when life gives you lemons.....

so. christmas has officially come and gone - from all time zones of the world. it was a strange event - like no other christmas celebration i have been a part of in my life. first off - it was not nearly the boily hot, sweat-dripping-off-my-back day that everyone said it would be. it was... dare i say - COLD. the grey clouds hovered overheard all day - a cool ocean breeze winded it's way through the crowds of people braving the day at the beach. and then the heavens opened up and it rained.

as a result - it wasn't nearly as busy as what we expected it would be at work. turned out to be a bit of a bummer for me as i was looking forward to serving the hoards of people during a holiday that i simply was unable to spend with family and friends back in canada who were surely spending the day stuffing their faces full of turkey dinner.

i can't say i ever did hear of anyone actually having a turkey dinner over here. i don't know if that means that australians simply do not do up christmas in that style, or because where i am the beach is so close it doesn't make much sense to be holed up inside around a table bending under the weight of endless dishes of food. instead, people opted for BBQ gatherings. due to the weather and lack of customers i managed to leave work early on christmas only to wander aimlessly among the family and friend gatherings that had claimed a section of grass or sand for their celebrations. many of the people donned santa claus hats which seemed completely out of place given the backdrop was an endless stretch of golden sand overlooking the ocean waters. even still, i joined in - finding anika admist the crowd and spent some time eating german walnut cake and chatting it up with her and her family. when the rain and wind got too bad i made my walk back to my flat as i had only been wearing a tank top and shorts for the day.

christmas done. boxing day over and then i hit december 27 - and the clouds still hung overhead, raining off and on. i went to work and continued about my buisness untill my boss took me aside in the early part of the afternoon, claiming that he would like to talk with me. i followed him and then he stopped and turned towards me. his opening line was "i don't think this is working out anymore." i was stunned. my mind was racing as to the past few days events. the past weeks events. the past 3 months that i have been working for my boss. i couldn't for the life of me come up with any obvious reason as to why my boss would say this to me and so i asked the only question that could come to mind at that point in time. i asked him what he meant by that.

my boss proceeded to inform me that for the past couple of weeks i appeared "bored" with the job and that when the quiet times come and there are no customers, i am slacking in my motivation to do other things to upkeep the place. he told me "not to get [him] wrong" as he finds me to be a "nice" person, but that i have apparently proven to be sarcastic in my comments and that he finds it difficult to approach me. he said that when it comes to the customers, i am the best staff he has and that he would be okay "letting me" continue working for him untill i found another job as he "understands" i need the money. he then ended the conversation by telling me to go home and "think about it" and he will do the same.

i left feeling completely confused and shell shocked. i had no indication prior to this conversation that my boss felt this way towards me and i continued to rack my brain as to where this would be coming from. the one thing i could give him was that, yes, the past few weeks i had been feeling slightly bored with the job as the weather has been so crappy it has driven the customers away and left my shifts feeling painfully slow. but i never once figured that that feeling of boredom had affected my job performance. i also didn't understand that after 3 months of working for my boss that a small thing such as maybe not re-stocking the drinks in the fridge quick enough for his liking would result in an immediate dismissal.

but then again - i look back on the conversation and i still don't know if he actually "dismissed" me. he told me to go home and "think about it" as if i had some sort of control or say to the situation. as far as i am concerned, i only see the one option of leaving. he has made it clear that for whatever reason - he does not see me as an adequate employee.... something of which is completely bizzare to me. my last job i stuck with for 3 years - the last 6 months of that being in a supervisory roll, dealing with highly stressful and complicated situations that a majority of the world's population has never and will never encounter in their lifetime, let alone someone as young as me.

and yet here i am - in a foreign country and i have been deemed inadequate for my position at a small beach-side juice bar. it baffles me. i wonder if the situation came to be based upon small cultural differences. i wonder if my boss tried to communicate his concerns of me earlier and i simply missed the cues. i wonder if i really DID do something wrong or if he has just figured it would be easier to let me go first before i walk out on him. it is not as though there are any legal things to consider here - he pays under the table. technically, i do not even exist as an employee for him.

and so i am here, on my day off, contemplating this opportunity that has been presented to me. i know i will be leaving this juice bar. it is time. it may be nearly 2 months earlier than when i first wanted to leave - but the time is now. secondly, i am now contemplating the possibility of moving on from sydney. i knew that i was not going to stay here forever. i knew that at some point i would be saying goodbye to this temporary home. what difference does is make if i do it at the end of february or the end of januaray? i do not know what will happen next. i just know that things are going to change. i have been given an opportunity here and i fully intend to make the best damn lemonade out of it...