they're "stuck," theres "no way out," - but the reality is that theyre afraid of change. afraid to be something more. afraid of the risk. each and every one of us is a heroin addict and prostitute on some level. we are all the same.
10/23/09 . another day at the beach complete only today it was not at brondi. anika (my hostel roomie) and i hopped on the bus this morning to get to circular quay - the bus/train/ferry hub of sydney. we then boarded the ferry to get to manly, a northern beach suburb of sydney. it was gorgeous. much like bondi with its cute shops and beach of golden sand - anika and i settled in. we spent the afternoon there soaking in the rays and then headed back in the early evening to our hostel... can't get much better than that.
10/24/09 . it is a grey day today and the clouds that cover the sky and sun also darken my heart. maybe it has to do with the fac tthat i took the day off from running. maybe its from a bad nights sleep or maybe its the weather alone that i feel this way. whatever the reason, the bottom line is that i feel stressed. and maybe all for nothing.
i got an email this morning from amex stating that they REALLY needed to discuss my account with them. its either something bad or just a ploy to get me to contact them all the way from australia. regardless - im not exactly looking forward to picking up that phone to dial the numbers. on top of that, i also got an email from my dad stating that my visa account notes a late payment and also shows i am near my limit. i knew i was nearing my limit simply because when my bank in canada so nicely froze my account i had no other choice but to use what little was left on my credit balance to hold me over. *sigh* and NOW, because i am STILL waiting on a new bank card in order to access everything online, i currently have no ability to really make sure my finances are running 100% smoothly. what a joy.
therefore - i am stressed. i KNOW theres not much i can do but wait, but still - its like a black cloud looming over me and i can do nothing but just sit there. annoying. frustrating.
as a result - the most i can think about is asking for more hours at work so that i can bring in some more moolah and create a bigger buffer zone. the other part of me wants to do a big "screw you" to the world, max out my credit cards in canada, declare bankruptcy and start over. but i know id never be happy with myself if i did that. *sigh*
sitting and waiting is hard for me to do when it comes to stressful situations. i do not like feeling stressed and so id much rather DO something abou tit to rid me of the gut-wrenching feeling. but right now i cant. i have to look past it and focus on what i CAN do - which for today that means slapping on some sunscreen and heading to work.
10/25/09 . in the land where swim lessons look like boot camp training - this has been a week of learning for me. smack dab in the middle of my workweek, the end of the weekend, the start of the next week for some calendars and the end of others - its sunday. a day of rest. a day of reflection. a day of nothing. and yet i work.
even still, as i sit here at bronte beach, waiting for my shift to start - i think back to this past week on all the experiences and life lessons i have endured. yesterday holds more significance in that regard than all the other days put together. sure - most of the day i spent working - most of it standing with my arms wet up to my elbows in soapy water as i washed all ninos dishware. again. and again. and again. but it started with the unfortunate email regarding my increasingly complicated financial situation. still not able to access my canadian bank account online. still not able to keep track of what payments i need to make to attempt in getting my name clear of debt. still not able to do a whole heck of a lot but stress over the fact that i cant do anything and because of that, the credit card companies arent to happy with me.
my day ended with me losing my camera (the one i bought in BC to replace the one of which i broke) only minutes before i had to meet ariana to go to a bbq party. tired as hell from work and lack of sleep from the night before - i was not a happy camper. and yet there wasnt much i could do but go out with ariana anyway and cross my fingers itd turn up later. it did - under the seat of the computer i had been sitting at right before i left for arianas.
and so what have i learned? i have learned that sometimes in life one really cant do anything but wait. it sucks. its frustrating. no control. nothing you can do but watch the time tick on. sometimes the waiting results in good - problems solved. sometimes it seems as though the hole thats been dug only gets deeper and deeper and yet all you can do is watch.
****
as per my last few conversations with people it seems as though everyone is wanting news on "how its going." what my job is like. how im liking australia and such. with all these questions i feel as though i am some how neglecting my soul of the awe and wonderment that australia surely deserves. it is as though i should awake every morning with a smile beaming on my face and a song on the tip of my tongue as i jump out of bed thrilled to take on yet another day in this beautiful country. and yet that is not the case.
now dont get me wrong - life as it has been for the past month has been filled with much awe and wonderment at where i am. i love it here and i wake up everyday knowing that i am here and that i CHOSE to be here. but i also have adjusted to life here quite a bit. i am passed the stage of naive excitement that comes with entering a foreign place for a period of time. my travels have become my life. i am living here - work, home, friends - it is all here.
as such - it is odd to be on this end of a stream of questions asking me of things i have already processed for myself and have become accustomed to. and yet, because of these questions - i am writing still as it is me who is here and many who read what i write never have been and may never will. and so - it strangely has become my duty to not only write of the adventures i have going from point A to B, exploring new things i have never experienced in my lifetime, but also to write of what "life" is like once i settle in and what was once odd, new and fresh now appears normal, old and almost boring.
so what IS life like here in australia? it is very much the same and different as it was back at home in canada. sometimes i forget i am even "here." sometimes i feel as though i have woken up on another planet.
take something as simple as crossing the road. back in canada it can almost be incredibly frustrating to be driving in a stop and go fashion in order to wait for every type of pedestrian to cross the road - whether or not they are in the crosswalk. here, however, one learns very quickly that though pedestrians might legally have the right of way - culturally they do not... whether or not a crosswalk is involved. the amount of times i have attempted to cross a street at the corner only to be met with a blaring horn of a car with a driver shaking their fist, scowling or yelling at me as they speed by within inches of giving me a flesh makeover - as though it was my fault i almost got run over. well - i try to forget such situations and instead focus on heightening my senses for any vehicle that may not care if it flattens me like a pancake. and thats not just my experience either. ive seen dogs, kids, moms with strollers, the elderly and every other human being have their life flash before their eyes as they come within breathing distance of being roadkill.
and then theres the job. sure, i may serve people, make juice and coffe, ring up orders and try to make people smile - but there have been glaring differences with this type of job as well. first off - tips are not a common curtesy of the customer. it is a rare thing when people tip. as a result, one generally notices that the level of service in the industry is lower because people such as myself can choose to work hard or not and still get the same pay at the end of the day. so when it comes to my job, customers are genuinely surprised when i do something as simple as ask if they would like salt and pepper for their meal or water for their dog.
theres also the language - which goes for work or just everyday life. people say "tomato" not "tomatoe." its "how ya going?" rather than "hows it going?" theres no such thing as "normal coffee" and everything is shortened to a nickname except when talking about gum to which a person calls it "chewing gum" as though all of a sudden thats the one thing in the world that cant be turned into a slang word.
so when people as about work - about life - its tough to know what to say. i want to say that its "fine" or "good" or that theres "nothing new" as i would when in canada, but the reality of the situation i suppose really is quite different. i have been living in australia for only a month now - a country on the other side and hemisphere of the world from my own country... surely i can come up with a better response to how my life here is than the standard.
all in all - life is beautiful here - but thats also becuse of where ive chosen to stay in bondi. to go to the city or CBD as its sometimes called - sydney is quite similar to every other concrete jungle. yet bondi is fairly unique in its own culture and one can never get tired of the view. that and i continue to learn so much about australian culture. about the people. the life.
australians balk at the idea that back at home id have to shovel snow from the sidewalk and that it can get lower than -30 degress during the winter months. they cant comprehend the idea that the most intimidating creatures in canada are that of the moose, bear and cougar while almost everything under the sun here can bite or sting a person to death. on the flipside, australians have a very similar culture to canada. they generally see themselves as new zealands "USA" and that they are the dominant older/bigger sibling of the 2 countries. that being said, their ideals of life and politics and everything inbetween aligns more similarly with canada.
people here drive on the left side of the road. they drink alcohol in public areas. they live for rugby and cricket and have trouble fathoming the thought that people outside of themselves have never learned to surf. australia is a country that doesnt take itself seriously - it has tv shows similar to "saturday night live" that poke fun at the very culture and people it lives for. they are aiming for a healthier country whether through health-friendly food choices, recycling programs or development of better transit systems to reduce car emissions. it is a culture that values family and a healthy upbringing of children. it values world involvement when it comes to disaster relief and peace keeping missions rather than war. australia is diverse. it is the same. it is different. small. big. hot. cold. wet. dry. dangerous. safe. populated. remote. old. new. it is what it is and i love it.
so to answer everyones questions - life is good. it is fine. there is nothing new or exciting. and yet it is all so much more than that and i love it.
****
yet again at borders - the local bookstore. i find myself completely lost in the world of written word. the smell of coffee lingers in the air as peoples voices murmur with conversation all around me. pages turn. fingers tap buttons on laptops contected to the wireless world. i read.
i read of adventures had. those ones only dream of having. i have come upon a book today, based from a recommendation from someone i met at a bbq party last night and i can hardly wait to read it. but i have yet to finish my current novel. this new one, however, boasts of raw truth and yet of how close it is to the truth i am not sure. it is called "shantaram" and its about gregory david roberts (also the author) who was sentenced to 19 years of prison and escapted, becoming a fugitive in bombay, india. it talks of how his life in establishing a free medical clinic for slum dwellers, working as a couterfeiter, smuggler, gunrunner and street soldier for the bombay mafia... and so much more. and if that alone wasnt enough to peak mine (or anyone elses) interest, the first page starts off with:
"it took me a long time and most of the world to learn what i know about love and fate and choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instant, while i was chained to a wall and being tortured. i realised, somehow, through the screaming in my mind, that even in that shackled, bloody helplessness, i was still free: free to hate the men who were torturing me, or to forgive them. it doesn't sound like much, i know. but in the flinch and bit of the chain, when its all youve got, that freedom is a universe of possibility. and the choice you make, between hating and forgiving, can become the story of your life."
wow. what can a person even say to that? i can only begin to imagine what the rest of the book - the soul of the novel - could hold for my eyes to read. the man who recommended it to me and ariana last night spoke of how gripping a tale this book was. how it pulled him in and wouldnt let go. how it took him a year to read it not only because it is so long (about the size of 5 average novels), but because of the intensity of it. which makes me wonder - how much of it is based on truth? how does one even begin to discover such a story and will i ever be able to write such as that?
ever since i was young i have loved books. loved to read them. hold them. feel them. smell them. when i watched "beauty and the beast" for the first time, i immediately wanted a castle-sized library of my own. but more than that, i loved the idea of writing my own book. i still do. but untill i find the time, energy and just the right words for paper - i read what has already been published. picking out books such as "shantaram" fills me with a sense of excitement. intrigue. wonder. anything is possible in the world and i am inspired.
as such - even before i have begun to read it, i can feel it will be good - hell, hollywood is in the process of developing the book into a movie for 2011. so for those that are looking for the next book they cant put down - this one i definitely recommend.
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