Treasure Hunting in Kelburn

This past weekend was the annual fundraising market at the local church down in Kelburn (suburb in Wellington). I prefer to think of it more of a couple hours of blissful madness. I had been last year when I first arrived in Wellington and was pleasantly surprised at the great finds I managed to pick up even though I quickly realized I had arrived late (it opened at 10 am and I had gotten there around 11 am). The hoards of people left me needing to stop and take a few deep breaths to calm my nerves before diving back in.

This time around I knew better. I had seen the massive sign advertising the event for weeks and had kept the date of March 15 in my head as though I was chanting some mantra that was going to change my life if I just believed it hard enough. My heart was set on trying to find some wooden frames I could get at a good price in order to then upcycle into jewellery frames to sell through Paper Kite Creations. My fingers, toes and everything in between were crossed in hopes that my simple wish would become a reality.

And so Saturday finally rolled around. I popped out of bed like a kid on Christmas morning and raced to get everything done I needed to before walking my way in a state of giddy down to Kelburn for the market. Heaven knows where the excitement came from – maybe because I felt as though I was the only one that knew of this hidden shopping gem (though I did invite my friend Jess along as well) or maybe it was because there was something in the air last year that made the tight spaces crammed of people fingering their way over goods something worth coming back to.

I took out some cash and then found my way to the church. It became apparent that the event organisers were very serious about the start time of 10 am. There were volunteers posed at the entrance with a big rope blocking any early shoppers from entering. I was there only a few minutes before the big opening and already there were people crammed up against the entrance rope craning their necks to see how they could strategize to get to the best finds first.

The countdown began – yes, there was a countdown over a microphone – and then a bell signalled it was time to shop. I wove my way through the bodies of people and scoured the entire market with no success at finding frames. 

My eyes started to blur as I tried to process all the frantic activity going on around me. People squeezing into spaces I never thought possible to go. Feelings of claustrophobia as I'd head in a direction only to come to a gridlock with someone in front and someone behind and no way out. Scanning book titles was an art when peering through a wavering sliver of a gap between two individuals set on hoarding the book table viewing space. I was about on my third loop around and losing all hope when my friend Jess arrived all excited that she’d bought some art for her place. It was then that things changed for me.

My awesome fabric bag for $3

While Jess bought some sheets – I found a massive overnight bag for $3 that was perfect for all my fabric I’ve been hoarding for my sewing machine. On route back to pick up Jess’s art, it was then that I saw them – the most beautiful wooden frames I could ever hope to upcycle sitting there. Waiting. Begging me to purchase them. And so I did.

And now my beautiful frames sit proudly in my bedroom awaiting their transformation into something that will one day hang on a woman’s wall (perhaps mine if they sit here too long) displaying all her beautiful jewellery. 

Can’t wait to see what next year will bring!

It's Official - I Broke Up with Sugar

I've given up - my relationship with the sugary sweet syrups, crystals and powders has come to an end. And I'm okay with that. I've realized that what started as a romantic thrill of ups and downs has turned into a cycle of negativity to which I feel as though I lost control and even a bit of myself in the process. And so it is over.

It's taken me a long time to get to this point - much of it to do with my fear of what my life might look like without sugar in it. How would I possibly cope? But over the last year I have come to terms with my denial on sugar and have finally admitted that not only am I addicted to it - I have a serious problem. It's not just the fact that I could eat a whole family-sized chocolate bar in one sitting and not think twice about it. Or the fact that many times I have had to turn down friends' invites to do something fun and exciting because I've spent all my spare money on lollies at the corner store. Or even the fact that I have had not one, but MANY occasions to which I had enough willpower to throw away the remaining bits of a chocolate bar or bag of lollies only to dig them out of the rubbish bin hours and sometimes days later to finish eating them. It's more that I have realized that many people closest to me don't even have a clue of how deep my problem runs.

I suppose that I have had my love for being physically active to thank for that. I have always been able to hide my problem with sugar for the simple fact that I could push myself to burn off enough of it to make me look relatively slim and fit. But inside the problems have started to have a voice of their own.

The headaches. The sleepless nights. The emotional ups and downs. The binges and then the withdraws. The funny heart beats, energy slumps and intense cravings so bad I can't focus on anything until I get my next sugar fix. That and no matter how much I exercise, my skin never quite feels right. And there's always lumps and bumps in areas that shouldn't be given how active I am on a regular basis.

But every time I have thought on quitting sugar, it seemed like such a daunting task that I couldn't fathom how to do it and not feel like I was missing out on half a life in doing so. I've tried cutting back. I've tried even going a week without buying a bag of lollies. I've tried to overcompensate with exercise in order to tell myself that the activity will balance out the sugar addiction. But none of it has quite worked out.

Until I found Sarah Wilson's book on her journey to quit sugar. And then it clicked. Everything she said felt like it spoke to me directly - her journey - her struggles - her very logical approach to cutting sugar out of her life. For good. It all sounded too good to be true. But it isn't.

I am now halfway through my 4th week of quitting sugar and I honestly don't miss it. Sure, the first week or so was a bit of torture - I couldn't believe how many times during the day my brain told me that I "needed" to get some sugar. But as time went on, my body started to adjust and now I find I eat food simply because I am hungry. I don't get the afternoon slumps or the restless nights of sleep. My headaches have stopped and I am finding new ways to cook in order to get the sweetness without the sugar.

The part I didn't quite believe in all of this is that life still goes on even without sugar. That I am okay without it and, no - I don't feel as though I am missing out. This is definitely something that I needed to do for me, and does not in any way mean that everyone in the world needs to follow suit. I am not saying that sugar is 100% evil - but I do know that until recently, it was very nearly controlling a lot of my life - a life that I want to live to the full, but haven't been able to because of sugar's hold on me. But now I am finally free.

If you want more information on Sarah Wilson or how to quit sugar, visit www.iquitsugar.com.

A Picture Says a Thousand Words - Sometimes I Wish They'd Stop Talking to Me

Lately I have been so busy being bogged down with being "in the moment" that I have lost sight of where I have come from and what that means for where I want to go. This past year has been filled with many ups and downs for me - for each moment of celebration and happiness there has been an equally devastating moment eager to suck the air from my lungs. It hasn't been an easy year, but I feel that it has been one to make me stronger... even more so than walking the length of New Zealand ever did.

Today I took a moment to reflect on exactly all that I have done - not just this past year, but as far back as what my Facebook photos would allow me to time-travel. All of a sudden I found myself overcome with such a fullness in my heart... a fullness for all the experiences I have had. All the friends I made. All the places I have seen. All the laughter had. All the life lived.

What surprised me the most was that a majority of the photos captured I remembered when they were taken. And I remembered forcing myself (many, many times) to post them on Facebook. I remember forcing myself to ignore how I thought my hair wasn't quite right. To pretend I didn't see just how "big" my thighs looked or how my face appeared wider in comparison to everyone else in the shot. For as long as I can remember, I have always struggled with accepting myself for who I am and being okay of the way I look. And now as those moments have passed and years have gone by, I am able to look at the photos and not critique everything about me... not because that part of me has changed, but because it is far enough in the past that I no longer feel twinged by feelings of shame over my body from that moment in time.

Now that those moments have past, all I see is the smile that reaches my eyes. The laughter I can hear still lingering in the air. The gorgeous surroundings and how - no matter how I try - I can't say anything bad about the person I see reflected in the photos. That person is me. Those moments captured on camera have brought me to where I am today and it forever amazes me to where life has taken me.

And so as this year comes to a close and the next one opens up to a promise of starting anew yet again, I find myself faced with a resolution. A resolution that I learn to accept me for me. Not just who I am as a person - but what I look like at any camera angle. Because 5 years from now when I look back on the photos I take today, everything I find annoyingly hideous won't be noticeable to my eyes. And so it's not worth the mental angst to stress about it now. When I take the time to think about it, I figure I am already a pretty awesome version of myself and trying to reach invisible expectations is simply a waste of my time. I'd rather be celebrating the good times with more photography.

With that in mind, I think it is so incredibly important for all of us to start seeing the beauty of ourselves - regardless of our age, gender or size. For we are all beautiful because of our imperfections, not without them. It is a shame that we can spend so much time idolizing each other in a wrath of green envy on Facebook (though it can take a while for us to admit we do such a thing) when in reality we should be proud of the accomplishments, events and photos of ourselves we post on Facebook and other social media sites. Those sites are essentially a way to market yourself as a "brand," but why do we get so obsessed with making our brand an ideal of what we think we should be rather than just being ourselves?

Anyway - with that rant over and done with, I do hope that I will be able to make more of an effort in my own life to accept the way I look now... not wait for when I get those perfectly toned abs, slim down my legs or tilt my head in just the right way so the camera can capture my face with a slimmer perspective - there's too much going on in life to be worried about such things as it only makes me regret that I didn't fully enjoy those moments I was living as I couldn't appreciate me for me until years later when I was able to face the photos again.

Uprooting and Moving On

As Moving Day creeps closer (8 days and counting), I find myself full of reflection on a vast multitude of subjects within my head. One of which is how moving has become less of a physically stressful thing and more of an emotional one. Less am I worried about what goes in what box or if I have enough tape on hand or even who is going to help me move. Now I find myself increasingly more aware of how moving house feels much like I am a tree uprooting myself from the earth in order to try and re-grow somewhere else. It’s a bit painful. A bit exhausting. A bit as though I actually have to say “Goodbye” to a chapter in my life I am not quite sure I am finished writing. And this time I am simply moving a couple blocks away.

Through all my moving experiences, I have definitely honed my skills to a point where my I have learned a few things on what to do and what not to do. 

1. You can never start packing early enough. If you don’t need it in the next week or two – pack it. One less thing to worry about closer to the day. 
2. No matter how much moving supplies you think you need (boxes, bags, tape, etc), double it. It’s amazing how things seem to grow and multiple once you move them off the shelves and out of the cupboards. 
3. Do not pack all books in one box. Unless, of course, the boxes are really, really small. You will hate yourself on moving day when you have 20 of them to haul. 
4. Skip the newspapers and use your clothes and linen to protect items. I do this for a few reasons – one, you avoid the ridiculously annoying pile of crumpled newspaper at the end of moving day that has no place to go. Two, you actually use less boxes as the newspaper isn’t taking up room and three, I’ve never liked getting newspaper ink all over my hands. 
5. Save a bag to use as an “overnight” bag. Pack it last with what you would if you were going somewhere overnight. This saves the hassle of trying to find your toothbrush the night of moving day when you are so tired you can’t see straight. 
6. Hiring movers is more efficient than doing it yourself. They’re getting paid to haul your 20 boxes of books – save your arms the trouble and get the pros to do it. Plus, it avoids you having to drag your two friends over on their day off to help you with promises of pizza afterwards (during the time you really just want to kick everyone out and curl up in a ball in the corner and sleep for the next 2 days). 
7. It’s easier to start changing your address before you move than after. Avoid the missed mail or redirection fees from the post shop.

Anyway – that’s me. In these last few days of packing a few boxes every couple of days, I had the epiphany that it never really seems real until I take down pictures from the wall and take out the nails that held them up. There’s something about seeing the chipped paint and dark hole through the drywall that seems so final. So bare. So empty.

Those small holes are what bring back memories for me. They were the places I chose to hang things important to me. They were the last thing I did when I moved in – when all boxes were unpacked and it was time to officially put my stamp on my new home. The holes represented me making my mark – creating the environment I wanted with photos, mirrors, hooks and whatever else helped me personalize the space. To take the pictures off their hooks and nails out of the wall makes everything look naked and void. This place is no longer mine and never will be. It is time to say “Goodbye.”

Lucky Number 13

By the end of this month I will have moved house a total of 13 times. Within the past 10 years, I have packed boxes, downsized to what I absolutely needed and hauled my things to a new address. Sometimes this meant many carloads between locations where as sometimes this simply meant packing my backpack with all I owned and strapping it to my back as I walked out the front door to face new adventures.

Of the last 12 places I have lived, I did not include the time I called a campervan my home when in Australia nor did I include when my only home was the tent in my pack as I walked across New Zealand. And so, without those - this next change of address will be number 13.

I am hoping this next place of residence will be my lucky number 13. I am not going far - really just down the road a bit - but I am hoping my choice to live somewhere more affordable with a few other people in a house will allow me to have more flexibility in what I want to do with my life. Financially. Socially. Everything in between.

And so the next couple of weeks will wrap up the last 8 months I have lived in Wellington - it really doesn't feel as though I have been here that long and yet it feels as though I have lived here forever. This little place I call home was the start of the next stage in my life in so many ways and it will be bitter sweet to say goodbye.

I find it difficult to even conceptualize all that has happened in the past few months. Since I last wrote, I have started (and nearly finished) a position of Youth Development Coordinator at work where I have been working on developing a new support service for young adults with disabilities. Between balancing that and my other role of Outcomes Facilitator (supporting individuals with their goals in life) there has been little mental energy at the end of the day for much else. Things such as my art have gone by the wayside as I have been concentrating all my time in sinking my teeth into giving 110% at work.

But I have managed to start to make some connections in the community. I've picked up rock-climbing with a weekly group, continued to go to the markets each Sunday, explored the wide-variety of food and drink in Wellington (a Cambodian restaurant has taken the top of my list), gone to Roller Disco, watched a couple of rugby games and even had the pleasure of showing my mom around this little city I call home.

So as things get hectic in the next couple of weeks as I balance work, moving and sorting out Immigration (yes, my work visa also expires this month) I simply look forward to when the dust settles again and I can press on with all I want my life to be.

Waiting for the Ball to Drop

It's taken me the entire weekend to finally be able to take a breather and wrap my head around all that has happened this week. Not a lot when has happened when I get down to it, but I've definitely felt everything kick into gear as I have started my new job this week.

All of a sudden the pressure has been on for me to be somewhere at some place at some time. Regardless of the weather, my mental state or how much money I have in my pocket - it's all just a matter of getting it done and though I am thrilled at my new job and everything I get to learn, there is a part of me that is sad to know that my freedom to do what I want when I want is slipping away. Particularly when it is pouring down with rain and I have to walk in it only to get to where I am going and have it stop.

Each day that goes past I am torn between jumping in with both feet and reminding myself that I still do not know what my future holds. Each day that goes by is a brilliant gift where I am allowed to stay here in New Zealand, but it only serves to increase my worry of what tomorrow might bring. For at the end of all my effort to make my life into everything I have ever dreamed it to be, Immigration holds the power to decide if I can continue on this journey or if I must start a new one.

There's something to be said about living each day as though it is your last, but there are aspects of that that are incredibly exhausting on the nerves. It becomes difficult to plan ahead - difficult to know if I should buy the bigger box of tea bags or if it will all be a waste of my time, money and effort should I have to leave it all behind. All I can do is hope that I hear a final answer soon. Tomorrow would be good. Yesterday would have been better.

In the meantime, I continue to try and push forward and plan for my future just the same. My Etsy store online - Paper Kite Creations - is coming along well and I even had my first sale this week (thanks Janelle!). Though my hours are now more limited for creating projects, I am still finding inspiration for new designs that I am excited about being able to create when I do have time.

Time keeps on ticking and one day blends into the next - at least my cats continue to find new ways to entertain themselves.

Back to the Bare Essentials

This week has been one of reassessment on my part in a few areas of my life. I have been excitedly preparing for when I start my new job this Monday and through it, I have managed to reassess my budget based upon what I will be making. Seems simple enough, but this project of mine turned into one of frantically counting pennies to work out something I could actually live with -- wish I could justify living without electricity, but the thought of cold showers and cooking over an open fire didn't seem doable in the long term.

Most of this came through the realization and decision that my new job being part-time hours is a brilliant opportunity for me to seriously pursue my art as a form of income. Completely terrifying, but somehow I am at peace with it. As a result, my  budget is only half of what I could be making right now because I am starting from complete and total scratch with my art. Because of this decision, my budget became a series of negotiations with myself this week, wriggling the last $5 around to find somewhere I could justify would be the best use for it.

And the funny thing was that once I was done and able to put my pencil down, I realized that by scrounging and skimping on everything in my life, I am forcing myself to live a lifestyle where I get more exercise by limiting my bus route. I eat healthier as I simply can't afford to go out for dinner nor buy the package of chips or chocolate that's on sale as a "treat." I also fulfil my life through a variety of DIY methods whether it's mending my own clothes, reusing toilet paper roles or making my own bread. Funny that life's "luxury's" are the very thing that keep us from living a healthy lifestyle. We'll see if I still feel the same way in a few months.

In the meantime, I now fill my days trying to do as much as I can with nothing. The internet becomes my friend as I have since learned new recipes and how many families (yes, families with kids and stuff) live on less than $40/week with their groceries. I wonder if I could do it with $20. As the months get cooler here, the layers start to pile on indoors until I start to look ridiculous as I avoid using my electric heater, but now I figure maybe I should just turn on the oven and bake another loaf of bread instead.

In all my reflection - I've managed to summarize what I hope to do with a few rules to live by:

- Only eat when I am hungry . In the past couple of months I have been trying to do this and I have been amazed at how often I go to grab something to eat when I am not hungry and how many other reasons I have in my head to eat something. The reality is, food is for nurishment and if my body isn't actually hungry, I am just wasting my money.
- If I don't need it, don't buy it . Again, just started doing this and it has really helped to clarify things no matter where it is that I am at, particularly when it comes to those hard-to-resist sale items. It has also helped to write a list of whatever it is I actually intend to buy before I go out - if it's not on the list, I obviously don't actually need to buy it.
- If I can recycle it, I can probably reuse it . I have been finding more and more ways to reuse everything that I generally put in my recycling bag - most of it helping with storage around the house (tin cans, plastic containers), but I've also discovered how I can create things to brighten up the house out of what I'd normally be throwing in the bin.
- Dress for the weather and walk there . With a bus stop right outside my house it is SOOOOOOOO easy sometimes to get a ride to where I want to go. The reality is - my legs work pretty good at getting me where I need to go, so more often than not I need to just quit whining about it and save a few bucks by walking to where I need to go.
- If it isn't dirty don't wash it . Primarily this is referring to laundry. It's so easy to just dump the clothes I've worn for one day into the laundry basket, but the last time I did laundry I had a thought as to how many clothes in that load were ACTUALLY dirty. I'd say 99.9% of them were not. It's not like I need to wear clothes for months on end as I did walking Te Araroa Trail, but every load of laundry I can skip is money saved through electricity and water.

It should be an interesting couple of months, but I am hoping it will ease up a bit as a result of my art gaining momentum. Fingers are crossed.

The Truth Will Set You Free

I think one of the most difficult things to do in life is to be honest with ourselves. It's easy to be honest with others, about things, in life - but with ourselves? All too often we tell ourselves things that aren't true. Small things. Big things. Things that change the way we see ourselves or even live our life.

In the past couple weeks I have been trying to do better on being honest  with myself, but it has meant a certain amount of pain. It has meant that things I have took at face value for so many years are suddenly not what I thought they were. It has meant that I have had to take a deep breath and seriously look at myself and decide if I really want to be the type of person I am - not who I thought I was.

This past week I had an incredibly humbling moment. I say humbling, but at the time it felt more humiliating than anything else. For the past few years I have made choices in my life that have resulted in a lifestyle that would just let me get by financially. Whether it was the job I chose, the apartment I wanted to rent, the groceries I spent my money on, the school I went do, the countries I travelled to - whatever it was, financially I have just gotten by. And in a lot of ways, that's okay - it's pretty great really.

Lately I have had to take a hard look at myself and realize that though money is something I don't much care for, all that I want to do in my life costs money - money I don't have. A while ago I had to be honest with myself and admit that I have a problem with credit cards -- it's not that they don't agree with me, it's that they agree too much. Over the past years I have managed to whittle away at my debt until I am officially now at a point that I no longer have credit cards (yay me).

But I am yet to be debt free. There's still money I owe for student loans and money I owe family. That's not where I had to be honest with myself this week. Having no job has thrown me face-to-face with the reality that I have never actually kept to any budget in my life. EVER. It seems ridiculous to me that that is a fact in my life now that I have admitted it to myself, but it's the truth. And having no job just made it that much more apparent. There was no safety net of knowing when my next paycheck would come in - no smokescreen to hide how I handled the money I did have. And the reality was that I hadn't a clue where my money went.

The past couple of months I have been religiously writing down everything I spend in a budget journal - right to the last penny. I've been that annoying person at the corner store asking the clerk to print me a receipt when there's a line of 10 people behind me. I've been the person that has an envelope of receipts and actually schedules time each week to go over my budget and every month I plan the next budget. It's been excruciatingly painful at times to walk away from purchases I normally wouldn't have taken a second thought at buying. It's been hard to focus my grocery budget on the cash I have in my hand rather than the fabulous meal I have been drooling about making for the past week. It's been difficult, but I've started to get the hang of it. But that's not what I had to be honest about with myself this week.

This week the moment came when a cheque from Canada didn't get processed like I thought it would this week. And I was stuck. This money was exactly the amount I needed to get me through to when I do actually get paid from my new job and now it wasn't coming. It could take up to a month for them to process it as it is an international cheque. I didn't have a month. I had barely a week to come up with the money needed for rent. And I had nothing.

And so I had to ask my family for temporary help - and though I know it was temporary until the cheque cleared, it was one of the most humbling and humiliating experiences of my life. It wasn't the asking that was difficult, it was the response I got. It was the realization that my financial and lifestyle choices over the years had left an imprint on my family's mind of the type of person I was. The type of person with financial problems. They type of person that might not be able to pay back the money borrowed. The type of person that had no safety net. It was the realization that my financial support was not just going to come from my mom, but also from my Grandma who is retired and my sister who is three years younger than I am.

THAT's when I had to get honest with myself this week. Yes, the money borrowed from my family was a temporary loan to help me while I wait for this cheque to clear, but the bigger picture is the reality that I knew from the depths of my soul that I never wanted to be thought of as "that person" ever again.

It would be easy to lie to myself and gloss over the situation I am in to say that I have a job and it's just a matter of being paid. It would be easy to say that my budget situation is getting better and that I shouldn't worry. It would be so easy to just brush off my current loan and say it's "only temporary," but the reality of it all is that this is just the last thing that has happened in a string of support from people in my life to help me "get by." And I no longer want to be that person. I never really realized I was that person - but I don't want any part of it. I no loner want to be just "getting by." I want to feel secure with where I am financially. I want to actually be reaching my financial goals and living my life based off of my priorities - not what happens to be on sale in the next store window.

Beads, Beads and More Beads

I have officially (and FINALLY) begun to turn the corner in my life. It has felt as though it's been forever where I have been floating through the fog that is called my existence as I wait for it all to clear so I can see what is up ahead. Well it's finally happened.

I got the call this past week that I have been offered a position with IDEA Services. Only the biggest organisation within New Zealand that's aim is to support people with intellectual disabilities and advocate for their rights - I am super excited to have the opportunity to work with them. I will be an Outcomes Facilitator  where I will work with clients on developing their Life Plans and helping them to achieve their goals. All I can do is eagerly wait my start date so I can jump in with both feet and get started.

In the meantime, I have been spending the past couple of weeks developing my art profile again. It has been WAY too long since I have seriously delved into my creative mind, but the time has come. I have dusted off my collection of jewellery supplies and gotten back to the basics of what it was that hooked my addiction to the creative arts way back when. It still stuns me to realize how much supplies I actually have to create jewellery and other works of beaded things.

As my hands have gotten busy creating things, I figured it was time to put some energy into updating my online profile and finally set things up so I can sell things worldwide online. So for those of you who haven't heard yet, I have updated my artsite (www.shalanehopkins.com) to include a blog where I will be regularly sharing my journey of artistic creativity and simple ideas on things to create in and around your home. I have also created a Facebook Page (Shalane Hopkins - Artist) That will include mostly a collection of my creative journey through photographs and provide a platform for people to interact with me and share my works with their friends. Then to sell things online, I have opened my Etsy store called Paper Kite Creations where you are able to purchase anything I have for sale online.

The name Paper Kite Creations is founded by a type of butterfly called Paper Kite. These butterflies are most commonly found in Southeast Asia and remind me a lot of my journey of my art. Butterflies are symbolic of change, growth and a person's soul. As my work has been a journey to get to where I am today and I am constantly looking for new ways to develop myself further and be creative in more ways that one, this symbolism fit.

All these pages are then linked to one another and include links to my Pinterest page and Twitter profile. I've definitely gone on a social media frenzy in the last few weeks, but I figure it's the best way for me to build up my art profile and help me gain momentum in selling my work.

So what I guess I'm saying is spread the word. Check out some of the links here - follow me. Get involved. Give me feedback or let me know what you like. Help me to move forward so I can get back on the bandwagon of a creative lifestyle.

Unemployed and Making the Most of It

Being unemployed does a funny thing to one's mindset on life. By all accounts I have been given a brilliant opportunity to start my life over and have a fresh beginning to whatever I want to become. But it's hard to think like that when the "fresh start" wasn't a planned one.

Wellington City

It's been over a month now since I've been employed and, sure, that's not terribly long in the world of unemployment, but it feels like an eternity since I had the sense of security a regular paycheck brings in. I have been in the position of not working before, but it has always been logically reasoned that I had more important things to focus on - childhood. School. Travelling. In-between there has been employment.

It has taken me this entire last month to come to a state of acceptance of my position in life right now. I have finally realized that this time is, in fact, a gift. A scary gift that I am not sure I ever really wanted, but it's there just the same. It's the gift of time for self-development. It's an opportunity to not just start a new life in a new city or with a new job (eventually), but it's a brilliant chance for me to re-build who it is that I want to be.

And that's just it - so often throughout my life I have contemplated the question of what my life would be like if I could be whoever it is I want to be. I've often wondered what my life would look like if I seriously took the time to look deep inside myself and clear out the cobwebs - find healing for past hurts and slowly build myself up to be whom I've always dreamed of being.

It's easy to travel the world and rebuild yourself to who you want to be, but the life of a traveller is entirely different to that of one living "real" life. Travelling is limited on responsibilities. Relationships are built quickly and intensely and then fade away just as fast into the sunset. The memories are great, but the longevity of that lifestyle is difficult to maintain unless one dreams of being a nomad for all of eternity.

With normal life - things are a bit difficult. There are bills to pay, societal expectations of what one should look like, consumerism pressure to purchase this and eat that, family gatherings, people and pets to care for, a community to belong to. With normal life one grows roots and that is difficult to change.

But what if one could change their roots? What if one could rebuild themselves from the ground up? I have finally clued in that this is a definite possibility for me - the only possibility really - and though it scares me incredibly with the uncertainty of my future, I am slightly excited about what this could mean.

Wellington Harbour

The past few weeks since I have moved to Wellington, things haven't been entirely peachy. I've been struggling with depressive thoughts, struggling with motivation to just get out of bed in the morning. Many days have been spent curled up under the covers as I watch re-runs of my favourite shows and movies. These days would be divided between days where I'd go to the library and spent hours sending out resumes to countless number of job opportunities. One by one the rejection letters are returned to me. By post. By email - it didn't matter, the answer was "We regret to inform you that you have not been selected for the next stage of our interview process." I began to wonder what was wrong with me. Maybe I needed to update my resume or cover letter. My multiple editions of each didn't make a difference in response and all I could do was start to surrender to the unknown universal power guiding my life.

The one interview I did have went really well - but it came with it's own set of drawbacks as I quickly realized that a good interview meant nothing. The process of interviews takes over a week or two for any employer and then there is the separate process of Police Checks and background checks which takes another couple of weeks. Even though my interview went well, there is no way of knowing if I got the job until nearly a month has past.

As I began to lose hope in everything, I started to reflect internally. If I couldn't control the external forces allowing me to earn a paycheck, I figured I might as well start to focus on what I could control. Me. I started  sifting through my various debilitating emotions and researching conditions comparable to what was going on in my life. I learned that I have a problem with emotional eating. I learned that I have a problem with impulse buying and bad money-management skills. I learned that when I am stressed and anxious, I chew the insides of my cheeks. I learned that though I have tried to live my life in the best possible way, there have been a horde of issues bubbling up inside that I have only dealt with by eating ridiculous amounts of food, spending money I don't have and chewing my cheeks. It all sounds a bit depressing really.

So with a bit of counselling and self-study, I started to pick away at the deeper issues in my life and learn how to heal from it all. It's been liberating and I finally got to this last week where I have been able to look up from the hole I feel I am in and start to see the light. I've started to see this no-job thing as a bit of a blessing and I intend to make the most of it.

Home sweet home

My biggest question is trying to figure out exactly what it is that I want out of life. And instead of dreaming about who it is I want to be, I am trying to go out there and be it. Because I want to be the person that smiles at people as I pass them on the street. Because I want to be the person that takes the time to volunteer for a cause I believe in. Because I want to be the person who donates blood on a regular basis. I want to be the person that remembers birthdays, anniversaries and other celebrations. I want to be the person who reaches out to my friends and family to connect with them on a regular basis. I want to be the person who is constantly learning and taking classes. I want to be in the best shape and health I can be. I want to be a positive change in this world no matter what I do or where I go.

And so here I am. Yesterday I found some tuition-free courses online I intend to take. Today I donated blood at the local clinic. Tomorrow I have an interview for a volunteer position.

The job will come.

Up the Garden Path

Time has been flying along in its normal fashion these days. I've handed in my Work Visa Application - $270 + $350 Medical + $70 Police Certificate - just so that I might be able to stay in NZ long enough to get my Residency Application approved. And so it goes. The pile of paper on my desk indicating a pressing need to delve into my personal life and show I am who I say I am is haunting me. But I have to do it. Scrounging up a birth certificate and proof of each individual work experiences I've had in my life should be a hoot. Can't wait. Can't wait until it's all over and I can stop having a date of termination virtually stuck on my forehead.

As it stands, I've been preoccupying myself with other tasks - part procrastination - part distraction. Obsessing over the status of my boxes I posted to myself from Canada has become my new hobby. Current status? Still in the hands of some customs officer. Don't they realize that my 6 boxes being sent to the same address with bits and bobs so obscure even I don't remember what's in them are in no way suspicious? Fingers crossed I didn't accidently pack a piece of dirt in one of the boxes -- that's one sure way to never see my things again.

In my time of waiting for my power cord to my laptop and the second shipment of my published book, I have taken up planning my garden for this spring. Turns out to be a little bit more like going back to school than it does in picking up a new hobby. For some reason it seems relatively terrifying to have to learn how to grow something living that I will one day hopefully be able to eat than it does to pick up a crochet needle and design a cozy throw. Even still, I press on with the mere hope that perhaps I will somehow discover I have a green thumb hidden under all this nail polish and that the amount of work put into caring about the acidity level of my homemade raised flower beds will one day pay off.

So far - the plan is there - now it is just implementing it. Who was it that decided that gardening supplies should be so expensive? Who would have thought that a bag of dirt could cost so much. Go figure. Regardless, I am keeping up the hope that come summer time I will be well on my way to a year round veggie patch. Plus a couple of flowers thrown in there too.

I've started things off in the vain hope that I can somehow keep two indoor pots of herbs going. Parsley and Coriander have become my new plant babies, sitting up proud on my kitchen ledge in front of the window. Fingers crossed they manage to catch enough sunlight to continue growing. That and that I don't sporadically water them too much or too little, causing their immediate demise. I've recently been told that Coriander can be quite difficult to keep alive and so given that I have managed to not kill it in its last 9 days of living with me has been reassuring. At least more so than my reputation of somehow managing to kill my cactus plant as a child.

And so it goes - the rain appears to be settling in for the last part of winter here and I only hope this means good things for the garden I have yet to grow. Perhaps I can manage to convince a few people to grow things with me and then weeding won't seem so much a chore in the next few months.

Garden or no garden - Kaeto continues to walk around like the little black ninja that he is - even taking to following me down the main road for a kilometer before waiting 2hrs in the bush to walk me back home. Jess continues to be my running buddy - or at least when I finally get out of bed and am motivated to run in the rain. Again. But above it all, I still have to sort through my Residency Application. Who would have thought that trying to get into a country would be so demanding. Surely there will be points given for walking the length of the country right? Fingers crossed.

Take Various Vitamins

Take various vitamins. You never know what small mineral can eliminate the bottleneck to everlasting health.

~ Lululemon

There is something that is so sweet and pure about being able to shut out the world and seek comfort within one's one bubble of existence. Only thing is - I have forgotten how hard it is to do such a task when within a city of over a million people. So many sounds. So many smells. So many people - everywhere I go. Everything feels crowded and closing in. Covered in cement, this concrete city overwhelms me at every point I turn. And there is no escape - no quick getaway. 

Danielle and I in a photobooth

I did get away a few days ago - to head to Invermere with my Dad. It was absolutely brilliant to be amongst the mountains again - breathe the fresh air. But even Invermere was busy for a Sunday night. People had flocked there from Fairmont after the recent mudslide incident. Golfers checking into the hotel with dried mud on their pant legs. Everyone buzzy with excitement over their experience and near-miss in the nearby mountain village. Perfect.

It was perfect when we got to the base of Jumbo Pass for our hike the next day. Not a soul to be seen except for each other. This pass was something I had envisioned taking my dad on since I walked across BC three years ago and sat atop of the world overlooking the wilderness all around. And now it was time. Coming full circle, I was able to show my dad a bit of what it was that I did those years ago when I solo-hiked my way to Vancouver. Up the steep switchbacks. Over rocks and under fallen trees - we inched our way up the mountainside. I even managed to find a tree I had previously tied a piece of surveyor's tape to to help others find the trail as I had found myself in knee-deep snow with no sign of any other life at that point. This year it was dry, but the piece of tape still wriggled in the breeze. 

By the time we walked our way over stretches of snow that threatened to engulf us in order to reach Jumbo Hut at the top of the pass, things were looking pretty great. With a 360 degree view of all the glacier-covered mountains around, I immediately felt at home. There is something to be said about the mountains. The rich ruggedness that touches my soul in the deepest places and makes everything seem okay. But before I knew it, I had eaten my lunch and it was time for us to head back down. Down to civilization again. Down to "reality," as most would say. 

Dad & I at the top of Jumbo Pass

I had a great time climbing that pass and it only served to remind of all that Calgary is not. Yes - it is a great city. Yes - it does have a lot of parks to enjoy and things to do. And yes - it is relatively close to the mountains. But when I need to escape from it all, I find there is no where to really and truly breathe. It is concrete and people all around. I smell the car fumes. The fast food. The intensity of it all. 

For the second time since arriving in Calgary, I was able to scrounge a few hours of peace and quiet to myself and I found myself to completely enjoy every second of it. I shut the doors, turned off the phone and spent a few hours doing only what I wanted to do. Because I wanted to do it. 

And yet, I still felt trapped. Wanting to break free. Wanting to get away from it all. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. This life is not for me and I have to continue to remind myself that it is no longer my life - my life has moved on and Calgary is just simply a temporary stopover. A stopover of visits into my past of who I used to be compared to who I am now. 

I have changed since being away - but not really. At the heart of who I am, I think I am still me. I have spent many years feeling as though I haven't quite fit in - that I haven't found my place in the world yet. It hasn't been until coming back to Calgary that I truly realized that this is no longer true. I have found a place I fit - it is just unfortunate that the place I have found is so far away from those I have loved for so much of my life. And yet I am still the happiest and most content that I have ever been. And that trumps all. Even vitamins.

Grandma & I enjoying our home cooked dinner

After being away for so many years, I have noticed a drastic harshness to North American culture that I always knew was there, but never really fully understood it until now. There is this constant need to feed off the greed integrated in society that even captures those who struggle to break free. Everywhere I go there are messages being thrown at me to tell me to buy things, try things, sell things, have things, trade things and everything in between. There are only about a million different ways to get healthy and yet few of them actually understand what health means. If one eats a balanced diet - vitamins are very rarely actually needed. Those that stock up on massive quantities of vitamins in order to "get healthy" are simply spending an exorbitant amount of money on their pee. 

I went to the Calgary Stampede a while back only to run across a man selling machines one stands on and straps a thick rubber band around their waist and then turns the machine on in order to have it vibrate around their body. This is meant to make one "get into shape." Apparently there is a market for it as there was a huge number of people lined up to try it out - I'm just not sure what happened to walking the dog. 

No one has time any more. Everyone is in a rush - even my vacation has become something of a stressful schedule as everyone has been vying for a spot within my schedule - something of which I have been keeping to with military precision. I have received a few terse messages from certain people who haven't been able to get a hold of me immediately on my temporary cell phone on the occasions that I have turned it off for a bit of peace and quiet or happen to be busy doing something else. Meeting someone else. 

It's all go, go, go with no break or relief from the intensity that city life brings. Even a casual drive around the city has brought upon exasperated comments from those driving with me towards the people in front of us, behind us or even beside us that aren't manoeuvring their vehicles up to the driver's standard. I have been constantly bombarded with the frustrated voices of those appalled at the new distracted driver's law. People here are no longer allowed to use their cell phone while driving - apparently some people find this to be annoying. I'd rather not die at the hand of someone texting while driving. 

City life is different and yet so much the same as what I remember. And it leaves me wanting to get away. There is so much that I have done while being here - so much I will do prior to leaving on my plane back to New Zealand - that I am grateful I had the opportunity to come. I have had a brilliant time catching up with so many people I have only been able to Skype for the past few years. But I also know that soon I will be back to my little place in the world and that thought sounds pretty good to me. 

What We Do to the Earth

What we do to the earth we do to ourselves.

~ Lululemon

I've made it. Over 24hrs of travelling and I have officially reached the homeland. My homeland. It's a little strange to be here after being away for 3 years - yup, that's right. 3 entire years I have been gone. It's a little crazy and I have no explanation other than time seems to fly when having fun. 

Enjoying the view

To say coming back to Canada was a little intimidating is the understatement of the year. I was entirely petrified. No one except my sister knew I was coming for the simply fact that the thought of showing up at the airport after 24hrs of travelling and 3 years of being absent, the 20-some people eagerly waiting to greet me freaked me out. Talk about pressure. 

And so I planned it as a surprise. Didn't take much effort other than to book my flights and inform my sister of the date of my arrival. And then hope she'd even show up. 3 years changes things - it certainly changed me and I could only assume that everything had changed back in Canada as well. Even still, I knew it was time to go back and see everyone again - I was as ready as I would ever be.

Saying goodbye to everyone in Hanmer Springs was difficult. It felt as though I was saying goodbye to home and my family all over again. Having been there over a year, Hanmer Springs has become home. And yet I did the deed and left. Driving away in my rental car, all I could think was that it would be my last day driving on the left side of the road for a while and that kind of freaked me out a bit. I only hoped that things would be okay upon my arrival.

In Christchurch I found a place to stay and tried to fall asleep at 5pm. Naturally, this didn't happen and so I tossed and turned until nearly midnight before my mind finally shut off and I got a few hours sleep prior to being woken up by my alarm at 3am. It was time to go. Checking in at the airport and going through security was pretty standard - right down to my being chosen (as usual) for the "random" bomb check. I seriously need to figure out what it is about me that makes me look like an explosives carrier. 

Banff, Alberta

7am we left Christchurch on route to Sydney. After a quick breakkie and one showing of 21 Jump Street, we were there. Off the plane I went to go check-in for the next plane, sit and wait for boarding and then board. And again we went - only this time leaving 30 min later than we were meant to. I figured we'd catch up time in the air. Apparently not. During our 14hr flight to Vancouver, the captain didn't find time to speed up a little. Instead, he slowed down so that our arrival time was a full hour later than we were meant to arrive. Perfect. I had a mere 40 min to disembark, grab my luggage, go through customs, re-check in and board the next plane to Calgary. 

As that was an impossible feat in itself, I got put on standby for the next plane. Fortunately I got on - only my bag didn't which resulted in the first meeting with my sister in Calgary being one of total awkwardness as we waited for my bag to arrive at the baggage claim for what seemed to be an eternity before we concluded that it hadn't been on the same flight as me. Fortunately the airport would courier it to me later.

What followed my arrival to Calgary was none other than a series of surprise visits to family who had no idea I was in town. After a lengthy lunch date with my sister, we went to my mom's work to set up a coffee date between her and my sister. Only my mom didn't know I would be there too. When she showed up, it was like the world stopped spinning and nothing moved. And so it went.

Tears, smiles, exclamation of excitement - one by one I surprised all my loved ones. It was incredibly exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time. My dad was probably the best surprise as he and I had been planned a Skype date for that week and so he was busy eating dinner so he could be in front of the computer for our arranged time. The glitch came when my sister called to say she was in the area and asked if she could drop by. My dad greeted her at the door and proceeded to make small talk, all the while informing her that she may have to go as he had a Skype date with me. He was completely unaware that my sister had dropped me off down the street to walk up to his door and ring the doorbell. His automatic response to the ringing door was to demand what "they" could possibly want. He opened the door and was completely stunned to find me standing there. It was perfect.

As these emotional days have passed, I find myself settling into life back in Canada to a point where it almost makes me wonder if my life in New Zealand was even real. Things have changed. I have changed. Everyone has changed - and yet it still all the same as I left it 3 years ago. It's strange but oddly comforting just the same. 

Banff Springs Hotel

What has stunned me the most is probably the amount of stuff I had left behind so long ago. I had previously sold what I thought to be nearly all my possessions as I didn't know when I would return to Canada. However, upon returning, I have discovered that my previous notion of "all" my possessions really wasn't accurate. I began opening up boxes to find I have enough clothes for an army. I do believe I had a shopping problem. Fortunately for me, this means I no longer have to buy clothes for the next few years. I can finally say goodbye to my one pair of jeans I have been hanging onto in New Zealand and mending every they rip. 

Overall it's been a bit of a whirlwind to say the least, but it's good to be back. It's good to finally see familiar faces in person - not just on Skype. It's good to finally be in the same time zone as everyone else. It's good to be able to pick up the phone and call someone for a coffee date and know that it could actually happen. It's good to no longer be saying "I can't wait to come back" - I am back. For now. 

Drink FRESH Water

Drink FRESH water and as much water as you can.

~ Lululemon

Today the power went out. Again. For the second time in the past month, we had to stop everything we were doing and try to find a way to keep the camp running. Without power.

The last time this happened, it had just snowed. For 3 full days we battled the ups and downs of not having a regular supply of electricity - today we contemplated if our fate would be the same. Computers down and lights off, our staff at the camp set upon ensuring the generators were on and that all customers were aware of what was going on - not that we could particularly give them any answers. Being isolated at the end of Jollies Pass Road tends to do that to us. 

It was all because of a massively windy day that allowed us to be in the predicament. The wind gusts howled so much that it was difficult to even be able to move forward at points. The dark clouds rolled in and the rain started pelting - it was during this that the lights flickered for half a second before everything shut down, leaving me in darkness.

Today had been one of those days to which my list of things to accomplish by the end of shift never seemed to get any shorter. Anytime I sat down to complete a task, there was something more immediately important to deal with instead. Constantly distracted, I was relieved to find a few silent minutes in the office to myself to get things done. And then the power went off. 

As frustrating as it was to be yet again torn away from all that I wanted to do, the power being off only served to remind me of what is important in life. Not having electricity immediately forced everyone to check to see if everyone else was okay and if they weren't - what they needed to get comfortable. Blankets were handed out. Gas bottles for the BBQs given to ensure everyone got a decent evening meal. The Big Kitchen was opened so that customers could at least enjoy the warmth around a wood fire. 

Though the electricity being out somewhat complicated things - it also simplified things. Us staff and camp volunteers found ourselves congregating within Graeme & Sandy's house for a hot cup of tea as they had a gas stove. We quickly forgot about the wind and rain in exchange for a special moment of bonding. All of us - all 14 of us - sitting around in a living room enjoying each other's company. Laughing. Sharing stories. We contemplated plans for dinner - what would be a fabulous meal of eggs, bread, sausage and baked beans (apparently we were all low on groceries at the same time). We made plans for the evening - a possible game of Risk by headlamps was in the running. Things were good. 

The irony was that after an hour or so of no power, it came back on. We cheered and then immediately went back to whatever we were doing before the power went out. Back to work. Back to computers. Back to the music being played out of the iPod. Back to original dinners plans in each of our houses. Back to rugby on the TV. Back to reality. 

It got me thinking - why is it that we avoid what we know is good and important to value until we have to? Those that start eating healthy in order to lose weight begin to realize how great it feels to be making good food choices only to turn back to old habits once their target weight is reached. Those that go on a holiday realize how awesome it is to take the time to spend with loved ones only to avoid them at all costs when back in "normal" life. People exercise like mad all the while chugging back water because they know the benefits of water on their body only to finish their run and go our for a night of binge drinking. 

We are not so bad at the camp here. Generally speaking, the electricity is on and yet we still find time to sit around a table and share a meal. Get to know one another. We take the time to help each other out. We ignore the TV for an evening to play a board game instead. But why is it that it generally takes something like the electricity turning off for us to remember what is important in life? Maybe mother nature is giving us a little nudge to remind us to slow things down just a notch. Get back to the basics. Get back to what matters and forget the rest. Drink FRESH water and drink as much water as you can. Period.

Choose a Positive Thought

The conscious brain can only hold one thought at a time. Choose a positive thought.

~ Lululemon

Jess killed a possum yesterday. It was her second one. I'm not sure if I should be happy for her or not - she is in no way a hunting dog. The event of her killing an animal is more one of complete and utter accident as she generally can't even get within sniffing distance of a possum due to her lack of skills in the stealth attack department. Regardless, yesterday she managed to kill a possum.

We had been on route to town to pick up some groceries and hadn't gotten more than 50m from my home when she veered off into the deep snow towards the bush. I knew she was onto something as she refused to listen to me calling her back to where I was and so I stood on the side of the road and waiting. Within a minute or two I could hear a horrific scream coming from the possum as Jess got it in her mouth and started flinging it around. Jess doesn't quite clue into the fact that one must tear apart the animal you are trying to kill. She has only grasped the concept that one must get it in their mouth. As such, the death of the possum was a monumentally slow event to which I eventually got sick of standing on the side of the road listening to the possum's screams and lugged my way into the bush to drag Jess away.

It was just another day.

Kellie, Linda, me, Prajot & Graeme - first thing in the morning

I was glad of this fact as I walked my way into town. This past week has been nothing short of one big adventure to which none of us have known how it was going to end. It all started on Tuesday when the team at the camp put together our our first Bingo Bananza fundraiser - we didn't know what to expect and were pleasantly surprised to have more than just our staff show up to the event. After a night of playing Bingo and having a bit of fun, we were all stoked to have raised just over $130 - with any luck, our future Bingo nights during the winter will be even more successful. Our goal is to raise enough money to get a projector and projector screen for the Recreation Hall.

Anyway - that wasn't particularly where the adventure starts - it was that night. All throughout the day we had been hearing reports that there was going to be a massive dump of snow in Hanmer Springs - all the weather people were rather excited about it. But when we finished up Bingo Bananza that night and went outside, all there was was rain. None of us were really too sure that we'd actually see snow by morning - if anything we figured it'd just be another thick frost.

When I rolled out of bed the next morning, I had completely forgotten about the weather reports so when I went to let Jess outside for her morning pee and get some firewood to start the fire, I about fell over at the sight I saw. Everything was covered in over a foot of snow and it was still snowing. The air was as quiet as ever. It was a proper winter wonderland.

Before I could get back inside to start the fire, I could hear some rustling in the trees. I looked up to find that Linda & Prajot were on the other side of the fence with big grins on their faces. We decided to go out for a proper walk even though it was just after 6 AM. And so we went, bundled up and wearing gumboots - we took Jess out for a walk. By the time we got back, it was nearly 7 AM and so we knew everyone else would be awake. Within no time at all, we were all outside throwing snowballs, laughing and jumping around as the sun peaked its head up over the horizon. It was perfect.

Things started to get interesting after I got back to my place for a shower and to get ready for work. The lights started to flicker and before I could get my hair dried, the power went out. It was going to be a proper snow day.

My house hidden behind the snow

For the next three days, the camp became a hideout of snowy magic. All the staff, volunteers and the one group of customers made the Big Kitchen our home base as we cranked up the fire, brought in clothes horses to dry everything and spent our time exploring the snow-covered wilderness and getting warmed up inside. The board games, crafts, Bingo and drawings came out as we whittled away at the hours. Meals became a group event as we cooked on the fireplace, drank tea/coffee and laughed the days away. Snowmen were made, snowballs thrown and many tracks were carved out with our shovels. By the end of the third day we managed to get our power back for good and sort out the phone as well (mobile services and land lines were down as well). As the camp is located at the end of the road, we couldn't have felt more isolated. It was another world.

Everyone pitching in to clear the snow

Stocking up for food was an event in itself as a handful of people would get geared up with packs and got tramping into town - the snow was up to our knees in parts. We couldn't clear the driveway and so stocking up for wood was done by pulling a tarp by rope with the pile of wood stacked on it.  We avoided walking under the trees as the branches continued to break and fall off under the weight of the snow. Life slowed down to a halt and we learned to enjoy each others company and live in the moment. We cheered when the electricity would come on and became innovative in figuring out how to dry hair in the morning (by the fire works fine). Frozen food was stored in the snow as the electricity was off and we discussed our preferences in clothing types to wear in the cold. Gumboots were worn at all times with plastic bags over our feet to prevent snow getting them wet.

By the end of Friday, everything was slowly coming back to normal again as we managed to get everything sorted enough for customers to be able to get into the camp for the weekend. Surprisingly, they came despite our warnings of sketchy power, limited hot water and incredibly icy roads. Aside from our photographic evidence of the main event, it seems as though it never happened.

And now that life is returning to normal again, I can focus on other things - such as my book. I have gotten my proof back of my book cover and I'm ecstatic at the end result. It has only signified the reality that my book will soon be published and I am stoked to almost be done it. With any luck, by the end of the month, it will be available for purchase in eBook format and print. So excited!!

Listen, Listen, Listen

Listen, listen, listen and then ask strategic questions.

~ Lululemon

So I've listened. For the past year or so I have strained my ears to hear the comments of the local Kiwis and I concluded that there has been barely a peep of protest from them. I don' get it. Everyone appears to be rather content with their lives and homes just the way they are with no one significantly making progress to change. Perhaps I've just been hanging around people that have newer houses.

For a while there I was starting to think that it was just me. Or maybe, the effects of everything weren't as bad as what I anticipated them to be. That thought came crashing down today when I got my monthly statement from the electricity company only to find that in the last 30 days my usage for electricity appears to have skyrocketed. Perfect. It was just what I had feared.

Obviously I anticipated some sort of increase in my electricity bill now that we have entered Autumn and Winter is on the horizon. The days are cooler and the nights are frosty - it's all well and lovely until my house enters the equations. True to Kiwi-style, my house was built with the classic "she'll be alright" mentality. There are visible gaps around the outside doors that let a continuous stream of warmish-air out while the cold air fights its way in. Many of the windows to entirely close all the way - again, the airflow is constant. There is only single-pane glass on all windows and the only insulation to speak of that I know about is what has been slapped up in the ceiling space, all loosely lying there for the mice to build their homes.

Heating? Well, forget the classic central heating system that I am used to from Canada. There is a wood burner and as nice as it is to sit in front of the fire each night (I frequently am within an arm's reach away), it takes nearly half a day before it is able to heat the entire house to a level that my feet don't feel numb. The only way to speed up the heating process is to turn on a draft system built into the ceiling (apparently no one thought through the basic principle of heat - it rises - which makes it doubly difficult for the air to actually heat the room) to which the hot air from the wood burner is sucked through the ceiling and then blown out various faucets around my house.

This is the way of the Kiwi. And those that have discovered the simplicity of double-glazing and fitting doors/windows properly so there are no gaps are astounded at the amount of warmth that stays in the house (even at night!) and the fact that their energy bill is greatly decreased. There's actually commercials interviewing people on this. For the rest of us poor buggers who either have no idea of how life could be so much more warm and energy efficient or simply do not have enough money to upgrade their house, we continue to sit in our three layers of clothing (even though it's still +10 degrees outside) surrounding the wood burner as though it is our life source.

I vaguely remember the good old days back in Canada where my energy bill would be somewhere in the realm of $40/month over the coldest months - cold the Kiwi's here can't even begin to fathom and yet I was still able to keep the lights on all day and was toasty warm in my little flat. Here? I sit in the dark to save electricity, pile on the clothes and turn off every electrical outlet I possibly can just to save energy. And yet my bill has still hit the $90 mark. Brilliant.

Sure, my energy bill has still yet to see the effects of me getting rid of my TV and such, but I reckon winter is still going to be a time of reading books by the light of the fire as I burn through yet another forest of trees trying to keep the house warm enough to not be catching a cold every other week.

Maybe one day Kiwis will catch onto the idea that if they built their houses to suit all weather to begin with, they'd end up saving a heap of money, time and effort. They would no longer need a gas or electric heater in every room. They would no longer need to "prepare for winter" by purchasing an electric blanket for every bed (yes, they still use those here) -- there would be no need for the hot water bottles or insulated window curtains (no lies). People would be able to sit inside their homes comfortably without having the wood fire going full blast 24/7. They would rest assured that their electric bill would be a reasonable and affordable amount to pay each month.

In the meantime, I will sit huddled up in my house built back in the 1950s (or whenever) and try to stay warm as I think of how I can possibly cut down even further on my electricity bill in the future - there IS only me here. It seems ridiculous to be spending that amount of money on a bill - I might as well be letting my money fly through the gap under my front door along with all the hot air.