Successful People

Successful people replace the words ‘wish,’ ‘should’ and ‘try’ with ‘I will.’

~ Lululemon

This past week has been something of a massive whirlwind of dreams and goals – some of the past and some of the future. Between finishing Robin Hood (went awesome!) and enjoying a fabulous Christmas in July (YAY for snow!) the days have flown by. It’s hard to believe that in about a month my time as I know it here in New Zealand will come to an end. And as they say – when one door closes…. Another opens, right? It’s just I haven’t a clue which door to choose. Still.

Yup – that’s right. I still don’t know what is to become of me and my life a month from now. A month from now everything as I know it will come to an end. And all I can think about is everything that has brought me to this point. Every choice I have made. Every day I have lived. Every breath I have breathed. To get me to this point. It was not an easy ride and it certainly won’t be one I will ever forget.



Robin Hood (me) and his mother discuss the complications of ACC

 Straight from that first day I set off into the bush to walk from Banff to Vancouver, I knew I was in for something big. Just not this big. I never figured I would ever be at the point I am today. At the point of which I am so completely and utterly torn in two as to what to do. Where to go. Which door to open next. I never figured I would meet so many incredible people along my way. People that would turn my world upside-down. People who would become like family. People who will forever be imprinted on my soul.

I never figured in my wildest dreams I would do the things I have done. Never would I have thought I would have climbed the mountains I have. Crossed the rivers I did. Seen the wildlife I have. So much more than the birds and the bees. Try bears. Dolphins. Whales. Crocodiles. Snakes. Millions of sand flies. I never figured I would see the places I have. To be able to visit locations I have only ever seen in photos. Now those photos are mine. The memories engraved in my mind for all of eternity.

And what memories they have been. The moments of pure happiness. The tears of pain. The times of trials and those moments were so bizarre all I could do was laugh. The time spent getting to know someone new and the many goodbyes that followed. The sunrises. The sunsets. The countless kilometers travelled by every mode possible. Plane. Train. Boat. Kayak. Bike. Bus. Car. Oh yeah – and foot.



Siobhan and I in Hanmer Spring's winter wonderland

 But most of all it’s been the people I remember most. The random strangers in the street. The instant friends that I can share anything with. The surrogate grandparents, brothers and sisters. And the numerous acting moms and dads that pretty well have to have a roster to sort out who can lecture me about walking home alone in the dark next. It’s those people that have made my journey what it has become. It’s those people that have made me feel at home – no matter how far from home I actually am.

So what now? That is the big question. The ironic thing is that there is no words like ‘wish,’ ‘should’ or ‘try’ floating around in my head. There’s just the big ‘I will’ and then – nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I haven’t a clue what it is that ‘I will’ do. I just know I will do it. There isn’t even the luxury of being able to choose my head or heart to follow – everything is muddled together. All I have is the luxury of choice and I haven’t quite figured out if ‘luxury’ is the best word to describe it.

Ever since that day I left home – over two years ago – it seems as though many of my decisions have come to me. As though they were meant to be. As though there could be no other way other than the one that lay before me. Maybe there was no other choice. Maybe there was. It didn’t matter much. I just went with it. And I have been going with it up until this point. Up until this moment in time. Up until now. And now everything has changed.

Now I just realize how much it is only me a part of this decision. It is only me who can make it. It is only me who will move forward. Wherever I go, I know I will have those who support me and those who may question it – but it is my decision to make. I think the big reason I hesitate in actually making the decision is the grieving process linked to what I will be letting go in order to make it. Whatever I choose will mean the end of something spectacular. It will not just mean the end of a chapter, but the end of a book. It will mean saying goodbye to so much that is a part of who I now am. It will mean letting go of the life I have come to love. It will mean saying goodbye to those I love.

But the other side of that door is looking pretty spectacular as well. What exactly is behind that door is a completely different question. I suppose time will tell and as everyone sits and waits in great anticipation (*rolls eyes*) I’ll just be here doing my pros and cons list. Weeding out what I want from what everyone else thinks I should do and eventually – I reckon it’s going to come down to a coin toss. All I know for certain is that whatever it is…. I WILL do it.