so. christmas has officially come and gone - from all time zones of the world. it was a strange event - like no other christmas celebration i have been a part of in my life. first off - it was not nearly the boily hot, sweat-dripping-off-my-back day that everyone said it would be. it was... dare i say - COLD. the grey clouds hovered overheard all day - a cool ocean breeze winded it's way through the crowds of people braving the day at the beach. and then the heavens opened up and it rained.
as a result - it wasn't nearly as busy as what we expected it would be at work. turned out to be a bit of a bummer for me as i was looking forward to serving the hoards of people during a holiday that i simply was unable to spend with family and friends back in canada who were surely spending the day stuffing their faces full of turkey dinner.
i can't say i ever did hear of anyone actually having a turkey dinner over here. i don't know if that means that australians simply do not do up christmas in that style, or because where i am the beach is so close it doesn't make much sense to be holed up inside around a table bending under the weight of endless dishes of food. instead, people opted for BBQ gatherings. due to the weather and lack of customers i managed to leave work early on christmas only to wander aimlessly among the family and friend gatherings that had claimed a section of grass or sand for their celebrations. many of the people donned santa claus hats which seemed completely out of place given the backdrop was an endless stretch of golden sand overlooking the ocean waters. even still, i joined in - finding anika admist the crowd and spent some time eating german walnut cake and chatting it up with her and her family. when the rain and wind got too bad i made my walk back to my flat as i had only been wearing a tank top and shorts for the day.
christmas done. boxing day over and then i hit december 27 - and the clouds still hung overhead, raining off and on. i went to work and continued about my buisness untill my boss took me aside in the early part of the afternoon, claiming that he would like to talk with me. i followed him and then he stopped and turned towards me. his opening line was "i don't think this is working out anymore." i was stunned. my mind was racing as to the past few days events. the past weeks events. the past 3 months that i have been working for my boss. i couldn't for the life of me come up with any obvious reason as to why my boss would say this to me and so i asked the only question that could come to mind at that point in time. i asked him what he meant by that.
my boss proceeded to inform me that for the past couple of weeks i appeared "bored" with the job and that when the quiet times come and there are no customers, i am slacking in my motivation to do other things to upkeep the place. he told me "not to get [him] wrong" as he finds me to be a "nice" person, but that i have apparently proven to be sarcastic in my comments and that he finds it difficult to approach me. he said that when it comes to the customers, i am the best staff he has and that he would be okay "letting me" continue working for him untill i found another job as he "understands" i need the money. he then ended the conversation by telling me to go home and "think about it" and he will do the same.
i left feeling completely confused and shell shocked. i had no indication prior to this conversation that my boss felt this way towards me and i continued to rack my brain as to where this would be coming from. the one thing i could give him was that, yes, the past few weeks i had been feeling slightly bored with the job as the weather has been so crappy it has driven the customers away and left my shifts feeling painfully slow. but i never once figured that that feeling of boredom had affected my job performance. i also didn't understand that after 3 months of working for my boss that a small thing such as maybe not re-stocking the drinks in the fridge quick enough for his liking would result in an immediate dismissal.
but then again - i look back on the conversation and i still don't know if he actually "dismissed" me. he told me to go home and "think about it" as if i had some sort of control or say to the situation. as far as i am concerned, i only see the one option of leaving. he has made it clear that for whatever reason - he does not see me as an adequate employee.... something of which is completely bizzare to me. my last job i stuck with for 3 years - the last 6 months of that being in a supervisory roll, dealing with highly stressful and complicated situations that a majority of the world's population has never and will never encounter in their lifetime, let alone someone as young as me.
and yet here i am - in a foreign country and i have been deemed inadequate for my position at a small beach-side juice bar. it baffles me. i wonder if the situation came to be based upon small cultural differences. i wonder if my boss tried to communicate his concerns of me earlier and i simply missed the cues. i wonder if i really DID do something wrong or if he has just figured it would be easier to let me go first before i walk out on him. it is not as though there are any legal things to consider here - he pays under the table. technically, i do not even exist as an employee for him.
and so i am here, on my day off, contemplating this opportunity that has been presented to me. i know i will be leaving this juice bar. it is time. it may be nearly 2 months earlier than when i first wanted to leave - but the time is now. secondly, i am now contemplating the possibility of moving on from sydney. i knew that i was not going to stay here forever. i knew that at some point i would be saying goodbye to this temporary home. what difference does is make if i do it at the end of february or the end of januaray? i do not know what will happen next. i just know that things are going to change. i have been given an opportunity here and i fully intend to make the best damn lemonade out of it...
home is where the heart is
that's what "they" all say. though i never know who "they" is - but i agree - home IS where the heart is. the only thing i have never figured out is where my heart is. most people who travel, travel with the intention of one day returning "home." i don't have that. it's a strange feeling. when i originally set out on my journey nearly 6 months ago, i went with the knowledge and understanding that i was leaving everything behind to go out into the world not to "find" myself, but to explore the world in what it is, what it can offer, what it can be... and maybe along the way i would fall in love with somewhere that i could call "home." that was my intention. and yet now that i am here... and have been here in sydney for the best part of 3 months, all i can think is that i wish that i had somewhere i could call home. like i said - it's a wierd feeling.
don't get me wrong though - i am not second-guessing my decision of what i am doing, where i am and where i wish to go and do the things i wish to do. it is simply that as it nears to this day we all (or most of us) celebrate as christmas, it forces one to reflect on where they are in life. it makes me think about those people that are important to me. everyone that i miss so terribly and are so far away. it makes me think of familiar comforts. things i love. things i know. the things i used to have and no longer do.
i don't have a house to call a home. i do not consider my flat i live in to be "home." it is just a temporary place to live before i continue my travels. but it is not "home" to me. it is not like when i go there at the end of my workday that i get the warm fuzzy feelings i had as a child when i knew we were rounding the corner to our house. the smells are not my smells. the furniture is not mine. barely anything in that flat is mine. i don't want that to change as i plan on moving on one day.... yet at the same time, it is wierd to think of celebrating such a family/friend holiday and feel so displaced in the world.
my heart caught in my throat when i saw that picture and a whole vaste array of feelings welled up inside of me. to see the majestic mountains all snowcovered in their white coldness i thought THAT is what christmas should be like. to see the rockies towering over the people in the picture reminded me of my trek through BC. i could smell the trees. i could feel the crisp air on my cheeks. i immediately longed for a pair of winter boots. i felt as though i was looking at "home" and i missed it.
i showed it to my boss who has never been to canada and told him that was "home." i actually used the word - "home." i knew when i said it that i was referring to the rocky mountains themselves. i wasn't referring to calgary - where i am actually from, but before i could digest my own shock at hearing what i had just said, he asked me what i liked better... the majestic rocky moutains, or where i am now -- on a blissful beach paradise on the coastline of australia. i told him i didn't know. i still don't know.
at the end of my shift i had ripped out that picture of lake louise and another picture i found of an underwater shot of the great barrier reef. they are now in my bedroom and i don't know what i am going to do with them. i find myself constantly examining the pictures. i wonder what it means. do i really see the rocky mountains as my home? is that where i belong? i know for probably the last few weeks, anytime i see or hear of anything resembling the rocky mountains, i feel an ache in my heart... an ache that is screaming to me that that is where i should be. that that is what i want. that that is what i long to be a part of.
but then i look around me and i know that where i am now is also what i have always wanted. a year ago, had i heard or seen anything resembling where i am now - did i not get the same ache that that was where i am supposed to be? and now i here i am and i feel the opposite. so maybe it is true what they also say - that the grass is always greener on the other side. i just wish i could have it all.
i do not have an answer to myself of where i am supposed to end up. of where i WANT to end up. i simply do not know. i know there is so much more travelling that i plan on continuing with - but the average person, as i have said, travels with the intention of coming "home." there is a home base of which a person can come back to, reflect and plan for the next journey. but what happens when it is not like that? what happens when the very travelling a person is doing is to continue going? continue moving? continue travelling? how does a person decide where that "home" is?
it all comes down to where a person's heart is. i just haven't figured out where mine is.maybe it is with the rocky moutains. maybe it is with the beaches of australia. maybe it is in a place that i have yet to discover. maybe i never really find a true "home." maybe it is not about the land i live on, but the relationships i have along the way. maybe it's about the job. maybe it's about just where i end up... where i just unconciously stick out my life with no regard or consideration for where i am and whether i actually want to be there. or maybe it's all of the above. i do not know.
what i DO know is that christmas is coming, whether i feel at "home" or not. christmas is coming soon. i have to work, but i know that for right now i do love where i am at. i love the possibilities of where i will go to next. i love everyone that i miss back in canada and i love everyone that i have become close to in my short time here. i love that i am still continuing my journey - my dream - my life. maybe i won't ever figure out where my heart is - where it is meant to be. maybe i will. in the meantime i will just keep moving forward. keep exploring the grass i happen to be on in the moment and try to forget that on the other side of the fence. or i guess, in this case, the sand....
don't get me wrong though - i am not second-guessing my decision of what i am doing, where i am and where i wish to go and do the things i wish to do. it is simply that as it nears to this day we all (or most of us) celebrate as christmas, it forces one to reflect on where they are in life. it makes me think about those people that are important to me. everyone that i miss so terribly and are so far away. it makes me think of familiar comforts. things i love. things i know. the things i used to have and no longer do.
i don't have a house to call a home. i do not consider my flat i live in to be "home." it is just a temporary place to live before i continue my travels. but it is not "home" to me. it is not like when i go there at the end of my workday that i get the warm fuzzy feelings i had as a child when i knew we were rounding the corner to our house. the smells are not my smells. the furniture is not mine. barely anything in that flat is mine. i don't want that to change as i plan on moving on one day.... yet at the same time, it is wierd to think of celebrating such a family/friend holiday and feel so displaced in the world. i don't know what this means. but i do know that one slow day this past week at work, i started flipping through the newspaper and came upon the travel section. now - i am accustomed to flipping through the travel section of the newspaper in canada where at this time of year there are countless advertisments for people to travel anywhere where the sun is hot and theres a beach to tan on. so what i saw in this newspaper that day caught me off guard. there - smack dab on the front page of that section with a picture almost taking up a full page was a a shot of the rocky mountains. it was a picture of the area by lake louise where some people were having a horse-drawn sleigh ride in the deep white snow.
i showed it to my boss who has never been to canada and told him that was "home." i actually used the word - "home." i knew when i said it that i was referring to the rocky mountains themselves. i wasn't referring to calgary - where i am actually from, but before i could digest my own shock at hearing what i had just said, he asked me what i liked better... the majestic rocky moutains, or where i am now -- on a blissful beach paradise on the coastline of australia. i told him i didn't know. i still don't know.
at the end of my shift i had ripped out that picture of lake louise and another picture i found of an underwater shot of the great barrier reef. they are now in my bedroom and i don't know what i am going to do with them. i find myself constantly examining the pictures. i wonder what it means. do i really see the rocky mountains as my home? is that where i belong? i know for probably the last few weeks, anytime i see or hear of anything resembling the rocky mountains, i feel an ache in my heart... an ache that is screaming to me that that is where i should be. that that is what i want. that that is what i long to be a part of.
but then i look around me and i know that where i am now is also what i have always wanted. a year ago, had i heard or seen anything resembling where i am now - did i not get the same ache that that was where i am supposed to be? and now i here i am and i feel the opposite. so maybe it is true what they also say - that the grass is always greener on the other side. i just wish i could have it all.
i do not have an answer to myself of where i am supposed to end up. of where i WANT to end up. i simply do not know. i know there is so much more travelling that i plan on continuing with - but the average person, as i have said, travels with the intention of coming "home." there is a home base of which a person can come back to, reflect and plan for the next journey. but what happens when it is not like that? what happens when the very travelling a person is doing is to continue going? continue moving? continue travelling? how does a person decide where that "home" is?
it all comes down to where a person's heart is. i just haven't figured out where mine is.maybe it is with the rocky moutains. maybe it is with the beaches of australia. maybe it is in a place that i have yet to discover. maybe i never really find a true "home." maybe it is not about the land i live on, but the relationships i have along the way. maybe it's about the job. maybe it's about just where i end up... where i just unconciously stick out my life with no regard or consideration for where i am and whether i actually want to be there. or maybe it's all of the above. i do not know.
what i DO know is that christmas is coming, whether i feel at "home" or not. christmas is coming soon. i have to work, but i know that for right now i do love where i am at. i love the possibilities of where i will go to next. i love everyone that i miss back in canada and i love everyone that i have become close to in my short time here. i love that i am still continuing my journey - my dream - my life. maybe i won't ever figure out where my heart is - where it is meant to be. maybe i will. in the meantime i will just keep moving forward. keep exploring the grass i happen to be on in the moment and try to forget that on the other side of the fence. or i guess, in this case, the sand....
sun, sand, surf and sniffles
we live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. there is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open. ~ jawaharlal nehru
what started out as a great week. an excellent week actually - turned, well, quite overwhelming when it came to the demands of my nose. first off - promptly after finishing my surfing lessons last monday at 8:30 a.m.(december 7, australia time) and anika and i settled on the beach, i phoned malin. i told her of the news of how i had immediately fallen in love with surfing and couldn't wait to get my own board. we planned on meeting up later that afternoon to do a little surfboard shopping.
we met up. malin took me to a shop of which she frequented. meaning - she knew the people working there. meaning - she gets regular discounts. meaning - she could help me get a sweet deal. i did. i scored a board and wetsuit within my budget and i was stoked. we got the fins put on, the board waxed and malin did not buy the shorts she wanted. defeated common sense when she was leaving for sweden in a couple days.
anyway, the following day, malin, shaun and i headed out for some surfing. we ended up in bronte and we stayed for the next couple hours riding the waves (she did most of the riding... i more or less did a continuous session of falling off my board) -- then we baked in the afternoon sun. the next day i surfed. again. alone... well - plus the 20 or so other surfers out at 6 a.m. riding the waves. it was beautiful. i loved it.
that night i caught myself a nice little cold. the next few days consisted of my blowing my nose into toilet paper - using up a total of 5.... yes, 5 rolls of toilet paper. had to take a day off work it was so bad. that and i don't think my boss appreciated me blowing my nose infront of a customer while i took their order..... that kind of scene drives people's hunger away faster than food poisoning.
so i got sick. and then i started to get better so i figured i should sweat the rest of the cold out. the solution: ariana and i played tennis. we ran around the courts untill they got too slippery from the drizzling rain and then we went home. nothing like playing tennis in december to remind one it's december.... maybe.
that was yesterday. today ashley, anika and i headed out on a mini-roadtrip. to the blue mountains. we were stoked and by the time we got there we figured it would be an awesome day of hiking to see the "three sisters." we went along the ridge untill we got to them and the infamous steep staircase leading up to them from the valley below. we ate some chow and then figured we'd descend the stairs to oblivion, thinking we were smart as everyone else was huffing and puffing going up them. if only we had remembered we would have to come up the other side to get back to the car. this we did not think through.
it was a gorgeous hike. cockatoo birds flew free in the tree tops. the clouds lifted the heavy morning fog as the day went on. the forest, lush as a jungle muffled noises of nearby waterfalls and croaking frogs. we loved it. untill we got to the stairs on the other side. and then we felt the burn. we huffed and puffed up those stairs thinking that surely, this would be the last set. only, once at the "top" we would turn around the next rock face to find the next set of stairs gleeming proudly in the sunlight.
at the top we basked in our glory of finishing our hike and set off on a woman-hunt for some ice cream. some classic, scoop from the bucket ice cream. surely we would find some on our way back home as there were towns, villages and small cities littering the edges of the main highway. there is ALWAYS an ice cream shop nearby at those places.
there wasn't.
so we went home anyway.
what started out as a great week. an excellent week actually - turned, well, quite overwhelming when it came to the demands of my nose. first off - promptly after finishing my surfing lessons last monday at 8:30 a.m.(december 7, australia time) and anika and i settled on the beach, i phoned malin. i told her of the news of how i had immediately fallen in love with surfing and couldn't wait to get my own board. we planned on meeting up later that afternoon to do a little surfboard shopping.
we met up. malin took me to a shop of which she frequented. meaning - she knew the people working there. meaning - she gets regular discounts. meaning - she could help me get a sweet deal. i did. i scored a board and wetsuit within my budget and i was stoked. we got the fins put on, the board waxed and malin did not buy the shorts she wanted. defeated common sense when she was leaving for sweden in a couple days.
anyway, the following day, malin, shaun and i headed out for some surfing. we ended up in bronte and we stayed for the next couple hours riding the waves (she did most of the riding... i more or less did a continuous session of falling off my board) -- then we baked in the afternoon sun. the next day i surfed. again. alone... well - plus the 20 or so other surfers out at 6 a.m. riding the waves. it was beautiful. i loved it.
that night i caught myself a nice little cold. the next few days consisted of my blowing my nose into toilet paper - using up a total of 5.... yes, 5 rolls of toilet paper. had to take a day off work it was so bad. that and i don't think my boss appreciated me blowing my nose infront of a customer while i took their order..... that kind of scene drives people's hunger away faster than food poisoning.
so i got sick. and then i started to get better so i figured i should sweat the rest of the cold out. the solution: ariana and i played tennis. we ran around the courts untill they got too slippery from the drizzling rain and then we went home. nothing like playing tennis in december to remind one it's december.... maybe.
that was yesterday. today ashley, anika and i headed out on a mini-roadtrip. to the blue mountains. we were stoked and by the time we got there we figured it would be an awesome day of hiking to see the "three sisters." we went along the ridge untill we got to them and the infamous steep staircase leading up to them from the valley below. we ate some chow and then figured we'd descend the stairs to oblivion, thinking we were smart as everyone else was huffing and puffing going up them. if only we had remembered we would have to come up the other side to get back to the car. this we did not think through.
it was a gorgeous hike. cockatoo birds flew free in the tree tops. the clouds lifted the heavy morning fog as the day went on. the forest, lush as a jungle muffled noises of nearby waterfalls and croaking frogs. we loved it. untill we got to the stairs on the other side. and then we felt the burn. we huffed and puffed up those stairs thinking that surely, this would be the last set. only, once at the "top" we would turn around the next rock face to find the next set of stairs gleeming proudly in the sunlight.
at the top we basked in our glory of finishing our hike and set off on a woman-hunt for some ice cream. some classic, scoop from the bucket ice cream. surely we would find some on our way back home as there were towns, villages and small cities littering the edges of the main highway. there is ALWAYS an ice cream shop nearby at those places.
there wasn't.
so we went home anyway.
moquitoes in the night. christmas decoration shopping. bondi to bronte swim. leaking dishwasher. beach bumming. surf lessons.
if only to sum up a few of the highlights of the past few days - those would be it. as the days get warmer, the nights become more muggy. more humid. more unbearably hot without the window open to let in some imaginary form of a breeze. of course - with it - comes the mosquitoes on the hunt for fresh meat. i am it. i am sleeping. i can not be bothered to do anything about it other that to sleepily swat away the buzzing insects that i can't see in the dark. eventually sleep wins and the buzzing stops. it is only when i wake that i remember my tiny fiends with the red, itchy bumps they have left behind. only then there is no buzzing insect to squish. except maybe the dead spider i found hanging from the blinds the one morning. he may have been dead, but i squished him anyway. someone had to pay for the itchiness on my skin.
at work, as the days grow nearer to the 25th - the day of christmas. the day that most know "should" be filled with snow, warming by the fireplace, slippers, hot chocolate and maybe an evening skate at the local rink - none of that is here. and yet, nino's still celebrates by decorating the shop for such a celebration. it was this week that we went out for the decorations and it was malin (from sweden) and myself that were chosen to do the shopping. the two staff that know not much other than snow in the winter were nominated to do such a task. ironic. maybe. either way we had a blast bustling our way through a busy, tight-isled "dollar" store on a saturday. i say "dollar" store as it was one of those that nothing was ACTUALLY a dollar. all items were more or less priced slightly cheaper than target.
we picked through the items obviously hinting towards a winter wonderland and opted for gold and red colors of various sparkling trinkets. and - of course - a christmas tree. we figured we'd put it in the corner and stick our outrageously large watermelons underneath it. perfect. $60 later we went back to nino's with our finds only to wonder how much our boss would have minded the amount we spent to decorate the shop as he didn't know we had gone out to do it. i suppose we will soon find out. or at least, i should say - i will be the one finding out. malin is going back to sweden.
in coming up to christmas, this past weekend was the annual bondi to bronte ocean swim - a total distance of 2.1-2.4 km. and no - i didn't participate. however, i was working that day and it just happens that bronte, being the endpoint, results in thousands of hungry and thirsty people piling into the beach/park area right outside our juice bar. we were ready. kind of. our plumbing had broken down 2 days before and it was yet to be fixed properly - we were simply told to "go easy" on washing dishes. easy to say when there's not thousands of people miling around looking for the best grub to get out of a lengthy competitive ocean swim on a hot day. we broke $2000 only 2 hours after the main competition was over. our unused dishwasher decided to complicate our completion of orders by spontaneously overflowing onto the floor half a dozen times. between mopping up the water and dealing with the masses of people - we hit noon and were tired. it was a good day. im told christmas day is like that 2 hours only from open to close. i honestly can't wait.
outside of work, i have spent the past few days beach bumming and enjoying watching malin and her boyfriend surf. it nagged on me that i was constantly sitting on the beach watching them surf when i really wanted to be out there with them. so anika and i booked in for lessons. today. 6:30 a.m.
we arrived at the shop at quarter after and squeezed into our wetsuits which, for those who have never done such a task, is similar to nothing other than trying to squeezed into a wetsuit. fortunately, i got a short one which meant it didn't reach all the way down to my ankles or my wrists. i was excited that i could put it on looking like a pro - or a least a pro in comparison to all the other first time surfers. i had put on a lot worse when doing my scuba diving lessons. and i figured since my wetsuit at home was a "5" (related to thickness) and these wetsuits were a "2" or a "3" (thinner for the warmer water) - i was off to a good start.
each of us put on matching t-shirt over our wetsuit. the instructors tried to pretend they were cool when in fact, it just made the group of us stick out like a sore thumb. at least now all the "real" surfers knew who to steer clear of out on the waves. we bare-footed our way over to the boards which were all packed in the back of a van by the beach. the instructor first pulled out a 9-footer and handed it to a girl next to me. i gapped at the height of it and wondered what i had gotten myself into. how could i possibly enjoy a sport such as this if i was expected to somehow control a piece of equipment more than 4 feet taller than me on waves that clearly have a mind of their own?
i was handed my own giant board. so were the other "students." we then were told we had to carry our boards and walk. immediately i had issues. my arm couldn't in fact reach to the other side of my board. it was too wide. i adapted a walking stance of using two arms, all the while trying to pretend that i knew what i was doing. i didn't. it was my first time. fortunately i wasn't alone. fortunately we could drag our boards once we got on the sand. and even then it was difficult. not even into the water and already my arms were burning. i huffed at puffed (one wouldn't even know that i have been running 5-8 km nearly ever day since arriving here) as i trudged through the sand - watching as experienced surfers were able to actually RUN with their boards securely tucked under their arms. granted, they were about half the size as mine - but still. i averted making eye contact with them and wondered what the next 2 hours were going to hold for me.
we started with a short introduction of everyone, did our stretched and then about 2 minutes of practice on the theory of how to stand on a board. we then walked to the water, all the while my mind is screaming - "THAT WAS IT?!" i wasn't ready to go to the waves. not yet. but in we went.
that's when my mind figured i might as well just get in there and do it. taking on the well known nike mantra, i slid onto my board and paddled. my arms were already tired. i began berating myself for not doing more pushups in my spare time. we made it over the gutter (the deep part close to the shoreline where all the water from the waves is pushed along towards the rip.... and no, that doesn't make much sense if you don't already know it as i do not have the ability to draw in the sand and show you as the surfing instructors did) - and then we could walk along side our boards. clearly we were not pro-stars to be able to paddle all the way through.
once we got to where the white waves broke, we positioned our boards, slid on and paddled to catch the wave. i caught my first wave and stood up. i immediately fell off, but i had stood up! i was hooked. i furiously turned my board around and pushed back out to catch my next one, and the next one, and the next one.
i wouldn't say that i have in any means mastered the sport. i only had a 2 hour lesson. i confidently (and not so gracefully) fell off my board every time. but i did experience standing up and actually riding the wave. my eyes and throat burned from the salt water. my arms got sore from paddling. my hair came out of it's elastic and i must have looked like a drowned rat. a happy drowned rat who has just discovered a love of surfing. i paddled so much (and most likely incorrectly) that i walked away from the lesson with rub burns on the insides of my elbows from brushing up the sides of the board. i have an ache in my side where another guy's board rammed into me (i happened to have just been standing there and watched it happen - it wasn't untill after that it occurred to me that i should have gotten out of the way). but i loved every minute of it. i wanted more. so much more.
there was something so fierce, so tranquil about the water. something so challenging yet so simple about the sport. it's mental. it's physical. it's spiritual. and it's practically for my backyard for as close as i live to the beach.
today i plan on going to get my own board. it will cost me as much as a few days of lessons (lessons of which will tell me the same thing over and over again) and yet i will have the board for as long as i want... i can't wait. now i understand why the guy questioned me when i signed up as to why it's taken me 2 months to get my butt in gear to learn how to surf. had i known i would love it this much - pick it up this fast - i would have been out there the day i stepped off the plane. okay - maybe not THAT quick - but still.
at work, as the days grow nearer to the 25th - the day of christmas. the day that most know "should" be filled with snow, warming by the fireplace, slippers, hot chocolate and maybe an evening skate at the local rink - none of that is here. and yet, nino's still celebrates by decorating the shop for such a celebration. it was this week that we went out for the decorations and it was malin (from sweden) and myself that were chosen to do the shopping. the two staff that know not much other than snow in the winter were nominated to do such a task. ironic. maybe. either way we had a blast bustling our way through a busy, tight-isled "dollar" store on a saturday. i say "dollar" store as it was one of those that nothing was ACTUALLY a dollar. all items were more or less priced slightly cheaper than target.
we picked through the items obviously hinting towards a winter wonderland and opted for gold and red colors of various sparkling trinkets. and - of course - a christmas tree. we figured we'd put it in the corner and stick our outrageously large watermelons underneath it. perfect. $60 later we went back to nino's with our finds only to wonder how much our boss would have minded the amount we spent to decorate the shop as he didn't know we had gone out to do it. i suppose we will soon find out. or at least, i should say - i will be the one finding out. malin is going back to sweden.
in coming up to christmas, this past weekend was the annual bondi to bronte ocean swim - a total distance of 2.1-2.4 km. and no - i didn't participate. however, i was working that day and it just happens that bronte, being the endpoint, results in thousands of hungry and thirsty people piling into the beach/park area right outside our juice bar. we were ready. kind of. our plumbing had broken down 2 days before and it was yet to be fixed properly - we were simply told to "go easy" on washing dishes. easy to say when there's not thousands of people miling around looking for the best grub to get out of a lengthy competitive ocean swim on a hot day. we broke $2000 only 2 hours after the main competition was over. our unused dishwasher decided to complicate our completion of orders by spontaneously overflowing onto the floor half a dozen times. between mopping up the water and dealing with the masses of people - we hit noon and were tired. it was a good day. im told christmas day is like that 2 hours only from open to close. i honestly can't wait.
outside of work, i have spent the past few days beach bumming and enjoying watching malin and her boyfriend surf. it nagged on me that i was constantly sitting on the beach watching them surf when i really wanted to be out there with them. so anika and i booked in for lessons. today. 6:30 a.m.
we arrived at the shop at quarter after and squeezed into our wetsuits which, for those who have never done such a task, is similar to nothing other than trying to squeezed into a wetsuit. fortunately, i got a short one which meant it didn't reach all the way down to my ankles or my wrists. i was excited that i could put it on looking like a pro - or a least a pro in comparison to all the other first time surfers. i had put on a lot worse when doing my scuba diving lessons. and i figured since my wetsuit at home was a "5" (related to thickness) and these wetsuits were a "2" or a "3" (thinner for the warmer water) - i was off to a good start.
each of us put on matching t-shirt over our wetsuit. the instructors tried to pretend they were cool when in fact, it just made the group of us stick out like a sore thumb. at least now all the "real" surfers knew who to steer clear of out on the waves. we bare-footed our way over to the boards which were all packed in the back of a van by the beach. the instructor first pulled out a 9-footer and handed it to a girl next to me. i gapped at the height of it and wondered what i had gotten myself into. how could i possibly enjoy a sport such as this if i was expected to somehow control a piece of equipment more than 4 feet taller than me on waves that clearly have a mind of their own?
i was handed my own giant board. so were the other "students." we then were told we had to carry our boards and walk. immediately i had issues. my arm couldn't in fact reach to the other side of my board. it was too wide. i adapted a walking stance of using two arms, all the while trying to pretend that i knew what i was doing. i didn't. it was my first time. fortunately i wasn't alone. fortunately we could drag our boards once we got on the sand. and even then it was difficult. not even into the water and already my arms were burning. i huffed at puffed (one wouldn't even know that i have been running 5-8 km nearly ever day since arriving here) as i trudged through the sand - watching as experienced surfers were able to actually RUN with their boards securely tucked under their arms. granted, they were about half the size as mine - but still. i averted making eye contact with them and wondered what the next 2 hours were going to hold for me.
we started with a short introduction of everyone, did our stretched and then about 2 minutes of practice on the theory of how to stand on a board. we then walked to the water, all the while my mind is screaming - "THAT WAS IT?!" i wasn't ready to go to the waves. not yet. but in we went.
that's when my mind figured i might as well just get in there and do it. taking on the well known nike mantra, i slid onto my board and paddled. my arms were already tired. i began berating myself for not doing more pushups in my spare time. we made it over the gutter (the deep part close to the shoreline where all the water from the waves is pushed along towards the rip.... and no, that doesn't make much sense if you don't already know it as i do not have the ability to draw in the sand and show you as the surfing instructors did) - and then we could walk along side our boards. clearly we were not pro-stars to be able to paddle all the way through.
once we got to where the white waves broke, we positioned our boards, slid on and paddled to catch the wave. i caught my first wave and stood up. i immediately fell off, but i had stood up! i was hooked. i furiously turned my board around and pushed back out to catch my next one, and the next one, and the next one.
i wouldn't say that i have in any means mastered the sport. i only had a 2 hour lesson. i confidently (and not so gracefully) fell off my board every time. but i did experience standing up and actually riding the wave. my eyes and throat burned from the salt water. my arms got sore from paddling. my hair came out of it's elastic and i must have looked like a drowned rat. a happy drowned rat who has just discovered a love of surfing. i paddled so much (and most likely incorrectly) that i walked away from the lesson with rub burns on the insides of my elbows from brushing up the sides of the board. i have an ache in my side where another guy's board rammed into me (i happened to have just been standing there and watched it happen - it wasn't untill after that it occurred to me that i should have gotten out of the way). but i loved every minute of it. i wanted more. so much more.
there was something so fierce, so tranquil about the water. something so challenging yet so simple about the sport. it's mental. it's physical. it's spiritual. and it's practically for my backyard for as close as i live to the beach.
today i plan on going to get my own board. it will cost me as much as a few days of lessons (lessons of which will tell me the same thing over and over again) and yet i will have the board for as long as i want... i can't wait. now i understand why the guy questioned me when i signed up as to why it's taken me 2 months to get my butt in gear to learn how to surf. had i known i would love it this much - pick it up this fast - i would have been out there the day i stepped off the plane. okay - maybe not THAT quick - but still.
"ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it."
** title quote by: russell baker **
so it has begun. today is officially the first day of summer and i find it hard to believe. it seems like such a controversy in my mind to state that, yes, it is december 1 and, yes, summer has begun. today. officially. and it just happens to be bloody cold outside. well - by cold i mean windy, cloudy and a high of 18 degrees. and, no, i shouldnt complain about it, but when used to being in 30 degree (and much higher) weather - 18 feels shockingly cool.
and i made the mistake of wearing shorts today. it was all good in the sun untill the windy started blowing around me to the point where i contemplated the thought that i might become a real-life example of dorothy in the wizard of oz. only - if that was the case, i envisioned myself with a bigger dog than "toto." as it were - i didn't go sailing off into some unforeseen tornado, but today i marched my way off to the art store. not as though i actually intended to go in there, i was actually on my way to the bus stop and it happened that the art store was right beside it. i couldn't resist.
for the longest time i have been without my art supplies within reach. granted, i have my camera - actually, BOTH cameras - but sometimes photography just doesn't cut it when i am wanting to be creative. to make something with my hands. pictures are easy - you just click the camera at that of which one finds interesting. the creative moment only lasts so long. i have been in need of a bigger fix. of something that will keep me going - energize me - encapture me - enthral me. the art store called my name and i heard it loud and clear.
when i left the store i can proudly say i had made a purchase. my bag of pastel supplies in hand i walked the short distance to the bus stop envisioning what my first piece will look like. i haven't worked with pastels in such a long time, but they seemed like the appropriate choice for someone with limited finances who is constantly on the move. small, transportable and with minimal mess - i was set to create. and create i will. in fact, after i am done this blog i intend to start the creative process on this rainy day (for those who haven't, feel free to check out my previous works of art at: http://artundefined.blogspot.com/).
and rain it has. after the art store i went off the library to stock up on more books (yes, i happened to read through my stack of 5 in a week. yes - a week). my reusable grocery bag weighed down with a new, larger stack of novels, i made my way out of the library to catch my bus. only it was pouring rain. it was then that i wished i was wearing anything but shorts and i contemplated why it was that anytime the rain came down my umbrella happened to be safe and dry back at my flat? who knows...
as it is - in other realms of my life it has been decided that this month of december will be the month of change and new conquests for me. tomorrow i will sign up for my first official surf lesson. from there i hope to invest in my own board in order to start catching waves in the early morning light. me and a few friends plan on making a trip to the blue mountains and eventually, i will figure out what life is like on a beach during christmas. all the while i continue to work, work and work in order that i might save for the next process of my journey. i have an idea in mind of what adventure i hope to embark on, but i'll leave that for another day as i haven't yet figured out all the details....
so - as the locals say - ta!
so it has begun. today is officially the first day of summer and i find it hard to believe. it seems like such a controversy in my mind to state that, yes, it is december 1 and, yes, summer has begun. today. officially. and it just happens to be bloody cold outside. well - by cold i mean windy, cloudy and a high of 18 degrees. and, no, i shouldnt complain about it, but when used to being in 30 degree (and much higher) weather - 18 feels shockingly cool.
and i made the mistake of wearing shorts today. it was all good in the sun untill the windy started blowing around me to the point where i contemplated the thought that i might become a real-life example of dorothy in the wizard of oz. only - if that was the case, i envisioned myself with a bigger dog than "toto." as it were - i didn't go sailing off into some unforeseen tornado, but today i marched my way off to the art store. not as though i actually intended to go in there, i was actually on my way to the bus stop and it happened that the art store was right beside it. i couldn't resist.
for the longest time i have been without my art supplies within reach. granted, i have my camera - actually, BOTH cameras - but sometimes photography just doesn't cut it when i am wanting to be creative. to make something with my hands. pictures are easy - you just click the camera at that of which one finds interesting. the creative moment only lasts so long. i have been in need of a bigger fix. of something that will keep me going - energize me - encapture me - enthral me. the art store called my name and i heard it loud and clear.
when i left the store i can proudly say i had made a purchase. my bag of pastel supplies in hand i walked the short distance to the bus stop envisioning what my first piece will look like. i haven't worked with pastels in such a long time, but they seemed like the appropriate choice for someone with limited finances who is constantly on the move. small, transportable and with minimal mess - i was set to create. and create i will. in fact, after i am done this blog i intend to start the creative process on this rainy day (for those who haven't, feel free to check out my previous works of art at: http://artundefined.blogspot.com/).
and rain it has. after the art store i went off the library to stock up on more books (yes, i happened to read through my stack of 5 in a week. yes - a week). my reusable grocery bag weighed down with a new, larger stack of novels, i made my way out of the library to catch my bus. only it was pouring rain. it was then that i wished i was wearing anything but shorts and i contemplated why it was that anytime the rain came down my umbrella happened to be safe and dry back at my flat? who knows...
as it is - in other realms of my life it has been decided that this month of december will be the month of change and new conquests for me. tomorrow i will sign up for my first official surf lesson. from there i hope to invest in my own board in order to start catching waves in the early morning light. me and a few friends plan on making a trip to the blue mountains and eventually, i will figure out what life is like on a beach during christmas. all the while i continue to work, work and work in order that i might save for the next process of my journey. i have an idea in mind of what adventure i hope to embark on, but i'll leave that for another day as i haven't yet figured out all the details....
so - as the locals say - ta!
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