so today was one for the books. or the blogs. whatever -- it's one worth writing about. so here i am to write.
it started as one would normally start their day at 5 a.m. groggy. wishing for a few more minutes of sleep. wondering if another hit of the "snooze" button will result with catostrophic effects in the time schedule for readying oneself for work. and yet i still rolled out of bed for that shower to beat hot water on my head and wake me up. i was ready. ready for another day of work. ready for anything. today was going to be a good day. i could feel it.
i popped in my earphones and cranked the tunes on my ipod as i speed-walked the 3km to work. i got lost in my groove and made it to my work with a few minutes to spare. crossing the street to the juice bar my sense of early morning euphoria was quickly taken away and replaced by a feeling of uneasiness. i reached the shop only to find that the door was ajar. i got closer and found that it was not just ajar.... it was kicked in. i was immediately glad that whoever did that didn't break the glass pane - only the wooden frame. glass is a huge annoyance to have to clean up.
that turned out to be the least of my worries. i scanned the inside of the shop to find that there were no sudden movements inside.... should someone still be there. though it was only 6:30 in the morning there were all the regular people out for their runs, swims and beach boot camps - i figured if i needed help, it was only a hollar away. so i stepped in. and stepped over a newspaper. i wondered when the newspaper guy got a key... then realized that he must have stuck the paper in after someone kicked in the door. so nice of him not to notify anyone of the damages.
i rounded the corner and found the cash tray for the register on the floor. empty. i wasn't surprised. if someone takes the time to kick in a door to a shop - one might as well grab the money to go. i picked up my cell and called my co-worker to let him know we had been broken into and robbed. i then called the police... it all felt like second-nature from my last job, only this time my fingers punched in the numbers 0-0-0. wierd. i filled the report via phone and the operator stated someone would be out "shortly." they always say that as though one should believe the police has extreme interest in coming to an overnight burglery at a shop that has no particular security system and/or way of actually witnessing what "allegedly" occurred.
my co-worker showed up and we sat outside. waiting. and waiting. and re-directing customers to the other cafes. and waiting. and answer endless questions as to why we had decided to perch ourselves outside the shop instead of actually opening up. answering endless questions of "what happened," "what did they take," "what happens now" and giving our best grimace and head nod to those who exclaimed one after the other "oh that's horrible."
and so we waited. untill 8:30 a.m. when a single police car finally decided to show up at the shop front. between 7:00 a.m. and then i had to continuously explain to my co-worker as to why it would take the police so long to arrive. we weren't exactly high on the priority list. i was just happy they had decided to come at all in the morning.
we showed the police our "evidence" of a break-in and robbery. they took our statements and then told us to sit tight as the fingerprint crew would be out within half and hour. right. we sat back down and waiting. and waited. and waited. by 10 a.m. we ended up calling our boss (who happens to be on vacation) to ask when to stop waiting. he said to open immediately. we did. put the pieces back together and took off the broken door.
the fingerprint "crew" (one woman) came. she left shortly after as we had contaminated all the potential evidence.
eventually a maintanence guy came to fix the door tempoarily so that we could actually lock up for the night. it will be any wonder our door doesn't scream for attention from every other potential store burgler as it looks like something straight from a ghetto horror movie... but time will tell. in the meantime i simply hope that we get a new door - fast.
in other events, i spent my time at work trying to keep my mind on my positive endeavors - such as attempting my first taste of octopus. not too shabby, but i won't be ordering up a full plate to myself anytime soon. it was something such as really thick, chewy bacon fat...... with super tiny tenticles attached to it. oh-so tasty. right.
lets just say that after all the days events of wierdness, after i locked up shop i needed to rid myself of all of it. so i jumped in the ocean and swam. and let the waves crash over me. and floated. and blew bubbles. and let the salt water into my eyes, nose and throat. and breathed.
and then i walked home in the rain.
and then i got back to my flat, hopped in the shower - clothes on. i just let it beat down on me. let it wash everything away. it was beautiful. i never wanted it to end...... then i remember i had to pay for the water and i shut it off.
like i said - a day for the books. and now it has been written. happy reading!
destination: australia
it's a totally inhospitable place, you shouldn't be here, the sun, you live about three quarters of a mile from it, i've seen insects walking around with kneepads, you fling yourselves into the sea when you're not actually walking around audibly crackling in the heat and the sea is full of jellyfish and sharks and other things who hate you, but you persist in living here... so you know, it's a jail, you live in, it's lovely, you've done wonderful things with it, but you're all still in denial.
~ dylan moran, irish comedian, melbourne international comedy festival
yep, it's a tough life down under. the locals seemed to be cursed with an insatiable yen for the unknown and they bend to it willingly, fleeing for weeks, months even, into that vast spot in the middle called the outback. and it's a big out back; you can travel indefinitely without coming within cooee of a phone call or an email. nuts! instead you have to make do with landscapes that shift from saffron to ochre beneath a seemless canopy of deep indigo. and then there are ancient aboriginal cultures, dazzling salt pans, secretive reptiles, rough-cut canyons and pristine gorges. some australians simply go walkabout, traversing national parks filled with such devilish critters as koalas, sugar gliders and knee-high wallabies. other whiz through world heritage rainforests on mountain bikes or apply ropes to their limbs, chalk to their hands, truely skimpy shorts to their nether regions and scale lofty summits like bronze-backed insects. and some simply launch themselves into the sky with parachutes attached to their backs.
then there are the australians who feel separation pains if they stray from the coast. so they don't. they sport permanent golden hues, adopt languid gaits and wear cheeky grins. they glue themselves to surfboards, kayaks, and boats and loll in the surf for hourse (days even!). as if that weren't enough, they flee to the whitsunday islands, the ningaloo reef or the immense great barrier reef and spend days under the water defending themselves from kaleidoscopic marine life, colossal whale sharks, giant turtles and mischievous dolphins.
fortunately, this lovely country is not without its urban havens, and in its dizzying cities you'll find folk who indulge in saner delights. rather than risk life and limb in the feisty australian bush, they litter the beaches like comatose seals, reluctant to move unless emergency dictates. or they populate pubs with enormous beer gardens and focus all their energy ont eh pint/schooner bicep curl. they watch hours of sport and possess a vast amount of knowledge about most cames, without ever having actually played them. of course australia's metropolises also offer glorious ways to wrap your head around the country's culture in myriad museums, theatres, festivals and galleries. a solid study of the bars and restaurants will reveal the population's helpless addiction to coffee, seafood, organics and global cuisine; and the wine industry delights discerning connoisseurs from around the world.
ask an australian what issues make them tick and you'll get a diversity of responses to match the multicultural mix. in general, they're a pretty laid-back mob and the fundamentals of family, friends and fun tend to keep them relatively placated. to avoid 'spirited' discussions it's best to keep talk regarding lacklustre performances of australians sports teams to a minimum. many australians feel a strong connection to the land, regardless of their background, and in recent years, the fragile state of the environment has emerged as a universal equalizer. as much of the world tackles climate change at a theoretical level, australians experience it at a micro level. this is the driest continent in the world, and water restrictions are now the norm in most cities. but australians tend to face such difficulties with the same cocky spirit as anything else, and although the question of when will it rain/how will it rain/will it please bloody rain is a constant, they cope with little complaint.
so yep, it's a tough life down under. but only if you're averse to wide open skies, dramatic landscapes, countless activities, fine wining and dining, and friendly locals.
~ lonely planet, australia, p. 20-21
****
and i am here. the past couple of weeks i have spent my time hibernating with thoughts of confusion, not sure of which direction i want to go in next. there are so many options available to me and the choices are endless. my time here in sydney is coming to a close and i suspect that within the next 6 weeks i will be packing my bag to set out on another journey. another adventure. i just had to figure out where it is that i want to go.
so, the past few weeks, i pretty much shut out the rest of the world (aside from going to work, sleeping and eating) and spent my waking hours researching what australia has to offer me. what i want to do. whether i even want to stick around in australia. i contemplated educational opportunities, other areas of the world to jetset to, large adventureous treks to partake in and meaningless jobs to fill my days with. i looked up prices of caravan hires, how one could travel by bus, plane or foot and where the best areas are to spend my time when february comes to an end and it is time for me to move on.
i wish i could say that the time doing all this has brought me with a 100% certainty in what it is that i want to do, but as i know - and those who know me know - i tend to change my mind every 2 minutes..... that, and in life, there are no garantees.
but as it stands, i have an extreme curiousity to explore the southern and western portions of australia next. i want to step foot onto tasmania and explore the vaste wilderness that encompasses much of the small island state. i want to go on lengthy bushwalking trips, maybe pick up a job as a local waitress/barista or even a tour guide. i want to go sea kayaking along the sparesly inhabitated shorelines. i want to immerse myself in the historically laughed at state and learn of those who have come to call this state "home."
i want to be able to go and explore flinders ranges of south australia. lonely planet has stated that "the shimmering red and purple folds of the majestic flinders ranges herald one of the most stunning destinations in south australia. beloved of bushwalkers and artists, this ancient range rises from the northern end of the spencer gulf and runs 400km north into the arid outback. it's a spectacular geological formation, snactuary for wildlife and significant destination for campers, caravaners and travellers seeking the essence of australian bush.
~ dylan moran, irish comedian, melbourne international comedy festival
yep, it's a tough life down under. the locals seemed to be cursed with an insatiable yen for the unknown and they bend to it willingly, fleeing for weeks, months even, into that vast spot in the middle called the outback. and it's a big out back; you can travel indefinitely without coming within cooee of a phone call or an email. nuts! instead you have to make do with landscapes that shift from saffron to ochre beneath a seemless canopy of deep indigo. and then there are ancient aboriginal cultures, dazzling salt pans, secretive reptiles, rough-cut canyons and pristine gorges. some australians simply go walkabout, traversing national parks filled with such devilish critters as koalas, sugar gliders and knee-high wallabies. other whiz through world heritage rainforests on mountain bikes or apply ropes to their limbs, chalk to their hands, truely skimpy shorts to their nether regions and scale lofty summits like bronze-backed insects. and some simply launch themselves into the sky with parachutes attached to their backs.
then there are the australians who feel separation pains if they stray from the coast. so they don't. they sport permanent golden hues, adopt languid gaits and wear cheeky grins. they glue themselves to surfboards, kayaks, and boats and loll in the surf for hourse (days even!). as if that weren't enough, they flee to the whitsunday islands, the ningaloo reef or the immense great barrier reef and spend days under the water defending themselves from kaleidoscopic marine life, colossal whale sharks, giant turtles and mischievous dolphins.
fortunately, this lovely country is not without its urban havens, and in its dizzying cities you'll find folk who indulge in saner delights. rather than risk life and limb in the feisty australian bush, they litter the beaches like comatose seals, reluctant to move unless emergency dictates. or they populate pubs with enormous beer gardens and focus all their energy ont eh pint/schooner bicep curl. they watch hours of sport and possess a vast amount of knowledge about most cames, without ever having actually played them. of course australia's metropolises also offer glorious ways to wrap your head around the country's culture in myriad museums, theatres, festivals and galleries. a solid study of the bars and restaurants will reveal the population's helpless addiction to coffee, seafood, organics and global cuisine; and the wine industry delights discerning connoisseurs from around the world.
ask an australian what issues make them tick and you'll get a diversity of responses to match the multicultural mix. in general, they're a pretty laid-back mob and the fundamentals of family, friends and fun tend to keep them relatively placated. to avoid 'spirited' discussions it's best to keep talk regarding lacklustre performances of australians sports teams to a minimum. many australians feel a strong connection to the land, regardless of their background, and in recent years, the fragile state of the environment has emerged as a universal equalizer. as much of the world tackles climate change at a theoretical level, australians experience it at a micro level. this is the driest continent in the world, and water restrictions are now the norm in most cities. but australians tend to face such difficulties with the same cocky spirit as anything else, and although the question of when will it rain/how will it rain/will it please bloody rain is a constant, they cope with little complaint.
so yep, it's a tough life down under. but only if you're averse to wide open skies, dramatic landscapes, countless activities, fine wining and dining, and friendly locals.
~ lonely planet, australia, p. 20-21
****
and i am here. the past couple of weeks i have spent my time hibernating with thoughts of confusion, not sure of which direction i want to go in next. there are so many options available to me and the choices are endless. my time here in sydney is coming to a close and i suspect that within the next 6 weeks i will be packing my bag to set out on another journey. another adventure. i just had to figure out where it is that i want to go.
so, the past few weeks, i pretty much shut out the rest of the world (aside from going to work, sleeping and eating) and spent my waking hours researching what australia has to offer me. what i want to do. whether i even want to stick around in australia. i contemplated educational opportunities, other areas of the world to jetset to, large adventureous treks to partake in and meaningless jobs to fill my days with. i looked up prices of caravan hires, how one could travel by bus, plane or foot and where the best areas are to spend my time when february comes to an end and it is time for me to move on.
i wish i could say that the time doing all this has brought me with a 100% certainty in what it is that i want to do, but as i know - and those who know me know - i tend to change my mind every 2 minutes..... that, and in life, there are no garantees. 
i want to be able to go and explore flinders ranges of south australia. lonely planet has stated that "the shimmering red and purple folds of the majestic flinders ranges herald one of the most stunning destinations in south australia. beloved of bushwalkers and artists, this ancient range rises from the northern end of the spencer gulf and runs 400km north into the arid outback. it's a spectacular geological formation, snactuary for wildlife and significant destination for campers, caravaners and travellers seeking the essence of australian bush. then there's the city of adelaide - dubbed one of the most boring places to visit by many locals - which makes it a place i would definitely like to check out. along with alice springs, in the heart of the outback. but then i can't forget perth, or the the western coastline that offers some of the most prestine surfing conditions on uncrowded shores. not to mention the opportunity to swim with whale sharks in ningaloo marine park or ride camelback in broome.
there is so much to explore. so much i want to do - as i said, the choices are endless. but i feel as though i have some direction now and i am only too excited to see where that takes me after i finish up here in sydney. i can hardly believe how much time has past since i initially left calgary, alberta, canada....... and yet it has. the other day my mind wandered to my life as it was when i was in elementary school. when i wanted to become a "mommy" when i grew up. when i thought that i would marry my classmate the next desk over. when my biggest stress was trying to memorize the spelling of the 10 words my teacher gave me each week. there wasn't a thought in my mind that indicated i would ever be where i am today. it never entered my imagination. and yet here i am and i am learning more and more that life is very much a journey in which the possibilities are endless. i try to dream big as one day that dream just might come true.
"nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."
title quote by: maria robinson
****
i started today with the utmost feeling that my life is headed into a new direction. only i don't know where it is that i should be going. the "plan" - as it stands - is still to stay at work untill i gain enough financial stability to move from my lengthy post here in sydney.
but where to go from that - i haven't a clue.
and yet, i have sat here for almost 2 hours, aimlessly searching the internet, as though that would bring me the answers to the questions i have yet to ask. all i know is that i feel as though something is going to happen in my life. something is supposed to happen. i just don't know what it is. i do not know if this "something" should be sought out, or if it will come to me. maybe it will be one of those revelations i will get late in the night and cause me to pack my things and move out to my next big adventure.
maybe not.
i do not know. but with this new year having come - i sense that this is the year of change. the year of life-altering events. the year of which things will fall apart with a blink of an eye and then fall together just as quickly. i feel a lot of things, but most of all - at this moment - i feel as though today is the day to make my new ending. i just haven't a clue what that should be.
maybe this is all just a restlessness i feel deep inside, knowing that i am nearing my end in sydney... i am anxious to see the rest of australia. i am anxious to uproot again and go explore. but where i will go - even within australia - i do not have a clear idea. i do not know if it will be a solo adventure or one as part of a group. i do not even know if australia will be where i will stay.
so many unknowns.
what i DO know is that i want my life to have meaning. i do not wish to float through my days without a purpose in mind. i want to continue to strive after my dreams - even if they do happen to change every other millisecond. i want to be able to look back over my life and know that i did more than what i ever thought i did. that i helped people. that i made a difference in the world. that i inspired someone - even if that someone was simply myself.
but when it comes to the questions of how i do that. where i do it and what i go about doing.... i haven't a clue. not even an inclination on where to go from here.
"the key to change is to let go of fear."
~ Rosanne Cash ~
****
i started today with the utmost feeling that my life is headed into a new direction. only i don't know where it is that i should be going. the "plan" - as it stands - is still to stay at work untill i gain enough financial stability to move from my lengthy post here in sydney.
but where to go from that - i haven't a clue.
and yet, i have sat here for almost 2 hours, aimlessly searching the internet, as though that would bring me the answers to the questions i have yet to ask. all i know is that i feel as though something is going to happen in my life. something is supposed to happen. i just don't know what it is. i do not know if this "something" should be sought out, or if it will come to me. maybe it will be one of those revelations i will get late in the night and cause me to pack my things and move out to my next big adventure.
maybe not.
i do not know. but with this new year having come - i sense that this is the year of change. the year of life-altering events. the year of which things will fall apart with a blink of an eye and then fall together just as quickly. i feel a lot of things, but most of all - at this moment - i feel as though today is the day to make my new ending. i just haven't a clue what that should be.
maybe this is all just a restlessness i feel deep inside, knowing that i am nearing my end in sydney... i am anxious to see the rest of australia. i am anxious to uproot again and go explore. but where i will go - even within australia - i do not have a clear idea. i do not know if it will be a solo adventure or one as part of a group. i do not even know if australia will be where i will stay.
so many unknowns.
what i DO know is that i want my life to have meaning. i do not wish to float through my days without a purpose in mind. i want to continue to strive after my dreams - even if they do happen to change every other millisecond. i want to be able to look back over my life and know that i did more than what i ever thought i did. that i helped people. that i made a difference in the world. that i inspired someone - even if that someone was simply myself.
but when it comes to the questions of how i do that. where i do it and what i go about doing.... i haven't a clue. not even an inclination on where to go from here.
"the key to change is to let go of fear."
~ Rosanne Cash ~
the power of communication
this last week has been a blur of events that has left me almost completely at a loss for words. key word being: "almost." since my last blog entry - in how i admitted my apparent failure as a juice bar waitress/barista, i have talked with my boss. i had had 2 days off work to "think about things" and think - i did. i pursued other job options, both within sydney and elsewhere within australia. i researched options on what i could do for fun - such as do a roadtrip in a hippie caravan. i estimated the length of time i could stretch my current savings account. i pondered things. i filled myself with self-doubt on my abilities as an employee and then shook them off. time and time again. 2 very LONG days of this and when i came back to work i was not looking forward to the conversation i knew i had to have with my boss. it's just not something i wanted to wake up to do.
so i went to work - and kept my mouth shut. all day. i did my job and busted my butt to ensure that no further negative interaction would come from my boss. at the end of the day, when my boss told me he was going home for the day, i took a deep breath and dove into the conversation i had been avoiding all day long. i told him that i quite blatently did not wish to work at a place where i was not wanted. as such i had made the decision to finish out the next two weeks, provided he could treat me fairly as an employee and not cut me short by dropping my shifts unexpectantly. if he did not think that was possible, i told him i would be leaving immediately without notice. his response: surprised i was giving my notice.
i told him that after our conversation only a few days ago, i had left feeling incredibly confused and frustrated and was under the impression that he was firing me. he told me that this was not the case. apparently he viewed our previous conversation as a "feedback" session. right. i told him that it was by far the more interesting "feedback" sessions i have ever had with any of my bosses as i was without a doubt that he did not want me working for him anymore. we decided that i would, in fact, stay working and that i would take his comments under consideration and work on improving my working habits.
after all this, i find it very interesting how complicated communication can be. from one simple conversation, i walked away thinking that i was most definitely being fired, where as my boss had a different opinion. he just thought he was pulling me aside to tell me to work a little harder. had i not pursued the second conversation with him i would have never known that. i would have walked away from my job, not looking back, but always wondering what happened and questioning my abilities in the workplace.
so - i stay.
even still, it makes me think - what would life be like if we were all able to communicate effectively with each other? what would life be like if we weren't hiding behind our pride? behind our fear of what we don't want to know? what would life be like if didn't succum our opinions to judgement of others? judgement of things we probably know nothing about? what would life be like if we could effectively confront others with our concerns rather than talk behind each other's backs? what would life be like then? it makes me think...
maybe now that it is officially the "new year" our habits will slowly change. maybe we will finally grow up and mature into the people we always wanted to be. maybe now we will build on relationships rather than destroy them. maybe now we will actually achieve the goal of fulfilling our resolutions. maybe this year will be better than the last..... maybe i am the only one that thinks these things.
this new year's i managed the feat of working a full day's shift and then getting ready to head out with ariana. we ended up at one of her friend's flat of which was complete with a rooftop patio overlooking the harbor where esquisite fireworks danced throughout the night on the black canvas of a sky. it was beautiful. it was cold. it was fun. it was late. it was everything i wanted new year's to be. and as i watched an endless stream of fireworks come off the sydney harbor bridge and laughed with others as we took pictures, hugged each other and inacurately counted down to the new year (we didn't have the right time) - i thought about my resolution(s) for this year.
the classics came up. get fit... or at least fitter than i am. save money. figure out what i want to do with my life. continue living my dream. let go of my anger.
i settled on the last one. it's the one that will eat me alive in the end if i don't do something about it. from the depths of my soul, i realized this was it. THIS was the one i had to work on. THIS is the time to do it. THIS is the time to finally let go and let the past be the past. i am so tired of being angry at people who are no longer part of my life. so tired of holding onto resentment for things that happened so long ago.
but i must admit - i am afraid. even being on the other side of the world - i am afraid of what will happen should i not have that anger to protect me. because that's what i feel it does. it protects me from going back. it protects me from making the same mistakes. it protects me from feeling vulnerable to the people that have hurt me.
and yet... still... i know i have to let go. so maybe now is the time. maybe australia is the place for me to do that it. maybe this is it. i want to be free. i want to move on.
welcome to 2010.
so i went to work - and kept my mouth shut. all day. i did my job and busted my butt to ensure that no further negative interaction would come from my boss. at the end of the day, when my boss told me he was going home for the day, i took a deep breath and dove into the conversation i had been avoiding all day long. i told him that i quite blatently did not wish to work at a place where i was not wanted. as such i had made the decision to finish out the next two weeks, provided he could treat me fairly as an employee and not cut me short by dropping my shifts unexpectantly. if he did not think that was possible, i told him i would be leaving immediately without notice. his response: surprised i was giving my notice.
i told him that after our conversation only a few days ago, i had left feeling incredibly confused and frustrated and was under the impression that he was firing me. he told me that this was not the case. apparently he viewed our previous conversation as a "feedback" session. right. i told him that it was by far the more interesting "feedback" sessions i have ever had with any of my bosses as i was without a doubt that he did not want me working for him anymore. we decided that i would, in fact, stay working and that i would take his comments under consideration and work on improving my working habits.
after all this, i find it very interesting how complicated communication can be. from one simple conversation, i walked away thinking that i was most definitely being fired, where as my boss had a different opinion. he just thought he was pulling me aside to tell me to work a little harder. had i not pursued the second conversation with him i would have never known that. i would have walked away from my job, not looking back, but always wondering what happened and questioning my abilities in the workplace.
so - i stay.
even still, it makes me think - what would life be like if we were all able to communicate effectively with each other? what would life be like if we weren't hiding behind our pride? behind our fear of what we don't want to know? what would life be like if didn't succum our opinions to judgement of others? judgement of things we probably know nothing about? what would life be like if we could effectively confront others with our concerns rather than talk behind each other's backs? what would life be like then? it makes me think...
maybe now that it is officially the "new year" our habits will slowly change. maybe we will finally grow up and mature into the people we always wanted to be. maybe now we will build on relationships rather than destroy them. maybe now we will actually achieve the goal of fulfilling our resolutions. maybe this year will be better than the last..... maybe i am the only one that thinks these things.
this new year's i managed the feat of working a full day's shift and then getting ready to head out with ariana. we ended up at one of her friend's flat of which was complete with a rooftop patio overlooking the harbor where esquisite fireworks danced throughout the night on the black canvas of a sky. it was beautiful. it was cold. it was fun. it was late. it was everything i wanted new year's to be. and as i watched an endless stream of fireworks come off the sydney harbor bridge and laughed with others as we took pictures, hugged each other and inacurately counted down to the new year (we didn't have the right time) - i thought about my resolution(s) for this year. the classics came up. get fit... or at least fitter than i am. save money. figure out what i want to do with my life. continue living my dream. let go of my anger.
i settled on the last one. it's the one that will eat me alive in the end if i don't do something about it. from the depths of my soul, i realized this was it. THIS was the one i had to work on. THIS is the time to do it. THIS is the time to finally let go and let the past be the past. i am so tired of being angry at people who are no longer part of my life. so tired of holding onto resentment for things that happened so long ago.
but i must admit - i am afraid. even being on the other side of the world - i am afraid of what will happen should i not have that anger to protect me. because that's what i feel it does. it protects me from going back. it protects me from making the same mistakes. it protects me from feeling vulnerable to the people that have hurt me.
and yet... still... i know i have to let go. so maybe now is the time. maybe australia is the place for me to do that it. maybe this is it. i want to be free. i want to move on.
welcome to 2010.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
