Choose to Live

september 4/09

i find it difficult to get used to this whole hostel experience thing. in theory its all good - i get a cheap room in exchange for the opportunity to meet other fellow adventure travellers such as myself. the reality is much different.

the only person i have really connected with is a woman who is on the hunt for property in the nanaimo area. a local of b.c. she was astounded to hear that i had walked across the province. we shared minor chit-chat in passing and she left this morning. i didnt even know her name.

the rest of the people here seem to keep to themselves - whether for reasons that they already came with their friends, do not wish to talk or dont speak english. my time at the hostel has been spent in a wide range of awkward attempts to interact with people that i am tired. some people dont even smile back when i show them my own pearly whites. i wish i could assume its due to broccoli in my teeth, but i havent had any of that tree-like veggie for quite some time.

that all said, it is not as thought i mind the lack of interaction too much - i just wish the option was there should i want to take it. as it stands i am tired and dont have the energy for late night shindigs. my mind is racing wiht an endless stream of thoughts that its generally difficult to just gather the willpower to say hello to my fellow roomies.

sad - so very sad. i leave nanaimo tomorrow and i only hope that victoria will bring some peace of mind - literally.


september 5/09

last night i spoke too soon of my judgements about my fellow travellers at the purple turtle. after i wrote my frustrations i went to put my journal away and thats when i met her. one of my new roomies: celia. she turned out to be just what i needed. straight from sydney, australia - celia had spent the last few months backpacking across canada. in sharing a love of travel, the great outdoors and a confused curiousity of why so many backpackers carry around so much stuff when we have plenty stuffed in our 40 litre bags - our bond was immediate.

we spent the final hours of our evening swapping travel stories and playing fuseball. i found it so refreshing to actually have someone my age to hang out with. if only it could have been longer. unfortunately our journeys led us in opposite directions and we parted ways this morning.

i checked out of my room this morning and spent hours going through all the artsy stores downtown. i wanted to buy everything i saw, but my backpack reminded me i only have so much room to carry any purchases. instead i relished being able to walk around in my flip flops and not feel my feet scream in agony over the weight of my pack. with my old bag and gear used to get across bc - that luxary would be a near impossible feat.

i made it to the train station - or whats left of it - around noon. the actual station has been closed up due to a fire, so all that remains is a small portable box of a room with a few chairs to wait on. eventually people began to arrive and play the waiting game. the train arrived at 3:14 pm and i was done 1 of my 2 books. i boarded the train and bought my ticket. i then found my seat by a window.

i have never riden on a train like this and it feels surreal as though i am in a movie. for all the people that are on board the ride maintains to be just a quiet murmur of voices lost in their private conversations. i can only speculate where each of their journeys will take them. a middle-aged man sits behind me with the munchies - stuffing his face with cheezies. the computer guys sit in front of me - too emersed with their screens to enjoy the view outside. theres the 2 asian girls, dozing in their chairs and the 5 year old boy with his grandpa. its the boys first time and i wonder if my eyes look around with as much wonder and curiousity as his.


september 6/09

its raining again. i find it so amazing how no one appears to notice around here. everyone continues on their way as though they would had the sun been out shining. it still makes me want to curl up with a book and disappear. even still - i am making the effort to ignore the weather as the locals do. yesterday i did my run in the rain. today maybe ill venture over to the blues festival.

i have decided to stay in victoria for the next few days. partly because theres so much to see and do here, but also because i have to see a doctor to get a shot (nothing serious - no worries) and i figured itd be cheaper and easier to get it done before i hit up the states. unfortunately, it wasnt untill i had paid for my 5 night stay that i noticed all the signs posted indicating that any person could help out at the hostel for a few hours to pay for their bed. shoot. next time i will know better.

next time i hope i will be able to stay with a local. couch surf as it is. cheaper. quieter. better access to get insight into wherever i stay - it kind of becomes a no brainer.

last night i spent some time with 1 of my 3 roommates chatting it up. i foudn out that corrina spends most of her travels hiking through the mountains much like i was doing a few weeks ago. as we swapped sore feet stories i found myself missing the adventure of being in the wild. missing the fresh air. the peace and quiet. missing my tent.

but i dont miss the weight of my pack or only being able to wear "functional" clothes. i dont miss being dirty, sweat and stinky and unable to have showers on a regular basis. and i most definitely do not miss the blisters.

on a more random note, yesterday when i was walking to the hostel, some guy in his vehicle opened his window and shouted out to me "hey you - get a job!" i found this to be the most baffling of statements. it wasnt as though i looked like a bum. it wasnt as though i was paying him any attention. it wasnt as though i was asking for money. it wasnt as though anything was going on. his comment directed at me came from nowhere. all i could think was that i WISH "this" was my job. i wish i could get paid to explore places and write about them. i wish that i didnt have the constant thought in the back of my head that one day i WILL have to stop. fortunately that day is too far ahead to really have to worry about it now.

****

it has continued to rain and i have continued to press on. the hostel (ocean island - backpackers inn) has me changing rooms for tonight so i had to check out this morning, put my gear in storage and scram untill i can check into my new room at 3 pm. its only 1:50 pm.

due to my innate internal alarm clock i was up bright and early despite the bleary weather conditions. i figured id head on out to explore victoria, but i forgot its sunday today. nothing, not even chapters, was scheduled to open untill 11 am. i wandered tthe rainy streets for a couple hours, peering in shop windows and traying to figure out what to do for today.

i ended up checking out the classic boat festival. by "checking out" i mean i stood on the boardwalk with the pay phone receiver pressed to my ear as i talked to my dad, overlooking the festival boats from afar. there was also the blues bash festival. i peeked in a few of the craft tents and then was on my way. i continued on, checking out local stores, looking for earplugs (i forgot mine at the last hostel) and a belt (my jeans are constantly trying to fall off from being so worn and stretched out). i didnt find either. i did, however, stop in at the local lulu lemon store to find out that they have a free yoga session tonight. just what i needed. i cant wait.

but i have to wait so i sit here in a chapters (the library isnt open today) and i spend time readin and trying to keep my eyes open. it is not as though i am having horrible sleeps - i have just not given myself the opportunity to do absolutely nothing. even as i sit here in my plush coffee house chair, my mind is still running wild. should i let myself stop, i will fall asleep. i can feel it deep inside - but i cant let it get to me. tomorrow will be my "nothing" day. tomorrow, irronically enough, will also be known as labour day.

as i sit here in my bubble of ipod melodies, i scan the other people around me. enjoying their coffees. enjoying their books. enjoying the company of others. as i sit here i make up stories in my head of who these people are. what theyre about. what theyre doing here. i wonder if i have ever passed them on the streets before or if i ever will in the future. either way, as time passes on - i share this moment with them.

my thoughts drift to my own life. of who i am. who i was. who i will be. i think of all ive done. all im doing and that of which i only dream to do. as i child i would have never imagined i would be where i am today and yet i know within the deepest parts of my soul, i am doing what i was mean to do. i am at peace. i may be tired as hell and unknowning of what the future holds, but my sould is quiet of frustrations. i can only dream of what tomorrow holds. of where this path will take me.

****

i find there is something relatively mystical about sitting in a chapters starbucks. there is something about sitting with others who, quite simply, in one way or another are using their brains. its a feeling full of possibilities. a sense that anything is possible. a place where dreams are born. or at least it is that way for me.

it reminds me that no matter where we are in life - no matter how good or bad life can get - there is always so much more. so much more to experience. to make us grow. to inspire change. to give us strength. there is never a point where life is done. it is in a constant state of ripples. every day is anew with possibilities. everyday is its own journey. a fresh start.

never give up. never let go of your dreams. never stop learning. changing. growing. its never too late for anything.


september 7/09

i have made it to my day of "nothing." my day of no expectations. no chores. no responsibilities. no schedule. i have been needing one for quite some time. to quiet my mind. to relax my body.

i realized yesterday that a lot of what i was feeling was very similar to how one feels at the end of their vacation - that they need a vacation for their vacation. the problem for me lies in the fact that there is no forseeable end to my "vacation." as such, i needed to find time to re-balance myself. mind, body and spirit.

i got a good start on that last night when i was able to do the free drop-in class of yoga at the lulu lemon store. it was so refreshing to be among others - others who maybe came for different reason than me, but were there just the same. when the class ended i left feeling relaxed and rejuvenated.

hense - today is the day of nothing. the rain continues to come down outside, but i have chosen to stay in. sleep in. its been so long since i have let myself just BE. no obligations to be anywhere. no pressing desire to do anything. after being on the go for so long - travelling - going - doing - it is nice to just stop and catch up with myself.

****

in the later part of the afternoon, the sun broke throught the clouds and dried the streets of all the rain. i ended up heading out to go and walk the streets before i went to meet up with norman and sue - sue is my dads cousin. i had never met them before so it was super cool to get to know some of my family.

we went to a restaurant called "nautical nellies" that is known for its seafood and steak. i was able to try lobster for the first time in my life and it was delicious!! i was only too happy to find out that norm and sue were going to pay for my meal as the total cost came to about the same price as staying 2 nights at my hostel! crazy! haha.

anyway, we had a great time just chatting it up - talking about family, travel and life. i only wish i could have had more time with them as they are the family i never knew i even had. during our coversation came up regarding the amount of homeless people in victoria, to which i agreed i had noticed there were a vaste amount of homeless people roaming the streets of downtown. apparently vancouver has recently been handing out free one-way ferry tickets to homeless people of vancouver to send them to victoria in order to "prepare" for the olympics. fortuantely the chief of police has since found out about this and was astounded that such a thing was going on.

eventually the night came to a close and we parted ways - i took it as an opportunity to be able to take some night shots of the harbour. all the lights mirrored colored patterns on the waters, much like a watercolor painting. beautiful. the parliment building was lit up with all the lights - reminding me of christmas time, but so graceful.

i made it back to my hostel room and immediately crashed.


september 8/09

i was only too happy to wake up today and find that there was sun (YAY!!) and that it was finally past the long weekend which meant everything was open and running on regular hours. holidays and long weekends are all good when a person is going about their regular life with work and home - but when out travelling, it is the most frustrating to discover it is a holiday and everything is closed early or not even open at all. as a result - today started off as an awesome day. and i had every intention of keeping it that way.

my first mission was the doctors office. i had to go there to get a depo shot (for those who dont know what that is - i am not going to bother explaining over the internet - but i will say that it makes travelling longterm as a woman a whole heck of a lot easier!). that meant waiting at a walk-in clinic for the doctor who gave me the prescription. i walked the couple of blocks to the pharmacy, only to discover - as per the pharmacist - that the doctor had forgotten to actually write the prescription on the square paper. so i went back the doctors office, got the prescription. went back to the pharmacy. got the medication. went back to the doctors (the 3rd time, for those who are keeping track) to get the shot. he gave the shot and i was on my way --- fortunately it was still only 10:30 am.

from there i made it to the library - where i am now - to discover that there is free internet. i LOVE it. nothing better than knowing i can take my time and its not eating away at what little money i have left for the week.