Bed Bugs DO Bite

so the old little kiddie song IS true - sort of.

goodnite.
sleep tight.
don't let the bed bugs bite.
if they do, take a shoe.
and smack them till.
they're black and blue.

... the thing is - i can't quite figure out how the hell a person is supposed to find the little buggers in order to give them a good smacking. first of all most people generally only get bitten while on travelling - and since bite marks from these oh-so FABULOUS creatures can show up 5-9 days AFTER nawing into our flesh, it is rare that we are still laying our heads down to sleep on the same pillow.

so. as it stands. i have been bitten - i have been chosen as the bed bugs latest feast. it's great. nothing like being covered by red, itchy spots to make me scream with joy. or just scream. it's like having the chicken pox - only my body's bigger. and i have absolutely no self-control. i. need. to. scratch.

my next goal is to figure out if i brought them home with me from my many travels of last week. my doctor has instructed me to slightly bounce the mattress to see if any of the bed bug feces (yummy) are catapulted into the air. sounds sinple enough only when i came home tonight to do such a task - i realized something. there is no possible way to figure out if what is hanging out on my mattress sheets is actually bed bug feces or simply some pieces of dust and dirt that i've transferred on there from my day-to-day activities. joy.

so now what? all i have left to do is lather my itchy body in as much lotion as it can handle, spray with a top coat of bug spray and try to get comfortable for a long night of non-scratching behavior. it's also comforting to know that if i HAVE brought the bed bugs home that they could be lurkin in the corners, burying themselves in my wall or hanging out in my many articles of clothing -- just waiting for that opportune moment to bite again.

if only i had night vision goggles and the reflexes of a ninja. then we would see who was black and blue.................