aint got no escalade to talk about - just heart and soul

october 16/09

the grass is always greener on the other side. or - in my case - the sand is always whiter. even as i sit here gazing out to an ocean that can only be described as breathtaking - my mind is elsewhere. sure, i love it here. sure, this is all ive dreamed about, and then some. but i want more. not more materialistic possessions, but more experiences. i think of my friend who is living in the gold coast. i want to be there. i think of the friend who is in south america teaching scuba diving. i want to do that. i think of the one who is 25 and already has travelled so much of the world. i wish i were her. theres the guy i met who just travels with his surfboard, going where the waves are. i admire that. theres the other guy i met who is still in the process of cycling to argentina to raise money for autism. i wish i had a cause. theres those i know back at home who just graduated university and those doing their masters. i want to be like that.

i want to do it all. i want to learn how to surf. rock climb. dance. i want to be able to teach scuba diving. english as a second language. sports. i want to climb mountains, swim oceans and travel to places few have ever been before. i want to meet people, build relationships and make memories. i want to work for a cause, fight for whats right and raise awareness of critical issues. i want to follow my heart. my dreams. my desires.

i froget that that is what i AM doing. and i am not nearly done yet. i have climbed mountains. i walked across BC. i have already seen things that most never will. i am now living on one of the most famous beaches of the world and yet there is so much more to come. so much more to see, do and learn. so much more to explore, experience and stand in complete awe over. i am not nearly done my journey. i have only just begun and i can hardly even process the possibilities of where this life will take me next.

a while back i was talking to someone who, upon hearing of my journey to date, asked me if i was afraid to do what i did. afraid to do what i am doing now. afraid - yes, i am. afraid to continue. afraid of what is yet to come. afraid that i wont make friends. afraid of the finances. of the unknown. but most of all, above everything else, i am afraid that one day all of this will have to end.


october 17/09

i dont know why this is the way it is, but it seems like no matter where i am in the world, when it comes to the fitting rooms of large department stores, i encounter some of the tightest security measures around. there is always some unreasonable restriction on how many items a person can bring to the fitting room, something of which always makes me question what they really expect is going to happen should a person bring (*gasp*) 6 items to the back when theyre only allowed 5. as if this is not enough to cause a person to wonder how much power a department store can have over the person, they seem to always choose the oldest woman working at the store to exercise the right to use this power. once you get to the front of the line for the fitting room (and theres ALWAYS a line), you come face-to-face with who reminds you of your sweet old great grandmother. she asks you how many items you have. you tell her. as it is with me, the number ALWAYS seems to exceed the amount i am allowed to bring in the change room. not that it matters that i informed the elderly worker on how many items i have. she never believes me. so she counts them herself which takes forever as it is apparent that she truely takes her job seriously (heaven forbid she gets the number wrong). once she is finished counting (i can feel the people behind me growing aggitated), she looks up and repeats the number of items i have (its the same number i gave her) and then proceeds to inform me that i am "not allowed" to bring that many in. we have a staredown. she resents me for bringing too many items to the fitting room area. i resent that she is taking up all my fitting room time with this chatter of nothing. we finally agree that i will leave my "excess items" on the little clothing rack out front. she gives me the little plastic card that states i have the maximum amount of items allowed and lets me go to the back. i have never understood the purpose of these plastic cards as they do nothing. once you get them, they no longer hold any significance to anything. they are just an annoying piece of plastic that you have to carry with you as though it is your key to clothing heaven. its not. the experience just ends once you get it. everytime. there is no amazing story after you enter the changeroom, but everywhere i go - whether in canada, the states, australia or elsewhere it is the same. and i dont understand it. it is not as though these stores are selling ridiculously priced clothes. it is not as though there is a back window in the fitting rooms where they suspect people might make a run for it. it is not as though it REALLY makes a difference whether a person brings 5, 10, 15 or 200 items to the back -- if they want to steal something... theyre going to steal it. in fact the process that these department stores have arranged for fitting room etiquette is nothing more than an annoyance that ends up costing a person more time than if they just tried the clothes on in the middle of an aisle of the store (which some days i have actually resorted to)....

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i was having such a good daze all curled up in my bunk, bu then one of my roommates came in and i forced myself to open my eyes. i figured it probably wouldnt make a good first impression (she just got here today and i hadnt met her yet) for her to walk in on me in my ball-like position on the top bunk. after all, it is not even 8 pm. even still, after our small talk of chit chat introductions, she is still here. changing clothes, but here just the same. my body is crying out to me with all its achy tiredness - i just want to sleep.

last night i had spent the evenign with ariana at the chinese markets of which she bought a tiffany and co knockoff necklace and i found myself samplying fried chicken neck (its quite crunchy as the bones are still in). we then headed back to her flat for some ice cream (for me) , wine (for her), tv (james bond was on - sweetness) and scrabble (we made it through half a game before our minds hit a road block). around midnight i found myself crawling into my bed back at the hostle. not a bad time for a friday night, but considering i have been going to bed around 10 pm (or earlier) and i had to work my first 8 hour shift in 4 months today - well, my ipod enhanced alarm came on all too soon.

so an 8 hour shift completed (to which i conveniently impressed my boss with my waitressing skills), i trudged the 10 min ocean-lined walk back to the hostel, chatted it up with anika before she went out for dinner with her uncle and then cozied up in my bunk with the latest issue of womens health magazine. munching on a carton of tim tams (australias most favored chocolate-covered waffer -- i can totally understand why), i came to the article in my magazine on beating unhealthy cravings all too late - my carton of chocolate goodies was mpty and i was left staring at a photograph-enhanced write-up on tim tams and why theyre bad to eat so many. oops.

it was around that point my pillow started to look so much more inviting than the magazine that was so blatently pointing out my "wrongs" of the day. i curled up and past out. which brings me to now. my new roommate (another frenchie) has finished changing and officially has left the building. i am left with the room to myself which i can only treasure fo rso long as withing the next hour or so, all 3 of my roomies will be back. i dont feel as though i can completely and utterly relax. its a similar feelign to when you have guests over and theres that point in time which everyone is ALWAYS happy, ALWAYS social, ALWAYS presentable - its exhausting and the only reprive from it is knowing that the guests will eventually leave. that doest happen at a hostel. sure - "they" might leave, but others will come. so instead one is constantly put in the position of HAVING to stick that smile on, drag themselves through the repetitive (and generally language-challenged) conversation, all the while knowing full well that you will never have your own space. people come and go as they please and even when theyre gone theres a certain amount of stress and anxiety in knowing they will be back. such as now - even as i write, another roommate has returned. but i am frankly too tired to care. she can judge all she wants, but dammit, i want to go to sleep and that is what i am going to do!


october 19/09

its funny how the more you have, the more you want and the lses happy you are. its when you truely simplify life that satisfaction is possible. to this day people are constatly commenting to me that i am "so lucky" to be where i am, doing what i am doing. the thing is - luck has nothing to do about it. i am working at a juice bar on a beach. i live in a hostel (which i will soon move out into a small flat in a couple weeks) that is it. that IS my life. prior to this i literally lived out of my backpack, hopping from place to place. i have not been living a 5-star life. i have sold everything. i dont watch my movies on a big flat screen tv - i only have access to vhs. i dont have a closet full of the latest styles. i put on my flip flops everyday and pick out an outfit from the small pile in my locker that is continuously falling over. i do not have money to eat out everyday. i pretty much live off of PB + J sandwiches (or whatever i can get for free at work). i am not making tons of cash - my extracurricular activities consist of going on runs, hanging out at the beach and playing scrabble at my friends house. more often than not, i am crawling into my top bunk before 9 pm and i am waking up at the crack of dawn.

but i am happy. life is simple. life is good. i wake up most days to a bright blue sky. the sun rising on the horizon of crystal clear ocean waters. i enjoy the simplicity of the warm sun on my face. my toes in the sand. a hard run in the mornings ending with time to meditate - sweat dripping off my body as the ocean breeze cools me. my job is fun. i meet the most interesting people and get paid to help make their coffee/juice/meal experience more enjoyable. i have friends to talk to. to hang with. to make me laugh. and i even have the ability to put some money aside for future things such as surfing lessons or canyoning the blue moutains. what more could i ask for?

luck has nothing to do with where i am right now. all it was was a choice. a choice to make a change. a choice to take a risk. a choice to chase a goal. i chose to save my money back at home rather than do other things. i chose to quit my job. move out of my apartment. sell my things. i even chose to walk across BC. it was by my choice that i hopped on that plane to come to australia and i wouldnt give it up for the world. but there was no luck. what i am doing is simply the result of me choosing to do it. choosing to give up what i had in order to do something different. anyone can do it if they want to. its all whether or not one is willing to take that step.

as i am sure most have heard by now (or if you havent - you will soon), there was a 16 year old girl, jessica watson who set sail this wek from sydney to go aroudn the world in hopes of setting a new record for the youngest person to sail non-stop around the world (click on her name to go to her website and read about it). at 16 years of age. there are huge debates as to whether or not she can do it. whether or not her parents should be in support of her (they are). the person who currently wholds the record is a young man who was 17 at the time of sailing. he is probably the only person who could maybe make any sort of judgement call as to whether or not this jessica can succeed. other than that, time will tell.

listening to this story (its constantly on the news over here), it reminds me of when i initially started making plans to walk across BC. i made a choice, as did this jessica. a choice for something different. a choice for adventure. a choice to push ourselves. a choice for fun and love of what we were doing. there were critics for what i was doing as well. people from all over (even those who hadnt done more than a casual day hike in their time) cautioning me of the dangers and sharing their concerns of why it wouldnt be a "good idea." the thing that i come back to though - when it comes to fulfilling our dreams and hearts desires, at what point can it EVER be considered a "bad idea?" if we were to discount all ideas that seemed wierd. out there. impossible. scary. risky. hard. we would never do ANYTHING. we would be able to challenge ourselves. push our limits. go beyond. grow. learn. change. we wouldnt be anything more than what we were the day before. what would be our purpose in life if not to chase the dreams that are engraved on the deepest parts of our souls?

all deep thinking aside, the past few days have flown by as i have been working and running everyday. the other day on my way to work, i managed to spot a whole bunch of dolphins playing off the shore. they were gorgeous as they swan in their grouping - whether they were feeding, mating or playing - i do not know, but i was awestruck.

as far as my living situation, i have FINALLY gotten word that i get to move into the flat on november 2, 2 weeks from now. sure - that means i will have actually lived at this hostel for a month, but i do not mind. how could i when i know that i have found a place perfect for my needs?

other than that i am constantly amazed at how everyone is super fit around here and how drivers seem to have tunnel vision on the roads. they dont care if theres an animal or human in front of them - they hit the horn instead of the breaks. as far as being super fit - i am finding it difficult to compete as generally during this time of year i relax on my body ideals and put on a little "winter weight" - it doesnt matter a whole lot as the swimsuits are stuffed in the far back corner of the closet. but here - its swimsuit season ALL YEAR long. people are actually striving to maintain their beach bodies. not like the overly superficial way people generally do in places such as LA/hollywood (though there still is a few of those people around) - people are more or less just trying to do things to look healthy. feel healthy. be healthy. its contagious. addictive. the hard part for me is that, sure, i am "in shape," but i am not as in shape as i was when i walked across BC. i now know how much further my body can be pushed and i am dying to get back to that, but struggle on how to do that without strapping a 60lbs (or more) pack to my back and walking for 30km/day. oh well - over time i am sure i will figure it out....



NOTE: if you are interested in jessica watson's story and what she is doing, check out her website at: http://www.jessicawatson.com.au/ her site includes a blog, her route and other information as to how her journey is going.