Dreams Do Come True

I truly believe that anything is possible in life. Dreams do come true. Our deepest desires of life ambitions are something that could be one day. Provided you have the tools and support there to make it happen. I have the privilege of being that very support for people in the job I do. Not only do I get to help people realize their dreams, but I also get to be there to help them plan how they are going to achieve those very special life goals. 

The best part this last week was being able to go to a national gathering of all Outcomes Facilitators in New Zealand where we spent two days discussing how we could better support people to help achieve their goals. To be in a room with people who didn't just think that any dream was achievable, but that any person (no matter their disability) could achieve it -- was inspiring, to say the least. 

It has only been in this last week that I have been able to reflect on my life and the opportunities presented to me as this past month has been one large whirlwind of cramming as much new information in my head as humanly possible. It is just now that the dust has started to settle and I can start to breath again with confidence that I know which direction I am headed in. Or at least until the next challenge needs to be faced. 

One of the challenges I know will come in my near future is my volunteer position with Red Cross Refugee Services. This past month has been many meetings with other volunteers to train on the skills and information needed to work with refugees and not feel completely overwhelmed. Some of us still feel overwhelmed with the task, but at least we have a better idea of what we will be facing. 

For the next six months, us volunteers will be divided into teams and each team will be assigned a refugee family to help settle into life in Wellington. Things that we generally take for granted - how to keep warm in the winter, how to take transit, what an EFTPOS/Debit card does, or even just how to speak in English to get what we want - will generally be a huge challenge for many of the refugees relocating to New Zealand. Again, it is an incredible privilege to be part of this process - to be part of someone's life as it is changing so dramatically - to be part of the process in helping someone create a place they can call home. 

So much of the training for Refugee Services left me feeling amazed at the process that most of these individuals go through. There is so much loss in many of these peoples lives and yet for them to reach the point of being accepted as refugees to a new country, they have already become survivors. Given that the average time spent at any refugee camp waiting for the call to say they have been accepted to a new country is a whole 17 years, it truly is the strong at heart that make it. 

While every refugee's story is different and their anguish personal, they all share a common thread of uncommon courage: the courage not only to survive, but to persevere and rebuild their shattered lives. (Antonio Guterres)

Anyway, back to my life - work is good. Friends are good. The weather is good (though I'm told "winter" is here... I'm still walking around most days with no coat). And I still wait on Residency. The last of my paperwork has gone through and now it's just crossing my fingers in hope that everything I passed on will give me the go ahead for Residency Status. The waiting is hard, but at least I know I am finally starting to feel a bit more settled here in Wellington regardless. Now if I could just get the neighbourhood cat  to stop sneaking into my house when I'm not around..... 

Up the Garden Path

Time has been flying along in its normal fashion these days. I've handed in my Work Visa Application - $270 + $350 Medical + $70 Police Certificate - just so that I might be able to stay in NZ long enough to get my Residency Application approved. And so it goes. The pile of paper on my desk indicating a pressing need to delve into my personal life and show I am who I say I am is haunting me. But I have to do it. Scrounging up a birth certificate and proof of each individual work experiences I've had in my life should be a hoot. Can't wait. Can't wait until it's all over and I can stop having a date of termination virtually stuck on my forehead.

As it stands, I've been preoccupying myself with other tasks - part procrastination - part distraction. Obsessing over the status of my boxes I posted to myself from Canada has become my new hobby. Current status? Still in the hands of some customs officer. Don't they realize that my 6 boxes being sent to the same address with bits and bobs so obscure even I don't remember what's in them are in no way suspicious? Fingers crossed I didn't accidently pack a piece of dirt in one of the boxes -- that's one sure way to never see my things again.

In my time of waiting for my power cord to my laptop and the second shipment of my published book, I have taken up planning my garden for this spring. Turns out to be a little bit more like going back to school than it does in picking up a new hobby. For some reason it seems relatively terrifying to have to learn how to grow something living that I will one day hopefully be able to eat than it does to pick up a crochet needle and design a cozy throw. Even still, I press on with the mere hope that perhaps I will somehow discover I have a green thumb hidden under all this nail polish and that the amount of work put into caring about the acidity level of my homemade raised flower beds will one day pay off.

So far - the plan is there - now it is just implementing it. Who was it that decided that gardening supplies should be so expensive? Who would have thought that a bag of dirt could cost so much. Go figure. Regardless, I am keeping up the hope that come summer time I will be well on my way to a year round veggie patch. Plus a couple of flowers thrown in there too.

I've started things off in the vain hope that I can somehow keep two indoor pots of herbs going. Parsley and Coriander have become my new plant babies, sitting up proud on my kitchen ledge in front of the window. Fingers crossed they manage to catch enough sunlight to continue growing. That and that I don't sporadically water them too much or too little, causing their immediate demise. I've recently been told that Coriander can be quite difficult to keep alive and so given that I have managed to not kill it in its last 9 days of living with me has been reassuring. At least more so than my reputation of somehow managing to kill my cactus plant as a child.

And so it goes - the rain appears to be settling in for the last part of winter here and I only hope this means good things for the garden I have yet to grow. Perhaps I can manage to convince a few people to grow things with me and then weeding won't seem so much a chore in the next few months.

Garden or no garden - Kaeto continues to walk around like the little black ninja that he is - even taking to following me down the main road for a kilometer before waiting 2hrs in the bush to walk me back home. Jess continues to be my running buddy - or at least when I finally get out of bed and am motivated to run in the rain. Again. But above it all, I still have to sort through my Residency Application. Who would have thought that trying to get into a country would be so demanding. Surely there will be points given for walking the length of the country right? Fingers crossed.

Choose a Positive Thought

The conscious brain can only hold one thought at a time. Choose a positive thought.

~ Lululemon

Jess killed a possum yesterday. It was her second one. I'm not sure if I should be happy for her or not - she is in no way a hunting dog. The event of her killing an animal is more one of complete and utter accident as she generally can't even get within sniffing distance of a possum due to her lack of skills in the stealth attack department. Regardless, yesterday she managed to kill a possum.

We had been on route to town to pick up some groceries and hadn't gotten more than 50m from my home when she veered off into the deep snow towards the bush. I knew she was onto something as she refused to listen to me calling her back to where I was and so I stood on the side of the road and waiting. Within a minute or two I could hear a horrific scream coming from the possum as Jess got it in her mouth and started flinging it around. Jess doesn't quite clue into the fact that one must tear apart the animal you are trying to kill. She has only grasped the concept that one must get it in their mouth. As such, the death of the possum was a monumentally slow event to which I eventually got sick of standing on the side of the road listening to the possum's screams and lugged my way into the bush to drag Jess away.

It was just another day.

Kellie, Linda, me, Prajot & Graeme - first thing in the morning

I was glad of this fact as I walked my way into town. This past week has been nothing short of one big adventure to which none of us have known how it was going to end. It all started on Tuesday when the team at the camp put together our our first Bingo Bananza fundraiser - we didn't know what to expect and were pleasantly surprised to have more than just our staff show up to the event. After a night of playing Bingo and having a bit of fun, we were all stoked to have raised just over $130 - with any luck, our future Bingo nights during the winter will be even more successful. Our goal is to raise enough money to get a projector and projector screen for the Recreation Hall.

Anyway - that wasn't particularly where the adventure starts - it was that night. All throughout the day we had been hearing reports that there was going to be a massive dump of snow in Hanmer Springs - all the weather people were rather excited about it. But when we finished up Bingo Bananza that night and went outside, all there was was rain. None of us were really too sure that we'd actually see snow by morning - if anything we figured it'd just be another thick frost.

When I rolled out of bed the next morning, I had completely forgotten about the weather reports so when I went to let Jess outside for her morning pee and get some firewood to start the fire, I about fell over at the sight I saw. Everything was covered in over a foot of snow and it was still snowing. The air was as quiet as ever. It was a proper winter wonderland.

Before I could get back inside to start the fire, I could hear some rustling in the trees. I looked up to find that Linda & Prajot were on the other side of the fence with big grins on their faces. We decided to go out for a proper walk even though it was just after 6 AM. And so we went, bundled up and wearing gumboots - we took Jess out for a walk. By the time we got back, it was nearly 7 AM and so we knew everyone else would be awake. Within no time at all, we were all outside throwing snowballs, laughing and jumping around as the sun peaked its head up over the horizon. It was perfect.

Things started to get interesting after I got back to my place for a shower and to get ready for work. The lights started to flicker and before I could get my hair dried, the power went out. It was going to be a proper snow day.

My house hidden behind the snow

For the next three days, the camp became a hideout of snowy magic. All the staff, volunteers and the one group of customers made the Big Kitchen our home base as we cranked up the fire, brought in clothes horses to dry everything and spent our time exploring the snow-covered wilderness and getting warmed up inside. The board games, crafts, Bingo and drawings came out as we whittled away at the hours. Meals became a group event as we cooked on the fireplace, drank tea/coffee and laughed the days away. Snowmen were made, snowballs thrown and many tracks were carved out with our shovels. By the end of the third day we managed to get our power back for good and sort out the phone as well (mobile services and land lines were down as well). As the camp is located at the end of the road, we couldn't have felt more isolated. It was another world.

Everyone pitching in to clear the snow

Stocking up for food was an event in itself as a handful of people would get geared up with packs and got tramping into town - the snow was up to our knees in parts. We couldn't clear the driveway and so stocking up for wood was done by pulling a tarp by rope with the pile of wood stacked on it.  We avoided walking under the trees as the branches continued to break and fall off under the weight of the snow. Life slowed down to a halt and we learned to enjoy each others company and live in the moment. We cheered when the electricity would come on and became innovative in figuring out how to dry hair in the morning (by the fire works fine). Frozen food was stored in the snow as the electricity was off and we discussed our preferences in clothing types to wear in the cold. Gumboots were worn at all times with plastic bags over our feet to prevent snow getting them wet.

By the end of Friday, everything was slowly coming back to normal again as we managed to get everything sorted enough for customers to be able to get into the camp for the weekend. Surprisingly, they came despite our warnings of sketchy power, limited hot water and incredibly icy roads. Aside from our photographic evidence of the main event, it seems as though it never happened.

And now that life is returning to normal again, I can focus on other things - such as my book. I have gotten my proof back of my book cover and I'm ecstatic at the end result. It has only signified the reality that my book will soon be published and I am stoked to almost be done it. With any luck, by the end of the month, it will be available for purchase in eBook format and print. So excited!!

Listen, Listen, Listen

Listen, listen, listen and then ask strategic questions.

~ Lululemon

So I've listened. For the past year or so I have strained my ears to hear the comments of the local Kiwis and I concluded that there has been barely a peep of protest from them. I don' get it. Everyone appears to be rather content with their lives and homes just the way they are with no one significantly making progress to change. Perhaps I've just been hanging around people that have newer houses.

For a while there I was starting to think that it was just me. Or maybe, the effects of everything weren't as bad as what I anticipated them to be. That thought came crashing down today when I got my monthly statement from the electricity company only to find that in the last 30 days my usage for electricity appears to have skyrocketed. Perfect. It was just what I had feared.

Obviously I anticipated some sort of increase in my electricity bill now that we have entered Autumn and Winter is on the horizon. The days are cooler and the nights are frosty - it's all well and lovely until my house enters the equations. True to Kiwi-style, my house was built with the classic "she'll be alright" mentality. There are visible gaps around the outside doors that let a continuous stream of warmish-air out while the cold air fights its way in. Many of the windows to entirely close all the way - again, the airflow is constant. There is only single-pane glass on all windows and the only insulation to speak of that I know about is what has been slapped up in the ceiling space, all loosely lying there for the mice to build their homes.

Heating? Well, forget the classic central heating system that I am used to from Canada. There is a wood burner and as nice as it is to sit in front of the fire each night (I frequently am within an arm's reach away), it takes nearly half a day before it is able to heat the entire house to a level that my feet don't feel numb. The only way to speed up the heating process is to turn on a draft system built into the ceiling (apparently no one thought through the basic principle of heat - it rises - which makes it doubly difficult for the air to actually heat the room) to which the hot air from the wood burner is sucked through the ceiling and then blown out various faucets around my house.

This is the way of the Kiwi. And those that have discovered the simplicity of double-glazing and fitting doors/windows properly so there are no gaps are astounded at the amount of warmth that stays in the house (even at night!) and the fact that their energy bill is greatly decreased. There's actually commercials interviewing people on this. For the rest of us poor buggers who either have no idea of how life could be so much more warm and energy efficient or simply do not have enough money to upgrade their house, we continue to sit in our three layers of clothing (even though it's still +10 degrees outside) surrounding the wood burner as though it is our life source.

I vaguely remember the good old days back in Canada where my energy bill would be somewhere in the realm of $40/month over the coldest months - cold the Kiwi's here can't even begin to fathom and yet I was still able to keep the lights on all day and was toasty warm in my little flat. Here? I sit in the dark to save electricity, pile on the clothes and turn off every electrical outlet I possibly can just to save energy. And yet my bill has still hit the $90 mark. Brilliant.

Sure, my energy bill has still yet to see the effects of me getting rid of my TV and such, but I reckon winter is still going to be a time of reading books by the light of the fire as I burn through yet another forest of trees trying to keep the house warm enough to not be catching a cold every other week.

Maybe one day Kiwis will catch onto the idea that if they built their houses to suit all weather to begin with, they'd end up saving a heap of money, time and effort. They would no longer need a gas or electric heater in every room. They would no longer need to "prepare for winter" by purchasing an electric blanket for every bed (yes, they still use those here) -- there would be no need for the hot water bottles or insulated window curtains (no lies). People would be able to sit inside their homes comfortably without having the wood fire going full blast 24/7. They would rest assured that their electric bill would be a reasonable and affordable amount to pay each month.

In the meantime, I will sit huddled up in my house built back in the 1950s (or whenever) and try to stay warm as I think of how I can possibly cut down even further on my electricity bill in the future - there IS only me here. It seems ridiculous to be spending that amount of money on a bill - I might as well be letting my money fly through the gap under my front door along with all the hot air.

Successful People

Successful people replace the words ‘wish,’ ‘should’ and ‘try’ with ‘I will.’

~ Lululemon

This past week has been something of a massive whirlwind of dreams and goals – some of the past and some of the future. Between finishing Robin Hood (went awesome!) and enjoying a fabulous Christmas in July (YAY for snow!) the days have flown by. It’s hard to believe that in about a month my time as I know it here in New Zealand will come to an end. And as they say – when one door closes…. Another opens, right? It’s just I haven’t a clue which door to choose. Still.

Yup – that’s right. I still don’t know what is to become of me and my life a month from now. A month from now everything as I know it will come to an end. And all I can think about is everything that has brought me to this point. Every choice I have made. Every day I have lived. Every breath I have breathed. To get me to this point. It was not an easy ride and it certainly won’t be one I will ever forget.



Robin Hood (me) and his mother discuss the complications of ACC

 Straight from that first day I set off into the bush to walk from Banff to Vancouver, I knew I was in for something big. Just not this big. I never figured I would ever be at the point I am today. At the point of which I am so completely and utterly torn in two as to what to do. Where to go. Which door to open next. I never figured I would meet so many incredible people along my way. People that would turn my world upside-down. People who would become like family. People who will forever be imprinted on my soul.

I never figured in my wildest dreams I would do the things I have done. Never would I have thought I would have climbed the mountains I have. Crossed the rivers I did. Seen the wildlife I have. So much more than the birds and the bees. Try bears. Dolphins. Whales. Crocodiles. Snakes. Millions of sand flies. I never figured I would see the places I have. To be able to visit locations I have only ever seen in photos. Now those photos are mine. The memories engraved in my mind for all of eternity.

And what memories they have been. The moments of pure happiness. The tears of pain. The times of trials and those moments were so bizarre all I could do was laugh. The time spent getting to know someone new and the many goodbyes that followed. The sunrises. The sunsets. The countless kilometers travelled by every mode possible. Plane. Train. Boat. Kayak. Bike. Bus. Car. Oh yeah – and foot.



Siobhan and I in Hanmer Spring's winter wonderland

 But most of all it’s been the people I remember most. The random strangers in the street. The instant friends that I can share anything with. The surrogate grandparents, brothers and sisters. And the numerous acting moms and dads that pretty well have to have a roster to sort out who can lecture me about walking home alone in the dark next. It’s those people that have made my journey what it has become. It’s those people that have made me feel at home – no matter how far from home I actually am.

So what now? That is the big question. The ironic thing is that there is no words like ‘wish,’ ‘should’ or ‘try’ floating around in my head. There’s just the big ‘I will’ and then – nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I haven’t a clue what it is that ‘I will’ do. I just know I will do it. There isn’t even the luxury of being able to choose my head or heart to follow – everything is muddled together. All I have is the luxury of choice and I haven’t quite figured out if ‘luxury’ is the best word to describe it.

Ever since that day I left home – over two years ago – it seems as though many of my decisions have come to me. As though they were meant to be. As though there could be no other way other than the one that lay before me. Maybe there was no other choice. Maybe there was. It didn’t matter much. I just went with it. And I have been going with it up until this point. Up until this moment in time. Up until now. And now everything has changed.

Now I just realize how much it is only me a part of this decision. It is only me who can make it. It is only me who will move forward. Wherever I go, I know I will have those who support me and those who may question it – but it is my decision to make. I think the big reason I hesitate in actually making the decision is the grieving process linked to what I will be letting go in order to make it. Whatever I choose will mean the end of something spectacular. It will not just mean the end of a chapter, but the end of a book. It will mean saying goodbye to so much that is a part of who I now am. It will mean letting go of the life I have come to love. It will mean saying goodbye to those I love.

But the other side of that door is looking pretty spectacular as well. What exactly is behind that door is a completely different question. I suppose time will tell and as everyone sits and waits in great anticipation (*rolls eyes*) I’ll just be here doing my pros and cons list. Weeding out what I want from what everyone else thinks I should do and eventually – I reckon it’s going to come down to a coin toss. All I know for certain is that whatever it is…. I WILL do it.