my grandma gave me this card for my bday and i absolutely love what it has to say -- thought id share it with everyone else :D
life legacies
live deep
never stop learning, playing,
or finding wonder
in the world around you.
live the length of your life,
but live the depth of it as well.
travel light
there is no use in carrying around
worry and regret.
they only weigh you donw.
always keep yourself open
to hope and to love.
they give us wings.
forgive imperfections
in yourself and others.
imperfections keep things interesting.
they're the cracks
where the light shines through.
own beautiful things
and not just to keep in the drawer,
tucked away for a perfect day.
surround yourself with things
that make you happy,
that remind you of all the beauty all around us
if we only keep our eyes open to it.
make mistakes
follow detours. sometimes it takes an unexpected turn
to help us find the life
that is waiting for us around the bend.
trust yourself and the path
that is meant for you.
take care of yourself
and sometimes that means
you need the ice cream.
be good to your body,
but also to your mind and spirit.
your're the only one who can.
and always, always know you are loved
you are a gift to this world
and that will never change.
No More Bullshit Please
so here's the thing - ive just come home from a lover-ly 38 (no, that's not a typo) hour shift..... welcome to my field. i am tired... i am exhausted. i am beyond thinking about sleep. in fact - i have another shift tomorrow morning at 9am. joy. that gives me precisely 8hrs to sleep and get up to go again............................... if i go to sleep NOW.
oh ya - did i mention its a 24 hr shift?? yuppers.
sometimes i wonder why i actually volunteer to do these shifts. oh yeah - the money. its ALWAYS about the money isnt it??
anyWHO - my meaningles story this evening has absolutely nothing to do with this, but the fact that during my lengthy shift today i spent almost an hour wading in discolored water......
discolored? yeah.... lets just say, the toilet got clogged and overflowed. apparantly i dont really have too many skills in the unclogging buisness of toilets - not that i thought there could be too many skills in the first place. i had always figured u just simply push the ugly looking rubber thing at the end of the stick (aka: a plunger) in the toilet bowl and KA-BAM!! toilet unclogged.
apparantly these things arent that easy.
oh - and i should mention that i didn't exactly "wade" in the toilet overflow......... it was more like it splashed up onto my toes (i was in flip-flops) as the bucket holding the water we mopping up from the initial overflow convieniently tipped over. i would have gotten out of the way but i was baracaded in the washroom by my toilet-plunger assistant who will remain nameless.
but yeah.... long story - short... the toilet got clogged. i was nominated to assist in the unclogging process, which only resulted in more overflow-age.... which i compensated in cleaning in by mop and bucket - which was tipped over...................................... i made the executive decision to add towels to the cleaning process as they dont have the tendency of tipping over when full of discolored water from the toilet that (at this point) i am making a conscious effort to convince myself that its just dirty dish water or something...
we cleaned the floor by mop and towel.... then lined the base of the toilet with the pre-soaked towels and plunged once more.
more bubbles.
more overflowing waters of death.
i passed my title of toilet-plunging queen to the next available staff and walked away in my now slightly soaked flip-flops making mental notes to throw them out as soon as i walk into my door at home..............
glad i could share this splendid experience with the world.....
gawd i need sleep.
oh ya - did i mention its a 24 hr shift?? yuppers.
sometimes i wonder why i actually volunteer to do these shifts. oh yeah - the money. its ALWAYS about the money isnt it??
anyWHO - my meaningles story this evening has absolutely nothing to do with this, but the fact that during my lengthy shift today i spent almost an hour wading in discolored water......
discolored? yeah.... lets just say, the toilet got clogged and overflowed. apparantly i dont really have too many skills in the unclogging buisness of toilets - not that i thought there could be too many skills in the first place. i had always figured u just simply push the ugly looking rubber thing at the end of the stick (aka: a plunger) in the toilet bowl and KA-BAM!! toilet unclogged.
apparantly these things arent that easy.
oh - and i should mention that i didn't exactly "wade" in the toilet overflow......... it was more like it splashed up onto my toes (i was in flip-flops) as the bucket holding the water we mopping up from the initial overflow convieniently tipped over. i would have gotten out of the way but i was baracaded in the washroom by my toilet-plunger assistant who will remain nameless.
but yeah.... long story - short... the toilet got clogged. i was nominated to assist in the unclogging process, which only resulted in more overflow-age.... which i compensated in cleaning in by mop and bucket - which was tipped over...................................... i made the executive decision to add towels to the cleaning process as they dont have the tendency of tipping over when full of discolored water from the toilet that (at this point) i am making a conscious effort to convince myself that its just dirty dish water or something...
we cleaned the floor by mop and towel.... then lined the base of the toilet with the pre-soaked towels and plunged once more.
more bubbles.
more overflowing waters of death.
i passed my title of toilet-plunging queen to the next available staff and walked away in my now slightly soaked flip-flops making mental notes to throw them out as soon as i walk into my door at home..............
glad i could share this splendid experience with the world.....
gawd i need sleep.
Early Morning Wake-up Call
well - its been a full week... well - a full week and a day to be more exact since ive moved in and all. its freakin sweet and im loving the face that i have this space - ALL TO MYSELF. sure - im freakin broke, but hey - welcome to the "real world" right?? lol
anywho - the whole reason i am here writing when i could so obviously be catching up on my much needed sleep (yes, on a saturday nite) is cuz i felt the need to share my first story of my new place.
it was thursday - the first morning i was actually able to catch up on my sleep after doing 12-14 hr shifts the last few days back-to-back.... i didnt have to work till 5 -- apparantly that didnt matter cuz my doorbell rang bright and early at 9am.
i decided to ignore.
it wasnt like i was expecting anyone - AT ALL.
then i heard the keys turning the locks... wierd.
the only people that have access to my keys are my resident manager and the main office for the maintence people - neither of which i was expecting at 9am on thursday.
i continued to stay in my room - under my covers... praying that i wasnt about to be robbed - though i figured that would be unlikely since the person bothered to use a key.
i could hear the person walking around my place - opening and closing the curtains... just walking around. no "hello," no nothing.... so i stayed in my bed crossing my fingers that i wouldnt be forced to test my black ninja skills............
the guy's phone rings - he leaves... i get up and look in the mirror..... its not a pretty sight.
i leave the comfort of my bedroom and realize that i can still hear the guy talking on his phone just outside my apartment door. i look around my place - nothing looks different...........
just as im contemplating whether i should be angry or scared, if i should confront the guy or not - i hear the keys scraping at the lock again. so i open it.
i stand there face-to-face with this middle-aged asian man. im in my pjs - my hair is doing everything but remain presentable to another human being and my face looks as though ive just awoken from the dead........... but i stand strong.
hello - i say.
oh, you live here? - he says.
ummmmmmm.................. yeah?! no - i just like to randomly set up all my furniture in vacant apartments and then sleepover.... but instead i respond - yes.
we stand in an awkward silence and i am left with the confusing decision of whether i should continue this conversation or shut the door and go back to sleep.... he decides for me...
i am here to re-do your bathroom tile - he says.
oh - i say.
they told me it would be vacant, see i have the paperwork - he holds up a crumpled sheet that i cant read because its too early for my brain to process what my eyes see.
awkward silence.
as my brain is trying to process this, i open the door a little and he walks in. what happened next was a mumble-jumble of him trying to explain that he was told my apartment would be vacant for him to come in and do the job and that it complicated things greatly for the fact that i was there................
well - thats a bit of an exaggeration -- the only REAL complication is the fact that because he wants to do tile work in the shower - i cant shower for a few days....
OH.
right - no problem. its not like i need to look good or anything for the 24hr shift i have coming for work in a few hours.
... we established that because he had to go to the store to get the supplies i could shower while he was gone..... great.
he left....
i showered....
and now i got new tile in my bathroom.
morale of the story: ...if you don't know it by now...
anywho - the whole reason i am here writing when i could so obviously be catching up on my much needed sleep (yes, on a saturday nite) is cuz i felt the need to share my first story of my new place.
it was thursday - the first morning i was actually able to catch up on my sleep after doing 12-14 hr shifts the last few days back-to-back.... i didnt have to work till 5 -- apparantly that didnt matter cuz my doorbell rang bright and early at 9am.
i decided to ignore.
it wasnt like i was expecting anyone - AT ALL.
then i heard the keys turning the locks... wierd.
the only people that have access to my keys are my resident manager and the main office for the maintence people - neither of which i was expecting at 9am on thursday.
i continued to stay in my room - under my covers... praying that i wasnt about to be robbed - though i figured that would be unlikely since the person bothered to use a key.
i could hear the person walking around my place - opening and closing the curtains... just walking around. no "hello," no nothing.... so i stayed in my bed crossing my fingers that i wouldnt be forced to test my black ninja skills............
the guy's phone rings - he leaves... i get up and look in the mirror..... its not a pretty sight.
i leave the comfort of my bedroom and realize that i can still hear the guy talking on his phone just outside my apartment door. i look around my place - nothing looks different...........
just as im contemplating whether i should be angry or scared, if i should confront the guy or not - i hear the keys scraping at the lock again. so i open it.
i stand there face-to-face with this middle-aged asian man. im in my pjs - my hair is doing everything but remain presentable to another human being and my face looks as though ive just awoken from the dead........... but i stand strong.
hello - i say.
oh, you live here? - he says.
ummmmmmm.................. yeah?! no - i just like to randomly set up all my furniture in vacant apartments and then sleepover.... but instead i respond - yes.
we stand in an awkward silence and i am left with the confusing decision of whether i should continue this conversation or shut the door and go back to sleep.... he decides for me...
i am here to re-do your bathroom tile - he says.
oh - i say.
they told me it would be vacant, see i have the paperwork - he holds up a crumpled sheet that i cant read because its too early for my brain to process what my eyes see.
awkward silence.
as my brain is trying to process this, i open the door a little and he walks in. what happened next was a mumble-jumble of him trying to explain that he was told my apartment would be vacant for him to come in and do the job and that it complicated things greatly for the fact that i was there................
well - thats a bit of an exaggeration -- the only REAL complication is the fact that because he wants to do tile work in the shower - i cant shower for a few days....
OH.
right - no problem. its not like i need to look good or anything for the 24hr shift i have coming for work in a few hours.
... we established that because he had to go to the store to get the supplies i could shower while he was gone..... great.
he left....
i showered....
and now i got new tile in my bathroom.
morale of the story: ...if you don't know it by now...
pretty much my favorite book ever...
so..... whomever hasnt read a million little pieces by james frey...................... ur missing out. its a freakin amazing book and i dont care what oprah has to say bout it. anyWHO - thought id share a little taste......
... i look around me. there is blackness, there is alcohol, there are drugs. there is an abundance of all of them. i know im alone and there is no one to stop me. i know i can do as much as i want of whatever i want. as i reach for one of the bottles, something inside of me tells me to stop, that what im doing is wrong, that i cant do it anymore, that im killing myself. i reach anyway. i grip the bottle, bring it to my lips and take a long deep draw that burns my mouth, my throat and my stomach.
for the briefest instant i feel complete. the pain i carry with me disappears. i feel good. goddamn it, i feel fucking good.
the feelings are gone as quickly as they came and i want them back. i dont care what i have to do, what i have to take, what i have to endure, ill do anything. i just want them to come back.
i take another drink. it doesnt work. i grab a different bottle, take a larger drink. it doesnt work. i seize bottle after bottle, take drink after drink, nothing works. instead of feeling better, i feel increasingly worse. everything i felt that was good has become bad and it has been magnified beyond any point of reference or comprehension. my only option is to try and kill. kill what hurts. kill it....
... its gone as fast as it came and i know its gone for good, replaced by fear, dread and a murderous rage. any pretense of experiencing pleasure disappears. i grab rocks, stuff the pipe, hit. i grab rocks, stuff the pipe, hit. the torch is white and the glass is pink and i feel the skin of my fingers bubbling but it doesnt bother me. i grab rocks, stuff the pipe, hit. i do it until the bag is empty and then i stuff the bag into the pipe and i smoke the plastic. i have a murderous rage and i need to kill. kill my heart, kill my mind, kill myself....
freakin read the book if u havent................ that is all i have to say. :D
... i look around me. there is blackness, there is alcohol, there are drugs. there is an abundance of all of them. i know im alone and there is no one to stop me. i know i can do as much as i want of whatever i want. as i reach for one of the bottles, something inside of me tells me to stop, that what im doing is wrong, that i cant do it anymore, that im killing myself. i reach anyway. i grip the bottle, bring it to my lips and take a long deep draw that burns my mouth, my throat and my stomach.
for the briefest instant i feel complete. the pain i carry with me disappears. i feel good. goddamn it, i feel fucking good.
the feelings are gone as quickly as they came and i want them back. i dont care what i have to do, what i have to take, what i have to endure, ill do anything. i just want them to come back.
i take another drink. it doesnt work. i grab a different bottle, take a larger drink. it doesnt work. i seize bottle after bottle, take drink after drink, nothing works. instead of feeling better, i feel increasingly worse. everything i felt that was good has become bad and it has been magnified beyond any point of reference or comprehension. my only option is to try and kill. kill what hurts. kill it....
... its gone as fast as it came and i know its gone for good, replaced by fear, dread and a murderous rage. any pretense of experiencing pleasure disappears. i grab rocks, stuff the pipe, hit. i grab rocks, stuff the pipe, hit. the torch is white and the glass is pink and i feel the skin of my fingers bubbling but it doesnt bother me. i grab rocks, stuff the pipe, hit. i do it until the bag is empty and then i stuff the bag into the pipe and i smoke the plastic. i have a murderous rage and i need to kill. kill my heart, kill my mind, kill myself....
freakin read the book if u havent................ that is all i have to say. :D
the tattoo bizznack
so - i wanna get my second tattoo... im feeling like sum starfish are in order............................. but i dunno if im feeling the bushido thing again. is there a better place that wont break the bank? i definitly luv bushido and will probably go back - but hey, when permanently inkin urself u cant always stick to the same ol' eh? lol... RIGHT. anyone got any suggestions of places to check out, lemme kno....
golden triangle
k... im not quite sure what exactly got me so stinking excited bout saying yes to 3 days of hell on wheels.... but here i am.i am goin to do the "golden triangle." well... me an my mom.
for those who dont know - this is a 3-day trip on none other than my own bike. castle mountain to radium to golden and back to castle mountain.... a whole 320km. yup. i love cycling THAT much - that i would go DAYS in the saddle......... riding the edge of a highway so windy cars dont even make it to their desitination.
oh ya - thats right.... did i mention this is during the one weekend when all crazy drivers emerge from their hibernation state and kick it in high geer, completely forgeting where the other side of their rented RV lies.............. therefore squishing me on my bike up against a guardrail that looks like it's seen better days.
and thats the best part....
i havent even gotten to the minor detail of the weather. when IS the last time the may-long-weekend has actually had suitable enough weather to go campin in? yup.... pretty much never.
yet i have decided to go.and i have less than 2 months to get in shape... less than 1 if im completely honest with myself in sayin that i wont get anything remotely accomplished in the exercise department until the finals are over and ive had a good week to do nothing...
on that note... i will be off to sleep - dreamin of myself cruizin around those hairpin turns without so much as a skid in my tire.............gawd i luv cycling way to much.
for those who dont know - this is a 3-day trip on none other than my own bike. castle mountain to radium to golden and back to castle mountain.... a whole 320km. yup. i love cycling THAT much - that i would go DAYS in the saddle......... riding the edge of a highway so windy cars dont even make it to their desitination.
oh ya - thats right.... did i mention this is during the one weekend when all crazy drivers emerge from their hibernation state and kick it in high geer, completely forgeting where the other side of their rented RV lies.............. therefore squishing me on my bike up against a guardrail that looks like it's seen better days.
and thats the best part....
i havent even gotten to the minor detail of the weather. when IS the last time the may-long-weekend has actually had suitable enough weather to go campin in? yup.... pretty much never.
yet i have decided to go.and i have less than 2 months to get in shape... less than 1 if im completely honest with myself in sayin that i wont get anything remotely accomplished in the exercise department until the finals are over and ive had a good week to do nothing...
on that note... i will be off to sleep - dreamin of myself cruizin around those hairpin turns without so much as a skid in my tire.............gawd i luv cycling way to much.
back from mexico .... already?
yup - so the week has come and gone... and so have i. back from mexico that is. so it pretty much sux here and i cant wait to win the lottery so i can just jump on the next plane to who-knows-where.................................
but instead - here i am.
anyWHO mexico was freakin awesome, we did so much crazy stuff like snorkelling, beach volleyball, swimming, shopping, riding the mexican city buses, ATVing up the mountains, zip linning, whale watches, chilling on the beach.............. and the list goes on.
im gonna try to get all the pics posted here pretty quick so keep checking back!!
but instead - here i am.
anyWHO mexico was freakin awesome, we did so much crazy stuff like snorkelling, beach volleyball, swimming, shopping, riding the mexican city buses, ATVing up the mountains, zip linning, whale watches, chilling on the beach.............. and the list goes on.
im gonna try to get all the pics posted here pretty quick so keep checking back!!
...
..... SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo .... did i happen to mention im going to mexico?
i am.
3 days.
i kno u guys were just DYING to kno that.... :P
i am.
3 days.
i kno u guys were just DYING to kno that.... :P
to the beach... here i come
so ya - for those of u who dont know. im going to mexico. well me and sam and amanda and gabe are. we're going in 5 whole days. we'll be leaving this freaking cold ass of a place to fly where the palm trees grow - where we can sit on the beach and hear the waves crash on the shore with a pina colada in hand. i cant wait...................................... and im so happy i can just rub it in - im sure u are too. lol....
here i am
i wish tomorrow would come. i wish i could just skip ahead and be where i want to be. i wish i could just have my hw done and not have to do it. it gets so tiring to be doing the same thing day after day after day.
i sit here and dream of the future. i dream of where i want to be, what i want to do with my life. i wonder how my family will react when i actually leave here. i wonder what it will be like to actually put that backpack on my back and hop on that plane - the plane to nowhere... the plane to everywhere.
the thing is there IS so much i want to do with my life inbetween now and then. i want to get more tattoos... i want to go skydiving, i want to go scuba diving. i want to do mini-travel trips and sit around and watch movies. i want to go to more wing-nites, and go out dancing at clubs. i want to go to my sister's grad and i want to graduate. oh god, more than ever i want to graduate.
i am so so sick of skool. i mean, i love what i am learning and all - but skool? geez louise... its been too long, far too long......... ive never had my life WITHOUT skool - i can only imagine cuz the last time i didn't think bout skool was when i was 4. when i was 4 i was only too happy to get my cabbage patch kid - "candy" was her name. now i am 20 - almost 21... and im STILL in skool, with 2 more years to go. *sigh* sometimes i wonder if i can make it. i kno i can, cuz ive only had almost 16 yrs experience with school. wow. thats almost 2 whole decades of skool. i dont kno how ppl do it when they want to go and get their masters or their doctorates. no clue. thats not for me.
i want to fly. i want to fly away and never return. i want to fill my life with experiences that ive only dreamed of up until this point. cuz thats what i think life is all about. its about achieving those dreams that no one thinks you can. its about going full-throttle, as fast as you can cuz you never kno when your life will be done... no one knows - so ive gotta make the most of what i have...... and sometimes i wonder if i even do that - or if i just sit back and hope for tomorrow. cuz the truth is - tomorrow never comes.
i sit here and dream of the future. i dream of where i want to be, what i want to do with my life. i wonder how my family will react when i actually leave here. i wonder what it will be like to actually put that backpack on my back and hop on that plane - the plane to nowhere... the plane to everywhere.
the thing is there IS so much i want to do with my life inbetween now and then. i want to get more tattoos... i want to go skydiving, i want to go scuba diving. i want to do mini-travel trips and sit around and watch movies. i want to go to more wing-nites, and go out dancing at clubs. i want to go to my sister's grad and i want to graduate. oh god, more than ever i want to graduate.
i am so so sick of skool. i mean, i love what i am learning and all - but skool? geez louise... its been too long, far too long......... ive never had my life WITHOUT skool - i can only imagine cuz the last time i didn't think bout skool was when i was 4. when i was 4 i was only too happy to get my cabbage patch kid - "candy" was her name. now i am 20 - almost 21... and im STILL in skool, with 2 more years to go. *sigh* sometimes i wonder if i can make it. i kno i can, cuz ive only had almost 16 yrs experience with school. wow. thats almost 2 whole decades of skool. i dont kno how ppl do it when they want to go and get their masters or their doctorates. no clue. thats not for me.
i want to fly. i want to fly away and never return. i want to fill my life with experiences that ive only dreamed of up until this point. cuz thats what i think life is all about. its about achieving those dreams that no one thinks you can. its about going full-throttle, as fast as you can cuz you never kno when your life will be done... no one knows - so ive gotta make the most of what i have...... and sometimes i wonder if i even do that - or if i just sit back and hope for tomorrow. cuz the truth is - tomorrow never comes.
happy single's awareness day
so... it's that time again. that time when all us singles are recognized for our singleness. it's that time of year when ppl keep asking - "so do YOU have any plans for V-day?" they always emphasize the "you" and it's irritating. it's even more irritating that those who are in a "relationship" seem to flaunt it more... unknowingly (or so they say) to us singles. maybe im a little bitter... but it's okay, cuz i DO have plans for good ol' single's awareness day and im gonna have a freakin awesome time............. without being forced to buy or receive a single cheezy, over-priced, pink + red V-day merchandise. so cheers to all u single ppl out there and have an awesome single's awareness day!
tattoo
i finally got my tattoo! this is what it looks like:
i love hibiscus flowers because they are so beautiful and exotic. they remind me of the ocean and tropical areas of the world that i have been to and would love to go. they remind me of beaches where all you need is your bare feet in the sand. overall an hibiscus flower means natural beauty which is something i value in my life.
i chose blue because it's not only my favorite color, but it also symbolizing tranquility, calmness and peacefullness. it also makes me think of the color of the ocean.
i decided on the words "one life" to remind me of how i should live my life. we only got one life to live, one life to give and then it's gone. life is so short and there is no garantees - we need to take what we got and go forward, full throttle. we need to dream big and then chase after those dreams with all we got. we never know when our time will be up so use the life we have and live with no regrets.
i love hibiscus flowers because they are so beautiful and exotic. they remind me of the ocean and tropical areas of the world that i have been to and would love to go. they remind me of beaches where all you need is your bare feet in the sand. overall an hibiscus flower means natural beauty which is something i value in my life.
i chose blue because it's not only my favorite color, but it also symbolizing tranquility, calmness and peacefullness. it also makes me think of the color of the ocean.
i decided on the words "one life" to remind me of how i should live my life. we only got one life to live, one life to give and then it's gone. life is so short and there is no garantees - we need to take what we got and go forward, full throttle. we need to dream big and then chase after those dreams with all we got. we never know when our time will be up so use the life we have and live with no regrets.
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