i hate the clouds

august 12/09 (DAY #43)

its too windy here and i cant breathe. the panic and anxiety rise in my soul like bile in my throat. i can handle the bears. the mountains. the blisters. i have learned to deal with the lonliness and ever-changing weather. but not this.

my camera broke. everything had been going so smoothly today. the weather is getting better. my blisters and tired legs are better. i spent most of the day just relaxing in my tent in one of hopes campsites reading through my stash of books.

it was when i spent some time down by the river taking pictures of the gorgeous view that it happened. i turned on my camera and it started making a sound as though a crank was being turned than needed oil. i cringed as i heared the metal scrape against metal in my tiny machine. i tentatively tried the zoom. the camera immediately jammed and shut down. i restarted the camera and cycled through the same process again and again with no change.

i busted my but through town to find someone, ANYONE who may be able to help me out. the only place was this small hole-in-the-wall photography shop called "romanos." the guy there summed up his investigation of my cameras malfunction in saying there was ntohing he could do and that i would have to wait to get to vancouver until i could get it fixed. he added that i could still take pictures but i just couldnt zoom. that didnt make me feel any better.

i wanted to cry. i am still DAYS away from vancouver and my camera is the ONE thing i cant live without on this trip. okay - thats a BIT of an exaggeration, but still. its a big deal to me. i CAN still take pictures, but for how long until it breaks down further? what are my chances of making it ALL the way to vancouver without total destruction of the one piece of equipment i need to help capture my journey? sure - i have pen and paper, but thats just not the same as a picture.

after i let the news sink in i needed to find something to make me feel better. but what is that when im by myself and anything i purchase i have to consider how i would carry that for the rest of my journey? i cant ALWAYS turn to food when emotionally distraught. i wandered the local drug store for a long time before i found it - a small rock with the inukshuk carved into it.

the inukshuk was used by the inuit to mark trails, indicate caches of food and to mark good places to hunt or fish. inukshuks embody the spirit and persistence of the inuit who live and flourish in northern canada. they represent strength, leadership and motivation.

as i hold the small, smooth stone in my hand, i feel the sense of peace and calm wash over me. all is not lost. i am thankful my camera CAN still take pictures at this time. there is hope.


august 13/09 (DAY #44)

i walked. it rained. it rained and i walked - ALL DAY. at first it was all good. i walked highway #7 happily eating wild blackberries. then the bush attacked me. its long arm of thorns wrapped around my leg and left me with long bloody lines on my calf. i bandaged it up just in time for the heavens to open and pour down. and poured it did. i slowly became soaked - even my feet in my waterproof shoes were sloshing in their confines.

eventually i made it to agassiz and found myself a motel. i was chilled to the bone, soaked to the skin and tired as hell. theres something about fighting the spray off all the semis that takes it out of ya. it was STILL pouring rain (8 hours later) and there was no way i felt like putting up a tent. a hot shower and warm bed was in order. i took it.


august 14/09 (DAY #45)

everythings wet. i woke up to find that nothing of mine had dried overnight. my socks. my shoes. my clothes. i looked out the window and its still raining. i dred the walk ahead of me. there is a REALLY good chance i wont be able to make it all the way to mission today, which means i will have to pull out the tent for the night. i just hope tht it stops raining.

****

i now have spider guts smeared on the ceiling of my tent. i hat to kill it and unfortunately my sock happened to be the only weapon around. i had just set up my tent on dry ground (it stopped raining right before i left the motel and hasnt rained since) and got everything put inside. i went ot open the vent on one of my tent doors (i have just recently learned that by doing this i eliminate the daily issue of packing up a dew-wet tent) and as i pulled the zipper upwards, i caught movement out of the corner of my eye.

here, on one of my socks i have hanging up to dry was a spider scurrying around - its irridescent color gave me the heebie-jeebies just looking at it. i attempted to just take the sock off my indoor clothesline to disgard the 8-legged creature outside, but the spider had other plans. he moved to another sock. i had to implement "plan b" in order to avoid the malodramatics that would follow and episode of the spider exploring other realms of my tent. yes - i have been backpacing for 45 days but having a spider crawl around me and through my things still freaks me out a little.

so i took my sock, pushed it up and squished the spider. now i have a brown smear both on my tent ceiling and on my sock. let the good times roll.

other than that my day has gone pretty smoothly. it is starting to drizzle off and on now but considering i was expecting it to pour all day - its not too bad. that being said - because of my expectations i dressed prepared. rain pants. rain jacket. rain cover for my pack. i was a walking garbage bag. everything stuck to me as i walked. the exercise making me sweat and the sweat having nowhere to go. i didnt pay it any attention. i was in the zone.

the thing i DID notice today was the amount of road kill. there was a large bird, fox and a cat - of all things. the thought that i could just as easily be next crossed my mind as i marched my way along the narrow highway shoulder.


august 15/09 (DAY #46)

today started off with a bang... or i guess i could say yesterday ENDED with a bang. either way - it sucked to have to open my eyes this morning. last night people in the campground i stayed at decided to party obnoxiously as though it was 1999. there was fireworks. there was idiots doing doughnuts with their truck right outside my tent. there was the revving of countless engines. and then there was the drunk people - those who never sleep... and those who thought it was a brilliant idea to growl at my tent like a bear at 4:30 in the morning - the effects of alcohol never cease to amaze me.

so. tired as hell i packed up my tent and opened the door to find that, yet again, it looked as though it was going to rain. the sky has looked the same way for the past 8 days, save for one day in hope in which i spotted the sun for a few hours. for nearly 8 days now i have not seen the sun. the sky has simply been grey. thats it. as far as the eye can see there are grey clouds and one cant even tell if they are moving in any set direction or not. it is like my world has become a constant state of dawn/dusk as it never REALLY becomes daylight as i walk. its depressing. its painful. it makes me want to curl up and go to sleep for a really long time.

but i refuse. i am soooooooooooo close to the end i can taste it and i hardly know what to do with myself. i know that "the end" for me will be when i can take a picture of the "welcome to vancouver" sign. but what then? what do i do after that? i know my #1 priority is to get a pedicure and foot massage - but its not like i can go waltzing (as if my feet are capable of waltzing at this point) into a spa all stinky and sweaty with my pack on. lets just say there are a few kinks to work out in my plan.

and speaking of which, with the weather not changing and me on a mission to get to vancouver - i have been wearing the same clothes for the past 4 days. no joke. the same thing, day AND night. i dont care too much about it anymore because i am almost done. i only have 3 more days of walking, but depending on where i go to get my camera fixed it might be stretched out a bit longer. we'll see how it goes.......