civilisation is defined by what we forbid, more than what we permit

"the brave things in the old tales and songs, mr. frodo: adventures as i used to call them. i used to think that they were things that the wonderful folk of the stories went out and looked for, because they wanted them, because they were exciting and life was a bit dull, a kind of a sport, as you might say. but thats not the way of it with the tales that really mattered, or the ones that stay in the mind. folks seem to have just landed in them, usually - their paths were laid that way, as you put it. but i expect hey had lots of chances, like us, of turning back, only they didnt. and if they had, we shouldnt know, because theyd have been forgotten. we hear about those as just went on - and not all to a good end mind you; at least not what folk inside a story and not outside it call a good end. you know, coming home and finding things all right, though not quite the same. but those arent always the best tales to hear, though they might be the best tales to get landed in! i wonder what sort of tale weve fallen into?" (the two towers, p. 931-32).

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as i sit here in the cramped and stuffy computer room of the hostel, squirming under the uncomfortable stare of the guy near me i contemplate the going-ons of the past few days. i dont know why it is so difficult for me to change my attitude regarding those who are at the hostel and maybe it is just because i have my "end date" in sight (only 4 more sleeps to go untill i move out), but i find my irritant level steadily increasing. there is no place for "me" time. my head feels like it is going to explode due to the lack of solitude that can be found here at the hostel. and it isnt as though the people around me are bad people by any means and yet i constantly find i have to keep myself in check as i continuously become ticked off and judgemental of those around me (particularly my hostel roommates) though nothing has happened. like the other day - for instance.

i had spent the entire day "by myself" (it wasnt technically a TRUE alone day as there were people constantly around me) and the minute i became confronted by the presence of my roommates i felt my stomache get all knotted up inside. i wanted to scream, punch something and break down in tears because i was surrounded by people that, in that moment, i felt were too annoying for words to describe.

the truth of the matter is - my hostel roommates werent and still arent annoying. theyre actually quite fabulous people. at the time this all occurred there was jen who just graduated from university with an art degree and is from edmonton, canada. we hit if off right away beings that we had so much in common coming from canada and being into art. unfortuantely she was only able to stay for a few days and has since left to go back to canada. then theres camilla whos from england and will be sticking around for a while. ironically enough we met prior to her checking into the hostel as i had been at work one day when camilla came in looking for cheap accommodation. i gave her directions to my hostel and the next day i woke up to find her sleeping in the next bunk! as it is, she is a total sweetheart and also loves to play beach volleyball - we intend to hit up the sands here with our skills asap! finally, there was (and still is) a french girl (yes, another french person) who is staying in the room and seems nice and everything, but generally keeps to herself and whatnot.

so - like i said - i havent a clue why i get so peeved when i have to interact with them after being separated for so long (and not long at all most times)... other than more and more i feel as though my time is done (and needs to be done) at the hostel here. i am SOOO ready to move on. i am so ready to have my own space where i can shut the door and truely relax at the fact that no one else has a right to that space at all. but for the time being i really need to work on not faulting everyone else because of my own personal want for my own space.

outside of that, my hours have changed at work so that not only do i now have more hours, but i also am working 5 days instead of 4. my boss is also teaching me on how to open and close the juice bar so that i can start picking up better shifts and allows me the flexibility to work whenever. even still, cramming all the learning (though its not rocket science) has been making me tired untill the end of the day. fortunately i made use of the last day i had off and spent it hanging out with anika.

this past monday we met up, and though it was raining and incredibly windy we decided to walk down to the main strip of bondi and grab some breaky. stomaches full, we hopped on the bus to go to the ART GALLERY of NEW SOUTH WALES. we were pleasantly surprised to find that it was actually free to get in. i had never been to a gallery that was free and it was incredibly refreshing to think that this gallery valued people being educated by art so much that no price could be put on allowing people to access it. we happily wandered around, gazing at all the incredibly works of art - some making us stop and stare at awe in, some making us reminise of past times, some making us laugh out loud.

after the art gallery we figured some ice cream was in order. we went on the hunt, wind blowing, rain falling - we eventually found it. at the lindt restaurant. i never even knew there was such a thing and so we HAD to try it. the ice cream was heaven and we thouroughly enjoyed each of the 3 decadent flavours. afterwards, we stepped back into the world of stormy weather and made our next hunt for the proper bus to get back to the eastern suburbs as we were in the heart of the city at that point.

the thing about the sydney transit system - though you can get anywhere you wish with it - whether by bus, train or ferry - when it comes to the bus system it is very vague as to what the system actually is. as many buses travel through many zones in the city (theoretically - the more zones you want to travel through at one period of time, it should cost you more) - there is no clear procedure on how to stamp your ticket. by this i mean that most people buy the 10-ride passes that states you can have 10 rides on the bus without expiration of the ticket over time. some have said that one needs to stamp (you have to put your ticket through this green box that stamps it, indicating your ticket is valid and that, yes, you have used up another bus ride) it multiple times for multiple zones crossed, where as others just say you need to stamp it once as you are only going on one bus. i havent a clue.

but before we even got to this confusing point - anika and i had to first FIND the right bus. the bus stops didnt really list ALL of the buses that were to stop at the stops we were standing at. there were about 5-6 stops all in a row along the one side of the block we were standing out... spread out from one end to the other in a string of yellow signs indicating the buses stopped there. but which ones - we did not know. we DID know... or "think" at that time that our bus should be stopping at that place - but we couldnt figure out where abouts. so we ran up and down that block frantically searching for the right area to stand. we couldnt find it and about 2-3 of our buses zipped on past, each time we missed the actual part in which they stopped so we werent 100% sure if they HAD, in fact, stopped. it never occurred to us to actually ask someone untill we started backtracking the route we thought the bus went and got about 2 blocks down and confirmed where our bus should stop. the lady we asked this to simply looked at us like we were some idiots from another planet to be asking such an "obsurd" question... but she apparently did not realize that without any postings of where our bus ACTUALLY stopped - there was no way of knowing. unless, of course, you knew.

finally getting on the bus, we eventually hopped off near anika's uncle's place (where she is house sitting for the next month or so) to pick up some movie rentals and munchies for our movie marathon. we then cozied up in front of the tv and spent the rest of the nice binge eating on everything we could get our hands on. anika's uncle's 3 legged cat simply sat there and stared at us. we didnt care. it was a good night....