Listen, Listen, Listen

Listen, listen, listen and then ask strategic questions.

~ Lululemon

So I've listened. For the past year or so I have strained my ears to hear the comments of the local Kiwis and I concluded that there has been barely a peep of protest from them. I don' get it. Everyone appears to be rather content with their lives and homes just the way they are with no one significantly making progress to change. Perhaps I've just been hanging around people that have newer houses.

For a while there I was starting to think that it was just me. Or maybe, the effects of everything weren't as bad as what I anticipated them to be. That thought came crashing down today when I got my monthly statement from the electricity company only to find that in the last 30 days my usage for electricity appears to have skyrocketed. Perfect. It was just what I had feared.

Obviously I anticipated some sort of increase in my electricity bill now that we have entered Autumn and Winter is on the horizon. The days are cooler and the nights are frosty - it's all well and lovely until my house enters the equations. True to Kiwi-style, my house was built with the classic "she'll be alright" mentality. There are visible gaps around the outside doors that let a continuous stream of warmish-air out while the cold air fights its way in. Many of the windows to entirely close all the way - again, the airflow is constant. There is only single-pane glass on all windows and the only insulation to speak of that I know about is what has been slapped up in the ceiling space, all loosely lying there for the mice to build their homes.

Heating? Well, forget the classic central heating system that I am used to from Canada. There is a wood burner and as nice as it is to sit in front of the fire each night (I frequently am within an arm's reach away), it takes nearly half a day before it is able to heat the entire house to a level that my feet don't feel numb. The only way to speed up the heating process is to turn on a draft system built into the ceiling (apparently no one thought through the basic principle of heat - it rises - which makes it doubly difficult for the air to actually heat the room) to which the hot air from the wood burner is sucked through the ceiling and then blown out various faucets around my house.

This is the way of the Kiwi. And those that have discovered the simplicity of double-glazing and fitting doors/windows properly so there are no gaps are astounded at the amount of warmth that stays in the house (even at night!) and the fact that their energy bill is greatly decreased. There's actually commercials interviewing people on this. For the rest of us poor buggers who either have no idea of how life could be so much more warm and energy efficient or simply do not have enough money to upgrade their house, we continue to sit in our three layers of clothing (even though it's still +10 degrees outside) surrounding the wood burner as though it is our life source.

I vaguely remember the good old days back in Canada where my energy bill would be somewhere in the realm of $40/month over the coldest months - cold the Kiwi's here can't even begin to fathom and yet I was still able to keep the lights on all day and was toasty warm in my little flat. Here? I sit in the dark to save electricity, pile on the clothes and turn off every electrical outlet I possibly can just to save energy. And yet my bill has still hit the $90 mark. Brilliant.

Sure, my energy bill has still yet to see the effects of me getting rid of my TV and such, but I reckon winter is still going to be a time of reading books by the light of the fire as I burn through yet another forest of trees trying to keep the house warm enough to not be catching a cold every other week.

Maybe one day Kiwis will catch onto the idea that if they built their houses to suit all weather to begin with, they'd end up saving a heap of money, time and effort. They would no longer need a gas or electric heater in every room. They would no longer need to "prepare for winter" by purchasing an electric blanket for every bed (yes, they still use those here) -- there would be no need for the hot water bottles or insulated window curtains (no lies). People would be able to sit inside their homes comfortably without having the wood fire going full blast 24/7. They would rest assured that their electric bill would be a reasonable and affordable amount to pay each month.

In the meantime, I will sit huddled up in my house built back in the 1950s (or whenever) and try to stay warm as I think of how I can possibly cut down even further on my electricity bill in the future - there IS only me here. It seems ridiculous to be spending that amount of money on a bill - I might as well be letting my money fly through the gap under my front door along with all the hot air.

Observe a Plant Before and After Watering

Observe a plant before and after watering and relate these benefits to your body and brain.

~ Lululemon

I did the deed. I got rid of my TV. Crazy - I know. in this day in age where everyone is aiming for the biggest TV they can possibly fit on their living room wall with the picture so clear it is as though you are there in the show - it seems absurd to not want one at all. For one thing - what does all the living room furniture point at if not a TV?

Regardless - I got rid of mine. Not like it was much of a TV to begin with. It was pretty old-school, so small I found myself curled up on the floor in front of it just so I could see what was going on. And the picture - well, it wasn't so horrible, but it was as though someone had bumped the side of the screen, causing whatever program I watched to be squished over to the right which meant I constantly had to guess what was going on at that side of the screen. So no big loss there.

But without a TV - what do I do with myself? Pretty much whatever I want. Quite frankly, I was getting annoyed with myself as I was developing certain couch potato qualities I never thought I would have. When I finished work for the day, it seemed easier to just turn on the TV and eat my food in front of it. Mind-numbing. Comforting. Waste of time.

Everyday would be the same and everyday as I watched the latest episodes of crappy shows I didn't really want to watch, I would make lists in my head of all the things I wanted to accomplish with my time - things I wasn't particularly doing right then. Things I would do "tomorrow." As days slipped by and became weeks, I noticed my answers to peoples questions of what's new with me would become more and more dull - quite simply because nothing had been happening with me. It was all happening in my TV screen.

I never much wanted a TV when I got my own place, but figured it was the socially acceptable thing to do as that's what people expect to be entertained by when they come for a visit right? A scary thought to have to think up other things to do when I have visitors. Things like having a normal conversation. Playing cards. Going outside. Cooking.

And so the TV is gone. I won't lie - the first few days were hard - but it made it easier to know I no longer had the option of bringing it back. It was gone. At first I didn't know what to do with myself and ended up sitting in a chair staring at my wall while I thought of all the things I "should" do, but couldn't really bring myself to do them. And then one day it clicked.

I started reading again. My house is cleaner than it ever has been. I finally finished writing my book about Te Araroa Trail (not-yet-published). I am more focused at work. I actually taste what I make for dinner and am trying new recipes just for fun. I go on longer walks. I spend more time with friends. With Jess & Lucy. Tonight I even learned how to cut myself a fringe (bangs) and did it because I could.

My furniture is still the same way it was with a TV, but I no longer notice the whole it left - instead I notice the changing colors of the leaves outside the windows or the big stack of books I want to read again. I still watch movies (on my laptop) and go on the internet. I'm not completely going back to the dark ages. But I do think that getting rid of my TV was the best thing I could have ever done. It wasn't a necessity - it was actually becoming a hindrance to the life I wanted to lead.

So who knows - maybe one day I will get myself a new TV, maybe not. But right now I intend to enjoy life for what it is and maybe just take a minute to observe a plant before and after watering. Just because I can.

Friends Are More Important Than Money

Friends are more important than money.

~ Lululemon

There may have been some rumours floating around - I am here to tell you they are true. I can officially say that I am coming back to Canada for a visit. Not until November, but still. It is time. It has been nearly three years since I was last in my hometown of Calgary and though it seems like I just left yesterday - it has been way too long.

I have been planning to come back for some time and wanted to do it as a surprise, but when my close friend, Janelle, informed me of her wedding plans for November - my plans were made for me. I would be coming back then. I don't know how long I will stay, but I hope to see everyone again. It's a scary thought, really. Sure - in a lot of ways I will feel as though I am coming "home," but in so many other ways it will feel as though I have travelled to a completely foreign country.

For the past three years I have met so many different people, eaten so much different food and explored so many different places, that it's hard to fathom what life would be like if I went back to Canada. Sure, I still remember, but that was also nearly 3 years ago - a lot has changed. In me. In my friends & family. In Canada. I, for one, refuse to eat orange cheese - regardless if it is in a tube, spray can, jar or in solid form. I no longer have a phobia of eating a meat-free diet and I worry over the thought of not being able to find pumpkin or beetroot (beets) to add to nearly everything I make. Not to mention driving.

I have been gone for so long that I now drive on the left side of the road in my dreams. It seems weird to watch people drive on the right side of the road in movies and I wonder if my brain will survive the huge adjustment when I am back in Canada.

There are many other adjustments I have to mentally prepare myself for in planning a visit back to Canada. Things like the fact that there are actually dangerous animals to consider when going to the bush. Things like the fact that people say "garbage" instead of "rubbish," "tom-A-to" instead of "tom-AH-to" and "to-go" instead of "takeaway." Things like the fact that people actually care about fashion. And money. And things. Things like the fact that television series are up to 5 years ahead of what we watch here in New Zealand - and that ANY television show will be 100x flashier than what I have become accustomed to in NZ. Canadians will have insulation in all buildings and electrical outlets OUTSIDE their houses (to plug in their cars) and generally make a big deal out of how everything is cheaper in the States. At least one can drive there on the weekend to pick up what they want.

That all said, there will be things I miss of NZ as well. I am not sure how well I will be able to handle all the people in Canada. Going from a town of 1000 locals of which I live on the outskirts in the middle of a forest to a city of a million plus is going to cause a bit of anxiety. It will seem strange to think that places won't close at 5pm so all the workers can get home to their families. It will also seem weird to know that though I am going "home" - I am not really as NZ is currently my home.

There are a lot of things that will be weird - scary even - but most of all I am excited to be able to see everyone I love in person again. To be able to hug people in real life and not be confined to Skype. To be able to book in coffee dates where I am existing on the same day as the person I am chatting to (generally I am a day ahead any time I talk to people in Canada due to the time difference). There are heaps things I can't wait to do - heaps of people I want to see and most of all - I am excited that because I am coming back for Janelle's wedding, I get to share my excitement with everyone else. I don't know if I would have survived having to keep things a surprise otherwise.

So - until next time, I can't wait - for everything! Fingers crossed November comes soon enough!

Creativity is Maximized When You're Living in the Moment

Creativity is maximized when you're living in the moment.

~ Lululemon

Life is a work of art. It is a painting that is never finished. It is a blank canvas for you to add the splash of color. Or not. Life is your's for the taking - paint a detailed picture or an abstracted thought of emotion. Just as no work of art is identical to the next, such as life. Create it as your own - the good and bad - it is all there. There is no "redo" button when doing a painting. No "undo" function to take it back a brushstroke. Life is just the same. Each moment that passes us by will never exist in that moment in time ever again. Life is full of second chances, but never is there a moment to truly forget the past. So take the good. The bad. The ugly. Take it all and create a masterpiece - for your life is yours and no one else's to claim.

In this past week - I have been thinking often about my life and what has brought me to today. If my life were a painting - what would it look like? I reckon it'd be one of those famously mysterious pieces that are layer upon layers of different paintings that can only be discovered if someone peeled each layer away. My life can not simply be summed up with one picture. So much has changed since I was a little girl of 8 with big dreams for what will happen when I become "old." And my life is yet to be over - the painting yet to be complete. But already it is fabulous and I know without a doubt it will be a masterpiece - if only it is me that thinks so.

Life is a rollarcoaster ride. There are the ups and the downs. There are the moments you want to be sick and those that make you scream. There are the white-knuckled moments and those of which you raise your hands in the air - you have never felt so free. There are moments in life that everything is turned upside down and you are not sure if you can make it through, but then you do. Life is a rollarcoaster ride - just without the height restriction.

In having a bit of a self-realization session in the past couple of weeks, I feel very much as though I have been on a rollarcoaster ride. I feel as though I have been gritting my teeth as I bump my way up yet another hill - unsure what awaits me when I get to the top. Everything has been building for some time - my job, my relationships, my finances, my life plans and I just don't know what is to come of it all. I know deep down things will work out, but it's the anticipation of waiting to see how much of a climb I have left to go before it does that is freaking me out. I need to just keep reminding myself to be strong in who I am - in what I know.

Life is a box of chocolates. You never know which one you are going to get. You never know what tomorrow will bring so stop worrying about it. Make the most of today. Enjoy which chocolate you happen to receive and stop wishing for the next one. There is always going to be someone with worse life misery than you. Feel blessed for what you have. If you don't - then change. Make a difference. Make a stand. Dream big and never look back - after all, a chocolate is just a chocolate. It's what you do with it that makes it count.

A year ago Alex and I were in Invercargill buying up the stock of a second-hand clothing store in preparation for our Te Araroa Trail finish. I would have never imagined I would be where I am right now and I think that is a good thing. As much as I enjoy dreaming big, I would never really want to know what I am going to be doing in the future. I'd rather just focus on chasing my dreams - let the other cards fall where they may. I just wish I could go back and tell the 13-year-old me that I should have dreamed bigger. Oh-so-much bigger. The possibilities of what life can be are endless and I'm loving it. A year from now? Who knows what will become of me.

Life is a journey. So keep going forward and don't look back. Enjoy the scenery around you - stop to smell the flowers. Learn from your mistakes. Breathe. Climb the mountain - don't go around. The view is so much more spectacular from the top. Don't take shorcuts - you never know what life lessons and pleasures await you around the next corner. Stop wishing for something that is yet to be - just be. Enjoy. Love. Live.

It's true what they say about what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. This week I feel as though I have been made stronger. Sure, there has been an end to a relationship in my life - but through it I have learned more about myself that I ever would have had I not taken the leap. I learned more about what I want out of life - what I want for myself - what I deserve. I learned that it's okay to hold the same high standards for people in my life as what I hold for myself. I learned that it's okay to be me.

Life is a funny thing. From one day to the next so much can change and I think that is what makes it so fascinating. The grass is never greener on the other side. You can never have it all. Dream big but know it is the small things that really matter in life. You only get one chance at this life so make the most of it. It is never to late.