Life is Full of Setbacks

Life is full of setbacks. Success is determined by how you handle setbacks.

~ Lululemon

Travel can be tough. Behind all the photos of glorious sunsets, exotic stories of lands from afar, relationships with an united nations of people and adventures jumping out of planes, riding elephants and lazing on white, sandy beaches – it can be difficult. It can be hard making the adjustment into a country that is foreign. It can be challenging trying to balance life between what was left behind and what is happening now in the moment. It can be incredibly complex to not get so lost in the moment of what is going on that everything that once was is lost forever.

Talking with Sam (USA), who is another backpacker at the Family Trust Camp here, the other night, reminded me of the fine line us travelers walk when being away from our homes for a long period of time. There comes a point that all of us reach in which we have to assess just how important our relationships are from back at home. The family we left behind. The friends we said goodbye to. The significant other or potential love our hearts are with.

There comes a point when each and every one of us realizes that we cannot keep up our lives from back at home without completely sacrificing our new lives travelling. Because that is just it. Travelling long term is not as simple as a holiday. It is not a vacation of which you go away for a few weeks to “relax” and “get away” from it all – only to come back refreshed and renewed. Long term travel is a complete life-changing experience. Jobs are quit. Things are put in storage. One-way tickets are bought. We do not know when (or if) we will be back. We set out in search of adventure. In search for a new experience. In search of that perfect wave, mountain, lifestyle, country, something. In search for love. In search for ourselves.

And in doing all of this – there comes a point of which we have to let go of the life we left behind. The only other option is to return home.

Everyone I know has come to this point with regards to long-term travelling. Some have only remembered it as a brief moment in time, where as other struggle to process what they should do for days, weeks or even months. Some call it “loneliness.” Others call it “homesickness.” Whatever it may be, it happens to the best of us and those who reach the other side of it all become more open to the experiences all around them. Life seems fresh – new, even.

This is the point that Sam is at – or at least in the process of letting go of her life back at home. It doesn’t mean that she forgets everyone she left behind or that she doesn’t care. It just means that she is making herself more open to the travel adventures in store for her here. The life she can have here. The friends she’ll make here. The memories that she’ll have forever.

For myself – my setback in the travel world hasn’t been so much of an external force causing conflict in my life. It’s been myself. My mind. My body. Myself.


21.04.2011

Today I was just reminded of what I am aiming to do with my life. For the past few days I have felt as though everything has been a massive blur of going-ons, most of which has just taken me for a ride so fast that I have just now started to catch my breath. And so here I am.

The truth of the matter is that for the past week I’ve let myself slide in the health and fitness department. I’ve been skipping runs – telling myself that it’s too cold outside or that I’m tired or that I’ll do it later. I’ve also been eating way more than I need to, not all of it being healthy food either – again lying to myself that “it’s okay” and that I’ll burn it all off in the runs that I’m not doing. The thing is – I’m really good to lying to myself when it comes to my health and fitness and the stupid bit is that that is one of the few things in life that I have complete control over.

As much as I tell myself that I’m okay with how I look and what I eat and how I live my life, the reality of it all is that I’m not. That’s why I did all that soul-searching on Te Araroa Trail. I finished it knowing that I needed to change my lifestyle if I wanted to reach my goals. It was easy at first, but I know I’ve let myself slide. And that’s not okay with me.

I’ve let myself slide this last week, but here it ends. Right now – because I don’t want to lose everything I gained by doing Te Araroa Trail. I don’t want it all to be for nothing.


And so – back on track I went. And then I slipped off again. On-again, off-again I have been this week. One day waking at the crack of dawn to blast through the forest trails here in a kick-ass hour run that leaves me on a high that I never want to come off of – and then the next day I can barely roll out of bed to face the crisp morning air. I’d rather sleep all day and eat chocolate. Some days I’ve been amazing at keeping hydrated with water and other days it’s all I can do not to forget my water bottle.

It’s been a ridiculous up-and-down rollercoaster ride of motivation, inspiration and fascination at where I’ve been, where I am and where I want to be. But there’s truth in the message that says it’s not the setbacks that count – its how you deal with them. And so here I am. Bring it on.

I refuse to be that person that wishes that they could do something. I will do it. I refuse to have regrets in my life. The past is what makes me who I am today. I refuse to give up. Every day I start fresh. I refuse to limit myself to what I “should” do in life. Anything is possible and life is what you make it. I refuse to be anything less than what I know in my heart of hearts I can be. And so here I am.


27.04.2011

It’s difficult to know where to begin today. My mind feels so full of thoughts – so full of life. Everything is going on and as great as it is, I get the feeling that I’m holding my breath. Holding my breath for it all to fall apart – for me to lose my grasp on everything that I’ve worked for. I suppose I should quit all the worrying and just enjoy the ride that life has given me.

It’s crazy really. Being here in Hanmer Springs. I really do feel like finishing Te Araroa Trail has not just opened up new doors to possibilities I’ve always dreamed of – finishing Te Araroa Trail has meant a fresh start – truly a new beginning in life.

And so here I am – working hard to train for a half marathon. Trying to figure out what to write for my next article with Green Joyment. And life is good. Brilliant, really. I’m completely stoked for what’s to come next.


I have let myself slide – it may not be noticeable to other people – but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I know what I can do and who I can be and I won’t settle for less. Half marathons don’t run themselves on their own. A healthy body and mind doesn’t happen overnight. Being at peace with myself doesn’t come without a little effort on my part. And so here I am – ready to give it my all.

I know I have changed from the person I once was when I left home nearly two years ago. I have grown stronger in who I am. I have become more of the person I want to be. Maybe it would have happened regardless of where I was in the world, but I owe a lot of it to the fact that I have been travelling. I don’t know where I would be if I had given into the internal struggle of how to separate myself from the life that was and live in the life that is – maybe I would be in the same place, but I don’t think so.

Travelling can be hard. It’s not all hammocks and good times. But it sure is one hell of a ride.

Do One Thing a Day That Scares You

~ Title quote by Lululemon



I am not sure I know what I am doing – or how I am going to do it. Quite frankly, I’m a little bit scared. I know that in doing Te Araroa Trail, I finished it thinking and truly believing that I could do absolutely anything that I put my mind to. But now – well now – I am just not so sure. Seems crazy really, but it’s true. I mean, really – what HAVE I gotten myself into?

Really, if I were to dig down deep inside, I would find that as scared as I am with everything going on, I want oh-so-much more. This feeling is incredibly addicting and exhilarating. It’s freeing. It’s knowing that I’m flying high and pushing myself to do what I always wanted to but never really had the guts to do it. Apparently Hanmer Springs is where I’m going to dive in – that’s right – no sense in jumping in with both feet – I’m diving in head first.

This past week, it’s really begun to sink in just what I have signed up to do here in Hanmer Springs. My life has become one of lifestyle – not just any longer about the drag of work every day to get the money to spend the money to go back and make the money again. My life has become so much more. Above my regular job at St. James doing housekeeping, I have started writing articles for a website called Green Joyment. It’s all about becoming eco-friendly in everything we do and it’s crazy to think that I actually got my first article through this past week.

I also have just recently been in touch with Lululemon and I have been approved to get my photographs showcased in the new store opening up in Queenstown the next couple of months. Scared? You bet. As well as excited and completely intimidated. My art won’t just be shown – it will also be for sale as well. Talk about putting myself out there – I can’t wait!

But that’s just the beginning – I recently got the script for the upcoming pantomime production of Robin Hood here in Hanmer Springs. Auditions over with and roles given out – I got a part. Not just any role though – I’m to be Robin Hood himself. I wish I could say that I’ve had a heap of experience in theatre production, but I really haven’t (let alone the fact that my singing voice is nothing amazing) – even still, I’m super stoked to be a part of this as this play will be a big laugh and so much fun to do (even if I’m on the verge of wetting my pants from fear of screwing up).

And so with all this fear inside building up and nowhere to direct my newfound nervous energy – I’ve decided to add another thing to my list of things to try on. I’ve decided to sign up for the local half marathon race set to occur for May 7, 2011. I’ve only ever run a 10km run once. And even then I walked for part of it as I wasn’t in the head space to run the full thing. But here I am after doing Te Araroa Trail and I know that my fitness level is still quite high (and I hope to keep it that way) where I am able to run for an hour every morning without any trouble – 10km is an average distance I’m putting in. There’s not really any reason I shouldn’t be able to push for a half marathon (21km). It’s just the mental block of knowing I have never actually done such a run before in my life that makes me hesitant and completely unsure of myself.

Thinking about all of this makes me wonder why I’m doing it all. Not that I want to back out of all of it – but out of my entire life, this would be one of the few moments of which I have jumped at the chance to try so many different things all at once – most of which scare me to pieces simply because I have never done them before. They’re all things of which other people out there in the world will see me do. See me succeed or fail. And that’s a bloody scary thought. It’s not like the odd time I’ve gotten a new shirt and tried it out around the house to see how I like it first. It’s me getting paid to write my opinions on eco-friendly solutions online for the world to read. It’s me printing my photographs for others to see and decide if they like them enough to purchase them. It’s me deciding to put myself out there and say that “yes” I’ve walked the length of the country, but let’s see if I can run 21km. If I can’t do that – what does it make me? Does it make me any less of a person if I fail at something I never had tried before?

Lululemon has many quotes they frequently put forth for others to be inspired on how to lead a “longer, healthier and more fun” life. One of which challenges everyone to “do one thing a day that scares you.” I have decided that for the next four months of my stay in New Zealand, in Hanmer Springs, that I will take on each one of the countless quotes of Lululemon and try them out. It’s time to stop simply reading them everywhere I go – it’s time to put them into practice. So, with that in mind, my new adventure for life is the adventure of life. People always comment that the grass appears greener on the other side, but I’m determined to appreciate the fact that the grass is pretty green right where I’m at.

Adventures do not necessarily have to be doing rare death-defying excursions that are blatantly different than anything the average person dreams up. Adventures are simply doing something above the line of mediocrity. So, yes, my new adventure may not include a lengthy time span of living in the wild or even in a tent. It might not include major river crossings or wondering how long my one pair of shorts will last. It may not even be about incredible mountain climbs or scaling rocks with a heavy pack strapped to my back. It might not mean fighting my way through Gorse or Bush Lawyer, but an adventure it still will be. Each week I will take on the challenge of one of Lululemon’s principle quotes and test them out – heaven knows where it will take me and, going with the theme of this past week, it scares me a bit. Much like the movie “Yes Man” with Jim Carrey, I will say “yes” and dive in. Life is what you make it and I want to live it with intention. After all, as Whoopie Goldberg once said, “Normal is just a cycle on a washing machine.”

Hanmer Sweet Hanmer

E huri tō kanohi ki te rā ko te atarangi kei muri I a koe

(Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you)

~ Maori Proverb

It’s official – I have fallen in love. Or at least I think I have based on what everyone around me says love is. Not sure if anyone can ever been 100% confident that what they feel is love. Who knows. Regardless, the way I feel deep down inside is like a million sunny days complete with daises, butterflies and all things cheesy in the romantic manner. There is not just one thing that I can put my finger on that makes me feel this way. It’s the little things. Quite frankly, there is something very magical about Hanmer Springs that one cannot help but fall in love.



Hanmer Springs from above

 The other day we had our first snowfall – or at least the first one since I arrive barely two weeks ago. It’s been nearly two years since the last time I got to step in the snow and I didn’t even care that the cold ate away at my fingertips.


APRIL 18, 2011

For the first time since July 2009, I have found snow. Sure, I have seen glimpses of it in the last couple of months here, but never have I been so close to it. This morning I got all ready to do some gardening and I opened up my door to find everything completely covered with snow. I’d forgotten how beautiful and magical snow can make everything. I was left in awe.

Guaranteed – the snow won’t stick around. What little is on the ground will melt away quick enough –it’s just not cold enough right now. Even still, this morning left me unable to do any gardening and instead I bundled up so I could come inside the lounge area for a cup of tea. All I wish for now is a good pair of winter boots and a nice thick winter coat.


It’s so incredibly magical here with the snow. A white blanket covers everything, from the fallen leaves on the ground to the mountain tops that backdrop Hanmer Springs. I love it. I had forgotten what it is like to have snow around – the quiet calm that follows such a snowfall is incredible. Everything is still in its sparkling white beauty. Granted, the snow has since melted from the streets and is only left high up on the mountain tops, but it doesn’t matter. Winter is coming and for the first time in a long time I am excited.


APRIL 21, 2011

Today I was just reminded of what I am aiming to do with my life. For the past few days I have felt as though everything has been a massive blur of going-ons, most of which has just taken me for a ride so fast I have just now started to catch my breath. And so here I am.




Hanmer Springs

 “Here I am” is right. Since arriving here in Hanmer Springs, this little town sure knows how to move things are warped speed. Alex and I got here on the night of April 7, completely exhausted from our marathon driving schedule of coming to Hanmer to drop off our things, then back to Christchurch to drop off the car, meet Richard and Co. then come all the way back to Hanmer Springs. By the time I settled into my own cabin at the Hanmer Springs Family Camp that night I felt as I had been hit by a truck – but in a good way. I could feel that I was on the edge of something good – the brink of a new life so full of good things that my only worry was how I would feel when the time came for me to say goodbye to my new home.

The next day I woke up set and determined to find a job. Steve from the family camp had given me the day off from working for accommodation so that I could get “settled in” and so I headed off to town early in the morning to do just that. Groceries were bought. Resumes printed. Jobs applied for. By the end of the day I had two jobs – one as a waitress/barista/bartender at the local pub and another as a housekeeper at a 5-star accommodation in town. I was set.


APRIL 11, 2011

I’ve got so much to say and so little time. My brain is exhausted with the multitude of thoughts crammed in there trying to be processed. Not good. Not good at all.

I just need a bit of breathing room to sort myself out, but I haven’t quite gotten it yet. This is only now my fourth day in Hanmer Springs and already I feel behind. I’ve quit my one job before it even started, made some new friends, worked two shifts housekeeping at St. James, found out Hanmer Springs has a lot more to it than just hot pools, explored some of the forest tracks, walked the 2.5km to/from town numerous times and, as of last night, I’ve auditioned for the local production of Robin Hood. Not to mention, I still have to write an article for New Zealand Fitness magazine (due tomorrow for their August/September issue), catch up on my blog and photos, research for an article for an online eco magazine and apply for my IRD number so I can get paid. Oh yeah, and I need groceries as well as some warmer clothes. The list of things to do seems to be growing by the minute and though I’m completely excited about it all, I have the feeling right now as though I am simply holding my breath in hopes to make it through another day.

It is tough as there is only so much I can do at such a pace. I realize things will slow down (and I got plenty to keep me busy when that does happen), but until then I never really figured life could go at such a warped speed in such a small town . At least I’m not bored!


And so, life has gone on – whipping by me as I try to hang on with a tight grip. At the Hanmer Springs Family Camp I work for accommodation, putting in 2hrs/day of gardening and other odd jobs that need doing. Weeding, raking leaves and piling wood have become a thing of daily occurrence in my life. Each day I pull on my working gloves and grab the wheelbarrow as I head off to do what needs doing. It’s simple enough and a whole lot more satisfying to know that I am doing something to pitch in rather than paying for accommodation elsewhere.



Love it

 At work, the standards are high as I work hard to clean whatever needs clean so that St. James will continue to be a high standard of 5-star accommodation. It’s incredibly refreshing to be working somewhere that actually ensures that everything is cleaned up. Any mark, any scuff, any bit of dirt or lint is removed from the rooms so that they are sparkling new by the time we’ve finished with them. True bliss comes into play with the fact that we also make sure we stop for tea every shift and all sit down together to have a cup of tea and biscuit (I commented that this was “very English,” at one point and was corrected as apparently this is also “very Kiwi”).

And that’s the basis of my life. Walking 2.5km to town every day to work housekeeping and then when I’m done I walk back to the family camp to do gardening before it gets dark. No wondering where fresh water is or where the flattest piece of land is to pitch a tent. I don’t have to worry about how much loo roll is left in my pack or how much food I have left to stretch the days. I have finally succeeded in getting back to “normal life” where I can wear jeans if I want and wash my hair every day. It feels good.

And more than that – it feels good to be in a place I can call “home” for the next few months. It feels awesome to be building on relationships with people and making new friends – all the while knowing that I won’t be walking away from it all in another day or two. Even better than that, with Hanmer Springs being so close to Christchurch, the friends Alex and I did make when we were there for the Student Army are people we will get to see more regularly the coming months. But even above and beyond that, I’m stoked to be here for the winter season. With a ski hill around the corner, hot pools in town and so much to do in my spare time – I don’t know if I will ever be ready to leave.

After the Curtain Closes

APRIL 4, 2011


Now that we’re done there’s no more need to be writing in this journal according to what “Day Number” it is. Nor is there any need to be recording how many KM we’ve walked or any other info regarding “the” trek – because we’re done. Finished. Complete. And it’s freaking weird.



Alex surrounded by all our stuff that
was shipped in from storage in Auckalnd

 I hope I will always remember it all. Remember waking up every morning not having a clue as to what is going to happen next. Remember the pain. The crazy mountain climbs. Remember the cold mountain rivers. The smell of goat. The smell of dead animal. Remember the different plants – those that were lovely and those that did everything in their power to prevent us from going forward. The farmland. The beaches. The rain. The sun. Remember the valleys and mountain ridgelines. Remember the dirt and grime. The blisters. The aches and pains. Remember the sunny afternoons tanning in bikinis and the never-ending struggle to make the crazy tan lines disappear. Remember gritting my teeth against the wind. Against the traffic. Against the heat. Against the cold. Remember the many times I fell. The many times I wanted to quit, but didn’t. Remember the crazy adventure of Te Araroa Trail. The mishap of trail markers. The overgrown trail portions. The non-existent trails. Remember the people. Remember New Zealand. Remember each and every waking moment of our journey.

And as I remember it all, I aim to move forward in my life as the person I have become. I no longer feel as though I am on the same path as I was when I first started. I have come out the other side of Te Araroa Trail feeling more focused. More in tune with who I am. Stronger. More determined. Enlightened on the life I want to lead.

But figuring out where to begin has been incredibly hard and overwhelming. How can I when I literally have to start from scratch? Finishing the trail I have realized that I am left with a blank canvas for which to begin the process of designing who I want to be. I have no clothes. No make-up. No jewelry. No anything to my name. No cell phone. No job. No home. No nothing.

And so I begin. A new journey. A new adventure. The adventure of life.


It feels so surreal to be here in Queenstown after talking about it for so long. Since Alex and I started trekking Te Araroa Trail, and even before we started, we were dreaming about what we would do once we finished. Not just what we wanted to do to celebrate that fact that we just walked the entire length of New Zealand, but also what we wanted to do after the celebration died down and “real” life kicked in. And here we are. It’s no longer just a dream, it is our reality.



Alex and I ready for a night out to celebrate (FINALLY)

 Arriving here at Reaves Lodge in Queenstown on April 3 after a whirlwind of finishing in Bluff and hitching our way up to Queenstown, making a final stop at the local grocery store for some food for dinner, we quickly took some “before” photos of us in our trekking clothes and excitedly stripped them off for the last and final time. Our smelly boots were banished outside our room and the old socks got chucked into the bin. No longer did we have to wear the same underwear, the same pair of shorts or the same shirt again. We were done and it felt awesome.

Cracking open a bottle of wine, Alex set to sorting through her things and getting comfortable while I took my first shower of the rest of my life. Scrubbing down never felt so good as the hot water pelted down. All the dirt. All the grime. Everything was washed clean, right down to between my toes and behind my ears. I washed my hair. Twice. Three times in fact. The shower continued to steam up as I cleaned every inch of myself. Five and a half months of walking the length of New Zealand without a care to how I cleaned myself had taken a toll. I now cared. I wanted that clean feeling. I wanted to know that when I showered I wasn’t going to get dirty again within the next five minutes from walking back to the tent.

I relished that shower. The feeling of the hot water. Of the soapy suds renewing my skin. I treasured the moment I finished and was able to wrap myself in a large, white, fluffy towel – one of which I knew was mine for the next 3 days. One of which would be there should I want to take another shower again. Coming back out to the main room – our main room – I sunk down into one of the chairs with a sigh. I looked over to Alex with a big dopey grin on my face and saw my expression mirrored on her face. The room. The towels. The beds. The sheets. The fridge. The bathroom. The toilet paper. The mirror. Everything. It was better than Christmas. Better than my birthday. Better than anything great and lovely in the world. The feeling of being there in that moment was the best feeling – the best high – I have ever had in my 24 years of living. That was it. I wanted to bottle it up and keep it forever. I wanted to just be and let the moment roll over me for all of eternity. We had done it. We had finished.

No more trekking. No more tent sleeping. No more same-short wearing. No more smelly socks or leaky boots. No more 20kg pack wearing. No more greasy hair or dirty finger nails. No more food rationing. No more sleeping bag pillows. No more deflated mats or broken trekking poles. No more duck-taped Ziploc bags. It is over – all over. I will miss it – surely I will miss it. But right now I just enjoy the fact that we are done. It’s not just the feeling of knowing we did what we set out to do, but it’s also just the fact that we have finished. And I don’t know what I am most happy about.

Since being in Queenstown, Alex and I have pampered ourselves with hot showers, real beds, fresh food and “normal people” clothes. We have spent time walking around Queenstown and planning for where we go from here (fingers are crossed for Hanmer Springs). One night we went out to a local pub and met up with a friend from Broome who worked there. Alex, Siobhan and I hung out in the pub by the log fire, enjoying the live band playing into the night. It was bliss. Absolute bliss.



It's a good thing the truck has a sign on its back end. Heaven
knows we would have missed seeing these houses otherwise.

 By the time we were due to check out of Reaves Lodge on April 6, neither one of us was ready to say goodbye. Our stuff from storage in Auckland had arrived the day before and we were completely overloaded with stuff that it was overwhelming to think of how we were going to be able to not only pack up, but find some way to get out of Queenstown and head to Hanmer Springs. Armed with two massive backpacks each plus numerous amounts of small bags stuffed to the max, there was no way we were able to hitch our way out of town and hoping on the local bus didn’t seem like a viable option either.

With the help of the local staff at Reaves Lodge (Thanks John and Zelda) we were able to get in contact with a rental company that needed a vehicle relocated from Queenstown to Christchurch. The deal was that we had to get the car there within 24 hours and all we had to pay for was the gas. Given the amount of luggage we had, this was a sweet deal for us. And so we waved goodbye to Reaves Lodge and set out in our little blue car to head towards Hanmer Springs – not only were we done the trek, we were wearing “normal people” clothes and had a car to drive. Life couldn’t get much better.

And drive we did. Popping into Wanaka on our way up and then over to the east coast where we drove until we got tired. Then we pulled over, piled on the clothes and climbed into our sleeping bags – crammed in our little car we caught some shuteye until sunrise the next morning. And then we put the key in the ignition and drove onwards. To Hanmer Springs we went to drop off our luggage before we zipped back to Christchurch to drop off the car.

It was strange to be back in Christchurch after all that had happened. Last time we were there it was for an entirely different purpose – to help those in need through the Student Army. This time we went to drop off a car and meet up with friends we had made on our previous visit. It was awesome to catch up with our friends – especially considering they were as excited as us about the fact that Alex and I were wearing “normal people” clothes (jeans!).

And now we’ve made it to Hanmer Springs.



Hard to know what to do now that we're normal people again


APRIL 8, 2011

Well… it’s my first official day in Hanmer Springs here and I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve gotten settled here at my work-for-accommodation at the Hanmer Springs Forest Camp with my own little cabin (tiny and cold) and it feels good, but I’m still a little hesitant to fully relax yet. I still need a job – BAD. That’s my main goal for today and I only hope it goes alright.

The adventure in Queenstown already seems like a world away.